Part Of The List

by Xavier Neal

  “Are you sure my dress isn't too promy?” I question, tugging up the tube top. “Like all the glitter?”

  Emma adjusts her gaudy gold necklace. “You look so hot. Like why can't my boobs look like that? Your chest is like the Magnificent Frigatebird’s all puffed out to attract a mate while mine couldn’t even get a bored birdwatcher’s.”

  The strange comparison makes me purse my lips. “It’s not a blessing, Emma. It's a curse.”

  “Sexy curse.” She bumps her hip against mine. “Pretty sure Collin is going to be staring at those babies all night long.” Emma tugs her bright orange dress down in an attempt to even the score. “Better? Think he'll notice me more now?”

  “You're his date,” I sigh, trying to hold back the disappointment of not being asked. “I'm sure he's not going to be able to drag his eyes away from you.”

  I’ve never been asked to a dance. Not exactly sure why I thought this time would be any different. Why would they ask me? A school full of picture perfect princesses, why on earth would anyone ask me? I make the ugly duckling look like a supermodel swan.

  Collin and his group of friends round the corner in a fit of laughter. The decision to skip dinner and eat at an all-night diner afterwards was my idea. It seemed easier than spending all of a meal focused on not dripping food down the front of my dress. His friends loved the idea because it gives them an excuse to stay out later while Emma who is on some weird diet shake kick is more likely to eat actual food after dancing for four hours.

  “You look hot babe,” Collin says to Emma slipping his arm around her waist.

  She gives him a wide grin. “You do too.”

  “I know,” he replies slyly adjusting the collar of his shirt.

  Repressing my gag reflex I follow behind them while his friends elbow past me for the door. I hate Collin's friends as much as I hate him. Any guy who spends more hours with hair gel than I do, definitely doesn't interest me. His appearance is at the top of his list of things he cares about. Rarely dates girls who aren't the same. I think the only reason he asked Emma out was because he heard his nemesis was going to.

  Inside the dance, which is decorated in our school colors with streamers, balloons, and Christmas lights, the music is thumping so loud it forces me to repeatedly flinch. While Emma is immediately dragged to center of the dance floor where the couples are grinding against one another, I linger back uncomfortably watching girls get continuously groped. The first hour passes by easily as other friends stop in front of me to exchange dress compliments, but by the second one, the reality sets in that dancing alone beside my friend is the only real option I have.

  The moment I finally find the courage to make my way towards her and the handsy upperclassman who asked her out, there's a brush against my hand that redirects my attention.

  Bailey instantly grins. “There's my girl...”

  A smile slips on my face.

  He takes a moment to give my appearance a long, hard look before saying, “Wow…You look beautiful, you know that?”

  I reward him with a smirk. “That's sweet of you to say, but I really don't.”

  “You really do, Kenny. Most beautiful thing I’ve seen all night.”

  My cheeks flush despite my best efforts not to let them. “Have you seen Emma?”

  I nod my head towards the area she's girl on girl dancing while her date tries to decide on which girl he wants to touch. It’s funny to me that Emma looks like she’s having more fun dancing with the other girl than him.

  Bailey grunts, “Where the hell is the rest of her dress?”

  “It's not that short.”

  “I can almost see her ass cheeks.” He turns back around to face me. “I shouldn't see my baby sister's ass cheeks.”

  “She's not your baby sister.”

  “She is and you're my girl.” His glowing grin returns. “And I don't ever want your ass hanging out for the world to see. No one should ever get to see that in public. Your body is special and should be treated that way.” Bailey's eyes dip down the front of my dress and he sighs, “I can't wait to be the guy that gets to remind you of that.”

  Tempted to ask him why that's not now, why that's not this moment, and to please explain in hot details what he means by ‘treat it the right way’, I let my gloss covered lips part, only to be interrupted.

  “Where's your date?” Bailey glances around. “Why’s he not over here trying to protect you from guys hitting on you? Why’s he not over here for me to not so nicely remind that he may be your date, but you’ll be my girl?”

  “I...I don't have one.”

  “What? Seriously?”

  Embarrassment sinks onto my face. “Yeah…No one asked. I came with Emma. I mean, I rode with Emma. She obviously came with Collin ‘make out with me when I command it’ Gray.”

  He mutters under his breath as he steals another look at them, “I fucking hate that guy.” Bailey turns back around to me before he adds, “Thomas threatened to toss him into the courtyard naked in front of the whole school if he puts one wrong move on Emma.”

  I smirk at the idea of his humiliation.

  “Came over here to tell your date something equally harsh…”

  The comment causes a heavy thump in my chest.

  “Have you danced yet?”

  My lips press together in shame.

  “Seriously? No one’s even asked you to dance yet?”

  “No....” Quickly, I try to hide my sadness. “It's fine. I'm enjoying the music. I'm having fun. I'm-”

  “Lying,” he sighs and folds his fingers with mine. “Don’t do that. Don’t lie to me, okay Kenny?”

  “Okay.”

  “Now, come on. It's homecoming. Every girl should have at least one dance to remember.”

  Bailey begins to lead me to the dance floor when I object, “Wait! What about your date? Won't she be upset you're dancing with me?”

  He stops, slides his hands around my waist, and says, “Probably.”

  “But Bailey-”

  “Put your hands around my neck,” he encourages softly.

  I do as I'm instructed, the slow R&B song finally passing the opening notes. Our eyes meet and the butterflies in my stomach instantly flutter. He's the only guy I've ever had that happen for. Lately, it's getting worse and worse.

  “You got your hair cut,” I say softly, admiring how hot he looks. In black dress pants and a dark blue button up shirt, he looks exactly like something I’d see on the MTV Music Video Awards. Like our very own high school celebrity ready to accept an award for most charming. The blue of the shirt seems to bring out his eyes and keep the attention there. Doesn’t stop me from drinking in the rest of him though. I wonder what that bruise he’s hiding under the collar of his shirt is from.

  “You always say I look better with it short.”

  “You do.” My fingers run up the back of his neck to caress the fresh cut strands. His eyes begin to shut as his body seems to become putty from the simple action. “You look really handsome tonight.”

  He forces his eyes back open. “You’re the first person to ever do that.”

  “Tell you that you look handsome?”

  “Rub my head like that,” he answers quietly, the change in his breath obvious.

  “Do you...Do you want me to stop?”

  “No,” he almost whispers. “I don’t want you to ever stop. I always want you to be the only one...”

  I sniffle away the memory. He meant more than just the chick who would run her fingers through his hair even if he never said it. After having years of having time to think about it, I realized Bailey was on his own personal mission to keep his hope for us alive by saying things that could easily be taken two ways. It's because of his hope then, that I can't give up hope now.

  Flopping down into the chair beside him, I let our fingers lock, and state, “Dr. Phillips said to keep doing whatever I've been doing because it's helping you. Well, he didn't say it was actually helping he said it wasn't hurting, whi
ch in my head means helping. I think sitting here with you, thinking about our times together is....helping. Maybe it would help more, if I remembered them out loud? If you heard me recall the stories to you? Maybe hearing my voice will lead you back to me....” Another sniffle escapes and I sigh, “Do you remember the first time you kissed me?”

  “Happy birthday, Kenny!” Bailey says warmly seconds before wrapping his arms tightly around me.

  “Thank you!” I giggle in return, my arms winding equally as tight around his neck. Our embrace lingers. This is something new. He's been holding me a little closer lately. A little longer. I've been stroking his back during them or toying with the ends of his hair. He’s been burying his face in the crook of my neck. Groaning softly against my skin. It’s all innocent. I mean…everything we do is innocent...or is it?

  When he pulls back, his blue eyes seem to be swarming with excitement. “Are you ready for your surprise?”

  A bit nervous, I cautiously nod.

  “What time do I need to get you back for your party?”

  “It's not a party,” I insist as I follow him around to the passenger side of his truck. “It's just me and a couple friends going to dinner and a movie.” After he opens the door for me, I say, “You know...you are more than welcome to join us. I’d…love it.”

  His face momentarily light ups like he’s actually tempted by the idea. I’d love to spend my entire birthday with him. I’d even cancel my current plans if he wanted to make new ones. Spending time with him would be the most amazing gift I could get. It’s not like we don’t see each other at all, but it’s not as easy as it used to be. Every day it seems more difficult to sneak in those little moment. To steal a hug between classes. To answer calls on his breaks at work.

  Unfortunately, he shakes his head yet maintains the smile. “Nah. I don't wanna share my time with you if I don't have to.”

  A small blush hits my cheeks at the same time he shuts his truck door. Once the two of us are buckled and headed down the road towards the mall, he asks, “Where'd you tell your mom you were going?”

  “With you.” I innocently shrug. “It wasn't a big deal.”

  He gives me a glance. “It wasn't?”

  “No...Well, I mean, she's not thrilled at the idea of me riding around with an older boy, as she puts it, but she trusts you. She’s always trusted you.”

  The corner of his lip kicks up. “Yeah?”

  “Yeah. You've been coming around, ringing my doorbell, walking me home, and calling our house for years. You’ve had dinner with us. You’ve made dinner with us. Pretty sure you're family to her the same way Emma and Thomas are. She does like Thomas more though.”

  “What?” He says with shock. “Why?”

  “She’s convinced you’re in love with me-”

  “Always have been. Always will be.”

  I hesitate to finish the sentence. “And that you’re going to break my heart one day.”

  His cellphone buzzes in the cup holder ending the conversation with any objection to the aforementioned fear. I don’t think she’s right. I mean, not with the way he talks to me. Not with the texts he sends. No one says those kinds of things knowing they’re going to hurt someone at the end of it all. Okay, maybe people do, but not Bailey. Not him.

  At the stop light, he checks his phone, which causes him to roll his eyes. Without replying, he closes the device and tosses it back in the holder.

  Curiosity gets the better of me. “Everything okay?”

  He gives me a sweet smile. “Nothing you should worry about...”

  “Girlfriend?”

  Bailey shakes his head slowly. “Single again.”

  I try to stomp down the hope building. Sometimes I wonder if maybe he was just waiting for me to be a little older before suggesting we take this to the next level. I could totally understand that. I really want that to be the reason. I want us to...try to be more. Not just because dating a senior would be pretty awesome, especially one that drives, but because for what feels like forever, I've compared every other guy I've ever gone out with to him. He's like the golden example of how a boyfriend should treat his girlfriend. It's like, if Bailey treats me this well as just a friend how much more amazing will he treat me as his girlfriend?

  Like he can hear my thoughts, he smirks, and faces the road again.

  At the same time he begins to accelerate, I ask, “What happened?”

  “She.....” his voice seems to fade all together leaving me on the edge of my seat for longer than I can handle.

  “She what?”

  He switches lanes and casually answers, “She wasn't the girl for me.”

  “They're never the girl for you.”

  “Nope.”

  Because I am, I want to add desperately. “Sorry you guys broke up.”

  Bailey shrugs as he pulls into the mall parking lot. “I'm not. Just sorry I bought her a Christmas present and have to fight the mall after Christmas to return it.”

  “Was it something good?” I tease. “Would I like it?”

  He kills the engine and pins me with a stern look. “First of all, I would never give you a hand me down gift. I'd return it and use the money to buy you something actually worth having.”

  My heart wedges itself into my throat again.

  “Second, it was just a cheap bracelet my sister helped me pick out. I thought it was kinda ugly, but Jess told me it what was ‘hot’ right now. Only got it because she went on and on about the gift she got me. I didn’t even plan on getting her anything.”

  I try to push past the butterflies building from knowing no one else is worth the amount of effort he gives me. “You didn't ask Emma for help? You know she's a shopping queen.”

  His grin I love being responsible for reappears. “Emma told me there was only one present she would help me plan for.”

  “Mine?”

  He winks. “Now, let's get going. We are on a time schedule, remember?”

  The two of us exit the truck and begin the trek for the front doors of the mall. This close to Christmas it's damn near impossible to get remotely good parking. While the walk itself is annoying, having Bailey's arm draped around my shoulder to help protect me from the wind makes it all worth it. As soon as we're in the mall, he drops his arm to lead me by the hand instead. I playfully whine a million questions his direction and he laughs before most of his answers with a similar joking spirit.

  Finally, after an escalator ride down, we arrive in front of what has to be my surprise.

  A giant gasp escapes and I dart my attention up to him. “Shut up...Really?”

  He beams.

  “Like really, really?”

  Bailey winks. “Really.”

  I squeal, throw my arms around him, and give him a hard squeeze.

  The two of us enter the doors where we’re immediately greeted, “Welcome to Stuffed! Can we help you stuff joy into your life today?”

  “I actually had an appointment,” Bailey states while I do my best to keep from scurrying away to admire all the adorable stuffed animals. “It's my girl's birthday.”

  “Happy birthday!” the employee cheerfully says. “Let's check the system and see who's going to be helping you with your delivery today.”

  We follow her over to the counter, which she slides behind to log onto the computer. He gives up his information and my eyes scan the crowd of people of various ages, building their wild and wacky stuffed animals. To some people building their own stuffed animal from scratch might seem childish, but for someone like me, who has an insane collection of stuffed animals even at the age of sixteen, it's like the Tiffany's of stuffed animals. We're talking about the price of these things too.

  “Doctor Tanner will be helping you. Let me go get her.”

  We nod in unison and watch her hurry away towards the back.

  Unable to hold in my excitement any more, I squeak, “I can't believe you brought me here!”

  He leans against the counter. “I wanted you to have som
ething from me that can be with you every day. For you to hold until I can hold you...”

  My shoulders melt. “You could've just bought me a bear, Bailey.”

  “No. I couldn't have.” He moves his body a little closer to mine. “You deserve only the best and damn sure only the best from me, Kenny. Always.”

  In a low voice, I argue, “But this is gonna cost-”

  “Don't worry about that,” Bailey quickly cuts me off. “I've got it covered.”