Revive

by Mary Wasowski

  “You ask me now? The day after my ex-husband tried to kill me and then gets killed himself?”

  “Yeah, that sounds about right. You knew this was coming, so I see no reason to wait.”

  “Nick, are you freaking kidding me? Do you even know how long I have waited for you? I have loved you forever, and now after the most horrific night of my life, you stand here and ask me to marry you. Are you crazy?”

  “Yeah, maybe a little, but I love you more, and if yesterday proves anything is that I need you, and I need Gigi and Trinity. You’ve been alone, and I’ve been alone. I don’t want that anymore. What happened with Alex was fucked up and can never be undone, but for the sake of the girls and what we have, we need to move forward. Please, Karen, I love you.”

  “I love you too, Nick. I know I am a lot to take on, clearly. I just want to hit the rewind button on the last few weeks and start over, but I know that’s not possible. We have to talk with Gigi tonight, and then her dance is on Friday. Let me get through those things first, and then we will work on the other stuff, okay?”

  “Okay. As long as I know you will still be here with me, I’ll wait for as long as I need to.”

  She said, “I’m not running, babe. I just need to take a breath. Will you breathe with me?”

  She walked into my arms and wrapped her arms around my waist. I held her close and did exactly what she asked. I breathed her in and loved her with all that I had. Our beginning may have not been exactly what love stories were made of, but it was ours and I wanted it all with Karen.

  After dinner and playing two rounds of charades with the girls, it was time for our talk with Gigi. We read to Trinity, tucked her in, and then went back downstairs to be with Gigi.

  “Am I in trouble?” she asked.

  “Of course not, why would you ask that?” Karen asked Gigi, who just shrugged her little shoulders.

  “I don’t know, mommy. You and Nick look upset.”

  I wasn’t sure if Karen was strong enough to keep a straight face at Gigi without breaking down, so I took the lead and started the conversation.

  I said, “Gigi, your mommy and I are not upset, certainly never with you. We just wanted to talk with you and ask you a few questions. Last week at school, did you see your dad?”

  I asked my question directly to Gigi, and before she could answer me, she began to cry.

  I said, “Gigi, it’s okay. You can tell me anything.”

  She looked over to Karen, who smiled at her and gave her the encouragement she needed, and then Gigi wiped her eyes and answered, “I wasn’t supposed to tell mommy. I didn’t want to lie, but daddy asked me to.”

  “It’s okay, sweetie,” I said, “Can you tell us about it?”

  Karen and I both leaned in closer but didn’t want to crowd her at the same time.

  “I was playing soccer with my friends, and then daddy was there. He was sitting at one of the picnic tables and called me over. You’re not supposed to leave the group, but he said it would be okay, so I did. He said he missed me and Trinity and just wanted to make sure we were okay.”

  “What happened after that?” Karen asked.

  “Daddy told me that he would be going away again and didn’t know when he would be back.”

  “Did he mention where he was going?” I asked.

  “No, he just told me to be good for mommy. Then my teacher was calling me, and I had to go back to class. Daddy didn’t even give me a hug. I’m sorry for not telling you. I was scared.”

  “Oh, sweetie, it’s okay. You did nothing wrong, and we love you so much,” Karen told her.

  “I love you too, mommy and Nick.”

  We both hugged her, and before we knew it, it was on to the next conversation and Gigi was smiling again. Karen and I knew tonight’s talk was one of many we would have with the girls, and this was just a warm-up to telling them about Alex. I would present my idea to Karen, but if she refused, I would have no choice but to accept it. I hate that she is in this position. I can’t second guess it. We have to move forward no matter what, and not even his now washed away blood on our hands can stop us from being together. I look at her looking at the girls, and all I see is how much she loves them. I know she doesn’t want to hurt them anymore than they have already suffered at the hands of their father. I would just wait and give Karen the time she asked for.

  We tucked Gigi into bed and kissed her good night. Gigi asked if she could talk with me, and Karen just smiled and gave us our time.

  “What’s up, sweetie?” I asked Gigi.

  “I’m sorry I lied, Nick. I won’t do that again.”

  “I know, and it’s okay.”

  “You’re not mad at me?”

  “No, I’m not, Gigi. There is nothing you cannot tell your mom or me. We love you, no matter what.”

  “Daddy was…” she started and then wiped away her tears.

  I moved a little closer to her and lifted her chin so she could look at me.

  “Gigi, daddy was…what? I thought you told me and mommy everything that happened.”

  “I lied again. I didn’t want to upset mommy.”

  “Okay, can you tell me now? I promise you, Gigi. We are not going to be mad.”

  “I told daddy about my dance and the new dress mommy had bought me to wear. He looked mad after I told him that you were taking me, and then he slammed his hand on the table.” She rolled over and began to cry, clutching her pillow to her chest.

  “Hey, don’t cry. Can you tell me the rest?” I said softly. I handed her a tissue and she wiped away her tears.

  “I was scared, Nick, he said a lot of bad words about you. I said you were nice to me, and you loved mommy. He got mad again, and then my teacher called for me and I ran from him.”

  “Gigi, I’m sure he wasn’t mad at you, and probably feels really bad about making you think that.”

  “You think so?”

  “Yes baby, I know so. Now, dry those tears and get some sleep. We love you and will see you in the morning.”

  “Chocolate chip pancakes for breakfast?” she asked.

  “You know it. Good night, sweetie.”

  “Night, Nick. I love you.”

  “Love you more.”

  I blew her a kiss and closed her door. I leaned my head against it and let out the deepest sigh my lungs could do.

  Damn, she has the ability to break you apart, piece by piece. That damn fucker! Making her believe she did something wrong when he only had himself to blame. Fuck that! My grieving time was over. Alex made the decision to leave Karen and the girls. He never valued what he had, and then played one mind game after another with them. No, I was done feeling bad, especially after witnessing all the tears that fell from that precious little girl’s eyes. She deserved to be happy and to be loved more than anything else in the world.

  It was a long day, and it needed to be over. I would tell Karen the rest tomorrow, but tonight, it would just be us. I fell asleep almost immediately with the warmth of her body wrapped around me. Without a doubt, I was home. And so was Karen.

  After we arrived home later that evening, Carter could hardly keep his hands off me. He was on top of the world, knowing we would soon be married, and he made love to me until he literally collapsed while still inside of me.

  We spent the next day in bed just worshipping each other. He was so much better coming to terms with his mother’s passing and how he felt about his father. I didn’t push him to talk about his past but let him know I would always be here to listen if he needed me.

  He wanted to take me to England for our honeymoon. He had spent many vacations over there when he was younger. His mother has been laid to rest in her family’s crypt, and Carter expressed how important it was for me to see some of the spots he loved while he visited his mother’s side of the family. He had relatives, some he hadn’t seen in years, but who had been in touch with him since his mother’s passing. I told him how honored I would be to meet his family and how happy he made me just by ask
ing. He promised we would go as soon as it could be arranged with both of our schedules.

  England would be a trip that we both wanted to take an extended amount of time for. We agreed we would marry and take the following week to ring in the New Year together as husband and wife. As cliché as it sounded, it was what we wanted.

  I smiled, thinking back to my conversation with Rosalyn and how she was now married to the one man she never saw coming…her sexy detour. In a way, Carter was mine. I spent so many years becoming someone else to forget my past and the losses that I thought defined me. Carter coming into my life when he did was exciting, refreshing, and he was the one man that could make me show a hundred different emotions but always end with a smile. He just made it that way by never showing anything less than who he was. We talked for hours remembering our first date and the ones that followed, ultimately leading here to the two of us planning our upcoming wedding.

  I finally kicked him out of bed and made him get us food. While he was gone, I called Trudie to have one hell of a conversation. I knew she would freak, but thanks to her excitement, I may be deaf on my wedding day.

  She said, “Oh vey! It’s finally happening. Mazel Tov, Mazel Tov, I am going to freaking plotz! You are finally getting married. You know, Thea, I can admit this now: I was worried, but you continuously surprise me and prove me wrong.”

  “Because I am so happy right now, I am going to pretend I did not hear what you just said.”

  “Shut up, bitch. You know I love you. You finally got your head out of your ass and took a chance on love. He’s a good catch, so don’t fuck it up.”

  “Again, thank you. So can I count on you to be my matron of honor?”

  “In the middle of Hanukkah? Yeah, that will go over well with my husband and kids.”

  “Please, Trudie, I need you there. I am not getting married without you.”

  “Okay, don’t pile on the guilt. I’ll be there, but I can only spare two days max.”

  “Thank you. I know it’s the craziest time of the year to be getting married, but if I didn’t have mama to consider, we would have just gone down to city hall.”

  “Yeah, that would have gone over well with Frannie. Lucky for you, you still have some sense up there in your brain. Let me just get this one question out, and then I will drop it.”

  “Go for it” I told her.

  “It seems fast, you know? You go from being gun shy with anything to do with commitment, and now you are racing down the aisle quicker than a NASCAR driver crossing the finish line. Other than Frannie, I’m the only one that will ask, so…are you ready for all of this? Because it’s a freaking whopper of an adventure. I just want to make sure you are not marrying Carter for the wrong reasons. You need to be sure, Thea. …Okay, how mad are you? And am I still your matron of honor?”

  “Trudie, I’m not mad at you, I never could be. I promise you that I would never marry Carter if I was not in it for a lifetime with him. Yes, I’ll admit it took a lot of convincing on his part to make me finally see what we had, and it was the past that made me see what I could have lost for my future. This is right, Tru, and Carter is the only one I see when I close my eyes at night and open them up in the morning. He’s one I want to grow old with and then see again when we are reunited in the next life. I love him. He’s all I want.”

  “Damn, I’m an asshole. Forgive me?”

  “Shut up, bitch! I’ll see you soon,” I told her.

  “Yes, you will.”

  I hugged myself and then saw Carter smiling at me. Of course, he was there and probably heard my conversation with Trudie. He placed the food bags down and swaggered over to our bed. In a flash, he removed his clothes and pounced, holding my hands above my head.

  He said, “Just when I believed I could not be happier, you go on and prove me wrong. I cannot wait to meet your friend. She sounds like someone I am going to like very much.”

  “She’s the best. Trudie is the one person in my life that has always known the real me and basically gets a free pass to say whatever she wants. She’s always had my back through thick and thin, and I cannot imagine marrying the man of my dreams without her.”

  “I wish I had that, but I’m stuck with Stan.”

  I laughed and felt bad for Carter all at the same time.

  I told him, “He’s not that bad.”

  “Yeah, he’ll do, but I still envy your friendships and am happy you have them.”

  “Carter, I was wrong about what I just said.”

  “How so?” he asked and kissed me again.

  “I know it took me longer than it should have, but you are in here,” I said as I looked down to my heart.

  He released my hands and then placed his cheek on my chest and over my heart.

  I said, “You are here. You are the one that I want to share every part of myself with.”

  “And I you, Thea, with everything I am.”

  He kissed me again and again with his hard erection pressing against me. He took me fast and hard until we both cried out our orgasms and then just remained connected, breathing the other in.

  “Hungry?” he asked.

  “No more, you fiend!”

  “I was referring to the food that is now cold over there on the table! As for the other thing, I am spent. I think you broke me.”

  I joked, “What a way to go. There are worse things in life.”

  “I couldn’t agree more, love. Now get up and feed me before I waste away.”

  I kissed him and said, “We can’t have that happening now. I plan on loving you for a very long time.”

  Before I left our bed, he kissed me back, leaned his forehead against mine, and said, “That’s the plan, Thea. Our plan.”

  “Did you have a good time sweetheart?” I asked Gigi as I twirled her around in my arms. She was covered in happiness with a smile that could not be any wider. Once I put her down, she kept on twirling with her dress making swooshing sounds as she spun around the room.

  “Thank you so much, Nick, for taking me to the dance tonight. I had so much fun. I can’t wait to tell grandma all about it.”

  “You are very welcome. I had a good time too.”

  “You’re not mad at me for stepping on your feet?”

  “No, I am not. Once we got the hang of it, I think you did great.”

  “Okay, I know you’re lying, but thank you anyway,” she said.

  Karen said to her, “Okay, dancing queen, time for bed.”

  “Do I have to wash off my make-up? I like the lipstick.”

  “That’s lip gloss, and yes, you have to wash your face. Upstairs you go. I’ll be up in a few minutes to help you out of your dress.”

  “That’s okay, mommy. I’m sleeping in it.”

  I stifled my laugh as we both watched Gigi nearly skip up the stairs.

  I said, “You knew you were going to lose that battle, right?”

  “Of course, but I still had to try. She did look happy.”

  “Because she is happy, Karen, and we are going to do everything in our power to keep it that way.”

  “You make it sound so simple. We need to talk about Alex and how we are going to tell the girls.”

  “I have an idea, but can we table it for now? I just want to take my beautiful girlfriend to bed and make love to her. Is that okay?”

  “It’s more than okay. Give me a few minutes with Gigi, and then I’ll be in.”

  She kissed me and then went upstairs to put Gigi to bed. Trinity was with Veronica for the night, and we knew once Gigi’s head hit the pillow, she would be out for the night.

  I tossed my phone and keys on the counter and saw a missed call from Matt. My mind was telling me to ignore it and deal with it in the morning, but my heart forced me to call back.

  “Hey, Matt, what’s up?”

  “Thanks for calling me back. How was your night?”

  “Too good to be true. It was heaven and it’s still going, so what’s on your mind?”

  “I’ll m
ake it quick, keep your shirt on. The one room dive that Alex Mancini was staying at in Oregon has been cleaned out. No trace left behind. He didn’t have much anyway. No personal papers, photos, nothing we found.”

  “How can that be? I mean, he did exist. How can he not have anything from his past with Karen, or the girls, for that matter?”

  “Nick, you are forgetting one very important detail. This guy ran shortly after Trinity was born. He didn’t stick around long enough to take family memories with him.”

  “I guess you’re right. Anything else?”

  “His ashes arrived. Do you want them?”

  “Not really, but yes, I need them. It kind of goes with my plan that I have yet to speak with Karen about.”

  “Don’t worry. Whatever you have in mind, she will go for. She knows you have her best interest at heart.”

  “I hope so, Matt, because I don’t want to be the one that breaks it. She’s been hurt enough.”

  “I will keep the box here for safe keeping. When you are ready, you know where they are. One more thing, my guys did an extensive search on that room, and we found nothing that would lead us to a money or paper trail. No safety deposit box, not even anything hidden under the mattress.”

  “So, you think the money he gave to Karen was…what? A long overdue payment?”

  “If that’s how you want to look at it, then yes, exactly.”

  Karen was standing in the doorway when I turned around.

  I said, “Matt, are we done here?”

  “Yup, that’s all I have,” he responded.

  “And it’s over, right?”

  “Rest easy, Nick. You have my word.”

  “Okay, I’ll be in touch. Thanks for everything” I said, never taking my eyes away from Karen.

  I powered down my phone and didn’t really have to say anything. She knew and walked into my arms. She cupped my face and then kissed me softly.

  “Let’s go to bed,” she said.

  She led me upstairs to our bedroom, and we locked the rest of the world out, if not for just tonight. We knew we were facing bigger obstacles in the coming days, so to hold each other tonight meant so much to me. She wasn’t running, and the trust we had between us was unbreakable. Alex’s death proved that.