Controlled Burn

by Shannon Stacey

  “Did she send you a Christmas present?”

  “She left one with Joe and Marie and sent me the other.” He smiled at the memory of the awkwardly wrapped snow shovel, with the bent handle that was supposedly better for the back.

  That had made him laugh, but the book that came in the mail had touched him. His favorite mystery series was in hardcover on the top shelf of his bookcase, except for the first book, which he’d picked up in paperback on a whim at a yard sale his mom had dragged him to. He’d bought the rest in hardcover but never got around to hunting down the hard-to-find first one. Jessica must have noticed, because she’d sent it to him.

  “Did you open them already?”

  “Yeah. There was no note with mine saying not to.”

  “You would have anyway. Growing up, you always found your presents and peeked because you couldn’t stand waiting.”

  Rick laughed, and then his phone rang. He saw that it was Jess. He tried to get to the steps so he could go up and find a private spot, but the boys were blocking the way and then he stepped on a Lego. That hurt like a son of a bitch in stocking feet and he wasted a few precious seconds trying not to swear in front of the kids. Rather than risk missing her call, he answered it where he stood.

  “Merry Christmas,” she said, and he could tell she was on her laptop, sitting at her table.

  “Merry Christmas, Jess. I’m trying to find a quiet spot, but my brother and my nephews are in the room at the moment.”

  “Hi, Jess,” John called out, so Rick had to turn his phone so Jess could “meet” him. And then the boys each had to talk to the pretty lady, including telling her every single thing they got for Christmas. He cut them off when they started gearing up to tell her everything they’d eaten, though.

  “Okay, it’s my turn to talk to her.”

  “Upstairs,” John said. “It must be almost time for you two to top off your sugar highs.”

  “Sorry about that,” he said once he was finally alone in the basement. He sat back on the couch, trying to find a comfortable spot. It was a little awkward holding the phone at the right angle, but he didn’t care.

  “They’re so cute. And very excited about their gifts.”

  “They can be a handful, but they’re not usually this wound up. Christmas does that to them, I guess.” He shifted so his knee was helping to support his hand. If he’d been thinking, he would have brought his laptop. “John’s after me to have some kids. He says it’s so they’re not outnumbered by the cousins on my sister-in-law’s side, but I think he just wants me to suffer with him.”

  “Do you want kids?”

  He could tell by the way she didn’t look directly at the camera that it wasn’t just a polite question. “Yeah, I want to be a dad. I’ve always assumed I would be someday, though I guess I should start watching the clock pretty soon.”

  She laughed. “You’re not that old.”

  “What about you?”

  “I’m not that old, either.” He arched his eyebrow at her, making her smile. “I think I want kids. For a long time I guess I’ve been afraid of being a parent because I don’t really have stellar role models and I used my career as an excuse, but now I feel like the person I am matters more than the people my parents are.”

  “I like the person you are.”

  “Is that why you’re tormenting me by not letting me open my Christmas present?”

  He laughed. “Yes. I only torment people I like.”

  “You also cheat and open your gifts before Christmas.”

  “It was Christmas Eve, and I still love my book.” He’d called her once she’d texted her dinner with her father was over and confessed that he’d opened his gift early. “Go ahead and open yours now.”

  She held up the box, which she must have had set just out of the camera’s view and then ripped open the paper. When she’d sliced the tape and lifted the lid of the box, her laughter came through his phone’s speakers so clearly, it was almost like being in the room with her.

  Almost, but not quite.

  “This is perfect.” She lifted out the copy of Hockey For Dummies he’d bought her, and flipped through the pages before setting it aside. Then she held up the Bruins hockey jersey the book had been resting on.

  “If you’re going to be a Bruins fan, you should look the part.”

  “Thank you.” She pulled the jersey over the V-neck tank top she was wearing and then blew him a kiss.

  “You have no idea how sexy you look right now.”

  “I’ll wear it to watch hockey games,” she said. Then her smile turned decidedly naughty. “Maybe it’s all I’ll wear to watch hockey games.”

  He groaned and dropped his head back against the couch. “You’re killing me, Jess.”

  “Maybe I’ll send you a picture of me in my jersey later.”

  There was no telling where that conversation might have gone—especially considering it was a video chat—if he hadn’t heard the thump of his nephews’ feet on the stairs. “I’m about to have juvenile company again, but definitely send me that picture.”

  With privacy and quiet out of the question, they ended the chat with a promise to talk the next day. Ignoring the knowing look his brother shot him as he joined them again, Rick told his nephews he was in the mood to build some Lego sets.

  A week later, when he should have been sleeping in preparation for a busy New Year’s Day tour, he made sure he was awake at midnight. Usually he and Jessica talked early enough so he didn’t stay up late, so he had to set an alarm. He punched in the text message so when the clock ticked over to the New Year, it was ready to send.

  Happy New Year, Jess.

  A few seconds later, he got a response. Happy New Year to you, too! Shouldn’t you be sleeping?

  They say what you’re doing when the clock strikes midnight is what you’ll be doing all year. I was thinking of you.

  Long seconds ticked away as he watched the bubble with the dots indicating she was typing a response. I was thinking of you, too. I would have sent you a text letting you know that, but I know you work tomorrow, so I thought you’d be sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you.

  Are you at home right now? He hated this impersonal way of communicating.

  The phone rang in his hand and he answered it. “Hey, you.”

  “Happy New Year.”

  Her voice was quiet, but it didn’t sound as if he’d awakened her. “Happy New Year. You didn’t have to call. I know it’s late.”

  She laughed. “Not here.”

  “Oh, that’s right. Well, at midnight in Boston, I was thinking of you.”

  “And at midnight in San Diego, I’ll be thinking of you, too. But I’m telling you now because you said New Year’s Day is always busy and you need to sleep now, so I won’t text you.”

  “I do need to sleep. But I’ll text you tomorrow. And maybe call on Sunday.”

  “Okay. Good night, Rick. And I hope you’re right about doing all year what you were doing at midnight.”

  “I am. Good night, Jess.”

  When he hung up, he plugged his phone in and pulled the blanket up over his head. He hoped he was a little right about that tradition. He had no doubt he’d spend a good chunk of the New Year thinking about Jess.

  He just hoped he wouldn’t have to spend the entire year doing it from the opposite coast.

  Maybe it would be easier if he just cut her loose and didn’t contact her. The text messages and phone calls just made him miss her more and with every conversation he was reminded he couldn’t hold her and she was living a life thousands of miles from his. But he couldn’t imagine not talking to her at all so, for now, he’d take what he could get.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Jessica wasn’t surprised when Marie’s name flashed on the screen of
her cell phone. Her grandmother had really taken to her new smartphone and they’d talked—or at least sent texts back and forth—every day over the five weeks since she’d returned to San Diego.

  Leaning back in her office chair, Jessica hit the button to answer the video call. She knew Marie got a kick out of seeing her dressed up, with the view of San Diego over her shoulder. “Hi, Gram.”

  “Hi, honey. Are you busy? I hate to bother you at work.”

  “It’s fine. Honestly. I told you before if I’m too busy to talk, I’ll just send you to voice mail and call you back when I get the chance. How’s everything going?”

  “Good.” Jessica tried not to visibly wince as Marie moved on the couch and everything blurred for a few seconds. “But your grandfather and I have been talking and we think we’re going to have the real estate agent put the house on the market.”

  For a few seconds, she didn’t respond and she hoped her reaction didn’t show on her face. Helping them make the decision to sell their house had been her objective when she went to Boston in the first place, but it had been nothing but a building at the time. Now it was her grandparents’ home and she felt an emotional connection to it she never saw coming. “And you both want that?”

  “Yes. Since you left, the house has felt more empty and it’s helped us see how ridiculous it is for the two of us to rattle around in it alone.”

  She missed rattling around in it with them. “Do you have something else in mind already?”

  “Maybe. Joe was talking to some of his buddies at the market and one of them moved into a new senior facility not too far away. It has elevators and you can get housekeeping services if you want. With Social Security and the money from the house, we should be able to afford it.”

  “You can’t make a decision like that unless you know you can afford it,” Jessica said, because fiscal responsibility had been ingrained in her practically from birth. Then she smiled. “How about I fly out and take a look at the place with you? We can figure out the cost, including any fees above the standard lease amount they might not tell you about up front, and we’ll go over your financials again together.”

  Marie’s face lit up. “That would be wonderful. Even though we know about what we can expect to get for the house, what we do with that money is important and you can help us figure that out. And you did a lot more research into the housing market than we did, so maybe you could be here when the real estate agent comes back, too?”

  “I’ll need a couple of days to make arrangements,” she said. “Today’s Friday, so I’ll need the Monday to wrap things up, too. I’ll fly out Tuesday and we’ll go from there.”

  When they’d ended the call, Jessica sighed and leaned her head back against her chair. In a few days she’d be back in Boston and she couldn’t wait to tell Rick she was coming.

  Just like with her grandmother, she and Rick had talked every day over the past few weeks. Sometimes it was only quick text messages and sometimes they did video chats, but usually there were long phone calls at the end of the day.

  She’d gotten so she could hear in his voice how a shift had gone. She could hear when he was smiling or when he was so tired she knew talking to her was the only reason he wasn’t already asleep. The time zones were a challenge, and she’d gotten in the habit of leaving on time every day, willing to bring her work home so she’d be free to talk to Rick before it was too late on his end.

  They’d watched a movie together, their phones on speaker next to them, and last week they’d finally caught a Bruins game on television at just the right time. She ached to physically be with him and touch him, but Rick on the phone was better than no Rick at all.

  A sound caught her attention and she lifted her head to see her father standing in the doorway. Judging by the look on his face, he’d been there for at least a few minutes. “Hi, Dad.”

  “That was my mother.”

  It wasn’t a question, but she nodded. “How much did you hear?”

  “Enough to know you’re going back to Boston. Do you know how long you’ll be away this time?”

  So he wasn’t going to be stubborn about her going. “I don’t know. A couple of weeks, maybe. You already know I can make that work.”

  “Are they still doing okay, though? Why did they suddenly decide to sell?”

  “I don’t think it’s sudden. It’s a conversation they’ve been having since Joe fell and after so many years in one place, it takes a while to work your way around to the change, I guess.” She took a deep breath. “You could have said hello, you know. She would have liked to see your face.”

  He shook his head so quickly that she guessed it was something he’d considered but already dismissed. “I’ve been an ass for so many years and I don’t know how I’d begin to come back from that. How do I do that, Jessica?”

  She smiled. “You knock on the door and when they open it, you say I’ve been an ass and I’m sorry and you go forward from there. You could come with me, you know.”

  The fact he thought about it, and seriously judging by his expression, was heartening. “I’m not ready quite yet. I want to feel stronger in case it doesn’t go well. Even when I was a kid, my old man and I butted heads a lot.”

  “I think you’ve both mellowed. And maybe you won’t be as close as some fathers and sons, but being able to get together for Thanksgiving or Christmas once in a while would be a great start. If I ever get married, I’m going to want all three of you there. And if I have a family, I want my kids to have all of you in their lives together.”

  “I hope that day comes. I really do.” He gave her a sad smile. “For now, I’ll stay out of the way and let you build your relationship with them, and I’ll start by not being too put out you’re leaving the office again.”

  “I’m taking the office with me,” she reminded him, waving her hand at the laptop and phone on her desk.

  “At this rate, it would probably be more efficient to open an office in Boston and expand the business,” he said before walking away, and she couldn’t tell if he was being snide or sincere.

  After grabbing a juice from the minifridge in the corner of her office, Jessica pulled up the ongoing text message thread with Rick and started typing. I’m coming back for a visit.

  It didn’t take him long to respond, so she pictured him at the fire station, either working in the engine bay or hanging out in the living space upstairs. When?

  Probably Tuesday night.

  Shit. I’m spending the weekend at my brother’s to dog sit for them and going straight to the station on Tuesday. I’ll trade shifts and pick you up at the airport.

  Then you’ll have to work an extra shift while I’m there. You know Marie’s not going to let me out of her sight for hours, so get your shift in while I’m with my grandparents. Then I’ll sneak upstairs when you get home.

  Naked?

  She laughed, shaking her head at her phone. I won’t sneak up there naked in case I get caught, but I won’t wear anything with too many buttons.

  I can’t wait. I’ve missed you.

  I’ve missed you, too. Just a few more days.

  * * *

  “I swear, one of these years I’m going to carry wads of ten-dollar bills around with me and pay the neighborhood teenagers to shovel.” Rick stood straight and stretched his back, glaring at the fire hydrant they’d just shoveled clear of snow. “I’m too old for this shit.”

  “I know you’re old,” Scott said, “but it’s still pretty damn sad that you think a teenager will pick up a snow shovel for ten bucks.”

  “Speaking of old, I think Eriksson can shovel out the next one and I’ll sit my ass up in the truck.” Aidan glared at Chris, who gave them a cheerful wave from behind the wheel.

  “Let’s go.” Rick pulled the map and a pen out of his pocket to check off the hydrant and then t
hey started up the sidewalk to the next one, the truck creeping up the street behind them.

  They’d all tossed their bunker coats in the cab a long time ago and were working in just light sweatshirts. Rick probably would have pulled that off, too, except for the fact doing sweaty work in a T-shirt in the cold could get a body in trouble.

  Every time it snowed, every single hydrant had to be cleared of snow to below the valve for the hose attachment and at least a couple of feet out. It only took a few minutes to do each one, but there were a lot of hydrants in their neighborhood. Even if the snow was deep, the guys from Ladder 37 could find most of them just by memory, but Rick still used the map. If he ever missed one and they were delayed knocking down a fire and somebody got hurt or worse because of the time it took them to get water, he’d never forgive himself.

  It wasn’t bad today. It was their first time out and it was a nice change of pace. The shoveling part sucked, but it wasn’t a bad workout and they shot the shit while they worked. Later in the winter, when the snow came more often and it was bitterly cold and they were doing it for the sixth or seventh time, the mood would be a lot more grim.

  When they turned one corner, Rick was heartened to see an exposed hydrant. A pack of kids, with the help of a few adults, were going down the street and shoveling them out. The guys made sure to thank them profusely, and Chris gave them a quick salute with the lights and siren before they trudged on to the next block, where the residents weren’t quite as civic-minded.

  “You heard from Jessica?” Jeff asked, leaning on his shovel while Rick marked off another cleared hydrant.

  “About an hour ago,” he said. “She texted me to let me know she finally landed. The weather caused some delays, but she’s finally on her way to the house.”

  “Your house.”

  “Her grandparents’ house.”

  Jeff shrugged. “Same roof. She just back for a visit?”

  “I guess Joe and Marie are ready to talk about selling the house. I haven’t talked to them since I heard she was coming back because I was down at my brother’s, so I don’t know the specifics.”