“What are you doing, Deepak?”
“You relax. I’m making rice pulav for lunch.”
“Can I help you find any ingredients?”
“No, I found all I needed,” he responded.
Roshni was aware of his cooking skills. She didn’t argue but relaxed on the sofa, massaging her foot while Deepak was busy in the kitchen.
He added the vegetables, garam masala, salt and rice to the pan and fried everything together for a few minutes. Occasionally he brought the spoon to this nose and smelled the spices; he took a deep breath, inhaling the aroma. He enjoyed cooking – there was no doubt! He added water, placed the lid, and allowed the rice to cook along with the spices.
In the meantime, he unpacked the bags and changed into comfortable clothes. Roshni also had a face wash and changed into a comfortable house gown. He amazed her every time, his efficiency and planning, all of it.
Within less than an hour, the pulav was ready. They had pulav with homemade yogurt that Roshni had made the previous day. The rice pulav was certainly delicious, and Roshni complimented Deepak on his cooking skills!
After lunch, Roshni spent time getting the house ready for Diwali. Chathurdasi was on Tuesday followed by Diwali on Wednesday. Deepak relaxed in the family room with his computer, and Roshni got the altar and pooja thali ready. That evening, Lakshmi brought some jasmine garlands and left them with Roshni. The fragrance of jasmine flowers spread everywhere. Roshni smiled to herself, feeling very excited for Diwali.
~ ~ ~
It was Naraka Chathurdasi. Chathurdasi is the fourteenth day of the lunar calendar, a day prior to new moon day. The day is celebrated for the victory of good over evil, the mythological story of the killing of the demon Narakasura one day before Diwali.
The celebration also marks the return of Lord Rama to his kingdom, Ayodhya, on this day after fourteen years of exile and after killing Ravana, the demon king. The celebration includes the making of sweets and savories and distributing them to friends and family, the lighting of lamps around the houses, the bursting of firecrackers, and performing Lakshmi pooja to the goddess of wealth.
Roshni woke up Deepak very early as per tradition, and after a bath in the early hours, Roshni wore a salwar suit that Deepak had bought for her, and Deepak wore the kurta pyjama. Both completed the rituals of lighting lamps all around the house and decorating the altar with jasmine garlands. They could hear the fire crackers outside. Deepak followed Roshni’s instructions without any questions and very much enjoyed performing all the rituals along with her. Just being with her was enough for him; nothing else mattered.
All the sweets were offered to God, and she made Deepak do the arati and offering. After arati, he could not resist eating the sweets; he fed Roshni and ate himself. Both of them had a good time performing the rituals. Since living in the apartment, Roshni had met a few neighbors. She accepted his help and packed the sweets to be distributed to the neighbors. Upon Roshni’s instructions, Lakshmi helped her distribute the sweets. Several neighbors also delivered their sweets and savories.
The day passed with Roshni making a meal and Deepak helping her. They missed having the family around, but with each other, they were a complete family.
Deepak and Roshni lit lamps all around the house and balcony in the evening. Roshni reminded him of Lakshmi pooja the next day, and he agreed to perform all the rituals. One could see he was elated!
~ ~ ~
The next day was Diwali, the New Moon Day; a day where most families in North India perform Lakshmi pooja in the evening. Roshni and Deepak together decorated the altar, lit oil lamps, and placed the jasmine garland around Goddess Lakshmi’s picture. Deepak lit the incense, and the grey smoke dispersed, spreading the jasmine fragrance.
Guided by Roshni, Deepak performed the Lakshmi pooja in the evening, chanting hymns in Her praise and performing arati. Deepak was enjoying his ‘alone’ time with Roshni. Both of them wore new clothes. During the day, Roshni wore the new suit Deepak had purchased for her, and in the evening she wore a sari for the pooja, and this made him very happy. He also wore the kurta pyjama set she’d selected for him, and Roshni was happy to see him in this suit.
The acceptance from her side was becoming visible!
After the ritual and offering of food and laddus to Goddess Lakshmi, they had their dinner and sat on the balcony, enjoying the firecrackers. All the houses were brilliantly lit with lights and lamps, the stores on the streets were decorated with marigolds and lamps, and colorful lights decorated the exterior. It was festive everywhere!
Roshni felt sad because it was only them and wished all was well so they could have celebrated Diwali with Sashank bhaiya, Kusum bhabhi, Akash bhaiya and everyone. She sighed and consoled herself. Deepak enjoyed every bit of this time with Roshni. He enjoyed being guided through the rituals, wearing new clothes as she suggested, watching the various sizes and shapes of fire crackers, seeing the decorations all around, and spending time with her made him happy.
He imagined next Diwali in the US with both of them – Roshni getting excited to make various sweets and savories, both of them decorating the house with flowers and lamps, and a get-together with his friends. He was lost in these thoughts when Roshni spoke.
“Unbelievable, it’s already the middle of November, and Diwali is almost over. Time passes so quickly,” she said.
“Yeah, Sheetal will be arriving soon. I hope she had a good time with her parents.”
“Hope so. Do you know what time she’s arriving?” Roshni smiled. “She’ll be happy to see me walking. I wish I could take this sling and the cast off completely.”
“You’re recovering well; only a few more days before the sling and cast will be taken off. You’ve been patient, Roshni, only few more days, hang on.” He held her hand and cheered her.
She acknowledged his gesture. “Yeah, a few more days.”
She looked forward to the day when her sling and cast would be removed, giving her more freedom to move.
Chapter 31
Roshni forgives Deepak
Deepak and Roshni enjoyed celebrating Dashera and Diwali with each other. However, there were a few occasions when Roshni felt sad, and she would move away to her room or not indulge in any conversation. Their relationship had grown to such an extent that both of them could read each other’s minds and be there for each other. Deepak was very open and did not hesitate to discuss any topic with Roshni; however, Roshni was a very private person.
On one occasion, Roshni appeared to be lost in thought, and she moved away to the bedroom and gazed out of the window. The past came back to her: her childhood activities, her attachment to her babuji, her marriage and Babuji passing away. She could not forgive herself for Babuji’s death, and this brought anger in her towards Deepak.
She was engrossed in these thoughts, paying no attention to Deepak, who stood next to her and patiently waited for her to come back to her senses. She wiped her tears and ignored him. She wanted to walk away, but he held her hand and pulled her to him. She carried mixed emotions – sadness, anger at her fate, anger at Deepak for doing what he did so soon after their marriage – and was certainly in no mood even to look at him. He wanted to give her the comfort she looked for; would she accept it?
He held her chin and lifted her head to face him. “Roshni, what happened? You’ve been very down and sad for some time. What is bothering you? Can you talk to me about it? Maybe you will feel lighter.”
“I’m fine. Please let me go,” she said and wiped her tears.
“No, you are not fine. Please tell me…how can I help you?”
“Just leave me alone. I don’t want to talk about anything now.”
She pleaded with him to leave her, and he let her go with a heavy heart.
These situations confused Deepak. There were times when he felt she would forgive him and accept him as her husband; however, there were too many occasions such as these where he doubted if she would ever forgive him! He sensed there
was still some inhibition in her, and what could that be? If only she would reveal it to him!
Time was running out with only few more weeks left. What should he do? Sheetal called quite frequently to check on the situation and so did his good friends Vivek and Vaishali…it was the same story every time. There was some improvement, but Roshni was still at a distance from him.
Diwali was over, and Sheetal would be back from Poona. She was returning on the following Thursday, a week after Diwali. Should he ask her for help? Of course, her leaving for Poona had helped him tremendously to come closer to Roshni, but would she ever forgive him?
Deepak and Roshni never had an open conversation regarding what had happened with their marriage. Deepak apologized to her few times, but nothing more. Roshni never had an opportunity to vent her feelings to him. She appreciated Deepak’s efforts to be with her when she needed him this time, and she watched him closely. There were good qualities in him, and she certainly admired him more. She had no doubts that he cared for her and loved her, and she trusted there was no other woman in his life.
More importantly, she was able to relate to him better now. She understood him better for what he did and said soon after the marriage and that he regretted it even today. She had more respect for him now, but there was this slight inhibition in her, and until she opened up to him and vented her feelings, she probably would remain distant. Was Deepak aware of this?
Deepak was unable to see this internal suffering of Roshni. He was restless too!
Roshni was in the kitchen preparing chai while Deepak was in the living room with his laptop. He glanced at her occasionally, and she was quiet and engrossed in her thoughts. He had several thoughts in his mind as he tried to figure out why she felt inhibited and had not accepted him yet!
The sadness and sorrow she had buried; he believed most of it was due to the events that had happened soon after their marriage, and he was aware that Roshni felt guilty for her babuji’s death.
As these thoughts rolled in his mind, lightning struck him – they’d never had any open conversation regarding their marriage or the other situations she’d encountered after their marriage. She never had the opportunity to vent her feelings. He had done all the talking, and she was patient and listened to him, but he never gave her the opportunity to vent. That was it!
The more he thought about it, the more he became convinced that she needed to bring it out, and only then she would feel relieved and accept him. He was so excited as this thought flashed in his mind, he shut his laptop and got up from the sofa and ran his fingers through his hair and wondered how he could achieve this. He had to carefully think it through and at the right moment instigate her to vent her frustrations and anger that she held for him.
This would be his last attempt to win her back!
If things did not change, he was ready to accept that he’d lost her and move on; however, he was not ready to give it up so quickly. He was mentally prepared to stay in India however long it took for him to bring her back, and he was determined to go back to the US with Roshni.
Roshni brought chai for him. She was stunned to see him get up so swiftly and kept looking at him. “Are you all right?” she asked.
“Yes…yes. Just a thought occurred, and I was…could not contain the excitement,” he answered. “Roshni, do you feel better?”
Roshni, without a word, nodded her head and was ready to walk away when he asked, “Where is your chai?”
“In the kitchen.”
“Kitchen? Why? You sit here and have this chai. I’ll get the other one for me.” He forcefully made her sit on the sofa. She complied and relaxed on the sofa while Deepak brought the chai and joined her. He made attempts at light conversation with her while he tried to think of how he could create a situation for her to vent. No clue yet!
“Roshni, can I massage your foot? You have been on your feet a lot since yesterday.”
“No, I’m fine. It aches a little – you know, extended standing – but I’ll be all right,” she assured him.
Soon their conversation turned to Sheetal and her vacation, and then they talked about this Diwali being the first one after their marriage and also the first for Kusum bhabhi and Sashank bhaiya.
“I wish Akash bhaiya was also married. I really hope he finds a nice girl soon,” Deepak said.
“I think he found himself a girl,” responded Roshni without a second thought. She paused and looked towards Deepak, waiting for his reaction.
“What?”
Roshni nodded.
Deepak smirked. “Roshni, what are you saying? You mean…Akash bhaiya found a girl! Who is she? Do you know her well? Please tell me.” He was curious to know.
“I only suspect at this time. I will tell you once I have some more information.”
“Unbelievable! You are here and he is there, and still you suspect he found a girl.” He smiled.
“Yes.” She was very confident when she said this, and Deepak wanted to know more.
Roshni believed Sheetal and Akash liked each other. They enjoyed each other’s company, and she strongly suspected that Sheetal and Akash communicated via e-mail and phone. She was waiting for the right time to discuss this with them. She felt a little better thinking of this after a very sad day. Her promise to get both brothers married might be fulfilled very soon!
The relationship between Sheetal and Akash had grown tremendously. The communications increased – both by phone and e-mail. Akash visited Poona to meet Sheetal a couple of times, once for a spiritual workshop and once just to meet her. He was introduced to her parents, and they enjoyed Akash’s company too. They sensed a relation between Akash and Sheetal; however, they waited for Sheetal to inform them.
Diwali was over, and Sheetal had to come back to Bangalore in a few days’ time. Sheetal was interested in Akash, but she wanted to first discuss this with Roshni before she said anything to her parents.
Akash was also interested in Sheetal. He felt she was the right life partner for him. However, he too wanted to talk to Roshni and Deepak first before proceeding any further.
After Diwali, Sheetal planned to fly back on Thursday November 23rd. Friday was Deepak’s birthday, and Akash had talked to Sheetal about visiting Bangalore for his birthday and, of course, an opportunity to be with Sheetal. He booked his ticket and gave the details to Sheetal. They planned out everything so that Sheetal would have a cake ready at the time Akash came home, and they would have a small celebration for Deepak. All this was a surprise for Roshni and Deepak.
~ ~ ~
Finally it was Thursday, November 23rd, and Deepak picked Sheetal up at the airport. She definitely looked relaxed and rejuvenated.
On the way back in the car, Deepak said, “So I hope all went well with your stay in Poona. How are your parents?”
“Yes, it was nice to be there for such a long time. Aai and baba are doing well.” Sheetal continued, “So how are things between you and Roshni? Any improvement in the situation?”
Deepak looked at her. “Yeah, thanks, Sheetal, for giving us this opportunity to bond together. Things have improved, but Roshni, I think, still feels inhibited.”
“I’m glad there is some improvement in the situation, but, Deepak, keep in mind she has been stung very badly, and for her to respect and credit you is not easy. It will certainly take time.”
Deepak nodded and agreed. “I understand. That’s why I’m here, but you know, if she’s keen on the date she set for herself, that date is not too far off. I most likely will be able to postpone my stay until I lose all hope, but she is so strong…I’m afraid she might just take off.”
“I don’t think she would do that, Deepak. I have a feeling she has evidence that you are dependable. Obviously there is something still in her heart that is prohibiting her from accepting you completely.”
Deepak interrupted her. “Exactly… I realized a few days ago that I think it has a lot to do with me. She was very angry with me, and she never had the opportunity to
vent it out. She has to bring that anger out completely, and I’m hoping, sincerely, that she will be relieved and maybe then accept me,” he said and crossed his fingers. He took a deep, long breath. “This is my last chance, Sheetal. If this doesn’t work, I think I’ve lost her completely. This would make me really sad!”
Sheetal noticed Deepak was worried. “Deepak, please don’t lose hope. You came here with enthusiasm and a strong will to bring her back; don’t give up now.”
“I’m not, but with so many weeks passed and with just a few left, I am lost. I do not know what more I can do to establish my credibility.”
He heard a beep on his cell phone, and it was Vivek and Vaishali. “Hello, Vivek, how are you all doing?”
“We’re fine, Deepak. How about you? How are things moving at your end?” asked Vivek.
“We’re doing good. I’m at the airport to pick up Roshni’s roommate, Sheetal.”
Deepak continued, “Vivek, Sheetal has been very supportive like you and Vaishali, and she did everything she could to bring us together.”
“Very good. How is Roshni feeling?”
“There is a lot of improvement; her casts will be taken off next week.”
“Oh, good. So tell me, how are things between you and her.”
“There has been great improvement in our relationship, but Roshni feels inhibited. Meaning, I don’t think she’s ready to accept me yet!”
“Deepak, can you give me a few more details, please? By the way, hold on, I will put you on speaker so Vaishali can talk and hear you,” Vivek responded.
“Okay.”
“Now tell us.”
“I just realized this a couple of days ago; there is still some inhibition in Roshni, and I think I know the reason… Actually, Sheetal and I were discussing that before your call.” He continued, “I can easily see a lot of sorrow, anger and frustration she has within her and I have a feeling this is because of me…I mean, our marriage. She has come a long way since I came here, but there is just something in her that she does not talk about, does not share, and she moves away from me.”
Love after Marriage Page 37