“Roshni, would you mind working on a small mini project?” asked Bhaskar.
“Yes, I’d be happy to.”
“Since your husband is here, we wanted to take advantage of this.”
“What is it, Bhaskar?” asked Deepak.
“Since Roshni’s work was critical to move forward, Nikhil was put on it; however, the task that Nikhil was working on got delayed a little. We wondered if Roshni could work on it, and since Deepak is here already, Roshni could use Deepak’s help if necessary. What do you say, Roshni?”
This meant she had to work with Deepak directly because he had to train her. She was unsure if this was a good idea. She tried to talk to Bhaskar to let her work on some other project, but all her attempts failed. Roshni agreed to work on this part of the project. Deepak looked forward to training her and working closely with her.
“Good, so we will have Roshni work on this task, and Nikhil, you can continue to work on your task. Very good, team, do we have any other issues or questions?” checked Bhaskar.
“Roshni and Deepak, we would love to meet you both. Do you plan on coming over?” asked one of the team members.
“Sure, Roshni still has pain in her foot. As soon as she feels a little better, we will come,” answered Deepak.
“Good, would love to see you both. Roshni, you take care, okay,” one other team member said.
“Yes, thank you all. Nikhil, thanks for taking over my part,” Roshni said.
“Sure, no problem, Roshni. You’re so organized finding information was not a problem at all,” replied Nikhil.
Deepak glanced at her and admired this quality and this praise of her.
“Okay, team, we will convene in a couple of weeks. Roshni, please let me know if you have questions. Of course, with Deepak around, I think you’ll be fine.”
“Happy Dashera to you all!” Bhaskar adjourned the meeting.
Deepak disconnected the phone. Roshni slowly got up and tried to walk without the support of the crutches. She was able to take a few steps but felt tired. Deepak instantly moved to her and helped her. She felt thankful. Their gazes met.
Finally Roshni broke her trance and said, “Thank you, Deepak.”
“My pleasure, Roshni, are you okay?” Deepak enquired.
Roshni nodded, and they sat back down at the table.
“Roshni, if you’re not too tired, shall we sit and review your project?” asked Deepak.
“Yes, but can you give me a few minutes, please?” she requested.
“Yes, is everything all right?”
“Yes, I just need to call the watchman.”
Deepak had no clue why Roshni wanted to talk to the watchman, but again, respecting her privacy, never questioned her.
Roshni was at the dining table, and Deepak sat close to her and read the notes he had taken during the meeting. He turned on the laptop while Roshni called the watchman, asking for his wife, Lakshmi. Roshni enquired if Lakshmi was available to clean the house in preparation for Dashera. Lakshmi agreed, and it was decided that since Dashera was next Tuesday, and Durga pooja fell on Sunday, Lakshmi would come over on Saturday to clean the house. Since Sheetal was leaving for Poona that day, they decided to have Lakshmi over at 2 p.m. in the afternoon.
Deepak overheard this conversation and smiled. “Hmm, getting the house ready for festivals!” He was excited. He knew Dashera and Diwali were two major festivals, but it had been so long. He could never come back to India during this time to celebrate these festivals. He’d almost forgotten what all happened during this time. He was curious to see how his wife, Roshni, celebrated so they could continue this tradition in the future.
Deepak asked, “What’s the matter, Roshni? Why all of a sudden this thorough cleaning of the house?”
“Sunday is Durga pooja, and Dashera is next Tuesday. It is good to get the house cleaned once,” Roshni replied.
“Is there anything I can do?”
Roshni looked at him. “Yes, one thing you can do.”
Deepak waited for her to explain further.
“Deepak, why don’t you go to Mumbai to celebrate Dashera with your family?”
“Excuse me!”
“Yeah, it’s probably been several years since you spent Dashera and Diwali with your family. You are here in India this time; take this opportunity to celebrate with them,” she explained.
“You expect me to leave you here and go to Mumbai to celebrate the festivals?”
“Yes, I will be fine. This is a festive time to spend with family, so please go.”
This statement disturbed Deepak. “So you are not my family, haan,” he questioned her.
Roshni grasped the situation; whatever she said regarding their relationship troubled Deepak, so she was quiet. She got up and began to walk slowly towards the kitchen when she felt Deepak pulling her towards him by grabbing her around her waist. She bumped into him, almost hitting his chin; the movement was so swift she hardly had any time to balance. She hesitated and looked up with a smile, the gap forgotten. They stared into each other’s eyes. The passion that Deepak had for Roshni was very obvious to her, but for Deepak, this was the first time he noticed any passion in her eyes. Every nerve in her body became alive to his touch. She attempted to pull back, but his grip around her tightened, pulling her closer to him.
“What are you doing, Deepak? Please let me go,” said Roshni, looking into his eyes.
At this moment Deepak stooped closer and pecked her on her cheek. She turned all red and pulled back. Her face was flushed as his face loomed in front of her. She felt shy and lowered her eyes.
“Deepak, please let me go,” she requested of him.
Deepak held her right hand very lovingly. “Why should I? You are my wife, and I have every right to hug and kiss you.” He kissed her hand.
Roshni was uncomfortable in his embrace and tried to pull back. “No, you don’t.”
She moved her head away from him, still being held. She looked into his eyes and was about to say something when Deepak leaned closer to her. “Roshni, you expect me to leave you, my wife, here and go away to Mumbai to celebrate festivals?”
“Deepak, please don’t start this again.” She moved away from him.
Deepak was saddened at her comment. He held her shoulders and gently turned her around to face him. “I am not going to leave you here. If – if – I go, you are going with me. Be it anywhere,” he said very emphatically.
Roshni was dumbfounded at this statement. Several questions arose in her mind. She turned away to hide her teary eyes, but Deepak was too quick and saw her tears.
He very caringly placed his hand around her shoulders, pulled her closer to him, and gently caressed her shoulders and back. “Roshni, I am not going anywhere without you. Do you understand? Moreover, this is our first Dashera and Diwali together. How can you think of celebrating alone? Sashank bhaiya and Kusum bhabhi asked me already if we both could go to Mumbai, but I refused to travel anywhere until you recover, until you show some improvement walking at least a few steps on your own, and…and please don’t start this wife stuff.”
He cupped her face with his hands and looked into her glassy eyes. “Roshni, you are my wife. Believe me; I have no other woman in my life. I have made it quite clear to you – I have no other woman in my life except you.”
As he said these words, his eyes were glassy, and Roshni could see the frustration in his eyes. How could he validate his feelings for her. She meant everything to him. She believed he was sincere; unawares to her, she slowly raised her hand and cupped his face and wiped his tears, looking passionately at him, and he wiped her tears, assuring her that she was important to him!
There was certainly some change in her attitude towards Deepak. He being there physically had a lot to do with this change. She was able to watch him more closely: his interactions, his behavior, his attitude, and more importantly, his feelings towards her. She saw that his concern for her was real, and he was a very kind and compassionate pers
on.
After the Lonawala experience, she knew that past actions and struggles played a very significant role in his attitude towards her on their wedding night, but she felt deceived, her self-esteem was damaged, her dreams were shattered and she was not ready to accept him as her husband yet. But as a human, as a friend, she cared for him and began to see the ‘real’ Deepak.
Similarly this trip was a great eye opener for Deepak too. Like Roshni, he also was able to watch her closely; his heart ached to see the pain beneath her smiling exterior. She kept everything to herself, never wishing to share her feelings or her frustrations with anybody. She was so mature and handled everything in her life, good and bad, so efficiently, and she was so genuine – no tantrums, no fussing or superficiality like other girls. She spoke her mind but was sensitive to others feelings; she was willing to bear any amount of pain but not reveal it. How he wished to hold her, hold her tightly against his chest, console her, and give her the confidence that he was there for her any time and all the time!
He observed a change in her attitude towards him: she did not argue as much, they had lighter conversations, and she tolerated his physical proximity and never resisted him holding her and kissing her. This was a positive step forward indeed; however, several questions bothered him. When will that time arrive when she will accept me? When will she make me a part of her life?
His focus was to be there for her at this moment. He had mentally made a determination not to leave until both of them left as husband and wife.
~ ~ ~
Sheetal arrived after work. Her travel plans were confirmed, and she talked about her vacation at the dinner table. During the conversation she mentioned how excited she was to meet Akash in Poona. Deepak and Roshni wondered when they had communicated. Sheetal bit her tongue and clarified that she had been talking to Akash about her trip to Poona, and Akash expressed his interest in attending Ravi Shankar’s workshop. Since he was interested, they had planned to meet each other at this retreat.
After all this conversation, Deepak looked at Roshni. “Roshni, I’m looking forward to working with you on this project. We got busy this afternoon and didn’t spend any time on it; we should do this tomorrow.”
“Okay,” was her response.
“Why are you so unenthusiastic?” Deepak asked her.
“Nothing,” was her response again.
“You must be very excited, Roshni and Sheetal. This is very popular in the US, and with this training, you will be indispensable.”
“Yeah, Roshni, who knows, you might start working for the same company as Deepak. What do you say Deepak?” Sheetal winked at Deepak and then looked at Roshni.
“Yeah, why not.” Deepak smiled.
Roshni became very uncomfortable with this conversation and slowly walked towards the kitchen. Deepak again instantly pulled her to him and gently wrapped his hands around her waist. Roshni looked towards Sheetal, who was engrossed in cleaning the table and pretended she had not noticed this at all.
Deepak bent towards her. “I’m looking forward to that day when you will work in the US, Roshni.”
She pulled herself away and walked into the kitchen.
Deepak came back to the table to help Sheetal, and Sheetal gave a thumbs-up to Deepak, encouraging him. She moved closer to Deepak. “Deepak, this is the reason I’m going away to Poona, so you can be together by yourselves. Hopefully all this will turn out in your favor,” she whispered.
“Thanks, Sheetal, I greatly appreciate all your help and support.” Then he looked towards Roshni very lovingly. “Yes, she will turn around. I have confidence,” he whispered in response to her.
Sheetal smiled at this statement in support.
~ ~ ~
It was Saturday morning, and Sheetal was ready to leave. Deepak would be taking Sheetal to the airport. He wanted Roshni to join them, but she refused; she hesitated to say anything more.
Both Deepak and Sheetal sensed Roshni did not want to talk, and they quietly left the house.
On the way Sheetal said, “Deepak, please take care of her. She is so lonely and this accident has had a major impact on her. I really hope she recovers quickly.”
Deepak looked at her and nodded.
“I could have postponed this trip to Poona, but I decided to go now for a reason – for both of you to be together without anybody around. I hope you will have time to bond together in these few weeks.”
Deepak again nodded. “Thanks, Sheetal, I will certainly try to make the best of this time.” He continued with a depressed face. “I wish she would tell me what’s bothering her. She puts up a smile for everybody, but I can see through it. There is so much pain she is hiding from everybody. I would like her to open up, but she’s still not comfortable with me. I guess I need to be patient.” He shrugged his shoulders.
Deepak dropped Sheetal at the airport and, after all the formalities, bid her farewell and left. On his way back he thought about Roshni and made a determination to have an open conversation with her.
By the time he returned, Lakshmi was already at the house, and Deepak had to wait to talk to her. After a few hours of dusting, mopping and cleaning, Lakshmi left. Roshni took a deep breath and looked around. Everything was in its place. She was satisfied and then rested on the sofa in the family room.
Deepak brought chai for her. “So tomorrow is Ashtami, right? What’s the plan for tomorrow?”
“Well, Ashtami is the day for Durga pooja. It is the eighth day of the lunar calendar and eighth day of Dashera festival. I will wake up early and do the cooking.” Then she paused, looking at Deepak. “Can you do the pooja? We do not have a big altar, but we can do a little offering to Devi.”
“Roshni, I’m okay with you doing the cooking, but please no elaborate cooking and no straining. You overworked yourself with Lakshmi today. You don’t want to repeat this tomorrow.”
Roshni listened to him, and after a few minutes she asked, “Did you receive the copy of the software or license…the same new software you were to show me?”
Deepak took a few minutes and scanned his e-mails. “Not yet, I may receive the mail on Monday, but Roshni, I have it on my computer. I can start to show you some basic things. Shall we do it now?”
She nodded, and Deepak indicated to her to move to the dining table, and he joined her, sitting next to her.
He began his tutorial and walked her through the basics in the software while Roshni attentively listened to him. She asked a lot of questions and took notes. Both were so engrossed in teaching and listening, they did not pay attention to the time. It was already 8 p.m. Roshni turned towards the window, and it was dark outside. The sky was clear with twinkling stars, and a cool breeze through the window made her shiver. She asked Deepak to stop while she limped her way to the windows and enjoyed the twinkling stars and moonlight. She was very peaceful. After a few minutes, she closed the window and walked back to the family room and rested on the sofa.
Deepak was very impressed at Roshni’s knowledge, her capability to learn, and her organizational skills. Roshni on the other hand was impressed with Deepak’s talent, his knowledge of the software, his teaching skills, and his patience to answer her questions. It was apparent both had a great time together, teaching and learning.
Roshni got up to walk to the kitchen when Deepak asked her to relax. He went into the kitchen and fixed dinner for both of them. Roshni was very appreciative of Deepak being so caring of her and all the support he provided.
They had their dinner and cleaned the kitchen and dishes together – great teamwork visible between them!
Roshni practiced walking with little or no support with crutches and managed a few steps without pain and discomfort.
Deepak helped her get ready for bed and went to change into his pyjamas.
One question that bothered him was why Roshni had behaved so differently that morning when asked to go to the airport. But what could be bothering her? Why was she so upset and quiet?
He joined
her on the bed. “Roshni, can I ask you a question?”
Roshni looked towards him and nodded.
“You were disturbed and did not want to come to the airport this morning. What happened?”
Roshni casually looked at him and did not respond.
Deepak again insisted on the same question, but this time, he came closer to her and cupped her cheek with his hand. “Roshni, you can tell me. Is there anything I can do to help you? Is everything all right?” he asked her very lovingly.
Except for her babuji, nobody else asked her this question in the past, and nobody was so caring and concerned for her. She could not contain herself and burst into tears.
Deepak moved a little closer to her and placed his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer. “Roshni, what is the matter? Would you please talk to me? I’m really worried for you.”
She couldn’t handle his love and care, and she cried, but all she could say was, “No, nothing.”
Nothing seemed pretentious when Deepak expressed his concern; he was very real. He sincerely made every effort to make her comfortable. Finally, after a few minutes, he held her hands with one of his and wiped her tears with the other hand. “Roshni, all I want you to know is that I am here for you any time. You are not alone. Whatever comes our way, we will fight it together. I want you to have that confidence in me.”
As he said these words, his eyes became moist. It was difficult for her to find him trustworthy, but he tried, and one day, hopefully she would turn around.
Roshni looked into his eyes. “Deepak, I just need some time, some time for everything. It feels like I’m being forced into a few things. I just need time… I hope you will understand,” she requested of him.
Both knew each other so well, they could read each other’s minds and understand each other. It was a matter of time before they came together. It was more important for Roshni – she needed to be convinced completely that Deepak’s care, love and affection were all real, that he was not pretending, that he wanted her back in his life and that was why he was here.
Love after Marriage Page 34