by Dawn, P.
Her hands reach mine, and she lifts them up in between us. I look down at her delicate hands and curl my fingers around the sides at the same time she does until we’re holding each others.
“This is what it’s about,” she says, lowering my hands back to my lap and I haven’t a clue what’s she talking about.
“What is?”
“The club. Exploring things you wouldn’t normally do outside in public. You’re safe here to discover what you like without judgment.”
I get it now. If you want to fulfill some weird kink fantasy, you could try it out here instead of surprising your date to a session of whatever the fuck you want them to do to you.
Then I have another thought. “Do people come here to cheat?”
“We don’t know,” Butterfly replies and turns her head towards the dancing crowd. “We’d rather they didn’t, of course, but that’s not for us to decide. If they want to try some light restraints but are too worried to tell their partner, then they could come here to fulfill that need. But, personally, I wouldn’t do that myself.”
“So you’re not seeing anybody?” My stomach flips uncomfortably as she turns her attention back to me.
“No, Bunny. If I were, I wouldn’t be sitting here with you.” The flip leaves as quickly as it came and I find myself smiling. “Are you?”
“God, no,” I snort and wave my hands in front of me. “I don’t do relationships. I’ve never met a guy I want to date.” The words come out without me even thinking about it. “Sorry, I don’t know why I told you that.” I reach for my soda and take a sip.
There’s no reaction from Butterfly at all and I don’t know whether she’s bored of me already or she’s thinking about what I said.
“What about girls?” she says, and I almost spit my soda across the table.
“What?” I wipe the liquid that’s unattractively dripping down my chin.
“Girls, Bunny. Do you like girls? You didn’t seem to mind me touching you or you touching me.”
“Yeah, but I touch my friends all the time,” I say defensively, and making an ass out of myself as I do. “I do my roommates hair for her sometimes, and I sweep her hair up from her neck. I hug her and my other friends too.” I shrug a shoulder.
“Do you feel anything when you do that?”
I see where this is going, but I can only tell the truth that I don’t get a lady boner when I do that. “No.”
She nods her head slowly, and a face comes to my mind. A beautiful heart shaped face, with hair as black as Butterfly’s, smooth skin, toned body, and lips as luscious too.
“There is one girl,” I say, and her head snaps up. “I don’t know why but I think about her a lot. She’s beautiful, but she doesn’t even know it. She’s so quiet, though. I doubt she’d ever come to a place like this. Hell, I think I terrify her most of the time.”
“What makes you so sure?”
“Come on,” I laugh. “If you ever met her, you’d understand. She’s sweet and shy. Not like me at all, and I think that’s why she doesn’t seem to like me very much.” My pity party is starting up again, and I try to shrug it off by sipping on my drink.
“I bet she does, Bunny. I bet she likes you a lot more than you think.”
“Nah, I’m pretty sure she likes guys too.” Those words give me a sinking feeling in my stomach, and I understand them more and more the longer I sit with Butterfly. “I’m not sure anymore if I do.”
“There’s only one way to find out,” she says, and I see her raise her hand and point to somebody. “Just a thought, do you find him attractive?” Butterfly asks, and I follow the direction of her hand, and it leads to the bartender who served me.
“Well, he’s handsome, I guess, but he’s not shooting up my skirts if that’s what you mean.”
“Fidel has a good reputation for satisfying those women who choose to be with him.”
“So that automatically means I want to bend over for him too? Hey, I may have slept with my fair share of guys, but there’s only so much my vibrator can do, you know.” I drop my head back. “Shit, I don’t know why I told you that either.”
She shakes her head and pulls her lower lip in between her teeth, and I stare at it hungrily. What the fuck? I thought I might have had a tiny girl crush on Joss, you know because she’s so sweet and cute, but now this? Explore your feelings.
Yeah, that’s what I’m going to do. ‘Oh hey, Butterfly, can I make out with you, just to see if I like it?’ I don’t think that’s wise. If she’s gay, bi, or whatever, then wouldn’t that be fucking with her if I do kiss her and it turns out I don’t like girls after all?
But, fuck she’s gorgeous. I rub my chin while my head is taking my emotions on a fucking terrifying rollercoaster ride.
“Look, this has been a strange ass night, and it’s also been a real eye-opener, but I should go. I have work in the morning and my friends don’t know that I’m okay.” I stand up, and Butterfly moves with me.
“It was lovely to see you, Bunny,” she says and lifts her hands. “Can I hug you goodbye?”
Just thinking that I’m going to have contact with her has me quaking in my heels. “Yeah,” I reply and swallow hard.
We move towards each other, and her arms wrap around me, her chin resting on my shoulder. She pulls me tight; our chests press together, and her skin is cool against mine. My nipples are like hot rocks against the inside of my dress, and I desperately want to take it off and apply ice to the hot tips.
“Bye, Butterfly, it was nice to meet you too.”
“This way.” I jump at Fuchsia’s voice.
“Jeez, woman, you scared the crap out of me!” I squeal and clutch my chest, and the bitch laughs right in my face.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to do that.”
I follow her out of the room, and through to the main one we saw Thor getting his rocks off to Jasper flogging him, and through to the office. It’s empty, but Fuchsia retrieves my things from the safe and my jacket from the chair where I left it.
“A cab is waiting for you at the corner,” she says and walks me to the door. She hands me a card. “Bring this the next time you visit and bring your mask. I look forward to seeing you again, Bunny.” Then she closes the door and leaves me in the corridor where I started.
“Fuck me,” I whisper to myself. I remove my mask and leave the building.
Chapter 6
So-called friends! I didn’t get a single text message from them asking if I got home okay. Bitches. I could’ve been lying in a ditch somewhere for all they knew. Fuckers. I got a message from Sadie, but I don’t count her as I never told her we were going out anyway.
I’m sitting at my desk, staring at the screen while I’m sorting through pages and pages of financial reports from the investors, and I’m finding it easier to focus without wanting to throw the damn thing out of the window.
“Jaime, do have a minute?” Sam asks from the doorway, and I nod. “I just wanted to ask if you had any chance to look over the Robinson report. Charlie’s asked if there's any chance he could have it earlier than Friday.
I reach into the drawer next to me and pull out a yellow file. “Here.”
He flicks it open and scans the pages. “It’s done?”
“Yeah, I finished it this morning,” I reply. It was the first thing I did when I got in.
“Well, that’s great,” he grins. “Thanks.” He turns to leave.
“Hey, Sam?” He pauses and turns back. “We should cut down on the printing of these reports. It’ll save the company at least ten percent on the admin budget by cutting down on paper and ink, also the energy to do it.”
His eyebrows pinch together, and he cocks his head to the side. “You’ve researched that?”
“Yeah.” I shrug. Go productive me!
He just stands there with his mouth open, and I secretly wish for a fly to land in his throat. “Excellent.”
The moment he leaves, I grab my purse and head out to my favorite coffee sh
op. I haven’t stopped thinking about the club and how Butterfly—whoever she is—made me feel last night. The thoughts running through my head before I fell asleep didn’t make me any less confused about what happened to me, but I know that I’m glad it did.
See, Mom? I don’t need a man.
I walk down the street towards the coffee shop, and I remember the first time my mother had tried to tell me about ‘life’ and what I ‘should do.' I was seven, and I’d met some new friends in second grade. Being a naive child, I assumed that if you liked somebody enough, then that was it. They were your girl/boyfriend depending on their gender. Mine just happened to be a girl. I’ll never forget the look of horror on my mom’s face when I told her that Chrissy was my girlfriend.
“That’s wrong!” she’d chastised me. “Girls don’t have girlfriends. They have boyfriends and only when they’re old enough.”
I tried to question her, but the only answer I got was “because that’s how we’re made.” That was it. So, me being me, I shrugged it off and accepted it. And why wouldn’t I? My mother, who I trusted more than anything, told me so, so I believed her.
“Hey, Kyle,” I say to the cashier. “Can I get a cappuccino, please?” I hand him the money before he can tell me how much. I walk directly to the pick-up point and see Ann serving.
Where’s Joss?
I know she’s working today, and I look around to see if I can see her around the shop. I give up when Ann lets me know my cup is ready.
Damn it. She’s made it in a coffee cup. There’s not even a little heart of chocolate powder. It’s just…a mess.
I sit down at the back and take my phone out of my pocket. I press the screen for the internet, and I search for floggers. I smile when the screen loads up pages and pages of the dirty little toys that I saw last night. I hold back a giggle when I think back to Thor’s face when Jasper went at him.
“Hey.”
I look up to the quiet voice, and Joss is standing there in her beige barista uniform, her hair tied back in a messy bun, looking every bit the shy girl that I know. “Hey.”
“Can I sit with you?” She chews the inside of her cheek, and her eyes land on my drink.
“Of course,” I reply with a bit too much enthusiasm. “How are you?”
“I’m good, thanks,” she says with a small smile, and she reaches over to pick up my spoon then pulls my cup towards herself. “How are you?”
I watch as she moves the foam about and manipulates the chocolate into a heart shape. “I…I’m great,” I answer, and she pushes my cup back over to me.
“Ann forgets.”
“Oh, okay.”
There’s an awkward silence and Joss focuses on the table. I lift the cup to my mouth and take a sip and lick the drop of foam off my top lip. I look to Joss, and she’s looking at my mouth, and I wipe it with the back of my hand.
“Do I have milk on my face?” I ask, but I don’t feel anything there.
“No. You got it”—she shifts in her seat—“Did you guys have a good time in Lux last night?”
I nod. “It was okay”—I shrug—“I left early, though, I wasn’t in the mood.” I fight a grin, but I can feel the warmth on my face as I hold it back.
“Oh. I’m sorry I couldn’t go. Did you just go home?” Her eyes flick to mine for the briefest moment, and I swear I see a challenge in her eyes, which makes no fucking sense at all.
“After I left the club, I got in a cab, went home and crashed.” I’m telling truth—sorta.
“Hmm,” she nods. “Me too. I stayed at my mom’s last night, and she had some friends over. It was pretty late when they left.”
I don’t mean to, but I snort a laugh, and her eyes snap to mine; the blue discs sparkle in the light. “Well, look at you saying more than a few words.”
Joss blushes. “I said I’d try harder.” She plays with her fingers on the table for a couple of seconds before speaking again. “I better get back to work.”
I drink the last of my coffee and stand up when she does. “Yeah, I better get back, too. It was nice sitting with you, Joss.”
She looks back to the counter nervously then steps closer to me. “Bye, Jai,” she just about whispers and slowly wraps her arms around me. I wrap mine around her waist, and our bodies connect for the briefest moment. “See you soon.”
She walks away and back behind the counter while I stand there like an idiot waiting for the moment my brain wakes up and tells me that what I feel is wrong.
The tiny white card I’m twirling through my fingers holds the code for the door I sneaked into from the alleyway, the name Madame gave to me, and the opening time to House. Nine-to-two. Typical for a club and even more-so for a ‘party’.
I’ve been thinking about my unexpected break with Joss all day and instead of making it loud and clear what I want, I have no fucking clue what’s going through my head, but I have a strong feeling who’ll be able to help me with my situation.
“What’s that?” Sadie asks as she walks through the living room and lifts my feet off the end of the sofa. She sits down and replaces my feet on her lap. “A business card?”
“No,” I reply and lift my hips to shove it in my back pocket. “Just some codes I need to remember.”
“Oh, well, what do you say about going out for a few drinks tomorrow night?” She begins to rub my feet and my toes curl inwards. Sadie hasn’t got the first clue how to massage, and instead the itching in my soles makes my legs twitch.
“Stop tickling my feet and I’ll think about it,” I laugh, and pull them away from her.
“I give good massages,” she pouts.
“Torture, more like,” I say, and she throws a cushion at me. “Hey! How’s your mom and dad?”
“They’re good. Mom’s going away this weekend with Aunt Carol. Something to do with the ladies’ golfing thing, I don’t know. My dad and Tom are going fishing,” she laughs. “Tom looks stupid fishing. He looks like he could sink the boat.”
“So where do you want to go?” The card is burning in my ass pocket. I haven’t forgotten the code, but I want to look at it again. “The girls will probably be up for it unless Cade’s with Mark. What about Mitch?”
“He’s coming too,” she grins and then bites her lip. “He, uh, drove to my parents to see me.”
“Get out!” I throw the cushion back at her. “Why did you not tell me this?”
I listen to Sadie’s excited chatter about Mitch wanting to see her again so bad that he took the long journey. She didn’t see much of her family and had spent most of the time with him…in bed.
“I don’t want to jinx it, but I think we could have something there,” she grins, her eyes lighting up as she presses her fists to her mouth. “So how about you?”
“What about me?”
“Dating? Hasn’t anybody gotten past your tough exterior to melt your heart, even just a little bit?” She looks at me with a determined expression for all of three seconds before she bursts. “Sorry, I can’t!” she screams, laughing. “You’re probably better off anyway, Jai. I don’t think any guy could handle you.” She turns her hands over to make claws and growls at me.
“Fuck you!”
We both giggle at my expense, but I don’t let her see that what she said weighs heavily on my heart. I swallow down the hurt, and I hold back my tears. My best friend can’t ever know that the way I am, and the way I act, fucks me up every single damn day of my life.
“I gotta get to work before I’m late.”
Sadie’s frantically looking around for her keys while putting in her earrings. Her white hotel blouse and black skirt are immaculately pressed, and her name badge is bouncing around as she’s lifting the cushions on the sofa.
“Hmm hmm,” I hum to catch her attention. She turns to me and scowls when she sees the keys twirling on my finger.
“Jai!” she whines. “You could’ve told me you found them,” she says and snatches them off me. “Where were they?”
“Right on
the kitchen counter where you left them.”
“Oh. Well, I have to get going.” She gives me a quick kiss on my cheek and a quick squeeze before she takes off out the door.
I take the card out of my pocket and begin to twirl it in my fingers again. My phone beeps and I check the message.
‘Lux tomorrow night, all going, don’t you dare say no!’
I smile at Cade’s demanding text and reply in the only way I know how. ‘Fuck you, bitch, don’t tell me what to do! But yeah, I’ll be there.’ I add a winking emoji at the end.
‘Haha! See you at your place tomorrow!’
I put my phone away and head to my room. I open my closet and pull out anything that would make me fit in at the club. I need to go shopping. “Yes.” I pick up my purse and, with a scheming grin, I’m off to the mall.
I’m just as nervous as the first time as I wait for whoever’s on the other side of the door to open it. The metal slide pulls back, and a pair of brown eyes behind a black mask greet me. I almost shit myself when his deep voice growls through the opening.
“Name?”
“Bunny.” I close my eyes, and my shoulders sag at my pathetic high-pitched voice.
The door opens, and I’m greeted with the biggest man I’ve ever seen in my life. “Fuck me. You’re huge!” I gasp and snap my hanging jaw shut.
He smirks and looks down on me, making me feel like a tiny child in trouble for purposely letting the school hamster out of its cage. Yeah, I did that; don’t judge. In my defense the cage was tiny, and the hamster was poked and prodded at all day by snot nosed kids. I set it free. Well, until we found it the next day half eaten—but that’s beside the point.
“Welcome back, Bunny,” he says in his bass voice, and the hazelnut tones of his skin make him eerily similar to the big guy from The Green Mile only not as sweet, if at all. “Come on in. Madame will see you now.”