I heard the shower down the hall as I reached for the throw and pulled it over my bare legs. My sister always kept the apartment frigid in the summer, claiming heat and humidity did ugly things to her hair. “I was thinking about you too.”
“I miss you already. Is that crazy?”
The flutter of a thousand tiny butterflies filled my stomach. I never thought I’d hear him say those words to me again. “It’s not crazy. I feel the same way.”
“I don’t know what the hell we’re doing here, Kara. Part of me wants to run, and the other part wants to figure this out, to know whether we could have a shot.”
“You said today that you could never trust me again. Without trust, it could never work.” I didn’t want to remind him of all the reasons rekindling this relationship was a bad idea, but I refused to allow myself to hope for something that could never be.
“I don’t know if it’s possible. If you’d asked me just a few days ago if I could ever trust you again, I would have said no way in hell. But hearing your side of the story helped me put things in perspective.”
“You mean you’re willing to admit I may have been right to call off the wedding?”
“I would never admit that.” His voice was low and raspy when he said, “There’s only one thing I wanted to be more than an architect, and that was your husband.”
I sniffled when tears stole my response.
“But I shouldn’t have been so quick to send you away. I should have let you explain.”
I knew how much it cost him to admit it hadn’t been entirely my fault. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For giving me the chance to explain now. No matter where this goes, or doesn’t go, I’ll always be grateful that I had the opportunity to make you understand that my decision had nothing to do with how much I loved you. My feelings for you never wavered.”
He inhaled deeply before exhaling slowly. “You want to know the best thing to have come from this weekend, aside from seeing you again?”
“What?”
“Hearing you tell me that.”
I smiled before it slowly slipped. “But the worst part of the weekend must have been Jana walking out on you, huh?”
“She did what she had to do. I understand. In fact, she probably saved us both a lot of grief, ending it when she did.”
“As opposed to waiting until days before the wedding, like I did?”
“I’ve always wondered why you waited so long to tell me you couldn’t go through with it.”
“Like I said, I was terrified of losing you.” I was still shocked at how easily those words slipped off my tongue, at how easy it was to be vulnerable with him.
“I guess we had that in common then.” I could almost hear the smile in his voice when he said, “I should let you get some sleep.”
“Will I…?” I felt like a teenager again, wondering whether he would or wouldn’t call. “Um, hear from you again this week?”
“You can count on it, baby.”
Chapter Eight
Dustin
I was out for a few drinks with the boys, some I’d been friends with since high school and others since college, but one thing they all had in common was their intimate knowledge of my relationship with Kara, which was why I was hesitant to tell them she and I were talking again. They knew how messed up I’d been when she dumped me, and I didn’t want to hear them lecture me about how crazy I was to consider going down that road again.
It had been three days since she’d left the Hamptons, and I’d called her every night since.
“So you’re headed back to New York tomorrow?” my buddy Nolan asked as he smiled at the pretty blonde waitress delivering another round of drinks to our table.
“That’s the plan,” I said, reaching for my beer.
“You really planning to stay up there?” my best friend from high school, Kevin, asked. “What about all the other projects you’ve got going on?”
“That’s why I have people I can count on to run the show for me,” I said, leaning over to slap his back.
Kevin had been my right-hand man since we both graduated, degrees in hand and ready to take on the world. He was a gifted architect, but it was his sharp business mind that had helped put my firm on the map.
“Still, why not just hire a good general contractor or project manager to run the show in the Hamptons?” Kevin asked. “You don’t need to be there.”
“I have a good G.C. on site, but this is personal. You know that. I want to make sure there are no mistakes, that everything looks the way I want it to.”
“What are you gonna do with it now that you and Jana are…” Nolan dragged a hand across his throat, making a dramatic hissing sound. “Done?”
“It was my vision. What happened with Jana doesn’t change my plans.”
“Yeah,” my friend, Rich, said, “but it wasn’t just your vision. Won’t it be weird, building the place you were supposed to share with your ex?” He scowled. “I sure as well wouldn’t want any reminders of my ex. Keeping her mangy cat when she couldn’t take it with her was bad enough.”
I laughed at the reminder of the orange tabby who was blind in one eye and missing its tail. What a sight.
“What put you in such a good mood?” Rich asked, eyeing me suspiciously. “And it’s not just today. You’ve had that dumb-ass smile ever since you got back. For a guy who just got dumped, you seem way too happy.”
I’d already confided in Kevin about what had happened with Kara, but I would have to come clean with the others eventually. Since we were all a few beers in, this seemed like a good time. “I saw Kara this weekend.”
A chorus of “oh hell no” and “goddammit” rang out around the table. Not that I was surprised. My best friends had all lived through the aftereffects of my life post-Kara.
“Please tell me she’s married with a couple of kids by now,” Nolan said.
“A lesbian,” Rich said, pointing at me. “That’s why she couldn’t marry you, isn’t it? She’s into women.”
“Shut the hell up,” I muttered, reaching for my beer. I took a long pull. “We talked.” I knew my friends would probably never give Kara the benefit of the doubt—and if our situations were reversed and they were considering hooking up with girls who’d destroyed them, I would have told them they’d be idiots to even consider it—but I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t been thinking about Kara every minute since she left.
“You talked?” Nolan asked, looking pissed. “What the hell did she have to say for herself? What excuse could she give you to justify what she did?”
“She was young.” It had made sense when she said it, but hearing my friends’ perspectives made me question everything. Again. I’d been wavering all week, torn between wanting to see her again and selling the damn place so I’d never have to go back to the Hamptons and risk seeing her beautiful face.
“So what?” Nolan asked, crossing his arms. “Lots of people get married when they’re young. They find a way to make it work.”
“Yeah, but I was asking her to leave her family and friends behind to move here with me.”
“If she loved you so much, that wouldn’t have been a problem. She would have wanted to be wherever you were,” Rich said, dragging his beer across the table toward him. “Face it, man. She’s reeling you in again, making you believe what she wants you to believe.”
I’d never been accused of being gullible, but I couldn’t deny Kara had a serious hold on me. “You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, man. You make it sound so easy, like uprooting your whole goddamn life is no big deal, but it is a big deal, and—”
“How do you explain this if she’s so into you?” Kevin asked, flashing his phone at me. “She’s out with some other guy tonight.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” I grabbed his phone and scrolled down to see the caption beneath the photo. Apparently she’d been spotted at a Broadway premiere. Since her date was some big-name stage ac
tor, the paps had snapped their picture and posted it on an entertainment site.
When I’d talked to her last night, I mentioned I had plans with the boys after work, but she’d never mentioned her plans. I guess now I knew why. I didn’t have any right to expect her to stay in every night. We weren’t dating—we hadn’t even kissed or held hands—but the fact that we were talking at all was a big deal to me. I’d assumed she felt the same way.
“Sorry, man,” Kevin said, reaching for his phone.
“How did you even find that?” I asked, wishing I’d never seen the photo. Now that I had, I had to decide whether to demand answers or try to forget her all over again. “Seems like a pretty obscure site.”
“Google alert.”
I frowned, rubbing my temple. “Let me get this straight. You have a Google alert for my ex-fiancée’s name? Why?”
“I overheard you talking to her on the phone the other day. I was worried she might be playing you, so I decided to do a little digging to see what she was up to. I didn’t uncover much, so I thought it wouldn’t hurt to set up a Google alert to see if anything came up.”
It was weird but not unlike Kevin. He always had my back, whether I needed his help or not.
“So what are you gonna do now?” Rich asked. “Confront her about it or forget her?”
“It’s not like she doesn’t have the right to go out with other guys. I never asked her if she was dating.” I clenched my teeth at their collective eye roll. “She just broke up with some guy, so I assumed she wasn’t seeing anyone else. I guess I should have asked.”
“Would you listen to yourself?” Kevin asked, sounding frustrated. “Why the hell are you defending her? Just forget about her, man. She’s not worth it.”
“That’s my decision to make, not yours.”
I was lying in bed a few hours later, trying to decide whether to call her. I’d had too much to drink and had taken a cab home, so drunk dialing her was probably a bad idea, but I had to know why the hell she’d been out with some other guy tonight. Finally, I connected the call and waited, knowing I wouldn’t get a moment’s peace if she didn’t answer.
“Hey,” she said, sounding hoarse. “It’s late. I didn’t think you were gonna call tonight.”
“Were you asleep?” I should have apologized for waking her since she had to work in the morning, but I couldn’t form the words until she explained her date.
“Yeah.”
“Were you alone?”
“What?” She sounded more alert now. “Why are you asking me that? Of course I’m alone.”
“Why am I asking you that?” I grabbed my head, closing my eyes when the tension felt like a rubber band squeezing my skull. “You were out with some other guy tonight. I think the question is justified.”
“Are you drunk?”
I could drink a lot without sounding hammered, but she knew I’d been out to a bar with my buddies, so I knew she was just guessing. “No. Who the hell was he?”
“Oh my God, I don’t believe this. I thought you’d grown up, that you’d matured. But right now, you sound like the same jealous, possessive jerk I dated in high school and college, the one who wanted to own me. Who wanted to put a huge rock on my finger my freshman year of college so no other guys would talk to me.”
I still didn’t know why she thought that was a bad idea. It made perfect sense to me. “Don’t turn this around on me. I wasn’t the one who was out with someone else tonight.”
“If you’d done your homework, you would know that my friend is gay!”
I squeezed my eyes shut when the pitch of her voice pierced my head like a knife. “Gay? He’s your gay friend?”
“Yes. Any more questions?”
I should have apologized for jumping to the wrong conclusions, but it was obvious we had more important issues at hand. “Only you do this to me.”
“Do what?” she asked, sounding frustrated.
“Turn me into this insecure, overprotective Neanderthal.”
She laughed, but it sounded like more of a huff. “I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“Say you understand.” When she didn’t, I said, “I’m sorry I came at you like that. Just seeing you with another guy after some of the conversations we’ve had this week, it hurt. I thought we were getting closer—”
“I thought so too.” She sighed. “But, Dustin, I don’t want a relationship with someone who’s suspicious, overbearing, and immature, who’s determined to look for evidence that I’m screwing him over. I need someone who can trust me. You made it pretty clear that you weren’t sure you could ever trust me again, and I think this proves you can’t.”
My head protested when I sat up too fast, but I had to say or do something or this could be the last conversation we ever had. “Give me a chance.”
“A chance?”
“I’m still trying to figure things out.”
“You mean you’re still trying to figure out how you feel about me and whether you can trust me? Well, that’s the difference between you and me. I know how I feel about you, and I’ve never questioned whether I could trust you.” I wanted to ask her how she felt about me, but before I could ask, she said, “I don’t want a boy. I want a man. One who’ll love me unconditionally, allow me to be who I am, support me, and most importantly, trust me.”
I wanted to tell her I could be that man, but I knew actions spoke louder than words, especially given our history. “You can’t give up on me.”
“Why not?”
“Because you know you’d regret it if you did. Haven’t we both had enough experience with regret to know it’s just about the worst feeling in the world?”
“Oh, I can think of something that’s worse.”
“What?”
“Living with the knowledge that the man you love more than anything hates you.”
I wanted to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her that I was an idiot for letting her go. “Kara—”
“Get some sleep, Dustin.”
***
I went into work the next morning intent on telling my well-meaning friend to mind his own business, but before I could, my receptionist told me my dad was waiting in my office to see me. My old man wasn’t one for impromptu visits. The only time I saw him was when my mother invited me over for Sunday dinner once or twice a month.
“Hey, Dad,” I said, closing my door before gripping his outstretched hand. “Good to see you. What’s up?”
“Your mother told me what happened with Jana. I just wanted to make sure you’re all right.”
I gestured to one of two tufted leather sofas flanking the fireplace. My offices were housed in a converted Victorian house. I’d tried to go the conventional route, in a swanky new building downtown, but it hadn’t felt right. This setup suited me better.
“Can I get you a drink?” After waking up with a killer headache, I didn’t even want to think about alcohol, but my father had been known to throw a few back during the day.
“No, I’m good.” He sat down, crossing his ankle over his knee. “So tell me what happened. I thought you and Jana were getting along so well.”
I’d known my parents would have questions. This was, after all, my second failed engagement. They had to be thinking I would never give them grandchildren. “We were, but something happened.” I knew he would figure it out once I told him about Kara. If anyone understood how much I’d loved that girl, it was my father.
“What?”
“We were in the Hamptons together this weekend, and Kara showed up with Cat and Darius.”
“I see.” He folded his hands over his paunch. I got my height and stature from him, but he’d packed on a few pounds since he retired. “How’d that go?”
“You know I didn’t want to tell Jan about Kara because I was afraid of how she would take it.”
“I knew that would come back to bite you,” he said, waving a thick finger at me. “I’ve told you a thousand times, son, honesty is the best policy.”
“Go on.”
“She said she couldn’t go through with the wedding, and all I felt was relief. That’s when I knew she wasn’t the woman for me.”
After releasing a gusty sigh, my father ran a hand over his salt-and-pepper hair. “Okay. So Kara…?”
“We talked about the past. I think I have a better understanding of why she called off our engagement.”
“I’m glad to hear that.” He picked an invisible piece of lint off his black dress pants. “Now that you and Kara are talking again, there’s something you need to know. She came to see us after y’all broke up. She said she needed to explain what happened.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I couldn’t help feeling betrayed my own parents had kept that from me for so long.
“You weren’t in the right frame of mind at the time. It was two weeks after she called off the wedding. She found out we were going to the Hamptons for the weekend and that you wouldn’t be there.”
“What did she say?”
“Probably the same things she said to you. She told us she was sorry, that she loved you but just wasn’t ready to get married yet. She asked us for our forgiveness and said that she hated that she’d hurt you.”
That sounded like Kara. She wasn’t one to run away from her problems, so I couldn’t say I was surprised she’d wanted to have a face-to-face with my parents. But my mother could be formidable, especially when she felt compelled to defend or protect her family. “That took a lot of courage.”
“It did.” He smiled. “Of course, that girl was never lacking courage.”
My father’s take on the situation was interesting. I wouldn’t have described Kara as fearless when we were younger. She was the cautious one. But maybe when it came to the things that really mattered, she was a lot braver than I was.
“So where are you going with this, Dustin? Are you and Kara seeing each other again?”
“We’re…” I didn’t know how to describe what I felt for her, and after last night, I wasn’t sure whether I could count on her returning to the Hamptons any time soon or even taking my calls. “Trying to get past what happened, I guess. Figure out whether we’re mature enough to try this again.” I grimaced as I remembered the things she’d said last night. “She questions whether I am.”
Kara (Starkis Family #4) Page 8