Raw Deal (Beauty for Ashes: Book One)

by Dayo Benson

  Chapter 26

  I managed to avoid Jace rather successfully the next day, and I stayed off school on Friday. I didn’t see him at all until Monday morning the following week, which was inevitable, because we had economics. I expected him to ignore me, but he gave me an awkward smile when our eyes met. I gave him a small smile back, and we both quickly looked away.

  Why did Jace make me so nervous? It was so stupid! You are blond and you are wearing Chanel, I told myself. How could I be feeling stupid in this Chanel masterpiece of a dress?

  “I don’t believe what you did to Jace,” Michelle whispered to me.

  I stared at her. I couldn’t believe Jace had told her. McGee hadn’t arrived yet, so I dragged her out of the classroom to the bathroom. “What did he tell you?”

  “Well, he didn’t actually tell me anything, but he said something yesterday in youth group, because we were talking about temptation. I knew he was talking about you.”

  So Jace had been mouthing off about me at church! “What did he say?”

  Michelle glared at me. “You know what you did, Lexi. How could you? I felt so sorry for him.”

  “Oh, please,” I said with a roll of my eyes and a toss of my blond head. “Michelle, that was just a moment of insanity. I don’t know why I did it. I don’t even like Jace anymore.” I knew that Michelle would report everything I said back to Jace, just as she was reporting everything he said to me.

  “Good,” she said with an annoyed scowl. We went back to class.

  I didn’t see Monica all day. I called her when I got home. She told me it was because her parents had been fighting all night, but she promised to be in school the next day. She wasn’t, and I called her again. This time she said she was sick. I didn’t believe her. Her parents had probably been fighting again, but I didn’t ask. I told her she’d better be in school on Wednesday. I was sick of hanging out with just Sandy.

  I was about to call her on Wednesday after school when the doorbell chimed. I went to get it. It was Tanya. Her eyes were red, and she looked awful.

  “What?” I asked. If I were my usual self, I would probably have been concerned that she was crying, but after my conversation with Michelle on Monday, I was on the defensive. I didn’t want to hear anything like, ‘I’m crying for your soul.’ Maybe she wanted to tell me that after what I did to Jace I was destined for the worst part of that place of torment.

  “Monica is in hospital. She took an overdose.”

  My heart leapt. I tugged a jacket from the coat hooks by the door, and then followed Tanya to her car. “When did she do it?”

  “Not long ago, I think. Probably about two hours ago. They’re saying she’ll be okay, but she’s in bad shape.”

  “How did you know?”

  “I went to check on her because she hasn’t been in school, and I saw her lying there. I called an ambulance.”

  I couldn’t believe it. I’d thought Monica was better now. Hadn’t she taken her medication?

  I was horrified when we got to the hospital, and I saw her. She was hooked up to all sorts of machines, and there were wires and tubes everywhere. Seeing Monica lying so still and silent was scary. She usually had so much energy.

  Her mom looked distraught, and Tanya’s mom was by her side, holding her hand. Tanya and I were told to go back out to the waiting room.

  I started crying. I knew it was irrational, but I felt partly responsible. Why hadn’t I made Monica come and sleep over in my house when she told me her parents were fighting again? I should have done something to help her. I should have made her keep going to the therapist. I shouldn’t have let her stop.

  Jace, Matt, and Michelle arrived some minutes later and went in to see her. Michelle came out crying, and I could tell that the guys were biting it back.

  The four of them held hands to pray, and Michelle looked over at me. She let go of Tanya’s hand and held out a hand to me. I decided to join in. I listened to the rest of them pray, hoping that if there was a God He would listen to them.

  What if Monica died? What was I going to do? How was I going to survive that? Especially when she had died on purpose, and I could have helped to stop it? I looked at Tanya who was praying her heart out. It was a good thing she’d gone to check on her. I would never have thought to do that. I wouldn’t have known where to look for a key to let myself in either.

  I couldn’t stop crying, even when everyone else managed to compose themselves a little. Monica was the closest thing I had to a best friend right now. She just couldn’t die. She’d made me feel at home since the first day I’d returned to Kingston High, and I would never forget that.

  Jace passed me a tissue, and I wiped my eyes and blew my nose. Monica couldn’t die. She just couldn’t.

  ***

  “I have to leave now,” I told Tanya, after my mom called me for the umpteenth time. It was getting on ten o’ clock, and Monica’s condition had not improved. The doctors were being annoyingly tight lipped about what was going on.

  “I think we should all go,” Matt said with a heavy sigh, followed by a yawn.

  I remembered that I didn’t have my car. “I need a ride.”

  “I’ll take you,” Jace offered.

  I didn’t miss the look that Matt and Tanya exchanged. “I’ll get a taxi.”

  “I’ll give you a ride,” Tanya said. “I brought you, so I should take you back.”

  “No, I’ll take her,” Matt said. “I think I go her way to get home anyway.” He looked at me. “You live by school, right?”

  “Look at you all wanting to take me home,” I said sarcastically. “I think I’ll go with Michelle.”

  “Sorry,” Michelle said. “I came with Jace.”

  I lifted my eyebrows. So it was okay for Jace to be alone with Michelle but not me. Did they think I was a rapist or something? “Okay,” I turned to Matt, “I’ll go with you. Yes, I live by school.”

  I followed Matt outside to his car. When my mom called me again, I told her I was on my way home now.

  The half an hour drive to my house was silent. Matt and I were both lost in our own thoughts. I started crying again on the way. What if the doctors couldn’t save Monica?

  My mind went back to when my own dad lay in a hospital bed, just like Monica was now, with tubes, wires, and machines all over the place. We’d been told that he had a pretty good chance of surviving, but he hadn’t survived.

  I was glad that Matt let me cry in peace. I hated it when people tried to say something to make you feel better. You couldn’t feel better in situations like this, neither did you want to.

  “Will you be okay?” he asked when he pulled up outside my house.

  I nodded. “I’m fine. Monica’s the one in a hospital bed. She’s the one that needs to be okay.”

  “Yeah,” Matt agreed. His voice was quiet and reflective. “I think I’ll be up all night, telling God it can’t be over for her until she accepts Jesus. That should make Him do something about it.”

  I was going to roll my eyes, but I stopped myself. His prayers might work. Who knew? “Well, I hope He’s there, and I hope He listens.” I pulled down the visor and checked my reflection. “I look terrible.”

  “No, you don’t. You always look great.”

  I glanced at Matt. “Thanks.” I flipped the visor back up and studied him. He was cute, even if in a pretty-boy kind of way.

  “What?” Matt asked.

  “Michelle likes you.” Matt didn’t answer, and there was no change in his expression. “Is the feeling mutual?” I prodded. “You can’t say no. All the guys like Michelle.”

  “She’s a nice girl.”

  “Does that mean you like her?”

  “She’s just my friend.” Matt ran a hand through his hair making it stick up in odd places. “Can I talk to you about Jace?”

  “What’s to talk about?” I unhooked my seatbelt. If he wanted to start talking about Jace, I was getting out. “I saw how you guys got all panicked when he offered me a ride.”


  “Sorry about that.”

  “I don’t know what you think I’m going to do to him. I’m not about to violate him against his will or anything. I’m not that desperate.”

  “The hotel thing was pretty desperate.”

  I winced. “I know. I guess I’ll never live that one down. I can’t believe Jace had to announce it at church, though. Geez!”

  “But why would you even do something like that?” Matt questioned. “You don’t look like that type. I couldn’t believe it.”

  I let my head fall back against the headrest. My head was starting to bang. “Yeah, it was a moment of insanity, inspired by Monica, actually.” I shut my eyes. “Oops, I guess I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.”

  “She’s not dead.”

  “Yet.”

  “Words have power, Lexi. Don’t say what you don’t want.”

  I opened my eyes and pushed my hair back from my face. “I should let you go.”

  Matt started his car. “Lexi?”

  “What?”

  “Jesus loves you.”

  I opened the car door. “He needs to be loving Monica right now.”

  Chapter 27

  Jace emerged from the school gym dripping with sweat, his shirt slung over his shoulder. He bumped fists with a couple friends, and they went their way. He headed toward his locker, not noticing me approach.

  What was his obsession with baring his torso? We all knew he worked out. Did he have to give us evidence at every opportunity he got! I didn’t want any reminders of my evening in his lair. Nevertheless, the flashbacks were coming thick and fast.

  I was about to dodge into another corridor when he saw me. He pulled his shirt over his head. “Hey, Lexi.”

  Better! Now I could look at him without blushing. “Hey.”

  I wished I could tell him that he would have left with a pizza and nothing more, had he come to the hotel last week. But to bring it up would be too embarrassing, and I’d just sound like I was trying to make excuses. We both knew what I’d done was lame, and it was best if we both forgot it.

  I caught the smell of his cologne as I walked past. I was sure it was Joop Jump. I had bought him that for Christmas.

  I snuck out to my car and started making my way to the hospital to see Monica. A lump rose in my throat as I drove. What if I got there and she was dead? That would be too painful, and I didn’t think I could handle it. I considered turning back and going home but I had to see her. I had to know.

  I hadn’t been to any of my morning classes. I knew I wouldn’t be able to focus, so I’d hidden in the school library alone with my depression. Plus, I was tired. I’d barely slept a wink all night, and it wasn’t the Internet this time. It was worry—and fear.

  Life was a joke. Death was the only thing anyone could be sure about, and who knew when it was going to strike? Maybe I should pray. How did you pray anyway? Last night, Tanya and the rest had prayed, mainly with their eyes closed and just like they were talking to someone. They didn’t have a prayer book or anything.

  God, please let Monica be okay when I get to the hospital. That would prove to me that You exist.

  My heart was in my throat as I parked my car outside the hospital. When I asked at the reception for Monica Williams, I was given a different room number from the one she’d been in yesterday, and I was filled with dread. Monica was in the dead people’s room. I just knew it.

  I cursed myself for praying as I pushed the button for the elevator. For all I knew, Monica could already have been dead for hours. I felt sick as I rode to the second floor and then made my way down a long narrow corridor to her room. Oh God, please.

  As I neared the door, I saw a lot of people standing outside it. My heart sank. The whole family didn’t come for someone who was alive. They came when someone was dead, as I had learned from my dad’s death. Family that we hadn’t seen for years had materialized from thin air, crying like they cared.

  I saw Monica’s mom, and I went to her. “How’s Monica?” I asked. If she was dead, I wasn’t stepping foot in that room. My eyes filled with tears, and I started crying. “I’m sorry.”

  Monica’s mom hugged me tight. “She’s fine. God did it. She’s been awake since around midnight. She’s even been eating, and you know how she is about what she eats. Well, she’s been eating everything in sight.”

  I nodded dumbly. Monica was fine. Of course, she was. Still, I couldn’t stop crying. Monica’s mom hugged me again. I felt so relieved that I just wanted to lay down somewhere and sleep. I was so exhausted from all the worrying.

  I went into the room to see her. She was sitting up with a fashion magazine on her lap. She pulled a face when she saw me. “Hey, Lexi.”

  I hugged her tight. “Monica, I’m so happy.” I clung to her, still crying. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”

  “Wow, I didn’t know anyone actually cared about me,” Monica said when I finally pulled back.

  “How can you say that?”

  Monica’s eyes filled up. “I’m stupid. I know. I was just so fed up, and I didn’t think about the effect that this would have on other people.” I held her hand, and she gave my hand a tight squeeze. “I’m so glad it went wrong.”

  I was glad, too. “Just don’t do it again, please.”

  “I won’t. I’m really sorry. I can’t believe it. It’s so embarrassing.”

  I put my card on the table with the other get well cards. If Monica had woken up at midnight that meant my prayer had been too late anyway—medicine after death, or life in this case.

  I sent Tanya, Matt, Michelle, and Jace a text to let them know that Monica was okay. They came to the hospital after school. The word at school was that Monica was sick. No one knew she’d attempted suicide, and they weren’t going to know.

  I let Tanya take my place at Monica’s bedside, and I went to the hospital cafeteria.

  “Just a coffee, please,” I told the girl at the cash register. I looked up at the menu on the wall. “Actually, make that a latte.”

  I sat down at a small grimy table. The grime bugged me, but the other tables were no better. I stared into my drink and blew on it to cool it down. Someone dropped into the seat opposite me. I looked up. It was Jace.

  He offered a tentative smile, which quickly disappeared when I didn’t return it. Yep, he was definitely wearing the fragrance I’d bought him.

  “Does Cousin Tanya know you’re down here with me?” I asked. I forced a neutral expression, as conflicting emotions tugged at me inside. I wanted to be friends, but I wanted to throttle him at the same time.

  “Did you get the Bible?”

  “Yes.” I tried to sip my coffee, but it was still too hot. “And yes, I read the bits you wanted me to.”

  “So what did you think?”

  “One of them scared me.”

  “Which one?”

  “I can’t remember.” I added a packet of sugar to my drink and stirred. This was uncomfortable. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes properly. I felt low and totally ridiculous.

  “Have you been reading any other parts?” Jace asked.

  “No.”

  “Did you throw it away?”

  “No, but I might as well, since I’m not planning on ever reading it again.” My cell phone trilled an ancient Michael Jackson song that my dad used to listen to. I’d downloaded it because it brought back memories, not because I enjoyed Michael’s falsetto.

  It was Tanya. “Monica’s asking for you. Have you left?”

  “No, tell her I’m coming up.” My latte was too hot to drink quickly. “Do you think I’ll be allowed to take this up?” I asked Jace.

  “Why not?”

  We went back up to Monica’s room together. Tanya gave us a look, but said nothing. The girl drove me crazy.

  ***

  Monica was discharged from hospital, but she didn’t come to school on Friday. After school I packed up some clothes and went to spend the weekend at her place.

  She wanted to sh
op on Saturday, so I let her take me to Beverley Hills and drag me around all the pop-your-eyes-out pricey shops.

  As we were scouring a boutique for nothing in particular, Monica told me she thought she wanted to go to Tanya’s youth group.

  “Why?” I asked.

  She looked slightly embarrassed. “I don’t know, but I’m not going alone. You’re coming too.”

  “No way. When are you going? Tomorrow?”

  “No. Tanya said the Tuesday youth group is better. You have to come, Lexi,” Monica pleaded. “Please.”

  “Okay, maybe,” I grunted. “But why do you want to go anyway?”

  Monica linked my arm and dragged me toward Escada. “I just want to try it. I’ve been thinking about a lot of things.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t you go getting religion crazy on me, too,” I grumbled.

  “Me?” Monica rolled her eyes. “As if!”

  Chapter 28

  Tanya rolled up in her black Toyota on Tuesday morning, while Monica and I chatted about last night’s episode of Top Model. There was one time when I spent a straight two weeks in London working for Moschino, and the model in the hotel room next to mine had bought a Top Model box set. Each night we’d dimmed the lights, sprayed my mom’s Prada perfume in the air, and ate ice cream while we watched an episode. Monica seemed to like this idea. We made a date for next week’s show: six o’ clock at my place.

  “Hey, girls,” Tanya sang cheerfully, stepping out of her car. She looked cozy in a fluffy white jacket and black neck scarf. Bouncy ringlets tumbled from beneath a black beret.

  Monica stared her down. “Why have we got the same hairstyle?”

  “This ain’t no hair style. My hair is curly, so is yours. That’s the way God made us.”

  “Well, you wear yours in braids. Where are the braids?”

  “Sick of braids.” Tanya removed her beret and patted her hair, looking in her car window at her reflection.

  “Your hair looks nice like that,” I told her.

  “Thanks.”

  “I have a math quiz today.” Monica stuck out her bottom lip. “Will you sit it for me since we have the same hair? No one will notice.”