A Lil' Less Hopeless

by Tara Oakes

  I don't need any persuasion. My fists grab at the leather of his cut on either side and pull him in closer, deeper. It is instinctive by now, responding to each other the way our bodies once had a long time ago. Some things you never forget, it’s just him and me when we get into a frenzy like this.

  The cat calls and high-pitched whistling around us break through our little moment. The slight tapping of Jess's horn seals the deal and saves us from tearing each other's clothes off right here on Main Street.

  “Save something for the wedding night, Jay!” one of the brothers shouts out.

  Jay snickers and holds his middle finger out behind him, never moving his gaze from mine.

  “You and Jess head home, I'll pick up some food on my way back from the clubhouse later.”

  I huff. I was hoping he would spend the rest of the day at home, tonight. I swallow hard and roll my eyes harder. My disappointment purposely evident. “Whatever...”

  He snatches my chin in his thumb and forefinger and guides me back to look at him, firmly. “Don't pout, baby,” he commands. “It makes me want to smack your ass.”

  My eyebrow arches up. The thought of his hand on my ass right now is tempting. “So what's stopping you, big boy?”

  He laughs. “Something tells me you'd get off on it more than I would right now, Lil's.” He sweeps his lips across mine once more, restraining them from a full-on-assault. “Don't worry, baby... I'm gonna give it to you so fucking good, tonight,” he whispers.

  “Tease.”

  I let go of his leather and peel myself off him, turn and walk back to the open car door. “Bring home lasagna from Little Gino's if you even want me to consider it,” I shout back.

  The sound of his bike is the silent command, giving instruction to the hoard of others to restart their engines as well.

  “Let's go back to the house. Jay will bring dinner home later,” I fill Jess in.

  We slip back out into traffic with two of the bikes following us as we head east, while the rest of the group continues on toward the clubhouse.

  Loud breathing turns my attention to Jess. We lock eyes and I raise my eyebrows in query.

  “I need a bad boy,” she proclaims.

  Our laughter resumes.

  “Not sure I can help you with that right now. But, I can provide the next best thing,” I boast.

  She eyes me quizzically.

  “Junk food and chick flicks,” I clarify.

  ******

  Jess and I change into some comfy clothes and set ourselves up in the den with everything a girl could need. Margaritas (extra strong for her, virgin for me), tortilla chips with salsa, and an endless supply of blu-rays. Thankfully, we agree an a comedy. This day has been depressing enough, we both need to lift our spirits.

  Bridesmaids seems fitting, considering I had asked Jess to be one of mine... so I pop the movie in and we kick back. The surround sound starts to play, the lights dim as we prepare for a veg. fest.

  Jess had arrived early yesterday. I didn't protest at all when she volunteered to come stay with me after what went down. With Christine, my long standing “frenemy” busy with her own wedding plans and Sunny, my brother’s ol’ lady, overwhelmed with her beauty salon, I didn't want to burden anyone. But, I really need a friend about now... and, although Jess and I were not as close as Emily and I were, we both needed a shoulder to lean on.

  She also wanted to meet Jay in person. Once I told her that I wasn’t coming back to school next year, and was instead was transferring home to finish up my senior year, not to mention getting married and having a baby, I could understand why she wanted to check him out, vet him herself. It was a lot of change in a short period of time. She and Bobby, our mutual friend (or “gusband” as we like to call him) would be alone to finish their last year of school together.

  When she suggested that she come and hang out for a week or so, I jumped at the chance. So far, it’s been going really great. She loves Jay, and seems to be genuinely happy for me. The only downside so far, is that she seems to be the hot new item on the menu, according to the brothers.

  I am used to having the guys stopping over, dropping things off for Jay or just simply popping in on their way through this part of town, but ever since Jess had gotten here, it's been a nut house. I made Jay promise me that he would shut that shit down, get his boys under control.

  Jess is a real good girl. She has big heart, a giant trust fund, and a five year plan. As far as I know, bikers don't play a part in it. I want to make sure that she doesn't get sucked into the curb appeal. It's not a life that I think Jess would be able handle, let alone be happy with. After what happened to Em, I'm not too eager to have any more of my friends turn groupie.

  It isn't only their best interest I was looking out for, either. T.J.has been real messed up ever since Em died. He's been taking off on his own, just going on long rides. I've tried to get him to talk about it, but Jay says it's just better to let him be alone for a while. With his being one of Jay's men, I thought it was wise to just back off.

  I top off Jess's margarita and dimmed the lights on my way back from the kitchen, enjoying a normal night for once. No cops, no strategizing with the club or lawyers. Just two girlfriends hanging out, watching a movie and having a few laughs.

  ******

  THEN

  “I don't know about this, Christine...”

  She was fidgeting with her hair trying to get it to submit to the will of her twirling fingers.

  “Lil's, it's not a big deal. It's just Evan and some friends. You don't even have to talk to them if you don't want to. We're just gonna watch a movie and have a few beers.”

  Bullshit! This is a set up and she damn well knows it. She has only been dating Evan for a few weeks. I know they've already had sex and Christine was up his ass all the goddamn time now. Not literally... eww. I shake my head at the gross random thought.

  “Nope. You knew they were coming over and you didn't tell me because you knew I wouldn't come then.”

  Christine had a pretty steady pattern of omitting information if it suited her needs. I was still pissed at the shit she pulled a while back at her birthday party. I hadn't planned on ending the evening locked in the bathroom of a frat house, only to have my boyfriend have to come and save my drunken ass.

  “Lil's... please?” she whined. “All of Evan's friends are single, and they are giving him so much shit about spending time with me. I figure if we do the group thing, they'll back off a little. Sarah and Kim aren't giving me a hard time about this.”

  I wanted to punch her then. “Yeah? There's a big difference between them and me, Christine. I'm not single. After your birthday, I really have no fucking wiggle room with this. I swore to Jay I wouldn't put myself in stupid situations. You really think these guys came over here to just watch a movie? Give me a break.”

  Christine was losing patience, not to mention valuable time with Evan. “Fine. Go. Your loss, Lil's. I'll make sure I don't invite you the next time we all hang out.”

  We had been friends since Miss Tammy's preschool. But, sometimes... I really just wanted to choke the bitch. I grabbed my stuff and hightailed it out of there. It was still kind of early, barely eleven o'clock. I'd bet Jay was still at the clubhouse, so I made the decision to head over there and surprise him. He was pissed earlier when I told him I was going to hang out with Christine. He's was still really mad at her, and wasn't too shy to tell me exactly what he thought of her. Me, being the loyal friend I am, chose to stick up for her ass. But after the situation she put me in again tonight, I'd have to rethink our friendship. It always seemed to put me in a bad spot.

  The parking lot was full of bikes as usual, for a Saturday night. I was pretty sure there were no runs going on, so all of the boys are home. The heavy rock music was pouring out of the windows, pretty sure it was Guns ‘N Roses, and I could already tell it was gonna be wild inside.

  The prospect guarding the door tensed up as I approached. Shit. I forgot his name.
“Hey... you.” I greet him.

  “Um... Lil's, hey. You, ah... you supposed to be here tonight? I mean, Jay know your coming?”

  Actually, no, on both counts. But, he didn't need to know that.

  “Sure... I told him I'd swing by.” I lied. Sue me.

  He looked unsure. “I... I'll just go tell Jay you’re here. I'll be right back...”

  What the fuck? Uh... no. “Get out of my way,” I order.

  His eyes grow large. “You... you can't go in there.”

  “Oh really? And why the fuck not?”

  He seemed to be struggling with whether or not to tell me.

  I whipped out my cell phone, “Fine.. I'll just call him and tell him I'm standing out here like an idiot because some prospect won't let me in.”

  “It's a stripper party,” He blurted out.

  I stop dialing. Fuck! Here I am, practically ruining a friendship, a fucked up friendship at that, but a friendship nonetheless to stay loyal to Jay and he was in there with a bunch of strippers? Hell to the no. I threw my phone back into my bag and stormed off toward my car.

  “Lil's... do you need him? I can go get him...” the nervous prospect called after me.

  I barely contain my rage. “Don't do me any favors! You can go tell him to fuck himself. That's what you can do for me.”

  I opened my car door and threw my bag in, hard enough for the contents to spill out onto the passenger seat. Great. Now I can't find my fucking keys. My beat up old Honda has more things that don't work than do. The overhead light stopped working months ago, so I fumble around in the dark patting the carpeted floor for the metal objects. After a few minutes of cursing, I struck gold and grabbed the tips of the set, pulling the keychain out from under the seat.

  When I sat up and lined the keys up with the ignition, I saw Jay and the prospect walking out of the clubhouse. The kid pointed to my car, and Jay patted him on the back, nodding, and taking a step in my direction.

  I raced with my keys, fumbling with them until I got a match and started the engine with a loud rev. This baby may only be four cylinders but she's got some pep and I needed her to get me the hell out of there, right now.

  Jay whistled loudly to get my attention from across the parking lot as he mades his way toward me. I shifted the car into gear and headed toward the gate.

  “LIL'S!” I heard as I raced past him.

  Thank God I have better sense than to act on my rage, because I really wanted to run him over back there. I sped through town, thankful not to have hit any red lights along the way. I wasn’t sure I could stop then anyway, the anger burning me up.

  I did't get far before I heard the bike. He was closing in on me. I glanced into the rearview mirror and saw the round headlight of his Harley growing in size. I pressed down on the gas pleading with the Honda to move out of its own way. I had given this man everything. I gave him my virginity barely two months ago and this is how he repays me? By fucking around? I had been around long enough to know that if the prospect was keeping me from seeing Jay, then there was a damned good reason why. Not just a stripper party.

  Jay gained on me and pulled up beside the driver’s window. The road was narrow, so he had no choice but to cut into the oncoming lane.

  I rolled down my window. “Leave me alone, you bastard!”

  He flailed his arm wildly, “Pull the fuck over! NOW!”

  I did't listen. He won't be telling me what to do, anymore. We've left town and were heading into the country. The streetlights became more and more sporadic and scarce as the area became more desolate.

  “I said... pull the goddamned car over now, Lil's. I swear!”

  I saw the headlights approaching from the distance, racing toward us. It was pretty abandoned out here this time of night. The only traffic usually from the occasional truck passing through on their way to the interstate. Jay sped up and merged into my lane far ahead of me. As the semi truck passed us, Jay slammed on his brakes, forcing me to react and pull off the road into the field of the old sod farm. I rolled to a stop and breathed deeply, collecting myself. The adrenaline was surging, causing my heartbeat to pound in my head.

  Jay pulled up beside me, jumping off his bike before the engine had a chance to completely shut down and threw open my door.

  “Get the fuck out, now!”

  Yeah. I don't think so. He reached across me and grabbed the keys from the ignition before taking a few steps toward the darkness, hurling them into the night.

  I stormed out of the car, after him. “You did not just do that!”

  He swung his body around and stomped my way, stopping mere millimeters in front of me. “Yeah! I fucking did! You're gonna kill yourself, or someone else, driving like that! What the FUCK has gotten into you?!”

  “Oh, please! Don't act all concerned for my safety, you asshole! Just go back to your party and leave me alone.”

  “Like hell I will! You ever run away from me like that again, Lil's... I swear to god... I'll...” There wasn't much light besides that of my car headlights but I could see plain as day how pissed he was. His skin had a red flush to it, and the vein on the side of his neck was throbbing violently.

  “You'll what? You'll go fuck a stripper?”

  He paused in his rage. “I can guarantee you some of those strippers are gonna get fucked tonight, but not by me. What the hell are you talking about?”

  I rolled my eyes and turned back to my car to get my phone and call a cab. “Oh please! Then why didn't the prospect let me in, huh? It's nothing I haven't seen before! Unless there was something else he didn't want me to see.”

  I leaned across the seat to begin the search for my phone.

  “Get over here.” His voice didn't have quite the same edge as before but was still something I should know better than to mess with.

  I was able to find my phone and backed myself out of the car, searching for reception.

  “Don't make me throw your phone, too.”

  I clutched my phone tight to my chest. He was just crazy enough to do it, too.

  “Fine.” I defiantly walk to him. “What?”

  “First... I did not fuck a stripper. Second... I wasn't going to fuck a stripper later, either. And last... that kid's a new prospect that's already in shit for letting Dewey's ol' lady in earlier. Well, let's just say Barbara's not as understanding as you are. She didn't exactly appreciate some bimbo in a G-string dancing on her man. The prospect got reamed out and no way was he gonna let it happen again. Even for you. Can you blame him?”

  I bit my lip, contemplating his words. Knowing Barbara as well as I did, I did't doubt that she freaked the fuck out if a stripper was even ten feet from Dewey. Shit! It could be true.

  Jay stepped forward and I took a step back. We paused. He took another step and so did I, until I was pressed up against the front fender of the car. The warmth from the engine was starting to fade, but the heat is still slightly present against the back of my thighs. My skirt isn't overly short but offered little to no protection to the skin beneath it.

  “Give me the phone Lil's.”

  “Why? So you can throw it?” I counter. The anger now gone, replaced by a sense of foolishness.

  “No.” He took the phone from me and tossed it back into the car through the open window. “Because you're going to need both hands to hold on.”

  He scooped me up and throws my legs around him, before crushing my mouth with his. “I swear to God, you make me so angry sometimes, woman.” He barely managed to get his words out.

  I ripped off the beanie hat he was wearing and fisted my hands into his hair, pulling the strands through my fingers. “How angry?” I taunted him.

  He pushed up against the car and lowered my ass onto the cooling hood. “More angry than you want, trust me.”

  He leaned back and lifted one of my legs with one hand while using his other to reach under my skirt and hooked his fingers under my panties to pull them off, snaking them down and guiding my leg out through the opening. T
he flimsy pink cotton dangled down the other leg, catching on my ankle.

  He grabbed behind my neck and held me still as he stole another deep kiss, controlling me with his sensual dominance.

  “Ummm... Jay.” I moaned into his ear as he kissed and suckled on my neck, twirling his tongue in strong circles above my pulse.

  He placed his hand on my breast and kneaded, unforgiving, at my flesh, before using it to press me down, guiding me to lie back on the metal beneath. “Hmmm?”

  Jay freed his hand from my chest and began to work on his belt. His eyes staring down at me, fixing me in place.

  “I think I may have overreacted.”

  He smiled, in his own smart ass way. The way he does when he knows something that you don't. “No shit.”

  “Ahhh!” I cried out forcefully as Jay slammed himself into me, hard enough for the car to shake, rocking beneath us.

  He grabbed hold around my knees and pulled me closer to him, closer to the edge so that my ass was practically dangling off. He pushed deep again, forcing my hands to grab hold of the metal corner beneath me to brace myself. He pulled and straightened each leg one at a time while placing my ankles to rest over his shoulders, pausing with the last one and kissing the skin on the inside of my lower leg before nipping down on it, causing me to bite down on my own lip and groan in ecstasy.

  Jay was a freaking pro in the sack but when he got rough.. oh my God. The fucking earth moved. I swear it.

  “You.” He thrusted hard. “Will.” Thrust. “NEVER.” Thrust. “Ever.” Thrust, thrust. I closed my eyes as the world stands still. It's just him, right now, always... it's just him.

  “Look at me.” Thrust.

  My attention turned back to him, watching him exert himself over me.

  Thrust. “Never.” Thrust. “Do.” Thrust. “That.” Thrust, thrust. “Again.” Thrust, thrust and....

  “God!!” I called out, as my legs stiffened and clamped around his shoulders.

  He clapped my thighs and pulled me into him again, calming my squirming. He wasn’t finished with me yet, though. The thin layer of sweat beading on my legs proved difficult for Jay to maintain his grip, so he held on tighter.