by Tara Oakes
I reached across the empty seat and pulled the passenger door closed, hard. Jay quickly pulled back his hands, so as not to get caught in the moving machinery, and I gunned the gas pedal, leaving him stunned on the sidewalk as we drive away.
We made it home in silence, Tiny not willing to press his luck and risk joining Jay on my shit list. The house is lit up, with almost every window illuminated as we pull into the drive. So much for pop catching a good night's sleep.
“You two all right?” he called out from the kitchen table as we enter.
I laughed to myself. When the hell is anyone in this family ever “all right”.
Pop put down his coffee mug and eyed me. I gave in.
“Just another day in the life of the MC.” I spewed out sarcastically. “I'm going to try and catch a little sleep before the next shit storm.”
Pop’s house was in no way large. I could hear a low-toned mumble from the kitchen as I reach my bedroom. “Trouble in paradise?”
I tossed and turned, unable to get comfortable. Punching my pillow didn't seem to help. At that rate I'd never fall asleep. Could I live my life like this? I was young enough where I have a good long while ahead of me. Did I want to spend them bailing out my man, not even being given the decency of an honest answer as to why? Worrying about him, waiting for the other shoe to drop, and the one time an officer is going to tell me something other than “the charges have been dropped”? What then? I'd seen what happened when your old man got sent away. I'd seen what it did to my mom. There wasn’t one ol’ lady in the club that hadn't been left alone for some time or another, even Jean, while their old man was sent away. I think Clink's the only one that'd never been away. Those were some really shitty odds.
Deciding to abandon my unsuccessful quest for sleep, I ventured out into the main area of the house. The sun may not have been rising yet, but technically, it was morning. Couldn't hurt to get a jump start on some coffee.
A soft glow from the kitchen was spilling out into the dark before me. I wasn’t alone this sleepless night, was I? Tiny sat at the kitchen table reading yesterday's paper.
“Sup, big brother? Can't sleep either?”
I made my way to the half-filled coffee pot and poured myself a cup. I wasn’t sure who made the pot, Pop or Tiny, so I decided to play it safe and put an extra heaping spoonful of sugar in it. Pop's coffee tasted like liquid tar.
“You want me to make a fresh pot?” My brother asked.
I took a long, cautious sip while taking the empty seat next to him.
Pop didn't make it. “It's good.”
Tiny lets the paper fall to the table. “You still pissed?”
That was a rhetorical question. “Not sure. At least I don't have to see anyone in cuffs, this time.”
“He didn't want me to call you.” Tiny begins. “He didn't want you to see him there. We weren't sure if the charges were going to be dropped or not, and Jay was pissed that you would be there.”
I held my cup between my palms and rolled it lightly back and forth. “Well, isn't that nice. You two go off, doing whatever you do, with no consideration for where it could land you and who will have to clean up the mess. If he didn't want me there, then why didn't he call Vince?”
Tiny blurts out, “It wasn't club business. Vince would have kicked our asses. We needed to keep it quiet.”
Oh really? Since when did the two of them have something going on the side?
“You two are going rogue now? Getting busy behind the club's back?” This shit is just getting worse.
“What? No! We... we...” Tiny wrestled with himself on how much to divulge. He eyed me, gauging how far he should go.
I'd had it. My patience had run out.
“Spill it! Before I tell the both of you to fuck off and never bother me again.”
He blew out his unease. “It was just a little fight, Lil's. Kind of got out of hand and some dip shit called the cops.”
“A little fight? You were shot a few months ago, Tiny! You're still healing! What business do you have fighting anyone? And you two weren't wearing your cuts. I'm not stupid. You two were doing something that you didn't want to fall back on the club.”
My brother was becoming defensive. “I wasn't fighting, Lil's. We just went there to clean the place out. Drive the message home to those preppy fuckers. Some pansy started to swing at Jay.”
Funny, I didn't see any bruises on Jay. He looked just as rugged and handsomely hot as he always did.
“And what message were you driving home to those preppy fuckers?”
Tiny bit his lip, holding himself back. I gave up and pushed myself away from the table.
“Fine! Alright... it was the fraternity house where you got drunk a little while back. Jay and I went there the next day and tore the place up. We found a shitload of pills. Beat the kids senseless and warned them not to have any more parties. They were slipping shit into girl's drinks.”
I eyed him suspiciously as he told his tale.
“Vince found out and tore us a new one. It could have caused a backlash in town about us going apeshit on some of the local college boys. We found out they started having parties again, and some freshman girl was admitted to the ER with date rape drugs in her system. She can't remember what happened... but she knows something happened...”
I swallowed hard. “And you two went over there again to finish things?”
He nodded.
I dropped my head back and shook it. I didn't condone violence, but I knew it had a very real place in my world. In Jay's world. I couldn't just overlook the terrible, but I had to objectively balance it out. They may have originally gone over there to protect or redeem me, but they went back to protect others.
I leaned down and gave Tiny a hug, barely able to wrap my arms around his width.
“Thanks, Tiny. You're a great big brother.” I kissed him on the cheek and hurried to brush my teeth and quickly change.
******
The door was unlocked as I entered, things were dead quiet inside. It was still early to most. I'd already had my morning run and showered, but most people were still sound asleep in their beds. I slipped off my shoes and placed them neatly next to Jay's boots. His leather cut was hung over the stair banister. I trailed my fingers over the soft, cool leather. A gentle weight pulls on my heart as I trailed over each of the patches. Jay earned each of these with his sweat and loyalty... even his blood when necessary. Yet last night, he was willing to give all of those same things, with nothing to gain other than a sense of doing the right things. No patches, no glory. Just peace of mind.
I treaded softly down the hallway. The bedroom door was open wide and I saw the bare back of the man I love with his gorgeously sexy tattoo welcoming me. He may have left his leather home last night, but he’d never be able to escape it. It was as much a part of him as that ink was. I needed to learn to come to peace with it, with everything that came with it. I just hoped I could, for both our sakes.
The blankets were twisted and curled around his sleeping form, evidence of an uneasy sleep. I peeled my sweater off and let it fall silently to the floor. I hooked my thumbs around the elastic waistband of my yoga pants and see-sawed them down my legs until they were nothing more than a puddle around my feet, and I stepped free of them.
Jay's chest rose and fell evenly, expanding with every breath. The empty glass and half full bottle of brandy by the bedside table gave an explanation to his deep sleep. Placing my knee on the mattress I gently crawled over to him until our bodies were touching. The fevered heat of his skin warmed me, encouraging me to get closer. I wrapped my arms around him, spreading my flesh over his.
He began to stir ever so slightly. I raised my leg to intertwine between his own, resting my hip over his hard but perfect ass. His boxers moved with my motion. Placing my aching lips onto the small of his back, I pursed them together. Kissing the taut muscular body beneath me, I breathed in his scent, tasting the slight saltiness of his skin.
Mapp
ing my way around his broad back, kissing each bulging muscle deeply, I began to hear the moaning being muffled in the pillows.
“Mmm....” he let out, just audible enough for me to hear.
I raised myself up and slid over his skin until I was settled on his back, nuzzling into his neck.
“I love you...” I whispered into his ear, before taking the slope of his lobe into my mouth and pressing it between my lips, sucking on it.
A groggy, heavy voice wafted out, “You almost ran over my foot.”
I laughed into his hair. “Make love to me, Jay.”
With little to no warning, Jay rolled over purposely, moving me under him and covering my lips and answering my plea with his waking body. His hands slipped under my back and played with the clasp between my shoulder blades, working to free my chest for himself.
His efforts proved successful and by boobs sprung to life, as he buried his face, losing his words as he devoured my breasts. His hands kept busy, though, as he worked them down to my thin, barely-there string lace panties. He fisted them at each hip, and lifted his lips.
“Why do you even wear these? They're nothing more than dental floss.”
I smirked, eyeing him as he stared at me hungrily. “So you have something to take off, baby.”
He crashed his lips into mine, thrusting his tongue in harshly. I could feel his need hardening even more than it already was, pressing into my leg. He pulled his hands down, forcing my thong down with them, between my legs. I could feel the moistness of them on my own skin.
Jay plunged his finger into me, pointing up into my core as his thumb circled its way around my prickled bundling. Straining to reach down, my fingertips searched for his boxers just out of reach as our tongues wrestled. I pushed myself against him, arching myself and gaining the necessary inch to tug on his briefs, stopping mid-thigh as I could reach no further.
His own hand picked up where mine left off and maneuvered the cotton barrier away from us.
“I'm still pissed that you almost ran over my foot.”
He swiftly removed his busy lower hand, uncorking me just long enough to thrust his cock in hard. I yelped my pleasure aloud before he covered my mouth with his own, and masterfully rode both of my entrances.
His weight proved heavy for me as I struggled to fill my lungs, my moans stifled with gasps. Jay unlatched his lips from mine, swooping himself up to sit on his knees, taking care to keep us connected. He may be the one to have just woken up, but his eyes are wide and alert while I had no doubt mine were in fact dreamy.
Pressing my knees up and folding them in, he leaned forward again towering over me. Propped up on his forearms, pinning my thighs high against me, he gained just a touch more clearance to bring us closer, deeper into each other. The extra closeness came with a price, though, as his lips were now far from mine.
I bit my bottom lip aching to use them in some way. His finger reached up and swiped across my imprisoned lip, freeing it from my teeth. I latched on to his finger, instead, tasting his muskiness and suck it intensely as I whimpered away the growing pressure between my thighs. Jay doubled his efforts at the sudden example of the depth of my own need. My lower legs bounced freely with the rippled impact from every pounding he delivered. I released his finger quickly, allowing me to to throw back my head and scream my release.
My muscles contracted over and again, no opportunity given for them to calm themselves as Jay ground into me. His morning stamina was insane, proving me to be an amateur compared to him. Even though his kisses were deep, I felt my mouth drying out from the lack of body fluid. The stubble on his chin chaffed my cheeks raw, but I needed it to continue, to never end.
Several moments later, the telltale quick breathing in my ear signaled he was close. It was time to bring it on home. I clenched myself tight around him, hugging his delicious dick with every inch it touched, and milked his orgasm from him. He grabbed hold of my knees to steady himself as his body betrayed him and spasmed violently.
I held him tight, rubbing over the sudden bumpy roughness of his skin as his chills set in. Weakened, he barely managed to roll himself over, his dick still partially inserted, holding me close to rest on his chest. Our bodies calmed themselves, and my hazy vision began to clear. The sun was almost fully risen now and the soft shadows were disappearing from the walls. I traced my fingers delicately over Jay's skin as he massaged my bottom with his palm and he held me tight.
“I'm sorry.” He surprised me. We didn't usually talk in these sweet moments right after claiming each other.
I raised my chin, looking up at him. His eyes were closed tight, as if he was in pain. “I didn't want you to see me there. I never want you to see me in a place like that, Lil's.”
I breathed hard. He felt the need to finish his thought. “It's bad enough you've seen your pop and Tiny in that spot before. I want to be better than that, for you.”
I kissed his chest repeatedly. “It's who you are, Jay. I know that. There are going to be times when you need to lean on me, need to let me in if you need help. You can't be too proud to do that. Promise me.”
Many seconds passed, in silence. “I can't promise that Lil's. But I promise I can try.”
I settled back down next to him and snuggled in close. That's all I could ask for. I just hoped I was strong enough to handle it.
CHAPTER NINE
NOW
Chris opens the metal door for me as I step into a room almost identical to the one in which I was questioned, the last time I was here. Jay is seated at the rectangular table dressed in orange cotton clothes similar to doctor scrubs. He stares at me as I fully enter the room and take the seat across from him. Chris quietly closes the door behind me, giving us some privacy.
“I see you still can't follow directions,” he says sarcastically. “It's done Lil's. There's nothing to say about it now.”
I fold my hands gently across one another, occupying them to hide my nervousness.
“Really? Well, if you've got nothing to say, then sit back and do some listening, instead.”
His eyes widen at the command. Maybe it's our sudden predicament, but I'm emboldened. Call it a power trip. We don't usually have situations where Jay has no choice other than to let me go off on him.
“Let's go over the facts here. You went behind my back, arranged for all this...” I gesture my arms wide, emphasizing the bare room around us. “Took everything I cared about away from me without so much as a conversation?”
Jay sits back and crosses his arms defiantly. “I know what you would have said, would have done, if I told you, Lil's. I know you.”
I smirk. “Oh really? How well do you know me, Jay? What am I going to do now, if you know me so well?”
A flash of confusion crosses over him. Briefly, but I still see it before it's hidden under his smart ass grin.
I lean forward as if about to whisper. “I'll tell you what I'm about to do. I know where Vicky is.”
Fear floods his face.
“I'm going to go get her, bring her back here, and get your ass out of this hellhole,” I reveal my plan.
Anger fills the voids in his eyes.
“You will not!” He seethes. “I forbid it! Lil's, I swear to God, you let the club handle it!”
“Yeah” I spit out. “’Cause they've done such a great job so far... right?”
He slams his palms down hard on the metal surface, pushing himself up from the table.
“Why can't you ever just do as you're told?” The vein on his neck pops violently against his flushing skin.
I shake my head. “Like a good little ol' lady? Like a good little wife?” I say sarcastically with baby voice, and all. “You're not in this alone anymore, Jay.” I say soberly. “We exchanged vows... and you don't have the authority to make decisions like this on your own anymore!”
Chris rushes into the room, alerted from the recent commotion within the room, no doubt. This seems to only anger Jay further.
“I mean it, L
il's...” his voice suddenly calms as he struggles against himself to maintain some sort of composure. “You have one job right now. Something that I can't do for you... you have to keep the baby safe.”
I walk around the table without a second thought. Chris moves to step closer, but I hold him off with a quick glare. He pauses, but I can see he is still on high alert. Jay is shaking, he is so mad, but I don't hesitate to reach out and hold his face in my palms.
His eyes are wide, furious. It shakes me to my core. I reach up on my tiptoes and plant a gentle kiss on his stiff lips as he holds himself rigid.
“I'll be careful, I swear. I'll keep her safe... and her daddy.”
I turn around and stalk out of the room, willing myself to continue, not to look back... even as I hear the table toppling over and the chair being thrown. The sounds of body impacting metal cause me to flinch, but I walk on down the hall. His screaming protests fill the space and all personnel rush past me to handle the disturbance.
I hear him scream my name over and over, but I must keep on. A tear rolls down my cheek at the sound of his voice echoing in my ears, pleading for me. The sooner I get this over with, the sooner he'll be home with me, I mentally tell myself over and over. I clutch myself tight, holding onto my midsection.
The sooner he'll be home with us.
******
The car hums along silently, with both Jess and Chris remaining silent. My hands have stilled, the nervous shaking having subsided. The events of the day have exhausted me, leaving me hollow inside. I'm too numb to acknowledge the feelings I know should be brewing inside. I'd never stood up to Jay like that before. Sure, I can be a pain in the ass... and cause him a shitload of grief when I want to. But I've never defied him before. Not when it's been about something that actually mattered. The patchwork plan I am able to piece together is missing one major component. One piece that could throw it all to hell and leave me back at square one with nothing but empty intentions in my hands.