Unbreakable
Page 11
“I’m so sorry, Sophie,” he murmured as she leaned on him for support.
“Don’t…ow….worry about it. Not a fan of snakes myself. Can’t really blame Blizzard.” She grimaced at the porch stairs but eventually completed the ascent where Kay waited for her, having been informed about what had happened by Miller. Kay took over, leading her slowly inside and settling her on the couch where she stretched out on her side in an attempt to relieve the pain, before accepting the painkillers that Kay offered her.
Knowing she was in capable hands, Miller returned to the stables to check on the horses again. He’d checked Blizzard over for any signs of bite marks but hadn’t seen any. It seemed that the snake had startled the horse, who had most likely almost stepped on it in the dusk light without realizing it was there, but had not actually bitten it. He was relieved beyond measure that neither the horse nor Sophie had been bitten but he could still feel the traces of dread that had gripped him on seeing her fall.
His workout that night was particularly tough in the hopes that it would make him tired enough to sleep quickly but though he was physically tired, his mind wouldn’t let him drift off. He kept replaying her fall in his head and the expression of agony on her face when he’d reached her. She had become his closest friend and the thought of anything happening to her caused a foreign sensation of fear to course through him. He wasn’t used to being afraid of things but the idea of Sophie being in danger or injured made him instantly want to leap to her defense.
Though he eventually managed to sleep, he awoke early and decided to find out how she was doing. After a quick breakfast he headed to Kay and Philip’s house. He caught them on their way out as they were heading to the local farmers’ market but they directed him upstairs as Sophie was staying behind to rest. Ascending the stairs quickly, he walked briskly to the guestroom and peered through the open door where he saw Sophie stretched out on the bed.
“Hey.” She offered him a smile as she looked up from the book she was reading.
“Hi. I wanted to check on the patient. How are you feeling?” He came towards her and sat on the edge of the bed.
“Doped up on painkillers, so not feeling much at all. It’s fantastic.” At his look of concern she laughed. “Hey, don’t look so worried. I’m feeling better than yesterday. There’s some swelling but Aunt Kay says it should be gone within a couple of days.”
“Yeah, well, you didn’t see the way you went careening off Blizzard. When I saw you lying on the floor in agony…it scared the crap out of me, Soph.”
Trying to put him at ease, Sophie’s tone was light and playful as she murmured “That’s hard to believe. I know you, Miller. Nothing seems to scare you. I’m mean, you’re going to be a soldier in the United States Army of all things and I’m more worried about you than you are.”
“The thought of something happening to you scares me.” His tone and gaze were serious as he reached out his hand and stroked her cheek gently. Before he realized what he was doing, Miller leaned over Sophie and placed his lips on hers. Soft, warm and impossible to refuse, when her lips parted and invited him deeper he acquiesced without a second’s thought. Her arms came up around his neck as she pulled him down further, a moan of pleasure escaping her lips at the sensation of his tongue exploring her mouth, her lips, her tongue...teasing and seductive.
One of her hands dropped away from his neck to skim down his side before she took hold of the hem of his t-shirt and dragged it partway up his chest, giving her access to the smooth expanse of bronzed skin and muscle beneath. The feel of her fingers exploring his bare skin sent him into overdrive. He crushed his mouth to hers, the weight of his body pinning her to the mattress as their kiss intensified to scorching point. Gripping his shirt with both hands, Sophie managed to yank it to the point where he paused in his kissing long enough to pull it off and discard it on the floor before claiming her mouth again. One hand cupped her hip as Miller pulled her close against him, while his other hand slid under the bottom of her vest and slowly skimmed its way up her side, pushing the vest with it.
He was just about to push the vest over her bra when he suddenly pulled back and shot to his feet as if the feel of her burnt him.
“What’s wrong?” Sophie pushed herself up to a sitting position as he stared at her, his breathing ragged.
“Damn…I’m so sorry. You have to believe me, I didn’t come here intending to do any of this.” He stepped back and turned to face away from her, raking the fingers of one hand through his hair as he took a deep breath.
Sophie pushed herself off the bed and came to stand beside him. When she reached out to touch his shoulder, he grabbed her wrist before uttering “Don’t”, and pushing her hand gently away from him.
“Miller, you can’t ignore this and neither can I.”
Refusing to look at her, he murmured “There’s nothing to ignore.”
“That’s not true and we both know it.” Stepping in front of him, she reached out and grasped his arms with both hands, forcing him to look at her. “Neither of us has wanted to admit it but this started even before New Year’s Eve and it’s only gotten stronger.”
“Sophie, you don’t know what you’re saying.”
“I know exactly what I’m saying. What I feel for you goes beyond friendship and you feel the same way about me.”
His tone was bitter as he retorted “So what if I do? It’s not like anything can happen.”
“Why not?”
“Sophie, for god’s sake, be reasonable. I’m going off to join the army in a couple of months. I’ll be stationed who knows where, continents away from you, while you’re studying at university in San Francisco. There’s no hope of any kind of romantic relationship between us. I won’t put our friendship on the line for the sake of trying some long-distance relationship that’s got next to zero percent chance of success.”
“I’m not asking you for a romantic relationship. I know in our situation any such relationship is essentially doomed before it’s begun. However that doesn’t change the fact that I want you to be my first.”
“Sophie, you’re killing me here.” Miller closed his eyes and tilted his head back, a look of frustration evident on his face. “Why could you possibly want that?”
“Why wouldn’t I? You’re my best friend, Miller. Nobody knows me or understands me like you do. We’ve been through a hell of an emotional rollercoaster together and come out the other end. You know all the bad things there are to know about me and still you’re my closest friend. I trust you and I want to give myself to someone who respects and cares for me. Don’t you want that for your first time?”
“Sophie, don’t make me answer that.”
“Miller, who knows what will happen in the future. What if we never see each other again?”
“That’s all the more reason not to do this!” he answered in aggravation.
“I don’t see it that way. I know I would regret it for the rest of my life if I’d been offered the opportunity and not taken it.”
“Sophie, don’t try to use emotional blackmail on me.”
“I’m not. I’m explaining my point of view.”
“Say we sleep together; you honestly think you could keep emotions out of this? You’d end up blaming me for leaving even though I had no choice.”
“I’m under no illusions here, Miller. You and I both know you’re leaving. That doesn’t mean I have to keep feelings out of it. We can share feelings of trust and respect. We’d be going into this with both eyes open.”
“And what about protection? I didn’t exactly come here prepared.”
“I did.” She reached for her bag nearby and retrieved a condom. “I…uh…thought I’d be prepared just in case.”
Miller cursed. “Geez, Sophie. You’re not making this any easier.”
Stepping close to him, she reached out and touched his cheek. “Miller, if you honestly don’t want this then that’s fine; I understand. But whatever you want, tell me the truth.”
Now here she was offering him the very thing he’d been fantasizing about for months with no strings attached. The more he thought about it, the more he wanted to be swayed by her arguments. However, the little voice kept hammering in his head that even contemplating sleeping together was crazy… Suddenly a memory lit up in his mind with startling clarity. He remembered Sophie’s New Year’s resolution for him.
“Do something epically crazy…”
“Pardon?” Sophie looked at him quizzically.
“The New Year’s resolution you asked me to do.” He reached out and stroked her jaw softly, tracing his thumb over her lips as he murmured “So, Sophie, how’s your relationship with your parents? The last time I heard, things were improving…”
Remembering her own resolution she had made with him, she grinned with dawning comprehension. “You heard correctly. I’ve been making an effort.”
“Well I guess you held up your end of the deal, so it’s only fair that I stick to my resolution. This seems fittingly crazy…” Dipping his head he kissed her lightly, teasingly, his lips brushing over hers as he whispered “I’ll tell you honestly what I want, Sophie. I want you.”
Chapter Nine
Six years later.
Sophie closed the door of her apartment behind her as she flicked through the mail for the day. There was nothing that couldn’t wait, so she dropped the pile of letters on the hallway table, shrugged off her coat and hung it up, and then wandered through to the kitchen where she retrieved a glass and a bottle of wine. Moving through to the lounge, she sank down into the welcoming comfort of her couch, stretched her legs out and poured herself a glass of wine. It had been a long, exhausting day but Patrick and his dad had made a real breakthrough today. A little personal celebration was definitely in order.
She hit the answering machine playback button and settled into the cushions as she listened to the messages. One was from her mother, confirming dinner reservations while she would be in town. Another was from Abby, reminding her not to forget the flowers for Janice’s birthday. The friends had made up within a few months of Sophie returning back from Texas. She was surprised and pleased on hearing her aunt’s voice in the third message. Sipping her wine she listened as the message played through, becoming increasingly surprised as it progressed. When the message was done she hit replay, listening to it again before sitting still and considering this unexpected news.
Miller had finished his military service and was back home. In fact he’d been back home for three weeks now. She wondered why he hadn’t gotten in touch to let her know. Granted, their contact was sporadic but she would have thought Miller would have told her he was home. Her aunt’s message had included a request for Sophie to phone her when she was free. Glancing down at her watch, she reckoned she wouldn’t be disturbing anyone if she called now.
Within a few seconds she heard her aunt’s voice on the end of the line. “Hi, Aunt Kay. It’s Sophie. How are you?”
“Sophie, sweetheart! Oh trucking along as usual. How are you doing?”
“I’m good, Aunt Kay. I got your message. I’m pleased Miller’s back.”
“So are we, honey.” She could detect the hesitation in her aunt’s voice before she continued. “I’m really glad you called. I don’t like asking this as I know you’re busy but…well…”
Sophie waited for a few seconds before prompting her. “What is it, Aunt Kay?”
Her aunt sighed softly. “It’s Miller, sweetheart. Since he’s been back he’s been…different. We’re worried about him.”
“Different how?”
“He keeps to himself. Doesn’t say much.”
“Well he’s probably just settling in. Being back on the ranch must be quite an adjustment after life in the army.”
“Your uncle and I thought the same thing but it’s been three weeks. He’s changed, Sophie. There’s something wrong and he won’t tell us what it is. We were hoping you could come and see him. Maybe a visit from an old friend would help.”
“I wouldn’t want to just drop in, Aunt Kay. If he wants to see me surely he’ll let me know. I mean, I didn’t even know he was back.”
“He told us not to tell you.”
“What?” Sophie frowned at the news.
“When we suggested that you come for a visit he told us he didn’t want you to know he was back.”
“Oh…well it’s been a long time since we last saw each other, almost four years when he got leave and came back to the ranch for two weeks. We’re not as close as we used to be…”
“You kept in contact. You sent letters and emails. I think it would be good for him to see a friendly face, someone removed from the ranch. Maybe you could also…”
“Also what?”
“Give us your personal opinion on him.”
“My personal opinion? Aunt Kay, I don’t understand.”
“Um…an assessment, I suppose, would be the way to view it.”
“An assessment?” Sophie paused for a few seconds to consider her words. “Hold on, do you want me to do some sort of psychological evaluation on him?”
“Yes.”
“That’s really not my area of expertise, Aunt Kay. I’m a children’s social worker.”
“I know, but you have training in counseling.”
“But not for soldiers, Aunt Kay. Besides, the army would have provided counseling for Miller.”
“Not if they didn’t know he needed it.”
“Aunt Kay, they’re pretty good at knowing things like that. It can be a highly stressful environment.”
“Sophie, please come. I know it’s asking a lot. If you could just manage a few days even…”
Sophie had never heard before the pleading tone she now heard in her aunt’s voice. “I’m going to need to get some vacation time. I can’t say for sure right now when I’ll be able to make it but I can get back to you within a couple of days.”
“Thank you, Sophie. We really appreciate this.”
“That’s okay. Just don’t get your expectations up. I don’t know what I’ll be able to do. I’ll speak to you soon. Bye, Aunt Kay.”
“Bye, honey.”
Sophie ended the call and sat still, staring at nothing in particular as her mind played back over the last time she had seen Miller. It had only been for three days but he had seemed fine then. Of course, a lot could happen in four years…but in all the letters and emails he never mentioned that he was having problems of any kind. To be fair, there was no doubt a lot of information that he had kept from her but in his last email he had seemed okay. It was a short paragraph, basically telling her he was fine and hoping she was doing well. So sure, there wasn’t a lot of information to go on but she didn’t expect him to get into details when he had limited time to spare.
Still, she could arrange some time off. It would be nice to have a break. She could visit the ranch for a few days, no doubt assure her aunt and uncle that Miller was fine, and then leave him in peace to get back into the way of things as a civilian. The rest of her time off she could spend relaxing at home. But why hadn’t he wanted to see her…? Frowning at her thoughts, she took a sip of wine. There was no need to take it personally; surely he just wanted some space and time for himself. Probably by the time she arrived at the ranch he would be slotted into the way of things again and her aunt and uncle’s minds would be at ease.
***
His body was covered in sweat and his muscles had long ago passed the burning point but Miller continued to run. His feet pummeled into the dirt track as he pressed onwards, the exh
austion in his body mercifully drowning out all other thoughts. The ground flew by under his feet as dawn greeted him with silence interrupted only by the sounds of his heavy breathing. Seeing the end of his run in sight – the small building adjacent to his parents’ home which had been converted into a residence for him – he pushed himself harder with a final burst of speed before stopping his stopwatch and glancing at the time. Ten-second improvement from yesterday…not good enough. Should have pushed myself harder.
Opening the door to his temporary home, he walked to the sink and drank a glass of water before heading to the bathroom to take a shower. He welcomed the uncomfortable ache in his muscles as he showered, soap bubbles half-obscuring the jagged shrapnel scars on his side and hip that served as a constant reminder of his failure. He loathed and loved those scars in equal measure. They would never allow him a moment’s peace, but then why should he have any peace? He didn’t deserve it.
After he had finished his shower and changed into his work clothes, he drank a cup of coffee and walked to the stables where he commenced the daily task of mucking out the stalls. The other horses ignored him but Blizzard watched him patiently. Footsteps sounded on the concrete behind him but, assuming it was one of the ranch hands, he ignored them.
“Hello, Miller.”
His body instantly stilled, although his hands gripped his shovel tighter. God, please, no. Hoping that he had imagined the voice, he straightened up slowly, forcing himself to loosen his grip as he turned around. The woman standing a few feet from him was dressed casually in jeans, sneakers and a plain white long-sleeved shirt that contrasted with the black, glossy tresses that hung freely over her shoulders. She’d grown into her curves since the last time he’d seen her and the person before him was now all woman. He couldn’t stop the instant attraction he felt for her but that was neither here nor there. What mattered was getting rid of her as soon as possible.