Revive

by Mary Wasowski

“Bartelli, we need to talk,” he said.

  We walked down the hall, away from the rest of my guys who were sitting in silence and praying for Dawson.

  “Nick, I am so sorry, but your boy Dawson, he’s done. I just talked to his doctor. He’s alive, but it’s over for him becoming a firefighter. He’s going to lose an eye and the use of his right arm. There was just too much damage.”

  “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why didn’t he listen Chief? I shouted out several commands and then ran after him.”

  “Nick, there’s something you don’t know about Dawson, which he effectively hid really well from all of us.”

  “What? Tell me.”

  “He’s deaf in one ear, and with the noise and sounds of the equipment, there was no way he could hear you call to him, especially from where you were positioned. I’m sorry, Nick. This is not your fault. I don’t know how he made it this far, but somehow he did and no one was the wiser.”

  I leaned against the wall to try to catch my breath. This can’t be happening. Dawson is deaf? Hearing Michaelson say the words brought me back to the day I reprimanded him when I thought he wasn’t paying attention to me. He wasn’t doing those things intentionally, he couldn’t hear me. Fuck! He couldn’t hear me. I let him go into that fucking fire, not knowing he couldn’t hear me.

  “Nick, there’s nothing we can do for Dawson, but you still need to get examined, and that’s an order.”

  “Yeah, I’ll go in a minute.”

  “I’ll go check in with your team, and then I want you to take some time to regroup. Are you hearing me?”

  “Yeah, no problem, boss,” I told him.

  “Bartelli, I mean it. Please consider taking the time.”

  He patted me on my back and said nothing more. I was in shock, completely dismayed over this. How the hell did I miss it? I mean, it wasn’t as if he was on many calls with us. As a candidate, he did all the grunt work around the house, but he was on this one, and his deception nearly cost him his life.

  A nurse called to me, “Excuse me, Chief Bartelli, may I take you in now to have your neck examined?”

  “Lead the way,” I said.

  I followed the nurse down to triage, where an emergency room doctor was waiting on me. By the time the debridement of my wound was finished and dressed, I was beyond exhausted and headed for home. I left with a bag full of clean dressings, ointment, and antibiotics. I was thankful it was covered, or knowing mom, she would have a fit. I had a huge second degree burn running down my neck and touching my collarbone. It looked worse than it was, and the way I was feeling about Dawson was nothing compared to his pain.

  I trudged my tired ass up the stairs to my home, and inhaled the delicious smells coming from my kitchen. Fuck! I had completely forgotten about dinner tonight, and since Karen hasn’t called me back, it was the last thing on my mind. I was quickly reminded as soon as I walked in and dropped my stuff. Mom emerged from the kitchen with a pan in hand and placed it down to the dining room table. Soon after, I heard happy sounds following. I guess dinner was still on, and if the girls were here, so was Karen.

  Mom asked, “Oh, Nick, are you okay? I have been worried sick. Don’t you ever check that damn phone of yours?”

  “Not when I’m in a fire, ma, and watch your mouth in front of the girls,” I said.

  I smelled like smoke and chemicals and didn’t want to hug the girls until I was cleaned up. I halted them before Trinity crashed into me.

  “I am so happy to see you two, but the hugs are going to have to wait until I shower, okay?”

  “Okay,” they both said in unison.

  I turned and walked outside so I could enter through the mudroom and leave my boots and coat out there. I wasn’t even thinking when I walked through my front door. What I should have done was drive back over to the firehouse, but Michaelson assured me that all was under control and for me to go home once I was examined.

  Mom said, “Hey, I’m sorry for snapping at you. Does it hurt?”

  “Yeah, it does, but I will be fine. Is Karen here?”

  “She is. She’s finishing up preparing the dessert with Veronica. Is there something you want to tell me, Nick? Because she’s not saying much at all.”

  “Stay out of it, mom.”

  “Stay out of what? I don’t know anything.”

  “Good. Let’s keep it that way. I have to shower. Give me some time, and then I will be down.”

  I kissed my mother on the cheek, made my way up the stairs, and successfully avoided Karen, who was still hiding from me in the kitchen.

  My neck was already wrapped in a protective dressing, but I still had to be careful while showering. I wanted to just stay under the hot spray until it turned cold, but I had a house full of people waiting on me, and I wasn’t going to disappoint the girls, no matter how much their mother was angry with me.

  I grabbed a pair of boxers and track pants, not really in the mood to dress up, and soon I would have to take another pain pill. My neck was throbbing. I stepped out from my walk-in closet and saw Karen sitting on my bed. Memories of making love to her the night before came flooding back, but I really wasn’t sure where we stood at the moment.

  “Hi,” I said.

  “Hi,” she calmly responded.

  Did she expect more from me? Without another word spoken, Karen rushed over and wrapped her arms around my waist, carefully avoiding my neck.

  “Nick, I am so sorry for how I behaved this afternoon. I feel so ashamed, and you got hurt today. What if I lost you without ever apologizing for how I reacted? Please, baby, forgive me.”

  I let out a deep breath and returned her affection while she wailed on my shoulder.

  “Hey, come on now. I’m fine,” I said.

  “Nick, your entire neck is bandaged. How can you say that you are fine?”

  “It looks worse than it really is.”

  “Yeah right, you don’t lie very well. I am so sorry for today. I should have never walked out on you and caused that scene. I know you were only trying to protect me and my girls. Please, Nick, do you forgive me? And I did call you back. I left you message after message. I didn’t know you were on a call until I finally grabbed the girls and came right over.”

  “Look, it’s been a long day, and I am completely drained from exhaustion. You didn’t see how Gigi and Trinity looked at me when I walked in. They are scared and probably have questions about what happened to me today. As tired as I am, I have to see them. So please let’s just go downstairs and eat the meal that my mother prepared for us, and we can continue this conversation at a more appropriate time.”

  “Dammit, Nick! Why do you always have to be so fucking perfect? You should be mad at me. Please just talk to me. I can’t get through dinner knowing you are upset with me.”

  “Karen, you’re right about me being upset, but it’s not just one thing, it’s many. I can’t do this right now, so please just back off.”

  “Do you want out?”

  “You have to be fucking with me, right? Is that what you want? Have you been looking for a reason not to believe in us? Because, Karen, I don’t know what I have to do to prove to you how committed I am to you and the girls. Fuck! I only wanted to protect you from Alex. And if you would have given me the chance to explain to you today, you would have heard my reasons. I love you, and if you want the truth, I’m hurt that you don’t believe me. I wouldn’t have said those words to you if I didn’t mean them. You of all people know how closed off my heart has been, and you may have been the one woman to finally break through and give me some real hope that I may actually find some fucking happiness in my life. Everyone else seems to get a shot at it, so why not me?”

  I threw my towel across the room and nearly knocked over my side table lamp. I was angry right now. I just wanted to hit my punching bag, but I was in no shape for that. She stood there with silent tears marring her beautiful face.

  “Nick,” she said in a shaky voice. “I may have been the woman? As in past tense?”


  “After today? I really don’t know. Last night, I was one hundred percent in, but now, I am not so sure.”

  “Nick, I love you, my feelings have not changed. Couples fight. We are going to fight and make mistakes, but that’s normal, right? I know I messed up today, and I am so sorry for it. Please don’t give up on me. You promised, Nick, you promised.”

  She fell to the floor in a heap of tears, which literally sliced me in half. I joined her on the floor and took her in my arms.

  “I’m sorry, baby, please. I’m sorry,” I said as I held her as tightly as I could until she took my face in her hands and crushed her mouth down to mine. “I’m exhausted and not thinking clearly right now. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to do.”

  “I didn’t want to hurt you either. I’m sorry.”

  “No more apologies, please. Go into the bathroom and wash your face. We can talk soon, I promise,” I told her.

  “You really forgive me?”

  I said, “There’s nothing to forgive. Go on, now. I have a roast to slice and two hugs to deliver.”

  Once Karen composed herself, I took her hand in mine, and we walked down the stairs together to be greeted by Trinity. She looked so cute in her princess dress. Her arms were open, indicating to me to pick her up and give her a twirl around the living room. Normally, I would have jumped at the chance, but the pain pill I took earlier was kicking in, and I was beginning to feel light on my feet. I took a seat on the couch and accepted her hug where I knew I couldn’t drop her from being dizzy.

  “Are you okay, Nick? That’s a big bandage.”

  “I don’t want you to worry, sweetheart. It’s a big boo-boo, but nothing that will not heal with medicine.”

  “Nick, when I go home tonight, I am going to draw you a picture to hang on your refrigerator.”

  Once again, my heart was full with love for this precious little girl, and I hated the fact that her no-good father didn’t appreciate what he had.

  “I would love that, sweetheart, thank you.”

  Mom called out, “Okay, everyone, dinner is ready. No worries, son, I took care of the carving tonight. You have been through enough today. Take a seat and fill up your plate.”

  “Thanks, ma, I will,” I smiled.

  The ladies in my life were waiting on me hand and foot. Karen served the girls and then made me a plate. Mom handed me everything I needed, which was silly because my injury was on my neck and I still had use of my hands. Before we began eating, I remembered that I didn’t say hello to Veronica, Karen’s mom, and Frannie, who must have come with them.

  “Frannie, Veronica, my apologies for not saying hello to you sooner. Thank you for joining us for dinner. Sorry that I am kind of out of it.”

  “Thank you for having us, Nick, and do not apologize,” Veronica shooed me away.

  Frannie then joined in and blew me a kiss. I raised my glass to my mom and thanked her for making dinner, and then I asked everyone to join hands to say a prayer for Dawson.

  Karen never stopped touching me from under the table. She kept shooting glances toward me with her eyes never leaving my neck. I knew it was ugly, and hearing that I was injured on a call tonight probably scared her, but no more than me when I had to put the fire out that was engulfing Dawson’s body.

  I tried to smile and be as sociable as I could, but I was beat and could no longer keep my eyes open. The girls gave me hugs, and then I said good night to Veronica and Frannie. They took the girls home while Karen stayed behind with me.

  I hugged my mom and told her I would speak with her in the morning. Karen followed me upstairs to my bedroom, and I wasn’t sure if she was staying until she began removing her clothes, and then I knew.

  “May I borrow a t-shirt?” she asked.

  “Now you ask, as you stand in my bedroom in your bra and panties?” I smirked.

  “I could always take them off.”

  “No! I don’t think my heart can take it. My t-shirts are in the top right drawer. Help yourself.”

  Once I was settled in bed, Karen joined me.

  “Nick, I couldn’t go home and leave you like this. Is this okay?”

  “Yeah, it’s fine, babe.”

  “Are you in pain? Do you want to talk about it?”

  “Yes and no. I’m not ready to talk about today, what happened with us, or work. I just want to get some sleep.”

  “Okay, I’ll be here if you need me,” she said reassuringly.

  I remember Karen moving as close as she could to my body, and then sleep took over. When I woke the next morning, Karen was gone, but she left a note telling me she had to get home to the girls and would visit me later. Chief Michaelson assured me that all was well down at the house and to take some time for myself to rest up.

  Like a gravitational pull, I couldn’t stay in bed any longer. I showered and got myself ready to talk with my guys and then to check on Dawson. I waved my mom off and promised I would see her later. Mom wanted a piece of me. Karen wanted a piece of me, but all I could do was re-live yesterday with the image of Dawson literally burning up in front of me. My priority was clear…I had to get to my guys.

  After sharing some of his past with me, Carter appeared to be calmer and more relaxed the closer we got to our destination. The property had come into view after the last bend, and it was breathtaking with the mountains in the background.

  Carter explained that it used to be a private property belonging to only one family. The children moved away and the estate was too big for the couple who owned the house. They had fallen ill together but refused to be parted. The eldest son who was in charge of his parents’ affairs kept them together and hired private care. Within a year, they both succumbed to their cancers. Heartbroken that his parents were gone, he decided to keep their memory alive by transforming his childhood home to a private retreat and long-term care facility.

  I had never heard of such a place, but I guess that made me lucky to know my own mother was recovering and getting stronger every single day. With his mother’s Alzheimer’s and the way it was progressing after the first year after diagnosis, Carter had no choice but to make other arrangements for Clarissa. He made sure she had the best of everything, including a private suite with a sitting area and a view from her picture window. I wouldn’t ask, but this level of luxury and care did not come cheap. We never really discussed money and the balances of our bank accounts, another reason why I loved him so much. He wore suits that were worth thousands of dollars, but he would never miss a lazy Sunday watching the game on television and hanging around in old track pants from his college days. In the beginning of our relationship, I had made so many pre-conceived judgments about Carter, but at the end of the day, he was a down-to-earth, devoted son.

  He parked the car, and I quickly wiped away a tear that was about to fall. I loved him so much and vowed to be the kind of wife he deserved.

  “Are you ready, love?” he asked as I stepped out from the car with my hand in Carter’s.

  “Are you?” I had to ask.

  “I am. It’s been a while since I have been up here, and that makes me feel regretful.”

  “Don’t do that to yourself, Carter. She knows you love her.”

  “I hope so, baby. I hope so. Let’s go inside before they assume we are loitering.”

  Carter checked us in as visitors, and his mother’s aide met us by the entrance to the gardens.

  “She’s having a good day, Mr. Newbanks, alert and smiling. This always seems to happen when you plan a visit. I have been playing the CD you sent her, and I told her that you would be here soon.”

  “Jane, I appreciate all that you have done for my mother, but no need to give me hope when I know we are way past the point of no return.”

  “Carter!” I admonished him. “You can never have enough hope, and please don’t give up on yours.”

  His face had fallen a bit, and then he kissed me upon my forehead and whispered close to my ear that he would try for me.

&nb
sp; “And you, my dear, must be Thea. I’m Jane and have heard much about you.”

  “Hi, Jane, it is a pleasure to meet you.”

  She began walking ahead of us, and I pulled Carter back and said, “Heard much about me? And what exactly do you tell her about me?”

  He responded, “Just the basics, love. How I fell head over heels in love with you and made a promise to myself to make you my wife.”

  I giggled at the notion, but then his eyes were serious again. When are they not?

  “Thank you, Carter, for keeping your promise.”

  “Always and forever, Thea. We will soon have it.”

  We walked through rows and rows of the sweetest smelling flowers. It was serene. His mom was seated in a wheelchair with a protective guard sitting across her lap. From Carter’s expression, he was surprised. I tightened our hands and gave him a reassuring squeeze. He smiled but remained quiet until we reached her table.

  Carter knelt in front of her and brought her hands to his lips. She smiled and then ran her hand through his mane of blond hair that matched her own. She was beautiful. Even fighting through this debilitating illness, she was still lovely. Her hair was pulled back in a classic low laying bun. She wore a light tone of peach on her cheeks and pearls in her ears.

  “I have missed you, mother, and I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to return here. I want you to meet someone who is very special to me. Her name is Thea, and she soon will be my wife. Can you say hello to her?”

  This was breaking my heart to watch this. How I was able to hold back my tears was a true test of wills, but I didn’t want to break down again in front of Carter. Today, he needed my strength and support, not tears. I walked over once Carter had gestured me to do so, and I knelt beside her.

  “Hello, Clarissa, I’m Thea, and I love your son. He’s an amazing man, and I promise you that I will try my hardest to make him smile every single day, just as you are doing now.”

  After hearing my words, Carter stroked my back with his hand and smiled over at me. She had the bluest of eyes and kept them trained on me. They appeared to be starry-eyed, not what I expected. She slowly reached for my hand and ran her hand over mine and then did something I never believed she would do.