Stolen Ecstasy

by Janelle Taylor

  Bright Arrow asked where Rebecca was. When Kajihah told him, he stormed out of the tepee and headed for the river. When he called her name from behind her, his voice was cold and stern. Startled, she dropped what she was doing and whirled around. Her eyes widened in amazement. She couldn’t believe the changes in him in such a few weeks. Her eyes helplessly roamed up and down his sleek bronze frame. The extra weight was gone! His toned muscles were firm and prominent. His stance was self-assured, and his expression was confident. There was a glow of pride in his dark eyes, while his body exuded control and prowess. The midnight hair that barely grazed his shoulders was braided; several feathers and tufts attached to the ends made it appear longer. His headband was in place, and he wore snug-fitting, siennacolored leggings and breechclout. His chest and shoulder muscles seemed to flex and bulge with each breath, and his stomach was flat and taut. It was as if she were staring at an image of the warrior she had fallen in love with years ago!

  Rebecca’s heart drummed wildly. Her breath caught in her throat, and her mouth went suddenly dry. Her blood raced hot and swiftly through her veins. She couldn’t make herself move or respond but merely stared at him as if he were a ghost.

  He absently noticed his effect on her, but his mind was distracted by another matter. He roughly seized her arm and yanked her forward. “Come, we must talk,” he growled impatiently and angrily between tightly clenched teeth. He walked rapidly toward the privacy of the forest, tugging the stunned and speechless Rebecca along with him.

  She wondered why he was in such a hurry to speak with her. There was undeniable urgency in his behavior. Was he ready to go home? When they reached a secluded area, he halted and released her. Instantly she tried to fling herself into those powerful and tempting arms. “I’ve missed you so much,” she murmured, her hands seeking to pull his head lower so she could reach his lips.

  He prevented her kiss and contact by turning away to lean against a tree with his shoulders and one foot. “You have worked hard. You did not have time to miss me,” he casually retorted.

  “Never,” she rebutted. “I’ve been helping Sucoora and Kajihah with their chores. I wish we had our own tepee. We need privacy, my love. It’s so lonely here without you,” she added softly.

  “You have not had enough to keep your hands and mind busy?” he inquired nonchalantly, his raised knee keeping her from getting too close while he delved for the truth.

  “I would rather you keep me busy,” she replied provocatively, smiling at him. He did not return the smile. Her starving senses ravenously feasted on his body and face. She was simultaneously aware of his manly odor, his arresting appeal, and his sensuality. “We sleep on different mats. When will this separation be over?” she asked.

  “When do my people say it will end?” He delivered the stunning question without a noticeable change in his expression or tone.

  “What?” she murmured shakily, paling slightly beneath her glowing tan. She deliberated whether his words were an accusation or a rhetorical query. She didn’t know what to reply and waited silently for his next move.

  When he felt she was not going to expose her treacherous actions, his eyes narrowed and flamed. Straightening and resting his hands on his hipbones, he stated, “The sun I ride away to recover myself, you play the fox behind my back. Then you seek to lie and hide your black deed. You dared to go to my village and beg mercy for me! You dared to ask and hear their demands without me! How dare the council meet with a female! It was not your place to speak! It was not your place to make choices! No doubt my people and the Cheyenne laugh at us. No doubt they say Bright Arrow cannot control his woman! What did my people say? Do they think I am too weak or cowardly to handle my troubles? Why did you embarrass and shame me this way? Why did Windrider allow you to do such an insulting, unforgivable thing?”

  Rebecca didn’t want him blaming Windrider for her rash behavior. “He rode with me to protect me. He said you would be angry and hurt. That’s why I didn’t want you to know about the journey,” she blurted out. “I was only trying to help. I didn’t lie to you!”

  “Holding silent is the same!” he shouted back at her. “If you are to live as an Indian, you must behave as one. An Indian wife would never take her husband’s place in any matter. My people have punishments for wrong deeds. A thief must return what he has taken; he must give the injured person many gifts to prove he is sorry. If he lies, he must bestow gifts upon the person he lies to and the person he had darkened with his false tale. If he murders another, he must be banished. How shall I punish you for your evil deed?” he snarled in fury.

  “You have punished me greatly in these last years!” she flung back at him. “I only wanted to spare you more shame and torment. Can I do nothing right for you?” she cried breathlessly.

  “Right?” he scoffed. “You know nothing of right if you can betray and deceive me! I sacrificed all I owned and was to take you as my woman. I tried to live with your ways, but I could not. Now I try to find my path home, and you toss branches across my trail. Was this some trick? Do you seek to prevent my return home? You are cruel and selfish, Rebecca Kenny!” he charged.

  He had cause to be angry, she knew, but did he have to attack her so viciously? “You’re not the only one who’s suffered! I didn’t ask you to enslave me! I didn’t ask you to leave your people! I didn’t place your feet on the path of self-destruction! I didn’t ask you to give up anything for me! Those were your choices—your decisions!”

  “Terhaps those choices were wrong for me! I was a crazed lover! I should not have captured you. It was foolish and cost me too much. I am returning home. I will lose nothing more—for you or anyone!” he declared rashly, not meaning the words he spoke in anger. Her mischief and intrusion had riled him beyond caution and control.

  ‘Then go home where you belong!” Rebecca retorted, no longer able to bear his accusations. “You haven’t been a man since you left! I have no more patience or understanding for you! I’m tired of living this way! My God, we haven’t been happy in years. I wanted to spare you more anguish. I wanted to know if the council was still determined to keep us apart. If so, I could prepare you to lose me. I didn’t want you to face that same cruel demand when you returned home. If they said nothing had changed, I was going to free you. Don’t you think I know what you’ve endured because of me? How long are you going to blame me and punish me for your mistakes? How can I help being white? It’s me they’re rejecting, not you or the children. We’re not married, so you’re free to go home, Bright Arrow. Go home and be happy again. Go home before we tear each other to shreds with this forbidden love.”

  Tears were streaming down her cheeks. Slowly her anger subsided, and she realized they could not end their stormy love affair this way. She took the only door left open to her. “I didn’t go to your village,” she admitted. “Windrider and I camped a half-day’s ride from it. I was going to visit your parents the next day, to see if they would influence the council in my favor. I wanted to learn if there was even the smallest hope they would allow me to return with you. I never rode to their village. I never spoke with your parents or the council. We stayed one night, then returned here. Windrider rode along to protect me. I have not been to the Oglala camp or seen your parents since we left years ago.” She told the truth subtly, leaving out Cloud Chaser and his part in the drama. There was no need to damage that friendship, she thought, no need to inspire more bitterness in her haunted husband.

  She summoned her sagging courage in order to sever their bond. “It’s over between us, Bright Arrow. Isn’t it time we face that reality and accept it? Isn’t it time we stop hurting and blaming each other for our problems? We tried to cross the barrier between our two peoples; your tribe will not allow it. You tried to live in my world, and it didn’t work. We’ve got to end it now, before we destroy all that was good and beautiful between us. I will not cause you any more suffering and humiliation. Take the children and go home tomorrow. There’s no hope for us,” she asse
rted painfully.

  “You would give up your children?” he asked incredulously. His rage had faded during her confession, and her anguish gnawed at him.

  “Even if children did not belong to their father and his people, their faces are Indian,” Rebecca said. “In my world, they would be taunted and abused as half-breeds. I cannot protect them and care for them alone. If I must choose the world in which they will live, I wish it to be yours. They need friends and family. They need loving grandparents. They need a happy and safe home. You’re a man once more; you’re their father. Your tribe will accept you and your children but not me. You must find a good woman to marry, one who will love our girls as I do. You must leave and seek your destiny alone, Bright Arrow. Please, do this for us,” she entreated.

  “I will not free you,” he vowed stubbornly, reaching out to draw her into his arms. She dodged his grasp. He yearned to comfort her, for though she had done wrong, it had been only to help him. He had not realized how she had suffered. He had to find a way to keep her!

  “You must let go, Bright Arrow. Many years past, you chose me over your family, your people, your destiny. Remember what it did to you? Soon that same decision will confront you again. If we part now, they won’t have to order you to make a choice. They can’t force you into another corner. If a command is spoken, we both know what it will be—just as we know what your answer must be. I will leave in the morning,” she announced impulsively.

  “You cannot!” Bright Arrow shouted in astonishment and dismay.

  “If I do not, I might be tempted to fight for you,” she replied. “You have told me many times that it is foolish to inspire a battle that is lost before the first blow is struck. Besides, there’s trouble in Windrider’s tepee. We’ve stayed too long. Kajihah hates me. I know she’s the one who told you about my journey,” she stated matter-of•factly. “Sucoora is siding with me; we’ve become friends. If I don’t leave, Windrider’s tepee will be filled with bickering. We should not do this to a friend. Take the girls and ride to your camp in the morning. Forget me, Bright Arrow. Forget me and all the pain I’ve brought into your life.”

  She started to leave him standing there. He seized her shoulders and whirled her around to face him. What if she were right? What if the council issued the same heartless edict once more? This time, there could be no choice; Bright Arrow had to return to his people or cease to exist. “I love you and I need you,” he declared earnestly, fearfully.

  Rebecca’s teary gaze fused with his entreating one. “You need your destiny more,” she replied simply. “Do not make it harder for us,” she pleaded. “You claim I’m strong and smart. I’ll be fine.”

  Bright Arrow grasped his temples as if he were in great agony. A bellow of rage and frustration roared from his muscular chest. “Why can I not have you and my destiny?” he thundered in torment.

  “Because we are of two warring worlds, Bright Arrow. No matter how much we love or accept each other, it changes nothing around us. We have been prisoners trapped between those two worlds. We must have freedom. We must have joy and peace. Do not resist what you know is true. It makes the pain and bitterness worse,” she informed him sadly while he continued to shake his head in resistance. She stormed at him, “Damn you, I am white! I am your enemy! You must hate me and reject me,” she commanded.

  “I cannot,” he protested obstinately.

  “You must. The choice is not yours. You can’t have everything you want! Ask the Great Spirit to guide you, to ease the pain. I can say no more. I must be alone.” She raced into the woods and vanished from sight.

  Bright Arrow started to pursue her, then changed his mind. Rebecca needed time to think, time to realize he could not sacrifice her. He would find some way to keep her. How could he live without her? She was his heart, his breath, his spirit. Recalling her words about Kajihah, he headed for camp. He had to make other arrangements. He would not allow that malicious woman to torment his love. Yet he also realized it was too soon to ride to the Oglala camp. He needed more practice and training.

  Windrider was in camp speaking with two other warriors when Bright Arrow left the forest and strode toward his tepee. Each sighted the other simultaneously. Windrider perceived some inner turmoil in the Sioux warrior and left his friends to meet Bright Arrow.

  When Bright Arrow revealed his problem, Windrider’s anger flared. “Kajihah will be punished for her loose tongue and disobedience,” the Cheyenne warrior vowed. “She seeks to cause trouble. She has never been a good wife. I was a fool to take a wife as a gift! A man should choose his woman carefully. Kajihah is lazy. She refuses her share of the tasks and treats Sucoora as a slave. She mocks and teases her when she thinks I do not hear. Her wit is dull, and her tongue is annoying. She sickens me on the sleeping mat, and I have not touched her since I planted the seed for my son within her. I have been too lenient and kind. I can take no more of her spite and interference. Sucoora can tend my children, and I will seek another wife. I will send Kajihah back to her father,” he concluded.

  “Come, let us walk and speak of another matter,” Bright Arrow requested. The two men walked along the riverbank for privacy.

  Windrider spoke first. “You are angry because I rode with Rebecca to speak with your people?” he asked.

  “No. I am pleased you did not allow her to ride alone. Sometimes she does not understand the Indian ways, and she innocently defies our customs. She did not wish to harm me with her action, yet I am glad she did not enter the camp. I am relieved she exchanged no words with them.”

  His last statement caught Windrider by surprise. He had assumed Rebecca had confessed everything when Bright Arrow had confronted her. Apparently she had told him very little! Bright Arrow had dropped to a cross-legged position near the river’s edge and, in doing so, he had missed Windrider’s reaction to his words.

  “What did she tell you of her journey?” Windrider offhandedly inquired, taking the same position nearby. After Bright Arrow related the highlights of their conversation, Windrider sighed heavily. He didn’t know if he should tell Bright Arrow about Cloud Chaser’s part in her quest and wondered if it would be best to let the matter drop.

  Bright Arrow was distressed and dejected. He needed to discuss his predicament with someone who would listen and understand, someone who had proven love and friendship. He had endured many hardships and difficulties, but nothing like the ones facing him on this sun and those to come. Perhaps Windrider could offer some advice, he mused.

  As he and his friend sat facing each other on the riverbank, Bright Arrow exposed the remainder of his earlier talk with Rebecca. He disclosed his warring thoughts and emotions and divulged his fears, his hopes, his dreams, his worries, his speculations.

  Windrider didn’t want to hear such words and feelings. Yet he listened intently and sympathetically. They had been close friends since childhood, when their fathers had shared the warpath and ridden together on buffalo hunts. Later, they too had ridden together on raids and hunts. Windrider had begun this matter with sincerity and honesty, but things had changed along the way. All had not been as he had believed. He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty; the separation wasn’t his fault. Bright Arrow was a Sioux; he should understand his own people. Windrider could hardly believe Rebecca had told Bright Arrow it was over between them. She was freeing his friend, just as he had encouraged her to do so many times on the trail. Would Bright Arrow accept his freedom, or would he battle to keep her?

  As had Rebecca, Windrider selected his words cleverly and cautiously in order to speak the truth without exposing too much. “She did not tell you why she returned here without visiting your camp? She is being unselfish and kind, my friend. She wishes to shut out the words she was told. She is trying to save you from such hurt as she feels. She knows the council will reject her. She knows you must push her from your life. She seeks to make this ending less painful for both of you.”

  Suddenly, Bright Arrow realized there was more to the story than Rebecca had
told him. He probed, “You hint at words or deeds my woman did not reveal to me. Speak. Windrider. My heart beats swiftly at your concern, but I must know the truth.”

  “While we camped, Cloud Chaser came to us. We talked. He told us of two Sioux warriors who chose white slaves as their women after you left. They too were shamed and banished. Your father forbids any white— good or evil—to enter his camp. Cloud Chaser told us that your people’s hatred of whites has grown since you were exiled. He says they vote against all who side with whites. Any Oglala who takes one to heart is rejected. No white—slave or free—is allowed to live in your father’s camp. Cloud Chaser told Rebecca it was not her place to seek forgiveness for you. He said your people would be angry and resentful if she rode into his camp. He said it is your place to speak to the council when you return. He said there is no hope they will allow her to return with you. If they do, it would be as your white whore. You cannot show her such cruelty,” he stated quietly.

  ‘There is no hope?” Bright Arrow questioned hoarsely.

  “I can only tell you of Cloud Chaser’s words. I do know he speaks true of your father’s actions. No white enters his camp; no white lives there. White prisoners are sold when they are captured; they cannot be brought to camp even for one moon. The council believes their white blood is evil, and all agree no white should mate with an Oglala. You must return to your people, Bright Arrow; you must free Rebecca. Braves who hunt near your wooden tepee or trade where you trade have told them of your sufferings in the white man’s territory. They blame Rebecca for dishonoring and weakening you. Cloud Chaser said your people wish you to return, to ride with your father, to take his place if he is slain before Sun Cloud is a warrior. Many mourn you as dead. They despise Rebecca for stealing your heart and body from them. They say she is killing your spirit. They say she is evil.” He paused. “It is true that they do not know her or understand your love. Yet you must obey your laws.”