Part Of The List

by Xavier Neal

  “He’s…” the end of the sentence seems impossible to complete.

  “His Mickeys are failing!” Em exclaims.

  Thomas gives her a garboiled look. “Ot-oh! Does the clubhouse know?”

  She tosses her hands in the air, actual concern on her face.

  His eyes move back to mine. “I expected better from Disney.”

  The attempt to make me smile is successful.

  “Wanna sit down for a minute? Fill me in?”

  “I was actually on my way to take her to lunch,” I weakly argue.

  He gives me a long stare before inquiring, “When’s the last time you slept, Kennedy?”

  “Yesterday.”

  “Longer than two hours?”

  My lips push together.

  “Have you been eating?”

  “Not hungry…”

  He hums his disapproval. “Who’s been keeping an eye on the little monster?”

  “They’re rotating turns. My parents. His mom and step dad. Your parents took her to the play for a couple hours yesterday.”

  “And Jess?”

  “Away on business like you were, but should be back tonight to come and visit him.”

  Em laughs at something she’s showing Tami on her tablet. My heart instantly aches at just how similar it sounds to her fathers. The strength in it. The pure joy. Even the way it crescendos when she finds something extremely funny.

  “Hey,” Thomas calls to me at the same time I sniffle away the latest batch of tears. “Why don’t Tami and I take her? We’ll give her lunch, let her play in the pool, wear herself out, and get a goodnight sleep. After she’s down, I’ll come back up here and wait with you.”

  “Thomas-”

  “It’s what’s happening,” he says definitively in a brotherly tone.

  “Yep,” Tami backs him with a similar expression.

  “And you’re going to go home and get some actual sleep.” He tilts his head at me. “I mean it, Kennedy. Bailey would want me to keep an eye on you, so that’s what I’m gonna do.”

  His words tremble my bottom lip.

  “Besides, you’re my little sister and that’s what big brothers are supposed to do.”

  I may be the only child of Marc and Maye Russell, but I haven’t been an only child since my family moved in across the street from the McCaws.

  “Kennedy, you’re gonna need your strength to take care of him when he wakes up.” His hands land on my shoulders. “Now give me your keys, so Tami can get the monster’s car seat.”

  After his touch drops, I do as instructed, and offer them to his wife who I swear only gets more stunning each year. “Em, Uncle Thomas and Aunt Tami wanna take you to play for the day. Can you make mommy a promise and be good?”

  “Extra good!” She squeals. “But what about Daddy? What if he wakes up while I’m playing?”

  “Then we’ll rush you back here,” Tami sweetly swears.

  Em smiles brightly but lets it disappear quickly. Her small hands reach out for me. Once she’s back in my arms, she asks, “What about you, mommy? I don’t wanna leave you alone. Who will wipe your tears away?”

  Another wave of sorrow threatens to drown me.

  “Mommy’s going to go home and nap,” Thomas invades. “And then when she wakes up, I’m going to come back and I’ll wipe away those tears until we bring you back in the morning.”

  “Or until Daddy wakes up…He’ll wipe mommy’s tears away too.”

  “He will…” I whisper and press a small kiss in the middle of her forehead. “I love you.”

  “I love you more.”

  “Not possible.”

  She gives me an Eskimo kiss before letting Tami hold her again.

  “Let’s go get your car seat while Uncle Thomas talks to mommy about Mickey.”

  “It’s a big clubhouse,” Em says with complete sincerity.

  Once they’re out of earshot, he asks, “What are his Mickeys?”

  “Kidneys,” I sigh, finally having a seat in one of the chairs.

  His unease is obvious. “They’re failing?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Possibly from just being in a coma, but they’re checking for infections now. It’s why they kicked us out.”

  “And his chances of waking up?” Thomas slips his hands in his pocket. “Has that changed?”

  Reluctantly, I shake my head. “He’s had more brain activity, but nothing is certain.” The pang in my chest returns. “I’ve heard and read and been told talking to them in that state can have positive effects, so…I’ve been trying that.”

  He offers a sympathetic expression.

  “It’s been five days, Thomas.” The quaking in my voice returns. “Why won’t he wake up?”

  His body squats down to hold my eyes hostage with his. “I don’t know. But what I do know is nothing will stop him from trying to get back to you Kennedy. Absolutely nothing. He’s spent his entire life trying to figure out a way for the two of you to be together. No way in hell he’s just gonna give up now.” Thomas’ hand lands on top of mine. “You shouldn’t either.”

  I let his words reignite the faith that was beginning to fade.

  He’s absolutely right. Every moment Bailey fights to get back to me, I’ve got to be willing to do the same. Hell, I am willing to do the same. Whatever that means. I don’t care if I have to give him my lung, my kidney, my blood, my time, or my tears. I will do whatever is necessary to bring us back together. We have to be together again. We always manage to make that happen. This time shouldn’t be any different.

  Kennedy

  “I can’t believe he’s married,” I sigh, dropping my face in the palm of my hand.

  “Are you talking about my brother or Bailey?”

  My eyes drift away from where Bailey’s wife is sitting in his lap, arms wound around him as if afraid he’s going to wander off. She should be afraid. He used to do it all the time. For me… “Both.” I sigh.

  Emma gives the sight I was just staring at a brief glance before turning back around to say, “I hear she’s a bitch.”

  With a pointed look, I scold, “Emma.”

  “What?” She innocently squeaks, lifting her wine glass. “I said I hear she’s a bitch. I wouldn’t personally know. I’ve never met her.”

  A puzzled look falls on my face. “How’s that possible?”

  She gives me a small shrug. “Well, according to Thomas ever since they started dating she made a habit of alienating him from his friends. Then one day, they meet for lunch, just him and Thomas, and Bailey says they’re married.”

  “Wait. He didn’t even invite Thomas to the wedding?”

  Emma shakes her head and has another sip. “Apparently, they just went down to the courthouse and got married one random afternoon. Total shotgun wedding style.” We steal another glimpse of the couple at the same time she states, “Ten bucks says he only married her because he knocked her up.”

  The idea of anyone else having his children causes my stomach to cramp. I’m not that naïve. I knew he would eventually move on. You don’t pine after someone four years after they’ve stopped speaking to you. But I guess…I guess part of me believed, part of me hoped, we’d get another shot. That he’d attempt to correct the mistake of our last falling out. That he’d give me some textbook style speech about how cheating is wrong but how he didn’t care because it let us be together. Okay. Maybe I’m more naïve than I thought.

  I lift my champagne glass and chug the contents, desperate to kill the anxiety that’s clawing its way up the back of my throat.

  “Relax,” Emma sighs. “It was a joke.”

  “How long have they been married?”

  “Couple months.”

  “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”

  “And miss this look on your face? No way.”

  All of a sudden, Thomas plops down into the empty chair beside his sister. Even after all these years he and Bailey still look like fraternal twins. Both a
re tall and muscular, though Bailey’s a bit leaner and Thomas is an inch shorter. Both still have jaw dropping smiles and the dark hair, light eyes combination people can’t resist. Neither ever decided to get drunk piercings, but Thomas did stumble into a couple of tipsy tattoos on his back. As far as I know Bailey’s body is still ink free. But really, my knowledge doesn’t matter for shit. I didn’t know he had moved past us again. I didn’t know he successfully replaced me this time.

  Thomas gives her a look of disapproval. “Have you stopped drinking since the reception started?”

  Emma rolls her head around to him. “I was drinking before the reception started. How do you think I made it through your vows?”

  His expression remains displeased.

  “And let’s not forget that my girlfriend broke up with me yesterday. My brother got married today. And my best friend is secretly depressed the love of her life married someone else instead of her.” She reaches for the empty glass and wags it at him. “I should be much drunker than I am.”

  “I’m not….depressed,” I quietly argue.

  “But he is the love of your life?” Her victorious grin appears and I gag.

  “Stop tormenting people,” he fusses. “It’s my wedding day! Eat, drink, and be merry.”

  “Tormenting people makes me merry.”

  “Congrats,” I say interrupting the sibling feud.

  He beams brightly. “Thanks.”

  “It was a really beautiful ceremony.”

  And that’s the honest, not jealous it’s you instead of me, truth. They skipped the reading of a trite passage for poems picked out by the McCaws and read vows they had written themselves. Each spoke of what they planned to do for one another along with their promise of loyalty as well as love. I swear during Thomas’ vows, Bailey’s eyes weren’t on his new wife. They were on me. I was sitting in the second row, off to the very edge, closest to the aisle, which is exactly where his attention stayed the majority of the ceremony. Like he was marrying me in his mind at that moment. The same way I was marrying him. I didn’t know he already was at that point. No. Emma saved that little nugget of information until just a few minutes ago when she could drown the unknown pending sorrows with alcohol the minute they surfaced.

  “It was. Almost as beautiful as my bride,” Thomas sweetly coos.

  “Ugh,” his sister groans. “If you’re going to go on another I love Tami tangent, could you at least top off my drink first?”

  He snatches the glass from in front of his face. “I thought you loved Tami.”

  “I do love Tami,” Emma assures. “But I hate her.”

  Concern quickly coats his eyes. “Why do you hate her?”

  “You mean aside from the fact she looks like a Swedish supermodel?”

  His smirk returns. “Technically she was.”

  “You are the worst big brother ever,” my best friend growls. “Go get us more liquor.”

  He lightly laughs yet argues, “You were drinking wine.”

  “Yeah, well now that you’ve upped the ante by reminding the two of us how we will never look in a bikini, we want liquor.”

  “I second that.”

  Thomas stands to his feet and playfully questions, “It’s my wedding day and you’re sending me on drink runs? Shouldn’t this be the other way around?”

  Emma gives me a mischievous look. After a short pause we look at him and say in unison, “Nahhh….”

  The two of us giggle at the same time he drops a kiss on the top of her head and then mine.

  Once he’s made it half way to the open bar, Emma states, “I really do love Tami. She’s good for him. Makes him the happiest I’ve ever seen.”

  I give her a warm look. “Yeah?”

  “Oh yeah.” She adjusts the one strap of her teal blue bridesmaid dress. In a weird way the blue is so close to the fluttering bird tattoo that spans across her shoulder, it’s like the sky. “Plus, she’s totally big on the family thing. Like she’s all about having huge dinners and having everyone come over. She insists it’s important to appreciate family when you’re fortunate enough to have one. She makes sure to remind my brother to call me at least once a week if work has made him forget or he’s just gotten ‘too busy’. Same for my parents.”

  “How’d hers die again?”

  “Car accident, I think. That’s when she quit modeling too. Packed up her shit, jetted across the ocean, and set up shop at Clover Rose University. Doubt she ever thought she’d marry the first guy who offered to buy her a cup of coffee on campus.”

  The comment grabs a giggle from me.

  “Maybe now that you’re moving back to town, you’ll get to know her a little better. Come over for some of the family dinners with your parents. She’s an amazing cook. Totally could be her back up career if fashion doesn’t work out.”

  I try to force a smile. “Maybe…”

  Except I’m not moving back. When Emma and I chose different colleges, we knew it would be difficult to stay as close as we were growing up. However, with a scholarship to Ashwin and still being freshly scorned from the unideal loss of my virginity, I couldn’t force myself to follow her to Clover Rose. I couldn’t force myself to know I’d be walking the same campus with the one person I knew I didn’t want to live without, but would probably never find a way to end up with. Just the idea felt like medieval mind torture. Our first year was probably the easiest on us. We were overly committed to staying best friends, even spent most of that summer together, taking trips to the beach and partying like Vikings, but midway through our sophomore year, reality butted in. We both had jobs and odd study hours. Eventually significant others. New friends. While we kept in touch, things definitely faded. At some point, we promised each other that when we graduated, we’d both move back to our home city. Get jobs. Reconnect. Truth is, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to step into old shoes with newly painted toes. Maybe it’s a great thing Bailey’s married. One more pair of shoes, I don’t have to worry about slipping back into.

  Thomas returns with two cosmos and his new bride. The two of them sit and share a drink with us along with a few laughs, mainly at Thomas’ expense. Shortly after, they’re called away for their first dance. We watch from our seats as they twirl around the dance floor, so engulfed in one another it doesn’t seem to register their photos are constantly being taken. At the same time he begins the next song the DJ welcomes everyone else to join them.

  It’s a faster song and Emma throws up a hand in victory. “We’re gonna go dance.”

  I cringe at the declaration. “No thank you.”

  “Yes thank you,” she corrects, tugging me to my feet. “Come on! Up. Up. Up! I wanna embarrass my brother.”

  Without any further objection, I allow her to drag us to the middle of the floor closest to Thomas and Tami. Emma immediately busts out old school dance moves that light Tami up with joy. She wiggles her arms to a beat in her own head eventually being joined by her sister in law. Before I know it, there’s a trend of crazy dance moves, old and new being presented as the upbeat songs continue to change. Unable to resist the fun, I join them, the laughter we’ve sparked contagious throughout the crowd.

  Another switch in music appears and I take that as my cue to exit the dance floor. Thomas offers to dance with his sister while his wife dances with her father in law. I spot Mrs. McCaw settled at their table, laughing with my mother, and prepare to walk over when there’s a tug at my hand.

  I turn to the face I haven’t seen up close since I cast it out of my life four years ago. “Dance with me?”

  My eyes glance past him at Emma who is glaring at me.

  He sways back into my direct line of vision. “Please?”

  With a small nod I allow him to place a hand on my hip and his hand in mine. Unsure of whether or not it’s acceptable to wrap my arm around a married man’s neck, I simply place it on his chest near his shoulder.

  Bailey teases, “You don’t have to be afraid to touch me.”

 
My eyes fall to the couples dancing around us in a blatant refusal to deal with the crystal blues I’ve never been able to resist. “You’re married.”

  “It’s not a contagious disease.”

  The joke causes me to roll my eyes.