Much of Madness (The Conexus Chronicles Book 1)

by Summa, S. E.

  “Sum it up for me then, ’cause I feel like I’m missing something,” Khat said. “Why’d you think you were dying when she touched Aedan?”

  “I felt her pain only because the curse linked us, not because I was dying too. The pain was an echo of what she felt. If Marceau’s right, I was never in danger of dying at all.”

  Marceau explained, “Well unless she chose to let you die. You were both touching her. I believe she could have transferred death into either of you. If I’m right, Seraphina had only a matter of seconds to decide which of you would die. It appears to be the only sliver of free will she has in the curse. Can you describe how you felt, Seraphina? When you touched Aedan?”

  “The cold started in my hands, then burned up the veins in my arms. Aedan never reacted, didn’t even seem to notice. But I made the connection or link to Finn right away.” She stood and walked to the window. “Part of me wanted to push it out, cold, biting death. I was desperate to release the pain, but I fought against my own instinct to survive. I understood if I let the darkness go, it would take Finn or Aedan. So I held the hex deep in my chest. I kept it until I was no more. I remember falling. One moment Finn was screaming my name, and the next, nothing. A pain exploded in the back of my head and I was gone.”

  Finn winced.

  “You really died?” Khat said, wide-eyed. “And to free yourself, you have to kill someone you love. It’s all so tragic.”

  Seraphina turned back and nodded. “I could choose to let them die. I’d be mortal and free, but how could I ever live with the consequences? I’ll never give up on a cure for the curse, but I’ll never take the life of someone I love, either. So I’m stuck. Alone.”

  “For how long?” Khat asked.

  Finn leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. “Seraphina hasn’t aged a day since she came back from the veil.”

  Marceau said, “This is the part I don’t understand. Exactly how long were you dead, Seraphina, and how did you come back?”

  “I was dead for fifty years.”

  “How is that even possible? Why didn’t you, you know, decompose?” Khat asked confused.

  “My body wasn’t in this realm. Both my body and soul crossed the veil. I was suspended there until the curse let me cross back, fifty years to the day after my death. I awoke in 1975. You wanna talk about a culture shock.”

  It made no sense. There had to be more.

  “I saw your body in The Phantom,” Marceau said. “The hex rested against your skin. It was satisfied by your death. So why would it cast your physical body across the veil? And how? And where did it find the energy to bring you back again? Why after fifty years? Death is quite controlling and punishes those who try to cheat fate.”

  An idea occurred to Marceau, a terrible thought he wanted to put to rest. “Were you always a Sin Eater, Finn? Even before the curse?”

  Finn’s eyes locked on Marceau’s. His posture stiff.

  It wasn’t Finn who answered. “No, Finn was a Spellcaster. He manipulated luck and chance, which helped him win at poker and perfect bootlegging record. It was the hex that turned him into a Sin Eater.” Seraphina’s head tilted as she noticed Finn’s change in demeanor. She rejoined the group and stood beside him. “You okay, Finn?”

  “Yes, just remembering my time while you were away,” Finn replied tight-lipped.

  Marceau asked, “Is that when you became a Sin Eater? After the curse brought her back?” He knew of only two paths to becoming a Sin Eater and neither involved a curse.

  Finn didn’t respond.

  Seraphina answered, “No, he’d already been affected by then. When I died, he had dark blonde hair and golden, tanned skin. His eyes used to be a deep, cornflower shade of blue. His new appearance took a while to get used to when I awoke. The hex killed me and changed him into a Sin Eater. Daddy really messed up our lives.”

  Marceau started to open his mouth. Finn stood abruptly. “All this talk of the past has put me in the mood for another drink, anyone else? I think we’ve solved enough mysteries for one night.”

  The subject was far from closed, but Marceau dropped it, not wanting to push his luck.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Seraphina stared at the chair where Marceau had sat last night. So many revelations left her mind spinning, and she’d barely slept. Khat was part djinn. Finn’s reaction to having the hex read had been as emotional as her own. Marceau brought her dahlias. She followed that thought with an admonishment to stop treading in dangerous territory. The flowers were just a simple hostess gift.

  Last night as Seraphina tossed and turned, she’d thought about how Finn seemed better lately. Not counting last night’s outburst, which was magically induced and had mirrored her own initial reaction to Marceau’s power. During the past few months, Finn was more stable, lighter somehow. The strain around his eyes and in his jaw had almost disappeared, and he seemed to breathe easier. His attention didn’t wander off as memories of other’s sins haunted him. It was as if Khat grounded him. She seemed to anchor Finn to the present more than anyone or anything else had in years. The realization came that not only did Finn need Khat, but she also needed him. They seemed to balance each other very well.

  Finn entered the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. “Well, last night was certainly interesting.”

  “You can say that again.”

  “Were you able to get any sleep?”

  “A little.”

  “Look. About that Khat. I should have told you…”

  Seraphina held up her hand to stop him. “We covered all of last night, Finn. With so much happening in the past week or so, let’s just drop the djinn part, okay?”

  Finn raised an eyebrow and nodded. He sipped his coffee.

  Seraphina retreated back into her thoughts and spun her mug on the dark marble counter. She knew what she wanted to say, but it would be a very big change, for all of them. After so many years together, her endless fidgeting was a nervous gesture Finn recognized. He reached over and stopped the noisy mug mid rotation.

  Finn took her cup and freshened the coffee. “What’s going on in that head of yours, love?”

  “I think Khat should stay. Here, I mean.”

  Finn spun and coffee sloshed over the rim of her cup. He shook the hot droplets off his wrist. His light eyes widened in disbelief. “You’re proposing she live here? We’ve always kept it just the two of us.”

  “I think Khat should be here with you. She said she lives in a one-bedroom studio apartment. I can’t imagine living all alone, and, when I couldn’t sleep last night, I was thinking about everything. I’m sure my insomnia was helping rehash the past, but it really hit me how much the curse has taken from us. I’m unable to have romantic relationships, but you aren’t, Finn. You should live as normal a life as possible.”

  Finn ran his hands through his white hair and looked puzzled, unsure.

  Seraphina straightened her spine and nodded. It just seemed right and the words came much easier. “It’s like we talked about yesterday.” She paused. “Was that really only yesterday morning?” She shook her head with an uneasy laugh. “You don’t have to hide or try to protect me from your relationship. Khat is growing on me, even more after last night. I see why she is right for you. Hell, she even wanted to go after you when you went all nuclear from Marceau reading your hex. She loves you, Finn, as do I. I worry so much about you and everything you go through as a Sin Eater. Khat seems to help ease your struggles, and I want you to be happy.”

  Finn stood silent.

  “Plus we could use the help, right? She rearranged the new Samhain/Dia de los Muertos display and it looks fantastic. We’re constantly shorthanded in the apothecary, and she has offered to help. So, I think you should ask Khat to live here. She helps keep you feeling more stable, more plugged in to the here and now. I’m right, Finn.” Seraphina took a deep breath because the words had just rushed out.

  Finn didn’t hesitate answering, “I know you are, and I would lov
e to have her here… if she would want to stay, that is.” He looked down the hall and blushed, angelic almost, as the pink rushed across his fair cheeks.

  “I think you’ve sacrificed more than enough for me. I want this for you and Khat, if she thinks she can put up with the two of us.” She smiled. “Actually, I want it for me too. So go ask her to move in, okay?”

  Finn smiled again looking past her. “I believe you just did, love.”

  Seraphina turned and saw Khat standing in the doorway. Her beaming smile was answer enough. But then Khat clapped and nodded so fast she looked like a bobble-head. “Really?” she squealed.

  “Really,” Seraphina and Finn answered in unison.

  Khat skipped over and kissed Finn. They leaned into each other so naturally it was as if they were built as each other’s perfect match.

  That must be nice, Seraphina thought. An ache tried to take hold in her chest, but she quickly pushed the negative feeling away. Finn and Khat had both been through so much and deserved this happiness. She wouldn’t let her own yearning interfere. No, she would choose to feel happy too.

  “Well, there we go. I know you’ll probably spend most of your time together, but frankly, your closet space sucks.” Seraphina laughed as she stood up. “Tonight we’ll spruce up the spare room so Khat can have a space of her own too. Hey, we could add some large mirrors on the back wall to make it your own little dance studio.”

  Khat beamed. “I would love that, Seraphina.”

  Finn looked from Seraphina to Khat and back. His face broke into a glorious smile.

  Seraphina hadn’t actually planned to bring up Khat moving in that morning, but she thought the time had been right. Now her best friend looked happier than he had in quite some time. “Well, that’s settled then. Don’t forget it’s your turn tonight, Finn.”

  Later that evening, Seraphina stopped trying to decipher a passage in the Blackthorne Grimoire after Finn ran up the stairs and called, “Movie Night.”

  Finn’s excitement was infectious. He held a plastic bag with a yellow smiling face in one hand and a six-pack of beer in the other. Chinese takeout perfumed the air as he approached the kitchen counter.

  Seraphina warned Khat, “You know we could be in trouble, right? Since it was his turn to choose the movie. So what is it, this time, Finn? Macho one-liners? Rabid aliens? Chainsaws?”

  “In celebration of our new roommate,” he winked at Khat, “I chose one of her favorites.”

  “Oh goody. Whatcha got?” Khat pulled at the DVD tucked under his arm.

  “Who you gonna call?” Finn started.

  “Ghostbusters,” Khat cheered. They laughed and started pulling the Chinese containers out of the bag, setting them on the counter.

  Seraphina gestured toward her room. “Fitting, considering my ghostly little friend is still hanging around.”

  Finn asked, “Ah, no luck shooing him across the veil today, love?”

  “I’m working on it, promise. In the meantime, Rolf is curled up and napping on the floor of my closet. He has promised to stop rubbing against you, and I made it very clear he is not allowed in the shop anymore. I had to rearrange some bottles…”

  Finn stopped opening takeout boxes and frowned at her.

  “I know, Finn, I fixed them. Anyway, I only turned my back on him for two seconds and a customer shrieked and ran out of the shop. Rolf chased after her, but all she saw was a floating sugar skull mask. She was a tourist, but young. So I imagine we’ll end up with yet another haunted apothecary story on the internet. Luckily, they seem to cause a boon in business, especially this close to Halloween. I got onto Rolf. I threatened if I catch him messing with a customer again, he’ll have to leave, period.”

  “Is that why he’s in your closet? He’s pouting?” Khat asked.

  “Well, partially. He’s also made a pile of every silk or satin thing I own on the floor of the closet as a bed. He seems to be intrigued by modern women’s clothing.”

  “As am I,” Finn said in a seductive tone as he shamelessly checked out Khat’s cleavage. She was bent over putting plates and silverware on the coffee table.

  “Oh, please.” Seraphina rolled her eyes and tilted her head. “Though they are rather impressive aren’t they?” Seraphina poked his side.

  “Well, I’m mostly settled,” a rosy cheeked Khat chimed in, to change the subject. “Since I had a furnished studio apartment, there wasn’t much to pack up.”

  Later, as the actors in the movie discussed Twinkies the size of a school bus, Seraphina’s thoughts were on Marceau. He made her nervous. Part of her wanted to push him away, the other believed Marceau could figure out their curse. She had to decide if she’d share the grimoire in return. Plus Finn would need to agree to work with Marceau, too. It was only fair.

  A giggle drew Seraphina from her thoughts. Finn reached over and stole a piece of broccoli from Khat’s plate. Khat nudged him with her shoulder and pointed an egg roll at him as a threat, but her smile was playful. Jeez, they were even cute when they ate. Seraphina went back to eating her Schezuan Tofu.

  Seraphina felt a little third-wheelish and didn’t know when to look at them and when not to, not that they seemed to mind. At the same time, she wanted to work through her feelings. Her new shyness would subside. She didn’t want to be petty or bitter.

  Finn was her best friend and had made so many sacrifices for her. He was the most loyal and loving person she had ever known. Khat made Finn happy, and he would be good for her. It was bittersweet to see how easily they could touch, though, she couldn’t deny that. They seemed to move in unison, automatically, as though they were both directed by some invisible force. Anyone could see they loved each other, even if they hadn’t admitted it to each other yet.

  Seraphina thought of her curse and a familiar ache blossomed in her heart. Love. She could never allow herself to fall in love. So many seemed to take it for granted, but she’d never really felt the touch of someone she loved. Not in a romantic way, at least. Those sudden feelings for Aedan had not been her own. His arms held her only for a moment, and she couldn’t even count one embrace since her free will had been taken by her father’s plot. She had made out with a boy or two before the curse, but that was more curiosity and thrill.

  Finn laughed at the movie. He certainly loved her, but that was different.

  On long nights when there was nothing to do, and no distractions to occupy her mind, Seraphina was sometimes overwhelmed by the weight of the curse. She read, watched old movies, and tried to be content with her life. But sometimes the pretense of acceptance she wove around her heart would tear and her loneliness would pour out, wracking tears and grief consumed her. At times like that, she allowed herself to wallow in sadness for only so long, just the time it took to let out enough of the pain, so she could again think clearly and reaffirm who she was and who she refused to be. Seraphina never had, would never, allow the curse to win. She would not break. And she’d never give up. She would endure and somehow, someway, she’d find a reprieve from her punishment. Hope sustained her.

  Now, she had both a mysterious curseweaver and the Blackthorne Grimoire. Seraphina believed that after all the waiting was a new chance at freedom. She’d be able to feel the embrace of someone she loved, one day. She would finally be able to let someone into her heart.

  What had Marceau said? Every hex had a weakness. They just needed to find the weak spot. But that was his specialty, not hers, and he was dangerous. Marceau was also frustrating and unpredictable and pretentious and intelligent and handsome and oh, who was she kidding? Maybe she wanted the infuriating Cajun’s help after all… and she knew that was exactly why she should push him away. But her remaining flicker of hope would never let it happen.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Marceau waited each day anxiously until it was time to work with Seraphina. They’d settled into a comfortable daily routine. She worked in the shop until early afternoon. He arrived promptly at three with two coffees from Crema, her favor
ite local coffee house. He was careful to always set her toffee nut soy latte on the counter to avoid touching her hand.

  They would put the Blackthorne Grimoire on the corner of the coffee table and sit on the floor, so she and Marceau could both see the book while maintaining a safe distance. With practice, Seraphina said it was getting easier to shield her mind and control her emotional reaction to his powers. She read through the pages of the book, which gave her something else to focus on while he examined her hex. Many of the grimoire’s passages required translation, so her laptop and a growing collection of reference books were required. It was slow going, but Marceau was impressed by her analytical approach. She was steadily filling a binder with detailed translations, drawings, and notes.

  Marceau also spent time with Finn daily. Finn was more relaxed with him when Seraphina was not around. But he still had emotional outbursts during examinations, though Finn recognized them now and didn’t pick fights. Usually.

  When Marceau had the two of them together to examine the hex, Finn was watchful, too watchful. Marceau often asked Seraphina and Finn to touch, then step back, to cross the room, anything to examine the hex’s reactions to its hosts.

  The hex was different now too, or maybe Marceau was.

  Unsure whether it was his growing familiarity with it or if the hex was indeed evolving, Marceau could find the Seraphina’s strands in an instant now. The variation in the coloring of her hex had changed from translucent to a faint pink and seemed to darken each time Marceau examined it. He was hesitant to discuss the changes. Finn’s moods were unpredictable, even more so after he’d been on a job. Marceau decided to withhold that information until he had a better understanding as to the cause.

  Seraphina slammed the book shut and blew upwards fanning her red hair from her eyes. “All right, all work and no play made Jack attack his family with an ax.”

  “Jack? An ax?” Marceau was at a complete loss.