“Did you give her reason to question you?”
Since my father was good at remaining objective and giving sound advice, I decided to state my dilemma. “I found out she was out with some other guy last night. I jumped to conclusions and made all kinds of crazy accusations.”
“What kind of accusations?”
I ran my hands over my face. “I called her late at night, asked whether she was alone. I implied she was in bed with this guy, the one I’d seen her with in the picture Kevin found online.”
“How did she react?”
“She basically told me I hadn’t changed a bit, that I was still the same immature jerk who thought he owned her.”
“Sounds like maybe Kara still brings out the worst in you.”
I didn’t want to believe that. “Why do I feel so goddamn jealous and possessive over her?” I sighed. “Her ex-boyfriend stopped by to see her this weekend, and I’m tellin’ ya, I wanted to bust this guy up just ‘cause I knew she’d...” I couldn’t even say it.
“Been with him?” my father supplied, looking amused. “Yeah, that’s a tough pill to swallow, isn’t it? Your mother and I broke up for a while the year after we graduated college, and she started dating someone else. I felt the same way every time I saw her with him.”
“You did?”
“I sure did.” He chuckled. “Took everything in me not to pummel him.”
My dad was still a big man, and he’d played college football, so I knew few men would have been able to take him down in his prime. “So why didn’t you?”
“I knew if I did, I’d ruin any chance I had of getting back together with her. You see, she broke up with me because I was a hothead. She said I wasn’t ready for marriage, that I had to grow up some first. Turns out she was right.”
At thirty-three, I shouldn’t have still been making the same mistakes my father had made in his early twenties. “How’d you prove to her that you were ready to be a husband and father?”
“By telling her the truth.” He smiled. “That I’d never be okay with seeing another man putting his hands on her because I loved her and, whether she liked it or not, she was mine. Had been since the day we met.”
I grinned when I thought about how my mother would have reacted to a statement like that. My mother was tough, an early-breed feminist who would hate having a man claim her like a possession. “What did she say to that?”
He laughed. “She told me it worked both ways, that if I didn’t dump the cute little redhead I’d been seeing, she would scratch her eyes out.”
I joined his laughter, feeling infinitely better than I had when I’d walked in the door. “Are you telling me I’m not crazy, that it’s normal to feel this way?”
“You’re not crazy. Of course, that doesn’t mean you can keep hurling accusations at the girl and expect her not to get pissed. You need to trust her. Do you think you can do that?”
That was the biggest question still remaining for me. “Here’s the thing,” I said, steepling my hands as I leaned back in my chair. “What if I let my guard down and fall in love with her again? She could do what she did before. Tell me she loves me, that she wants to marry me, then bail on me at the last minute.”
“I suppose she could do that. But do you think she would?”
“I don’t know.” I wanted to believe that wasn’t a possibility, but I didn’t want to go into this blindly.
“Well, then I suggest you figure that out before you move forward with this.” My father gripped my shoulder as he stood. “Because if you don’t believe she’s in this for the long haul, you better get the hell out while you still can.”
Chapter Nine
Kara
I was at the job site and having a conversation with Chase about the pillars they planned to install in the foyer when he asked whether I’d seen my sister that morning.
“Uh, no,” I said, looking around the open area. “But she wasn’t home when I got in last night. I think she had a date or something.”
“Goddammit,” he said, slamming his fist on the wood foundation for the bar. “She needs to take this seriously. She can’t just come and go as she pleases if we’re going to get this job done on time. See, this is the reason I wanted to use my own project manager.”
I thought about reminding him that we had hired his company, not the other way around, but I suspected his anger stemmed from the fact my sister was out on a date, not that she wasn’t there to field his questions. I touched his forearm. “You know Cat puts in her fair share of hours, Chase. So what’s this really about?”
“Nothing.” He took a deep breath, obviously trying to rein in his temper.
“I know there’s something between you two, but you need to know that Cat isn’t looking for a relationship right now,” I said gently. I really liked Chase and didn’t want to see him make the mistake of pinning his hopes on something that would never happen.
“Yeah, she told me.”
Catia was always honest with men about her commitment phobia. She often made a joke of it, and while it didn’t seem to bother most of the men she dated, it clearly didn’t sit well with Chase.
“Bottom line, we’re only here for a short time, so it’s not like you could have a future with her anyways, even if she was ready for something serious.”
“Let me ask you something. What if you met someone while you were in New York? Say you fell in love with him. Would you be able to walk away at the end of this project and just forget about him because it wasn’t ‘geographically feasible’ for you to be together?” he asked, making air quotes while his gruff voice dripped with sarcasm. Catia had obviously used that argument with him a time or two, and he wasn’t buying it.
I thought of Dustin and how imprudent it would be to fall in love with him again. I liked my life in Chicago. I loved my job. I didn’t see how I could have it all with him living in North Carolina. “Honestly, I don’t know what I would do.”
“You can’t deny what your heart or who your heart wants, Kara.”
It was almost amusing to hear this big, tough guy talking about feelings and emotions, but I didn’t dare crack a joke. I could tell he wasn’t in the mood to be teased.
“Hi, guys,” Catia said, breezing through the door. “Sorry I’m late. I had to—”
“Save your excuses,” Chase barked. “I have work to do.”
Catia watched him storm off before she turned to me. “What the hell is his problem?”
“I made the mistake of telling him you went out on a date last night. Clearly, he wasn’t happy. Have you two ever…” I rolled my hand, trying to make my point. When she shook her head, I said, “He’s pretty territorial for a guy you’ve never even slept with.”
“Tell me about it.” She bit her lip, watching Chase interact with one of his men.
“Speaking of your date, how was it?”
“Boring.”
“So you won’t be seeing him again?”
“I doubt it.”
“You know you’d have fun with Chase.” While he took his job seriously, he was a riot, often breaking the tension in meetings with an offhand comment that made everyone laugh. “Why don’t you just give it a try?”
She turned her back on him, almost as though she was afraid he might be able to read her lips. “Chase isn’t the kind of guy who makes it easy to walk away. He’s a keeper. And since I can’t keep him, it’s smarter for me not to go there. The last thing I need is to…”
“Fall in love with a man you can’t have?” I could tell by my sister’s somber expression that was exactly what she was afraid of. I was surprised, to say the least. I’d never heard her refer to a man as a keeper. “And you honestly don’t think you’ll have any regrets if you walk away without finding out where it could go?”
“I know where it would go with a guy like Chase,” she said, sounding irritated. “He’s Little League games, pizza Fridays, and football Sundays. He’s the coach every kid loves and dad every divorcee tries to s
ink her claws into. He’s the guy you call when your car breaks down or you need a hand moving something or…” Her voice trailed off when she realized I was gaping at her. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?”
“You’ve really taken the time to get to know him, and not just on a superficial level. You know what’s in his heart, and you like it,” I said, gripping her arm. “That’s what scares you.”
She rolled her eyes. “Do you know why he was late getting here last Friday?”
“No.”
“His next-door neighbor fell and broke her hip. Instead of calling 9-1-1, like most people would, he took her to the hospital and sat with her because apparently she’s eighty-eight years old and doesn’t have any family to look out for her.”
“Awww, that’s so sweet,” I said, glancing at the man in question.
“Exactly!” Catia threw her hands up in the air. “How the hell am I supposed to resist that? He’s not only a stand-up guy, he’s smart, successful, sexy as hell, and he’s made no secret of the fact he wants me. Me,” she said, flattening her palm against her chest. “I’ve seen gorgeous women pass through here over the past few months and try to flirt with him, but it’s like he only has eyes for me. I’ve never been with a guy like that before. It’s unnerving.”
Catia needed someone who would make her the center of his world after all the self-absorbed jerks she’d dated, and I happened to think Chase would be perfect for her. But my stubborn sister had a mind of her own, and once she’d made up her mind about something or someone, she rarely changed it.
“Enough about me,” she said, grabbing my arm. “Have you talked to Dustin again?”
“Every day.” Sometimes several times a day.
“And?”
“I thought it was going well. We were having great conversations, getting to know each other all over again, and I could have honestly said I liked him even more now than I did when we were together.” My sister knew how important it was to me to genuinely like the man I was dating. I often told her that I wanted to marry my best friend, my favorite person in the whole world.
“Past tense?” Catia asked, frowning. “What’d he do to piss you off?”
“He called me late last night, half in the bag and freaking out because I was out with Michael.”
“Michael? Your gay friend, the Broadway actor?”
“That’s him. We were at a premiere last night, and apparently our picture ended up online. Dustin saw it and was angry, but instead of questioning me about it, he implied I was sleeping with Michael. It just made me realize he hasn’t changed as much as I thought.”
“You know the way Dustin is,” Catia argued. “He’s always been protective of you.”
“There’s a difference between being protective and irrational. I want a man I can trust, who trusts me. We’ve been through so much. I just don’t know if it’s realistic to think we could ever have a normal, healthy relationship.” My phone buzzed, and Dustin’s number flashed across the screen. “It’s him.”
“You take it,” Catia said. “I need to talk to Chase.”
“Hello.”
“Hey, you got a minute?”
I walked away from the noise generated by the power tools to the large open area that would eventually become a state-of-the-art kitchen. “Sure, what’s up?”
“I just wanted to apologize about last night. I had no right to question you about who you were out with. We’re not even together. I just…”
“You just what?”
“I guess I just want to see where this could go, Kara. But I need to know how you feel.”
I leaned against a framed half-wall, running a shaky hand through my hair. My response to his question could impact my future in a big way. Was I brave enough to risk another broken heart?
“How can I walk away from you now?” I asked. “If we don’t explore this, I’ll spend the rest of my life the same way I’ve spent the last eight years—wondering how different things would have been if I’d had the guts to take a chance. A thousand times I’ve berated myself for not forcing you to listen to all the reasons why I wanted to wait. But days became weeks, then months, and I knew it was too late to go back.”
“Does that mean you’ll be in the Hamptons this weekend, so we can talk about this some more, face to face? Don’t get me wrong, I love talking to you on the phone, but I need to see you, to touch you, when we have this conversation.”
“I’ll be there.”
He sounded relieved when he asked, “When?”
“Early Friday evening, I think.”
“Perfect. I’ll barbeque; we can open a nice bottle of wine and just talk.”
After a few glasses of wine, I feared I would want to do a lot more than just talk, but I didn’t know if we were ready to take things to the next level. Sex with Dustin had a way of muddying the water, making me forget all of our issues and focus only on how incredible our intimate connection was. “I’ll see you then.”
***
Dustin
Late Friday afternoon, I was jogging along the beach, watching the construction crew clear more trees on my lot, when I stopped to envision the house. I could imagine the sun filtering through the large windows, the white board-and-batten façade, and wraparound porch. I could see the meandering stone paths and steps leading to the beachfront and the craggy flowerbeds blooming with colorful perennials. That was my gift. I could see it even before it came to life. But this time, I saw something else.
I saw Kara curled up in a lounger, wearing a short terrycloth bathrobe, her small hands wrapped around a large coffee mug, her feet bare. I saw her head tilted back to receive my kiss, a smile tipping her full lips.
I saw kids building sand castles on the beach, giggling as the tide rushed in to sweep their masterpiece away. I saw brightly colored towels stretched out on the warm sand while we caught afternoon rays. I saw barbeques with our family and friends on the deck. I saw lazy afternoons fishing, impressive fireworks displays, cold beers, and fishing trips.
I saw the life I wanted, and Kara was at the center of it.
That was when I turned to see her walking toward me. Her long dark hair was swept up in a ponytail. Her feet were bare, and she was wearing a simple white tank and cut-off jeans shorts. She looked younger, as though time had stood still and we hadn’t lost the last eight years to stubbornness and stupidity. I walked toward her slowly, my mind still racing with the realization that I didn’t think I wanted this life, the one I was building here, if she refused to be a part of it.
“Hey,” she said when we were just a few feet apart. “I managed to get away early. I thought I’d help you prepare dinner.”
I wanted to hold her, to draw her into my arms and kiss her like I hadn’t kissed her in years. Instead I took her hand and led her back toward the site where our dream home would be built. I was struggling to find my voice.
She tipped her head back, sighing contentedly. “It’s such a beautiful day. It’s so nice to get out of the city.”
I stepped into her path, bracketing her face with my hands. I didn’t ask permission or hesitate. I just knew I had to kiss her. She was warm and receptive, opening to me without hesitation as she slipped her arms around my waist and allowed me to freely explore her mouth. I groaned as I grabbed her hips, pulling her closer so she could feel my arousal. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d felt more alive. I’d kissed lots of women since the last time I’d tasted Kara’s lips, but that moment reminded me that another woman would never fit me as perfectly as she did.
Finally she broke away, and her gentle laugh got carried away by the breeze. “Wow, that was some greeting.”
I smiled against her lips, basking in our indescribable connection. For years I’d felt as though I was going through the motions, focusing on survival, one day at a time. And in one instant, with one kiss, she’d brought me back to life. That was how powerful this thing was between us.
“I’m glad you’re here,” I said, thre
ading my hands through her hair as I rested my forehead against hers.
“I am too.” She wrapped her arms around my waist and looked over my shoulder. “Looks like they’re making progress. It won’t be long now, will it? After years of envisioning it, you must be excited.”
“Yeah, I’m pretty stoked.”
I turned to face the equipment making light work of preparing the land for the construction crews who would come in next week and pour the foundation. I shifted us so she was standing in front of me, her back tucked snugly against my chest as I wrapped my arms around her waist.
“Tell me what you see. How do you envision it?” Since Kara was a visual person too, it wouldn’t be difficult for her to paint me a picture with words. I wanted to know that our visions were aligned. If there was something she wanted in this house I hadn’t intended to put there, I still had time to add it. Anything to make her happy.
She squeezed my arms, smiling. “Hmm, I see a large white house, two-story. Huge windows to take full advantage of this amazing view.” She turned her head to watch the waves roll in. “Has to have a wraparound porch with brightly colored rockers in front.”
Kara loved to read and was obsessed with revitalizing vintage treasures, so she used to tell me she’d strip and paint antique rockers for the front porch.
“You haven’t mentioned your porch swing.”
She laughed, making me smile. “I thought that was a given.” She inhaled deeply, closing her eyes. “And flowers, not neat and tidy, wild and free. Explosions of colors, all different kinds. Hydrangeas, peonies, rose bushes—”
I kissed her neck, making her tremble. “Go on, I’m listening.”
“Lots of color,” she said, her voice sounding slightly breathless as my hand settled over her abdomen. “Since the house and porch will be white, you’ll need splashes of color in the landscaping and outdoor accessories to add some interest.”
Kara (Starkis Family #4) Page 9