Sons of Justice 7: Letting Go of the Pain (Siren Publishing LoveXtreme Forever)

by Dixie Lynn Dwyer

“Fails? Why would you think it would fail?”

  “I hope it doesn’t, but if it did, what happens? I mean isn’t there any jealousy? Who decides who controls what’s going on in the relationship? Does that one man who is the leader in the military as head of the team manipulate and dictate to the others what happens and when?”

  “What are you even talking about?” he asked, looking shocked at her or as if she were stupid.

  What didn’t she get? Was she wrong about how ménages work? She knew first-hand that Logan was more powerful and commanding than Connor. That Logan gave the orders and stated what happened when and what Connor did to her. He demanded respect, obedience, and when he got angry with her and struck her, he ordered Connor to follow and dish out a second round of discipline. She shivered, and he reached out and stroked her arm, shocking her, and as she went to pull back, he grabbed her hand.

  “You have it all wrong.”

  But what she was feeling with his hand covering hers and his eyes locked onto hers was too much for her to process and accept. Especially because she felt that same strong, deep attraction to Mink. She wondered if Steve knew that she and Mink had met again and that he’d driven her home. Wouldn’t he have mentioned it? Should she, or would he get angry, jealous, or maybe think she was interested in both of them and pursuing some sort of relationship? Oh this was bad. So very bad.

  He stroked her wrist, sending waves of desire through her body. She knew he could feel her shaking.

  “Don’t fear me, Lauren. Please, don’t fear me,” he whispered, and she felt so much.

  Her gut clenched, and her heart ached for him. It seemed to her that Steve was suffering in some way, too. That maybe whatever it was he’d gone through and was trying to get over affected him and his relationship with other people. His comments came back to mind. His snappy tone earlier when she said his job sounded insane and dangerous. He reacted, saying that he wasn’t insane. She was concerned. Soldiers who experienced war, combat, intense experiences could have issues like posttraumatic stress or violent tendencies.

  She didn’t want to fear him. She liked talking to him, and conversation came easy.

  “I’m not afraid of you, per se. It’s more your profession that scares me. I’m like this with all soldiers.”

  He took a deep breath and exhaled. He looked down at her hand he held in his and stroked it. Then he looked into her eyes again and her lips. Why she wondered what a kiss from him might feel like, and a hug, she didn’t know, and that wasn’t smart thinking at all.

  “That’s understandable considering that hostage situation and the violence of your past relationship with soldiers.”

  Her eyes widened. So he knew about Logan and Connor?

  She pulled her hand back and rubbed them on her skirt.

  “Hey, I don’t know everything. I only know bits and pieces.”

  “So that’s supposed to make me feel better? That you know I was taken hostage but that they were my boyfriends? That I was involved in a ménage relationship with two soldiers who did things, said things that I may never get over? So what? You feel sorry for me? You think I’m easy prey? What?” she asked, whispering to him and feeling emotional. He grabbed her hand and slid it up her arm, squeezing and pulling her closer. She gasped, lips parted, and held his gaze.

  “Hell no. I like you. I like talking to you, I think you get me and what I’m going through, and I get you and the pain, the betrayal you feel. We can be friends, Lauren. I sure could use one.”

  She was shocked, and as he released her, she nodded her head.

  Thank God a customer came walking over in need of some coffee. She pulled back and smiled at the man and then got him what he needed. The man started asking her some questions about the place and where he could find a certain subject in books. She smiled and conversed, noticing Steve watching her and then pulling out his cell phone to answer a text. The guy walked away, and Steve stood up.

  “I have to go. We’ll talk again soon. I’ll come visit and maybe make plans?” he asked.

  She shook her head. “You’re welcome here any time, but other than that, I can’t Steve. I’m sorry, but it isn’t a good idea.”

  “Friends first. I think we can both help one another and just enjoy talking. I’ll see you again real soon.”

  “Good-bye.” She watched him go. She looked over his body in the snug-fitting jeans, his wide shoulders, that crew-cut hair and sweet, sexy face of his, and oh boy, she didn’t want to be his damn friend. She knew she couldn’t stand by, hang out with him, and see women flirt, grab onto him, and make moves. She couldn’t be his friend. It would never work. What the hell had she gotten herself involved with here? What?

  * * * *

  Eddie met with Jed and Jaret Holmes at the sheriff’s department. They were pulling together some information on a man who’d worked with Lou Lambert a few years back. Apparently he was involved in a shootout with local police and was killed. Jed and Jaret were getting information from that local police department on what the guy was running from and what he had on him. The laptop he had and information on his phone put him in touch with Lambert and phone numbers they didn’t have. They could lead to a location where Pachessa was. They were all working together on the down-low to find Pachessa and Lambert.

  If this panned out, it could lead them closer to finding them and ending this shit.

  As he headed out of the sheriff’s department, his eyes landed on a woman, and the second she appeared to need some assistance, he jumped into action. The closer he got, the more beautiful she appeared, and he couldn’t believe how instantly his body reacted, as well. Holy shit, she’s gorgeous.

  * * * *

  Lauren was running late. She wanted to stop into the florist to grab some flowers for Thylane before meeting her sisters at Thylane’s men’s house for dinner. She was looking at the bouquet thinking her sister would love the yellow roses and baby’s breath. Maybe Lauren had picked the yellow ones because she happened to be wearing a yellow, waist-length sweater with a camisole underneath, a pair of jet-black pants and heeled boots. She had run home to change after work, not wanting to wear sneakers and the casual attire she had on. She sniffed the roses and was walking to her car when she dropped her keys, but they got stuck in one of the side water drains that happened to line the walkway of the florist storefront. She bent down and tried to pull them out and couldn’t.

  “Need some help?”

  She looked up. The sound of a deep, hard tone nearly made her loose her balance, but a strong hand gripped her arm and pulled her up. Still standing at her full height, the man before her was over a foot taller.

  “Uhm, I think I can get it.”

  He stared into her eyes and then at the flowers. “Let me help. They look stuck good,” he said as if annoyed at her for dropping them into the drain. Like she did it on purpose? What was with the attitude? She looked around them, making sure there were people around in case this mean, older man tried something. “How the hell did you do this?” he asked her.

  “I don’t know. I just lost my grip on them while I was looking at the roses. Are they stuck good? Should I call someone?”

  “Who ya gonna call?” he asked her. “They won’t be able to do more than I can. I think I got them.”

  She stared at him. The big, wide shoulders, dark blue shirt, blue jeans, cowboy boots, and scruff along his cheeks. She saw a tattoo on his neck and cringed. Was he some kind of gang member? Oh God. She took a step back.

  “Got them,” he said triumphantly and stood up. She stared up into his deep blue eyes, and he stared down into hers. He held her keys.

  “Maybe be more careful the next time.” He held the keys in his palm out to her. She gripped the flowers tightly and took the step closer to reach for the keys. She held his gaze. He squinted.

  “Those are nice flowers. Who are they for?”

  “My sister.” She took the keys from him. Like a lot of the men around Repose, he was good looking, but there was a hardne
ss about him, and it wasn’t just from the scruff along his cheeks or that tattoo on his neck. Damn, that must have hurt. Maybe he liked pain. On himself or to inflict it? She shivered and stepped back. Something made her gut clench.

  “I hope she likes them.” He just stared at her lips and then into her eyes.

  “Me, too. Thanks for the help.”

  He nodded, and she started to walk away. As she did, she couldn’t resist looking back over her shoulder. Sure enough, he stood there watching her and then shook his head and walked the other way, as if he was shocked or maybe affected by her. Could he have been? She really needed to be more careful walking around this town. It was like men were watching her, maybe getting ready to stake a claim. She shook her head, got into her car, and quickly headed to Thylane’s men’s house.

  * * * *

  Eddie watched her go. The gorgeous brunette with the aqua-blue eyes. It hit him out of nowhere. He was walking down the block from the sheriff’s department after dropping off a thumb drive to Cesar and talking to Jed and Jaret when he spotted a beautiful woman in a yellow sweater carrying yellow flowers. Her figure caught his eyes, as well. The round ass, thin, long thighs in black jeans and short-heeled boots. Her hair cascaded down her back midway, and when she turned and dropped her keys, fumbling with them, he sprang into action. What he hadn’t expected was those gorgeous aqua-blue eyes or how he was instantly attracted to her. The sweater she wore gaped open as he assisted getting her keys out of the drain.

  She didn’t seem to notice that the camisole she wore dipped, as well, giving him a nice view of her breasts but also the smell of her perfume. He inhaled several times and tried to think of things to say, but he barked at her. He fucking barked. How long had it been since he flirted with a woman? Hell, usually he didn’t even have to flirt. Women threw themselves at him and the team. Fuck, she was sweet and looked sweet, too. Her tone of voice was calm, soft, and something clicked. Some kind of connection, and he didn’t know what. As he got her keys out and then asked who the flowers were for, hoping his brain would come up with another question, she replied, and there wasn’t anything else he could say. Not hey, want to stop for some coffee, or can I get your number? No, instead he thought about Steve and how he’d met a woman, Thylane’s sister, whom none of them but Mink had met. He didn’t know why, but with that thought, he remembered that this wasn’t the time to go screwing around with some woman, never mind getting into a serious relationship. A woman that beautiful, that classy, and sweet was all commitment.

  He gripped the steering wheel and exhaled. Everything was changing around them. The team, their relationships. They were drifting apart, yet being around here, around all these ménage relationships, it made Eddie think of sharing a woman together. That maybe, just maybe, they would be so lucky as to find one they all were attracted to and wanted and could pursue. Was that insane thinking? They were military, active in Sons of Justice, and right now they could be in danger of being hunted. Not exactly a good time to start something with a woman.

  He exhaled and thought about the one he just encountered. Aqua-blue eyes, long brown hair, abundant breasts, round, accentuated ass, hell, she was perfect and exactly what they were attracted to individually. He banged his hand on the steering wheel. I should have gotten her number or name at least. With his connections, he could easily find out who she was, especially with a name. Fuck.

  He put the truck in reverse then into drive before heading home.

  * * * *

  Thylane dried the dishes as Lauren washed them. Avana and Tiana were talking to Stack, Finlin, Pisces, and Rusty.

  “So, I heard some guy was bothering you at the café the other day and that Steve and Philippe were there.”

  Thylane saw Lauren’s eyes widen, and then she placed the last pot she washed onto the drying rack. Thylane was still drying the others.

  “It wasn’t a big deal. The guy was being a jerk and pushy.”

  “I know how uncomfortable you get around men you don’t know and military men, so how is that you’ve become friends with Steven?” she asked her.

  “He worked on some of the construction at the café, and, well, he stopped in.”

  “To see you?” Thylane asked. She was hoping that her cousin would tell her what was going on. Did she like Steve, was attracted to him? Did she know how dangerous he and his team were and that they were men part of Sons of Justice, which pretty much engaged in very dangerous missions?

  Lauren released a long sigh. She stared at her cousin.

  “I don’t know how it happened. Actually, I thought he was a jerk at first. Kind of abrupt and snappy, but knowing that he’s part of Sons of Justice and what your men engage in, I figured it was the stress of it all.”

  “Probably, but I really don’t know him or anyone else in his team.”

  “Why would you mention his team? I don’t know them. I only met Steve, and he seems nice,” Lauren replied, on the defensive.

  Thylane stuttered a moment and then exhaled. “I just want to make sure that you aren’t feeling pressured or anything. That you understand not all soldiers or men around Repose want a committed relationship.”

  “I don’t want to get involved with any man or men. Jesus, Thylane, I haven’t been with anyone in three years. Three. It was hard enough not having a panic attack and not thinking about the abuse around a man like Steve. He’s big, has all those muscles, and a lot older than me. Do you seriously think that I would let down my guard and choose someone even crazier, more capable of causing me pain or killing me than Logan and Connor?” She raised her voice.

  “Honey, not all soldiers hit or use their capabilities on women. On their girlfriends,” Thylane said to her.

  “I know that. I truly know that, but my heart, my brain doesn’t allow me to accept that out of fear of being hurt badly again. You don’t know how bad it was. The words, the threats, the hurtful actions. You don’t.”

  “You never told anyone what was going on,” Avana said, joining them with Tiana.

  Thylane hoped her men remained in the other room. This was a long time coming and would be difficult enough having this discussion with anyone but Avana, Tiana, Thylane, and Lauren.

  Lauren turned toward them.

  “How could I?”

  “Easily, and maybe if we talked about it, when Ben struck me, tried to force himself on me, maybe I wouldn’t have felt so compelled to keep the fear and the pain inside,” Avana said to her.

  “So that’s my fault?” Lauren asked.

  “No, of course not, but if we were stronger, closer, and truly trusted one another a lot of things could have gone down differently,” Avana said.

  “I think we’ve gotten closer. There’s no reason why we can’t look at the last three years as good reasons enough to be a family and to trust one another with whatever is going on,” Tiana said to them.

  “I trust all of you. I would do anything for each of you,” Thylane told them.

  “We know that, and you did risk so much for us, and even now you’ve been helping each of us find work, get our lives together so we can move on,” Tiana said.

  “I’m scared of what I’ve been feeling,” Lauren said to them. She looked toward the doorway being sure the men weren’t coming.

  “Scared why?” Tiana asked her.

  “It’s been three years. Will I ever let that guard down or feel confident enough, smart enough to even date or spend time with a man? I’m not sure I can. I’m not sure I’m a good judge of character.”

  “Well, you must sort of have feelings for Steve if you’re talking about spending time with a man. You haven’t even come close to possibly accepting dating,” Thylane said to her.

  “Steve who?” Avana asked, and Lauren explained.

  “He sounds super hot and sexy. Why not just ask Finlin, Stack, Pisces, and Rusty about him or even Cesar? They wouldn’t lie,” Avana said to her.

  Lauren looked at Thylane. “I don’t think there’s anything there. I mean asi
de from him intimidating me but also easy to talk to,” Lauren said.

  “There’s nothing wrong with being friends first. I told you how I met the guys and how I tried to ignore the feelings I had. Even when Finlin was in disguise, I felt comfortable with him. He seemed familiar. It was crazy, and I still don’t understand it, but there’s this indescribable sensation of safety, something familiar, trusting, and it just got stronger and stronger the more time I spent with them,” Thylane explained.

  “So you think the same thing could be happening with me?” Lauren asked.

  “I don’t know, and like you said, you don’t know if you’re ready, but you do feel comfortable with Steve. So why not talk with him more, spend some time together?” Thylane suggested.

  “He’s part of a team?” Avana asked.

  “Yes,” Lauren said.

  “How many, and have you met them?” Tiana asked.

  “There’s three others, and I only met one, Mink his name was, and he was just as intense and stared at me, especially at my eyes.”

  “So he seemed interested too?” Tiana asked.

  “I don’t know. Maybe. God, I don’t think so, but even if I thought so, I would panic. I’ve been down that road before, I can’t risk the heartache, never mind the pain.”

  “Pain?” Tiana asked.

  “The abuse. The mean, commanding, controlling way men act and treat a woman they possess.”

  “That isn’t every relationship. You can’t think that every man, every soldier is going to be like Logan and Connor,” Thylane said to her.

  “I do though. It’s what I think, what I see when I look at your men, at other men, soldiers involved with your friends and other women. I look at them, and I wonder when your men are going to strike you, Thylane. When are they going to grab you roughly, make demands, punish, and then enforce their rules while inflicting pain?” Lauren said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  “That’s what they did to you?” Tiana asked.

  “They punished you and inflicted pain? Like what? Smacked you, spanked you, what?” Avana asked.