“Hey,” Catia said when I opened the door. “Can we talk?”
What choice did I have? She’d come all this way. “Sure, come on in.” I followed her into the great room. “Can I get you anything?”
She shook her head, her high ponytail swaying with the movement. Her casual attire—cut-off jean shorts, blue tank top, and flip-flops—told me she hadn’t come from the job site, which meant this trip hadn’t been a spontaneous decision.
“If you’re here to talk to me about Kara, I can’t do this right now, Cat.” I raised a hand. “I’m sorry, but I—”
“She has endometriosis.”
I stared at her in shock as her claim settled in.
“There’s a good chance she won’t be able to have children, at least not without medical intervention.”
I closed my eyes as I tipped my head back. “Why the hell didn’t she tell me?”
“She was afraid. She didn’t want you to be with her just because you felt guilty or sorry for her or—”
“Goddammit, Cat!” I shouted, feeling all of the rage and frustration I’d been trying to suppress break through. “I love her!”
“I know you do,” she said quietly. “That’s what I tried to tell her. But you see, we have this friend who has endometriosis, and she and her husband haven’t been able to conceive, no matter what they try, and it’s done a real number on their marriage apparently. They were really tight, and now they’re considering separating because they can’t deal anymore.”
“Doesn’t mean that would happen to us.” I considered the things Kara didn’t know about me and the bearing that could have on our future.
“That’s what I tried to tell her. But you know how stubborn my sister can be.” She smiled. “Dare I say she’s not the only one?”
“Yeah, okay, I’m a stubborn ass. I admit it.”
“She’d kill me if she knew I was here talking to you.”
I knew Catia was taking a big risk, and I appreciated it. I dragged her into my arms and kissed her forehead. “Now that I know the reason she pushed me away, she’s not getting away with it.”
“Then you don’t care if you can’t have kids the old-fashioned way?” she asked, tipping her head back to look at me.
I tugged on her ponytail, grinning. “Doesn’t mean I won’t wanna make damn sure.”
“Come on,” she said, making a face, “do I really need to hear that?” She pushed against my chest, laughing. “What are you going to do to fix this? You really think you’ll be able to convince her that this won’t destroy you?”
“Not being with her is what’s destroying me, Cat.”
She smiled, touching the scruff on my jaw. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to her, you know. I love you just because you love her so damn much.”
I frowned. “I thought you loved me because I’m irresistible.”
She rolled her eyes. “Yeah, sure, that too. So how do you want to handle this?”
“Can you get her to come out here?”
“Maybe if she thinks you won’t be here.”
That hurt, but Cat was probably right. “So tell her I called you to check on her and I mentioned I was headed back to Raleigh for a while.”
“That should work,” she said, shaking her head. “I don’t think she has anything planned for this weekend. Does tomorrow work for you?”
“The sooner, the better.”
***
The next day, Cat texted to tell me they were on their way and to pull my truck into the garage so Kara wouldn’t know I was there. Since Kara was the one driving, she feared she’d hightail it out of there if she saw any sign of me.
I was holed up in my upstairs office when the girls arrived. I glanced out the window and held my breath when I spotted her. She looked gorgeous in a black-and-red strapless maxi dress and flat sandals. Her hair floated around her shoulders, reminding me how good it looked spread out over my pillow. My body stirred just thinking about it.
I texted Cat, not wanting to wait another second to see Kara.
Suggest she take a walk on the beach. Alone.
I’ll do what I can. Keep an eye out for her.
I wouldn’t take my eyes off the window, waiting for her to cross the beach. My patience was rewarded fifteen minutes later when she walked down the stairs leading from her deck to the sandy stretch between our homes. I walked outside when she was far enough away that she wouldn’t spot me. Leaning over the railing, I watched her walk farther before stopping in front of our house.
She tilted her head, and I saw her brush her hand across her face. I felt her tears, and I wanted nothing more than to run to her, scoop her up in my arms, and tell her she was crazy to think anything could prevent me from wanting to be with her. But I had to play it cool so I wouldn’t spook her.
I made my way down the path slowly, walking behind her, while glancing up occasionally to gauge the distance separating us. She still hadn’t sensed my presence, and I was glad. I had a few more minutes to decide what I wanted to say to her. I’d tossed and turned last night, thinking about how I wanted this to play out, but there was no way of determining how she would react to my news. When she finally turned and spotted me, she froze, and I knew she was considering whether fleeing was a viable option.
I walked toward her slowly while she seemed to be caught in a trance. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here? Cat said you went home.”
“This is home,” I said, raising my arms. “Isn’t that the same reason you’re here?”
“Honestly, I don’t know why I’m here,” she said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Logically, it’s the last place I should want to be, but I was drawn back here. When Cat suggested we come, I couldn’t resist.”
I couldn’t resist her. It took more self-control than I’d thought I possessed to refrain my hauling her into my arms and kissing away all of the doubt and sadness lurking in those beautiful brown eyes.
“Can we talk for a minute?” I hoped a minute would lead to a conversation that lasted through the night, planning our future while wrapped in each other’s arms.
“Why? Haven’t we said everything we have to say to each other already?”
“I haven’t.”
“Fine.” She walked slowly toward me, her hesitancy obvious in every step. “If you need closure—”
“This isn’t about closure.” We walked in silence for a few minutes, my hands clenched into fists to remind me I couldn’t reach for her. Yet. Finally I said the only thing I could. “Your sister told me about your condition, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”
She gasped then shook her head as her eyes flooded with tears. “She had no right. I can’t believe she would do that to me.”
I couldn’t stand to see her in pain. Pulling her into my arms, I let her cry on my shoulder as I stroked her hair. I didn’t try to tell her everything would be fine, that this was just a minor setback on our way to a happy ending, because I knew she wasn’t ready to believe that yet. When her sobs subsided, I used my hands to dry her tears, making her smile as she gripped my wrists.
“I’m sorry, Dustin. I know I should have told you. You deserved to know. I just didn’t want…” Her voice broke. “I didn’t want you to be with me out of some misguided sense of loyalty, or worse, because you pitied me.”
I understood why she felt that way and didn’t want to diminish her feelings, so instead of telling her I could never have felt that way, I let it go. For now. Soon she would understand why her condition was a non-issue for me.
I took her hand as we walked farther, allowing her to catch her breath before I spoke. “So, there’s something you don’t know about me. In the big scheme of things, I guess it’s pretty important, especially now.”
She looked surprised. I was sure she thought she knew everything there was to know about me. If there was one thing this experience with Kara had taught me, it was that there’s always more to learn about the person you love.
&nbs
p; “What is it?” She appeared to be holding her breath. I could tell she was nervous, anticipating the bombshell I might drop.
“I’m adopted.”
She stopped in her tracks, her mouth falling open. “You’re joking.”
My lips tipped up in a half-smile. I’d known she would be stunned. I’d been prepared for that. “My parents are my parents in every way that counts, Kara. They adopted me when I was an infant and love me like I was their own.”
“Your brother?”
“He’s adopted too.”
“I guess that explains why you don’t really look like anyone else in your family,” she said softly. “I never gave it much thought.”
“I don’t either,” I assured her, reaching for her hands. “I never think about the fact I’m adopted. I never think about my birth parents or where I came from.” At her questioning look, I said, “Okay, maybe I think about them from time to time, but only because I’m so grateful to them for having the courage to realize that, for whatever reason, they weren’t ready to be parents.”
“That does take a lot of courage,” she admitted, nodding.
I led her back to my deck and guided her onto a chair while I sat on the footstool in front of it, facing her, her hands in mine. “I researched your condition a little bit after Cat told me.”
She bit her lip. “I saw the doctor again. I wanted to wait to tell you until after I saw her.” A tear slid down her cheek. “I was going to tell you, I swear. I wasn’t trying to keep it from you. I just needed more time to gather all the facts.”
Once I’d known what she was dealing with, I understood why she’d felt she needed time to process it before sharing it with me. “Do you have a lot of pain?”
“Not usually. It’s worse at certain times of the month.” She blushed a little, prompting me to pull her into my arms.
“We need to be able to talk about this, baby. You need to know you can tell me anything.”
“I know.” She took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
“When we made love, did it hurt you?” It would kill me to know she hadn’t enjoyed it as much as I’d thought she had because she’d been trying to mask the pain.
“Just one time,” she said.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” I brought her hands to my lips as I looked into her eyes. “Damn it, Kara, you need to talk to me about stuff like this. I would never, ever do anything to hurt you. You have to know that.”
She smiled. “I do know that. It’s not your fault.”
“Tell me more about what the doctor said.”
“Well, she’s arranged for some more tests. Originally, she suspected it was stage three, or moderate, but after we talked some more and she got a second opinion from another doctor, she’s thinking it may be stage two, mild.”
“Good.” When she didn’t concur, I said, “That’s good, right?”
“Yeah, it is.” She shook her head. “There’s a fifty-percent chance it will affect my ability to conceive naturally, but there’s a fifty-percent chance it won’t. I’m determined to stay positive and believe that if I’m meant to have a baby, I will.”
“And even if you can’t, so what?” I released her hand to stroke her cheek. “I can tell you that being adopted was the best thing that ever happened to me, aside from meeting you, so why wouldn’t I want to bless other children the way I’d been blessed, right?”
“Does that mean…?” Her gaze fell to our joined hands. “Does that mean you still want to be with me?”
I dropped to one knee in front of her. “You honestly have to ask me that? I want to be with you more than I’ve ever wanted anything, but I need to know what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling.” I’d made the mistake of pushing her once before. I wouldn’t do that again.
“I love you so much,” she whispered, choking back a sob. “Being without you this past week has been hell. I’ve been so miserable.”
My lips crashed against hers, both of us purging our sorrow and distress in that kiss. My hands closed around her head, holding her in place and letting her know without words that I had no intention of letting her go. Ever.
“You’re never going to have to be without me again,” I said when we finally broke apart. “From now on, we face everything together. You have to promise me that. The good, the bad, the ugly. You won’t try to shut me out again. I need your word on that.”
“I promise you.” She framed my face with her hands as she kissed my lips repeatedly. “I’m sorry I hurt you again. It seems all we do is hurt each other.”
“Not anymore. From now on, the worst is behind us.” I grabbed the back of her head, drawing her face into the crook of my neck as I whispered in her ear, “We will have the family we’ve always wanted, baby. I don’t give a goddamn whether they’re our biological children or not. They will be ours, yours and mine.”
She wrapped her arms around my neck and held me tight. “I love you so much.”
“I love you too.” I pulled back, feeling even more nervous than I had when I’d spotted her on the beach. “I want my life with you to begin right now, today. But I need to know if you’re ready for that. If it’s too soon—”
“It’s not. I want that too. I don’t want to wait anymore.”
I pulled the ring from my pocket, a two-carat cushion-cut diamond solitaire mounted on a diamond eternity band because that was how long I intended for our relationship to last—for all eternity. I wanted her to be reminded of that every time she looked at her left hand.
She gasped before covering her mouth with her hand.
“We’ve been to hell and back, you and me.” I was battling my own emotions, trying to convey how much she meant to me with mere words, which seemed impossible. “You were my first love, my only love. The first and only woman to break my heart and the one who ironically helped me to heal again.”
Her expression seemed pained as she fixated on the ring.
“The years without you, I was just going through the motions. I learned how to fill my life with things that made me happy—friends, my work, hobbies—but there was always a void where you should have been. No matter how big my successes, they never meant as much without you there to celebrate them with me.”
“I know what you mean,” she whispered then bit her lip. “I felt the same way.”
I brought her hand up to cover my heart, which was pounding with nervousness and excitement as I imagined what might come next. “You belong to me. You belong with me.”
Just as I’d always belonged to her. Even when we were living hundreds of miles apart, my heart was hers. My love belonged to her and her alone. I’d convinced myself I was in love with Jana, but just a few days with Kara had reminded me what real love felt like. The highs. The lows. The depth of emotion unlike anything else I’d experienced in my life.
She nodded, letting her tears fall.
“I want us to build a life together,” I whispered, leaning forward until our foreheads touched. “By that, I mean creating the plans and executing them.” I knew she understood my architecture reference. I didn’t build a house alone. I built it with a huge team of people who helped me realize a vision, and I couldn’t build a life without her. “Before, I made the mistake of thinking you could fit into my world. That was stupid and selfish on my part.”
She shook her head, wordlessly disputing my claim.
“Yeah, it was. We need to do this together. Follow our hearts, do what makes us happy. Create a new life in the place we love most.”
“Here?” she whispered, looking hopeful. “You want us to start our new life together here?”
“If that’s what you want?”
“Yes!” She threw her arms around my neck, giddy with excitement. “Of course that’s what I want!”
I laughed at her enthusiasm before holding out the ring. “Does that mean you’ll do me the honor of being my wife?”
“Yes! Yes! Yes!” She held out her trembling hand, tapping her feet against the boards as she
waited for me to slip it on her finger and seal it with a kiss. “Can we get married right here on the beach, just like we planned?”
“If that’s what you want.” I was secretly hoping that was what she would want to do. The beach I loved was still tainted with a few bad memories, and I wanted to rectify that as soon as possible.
“I do. The sooner, the better.”
“Then we’ll make it happen.”
“When? When can we do this?” she asked, barely able to contain her exhilaration.
I realized that was how it should have been—complete elation, no doubts. Seeing that look on her face, hearing the eagerness in her voice, made the long wait worthwhile. Had I known that eight years ago, I would have waited as long as it took because it was so worth waiting for.
“We’ll start making plans tomorrow.” I stood, pulling her into my arms. “Right now, I want to make love to my beautiful fiancée.” It occurred to me that her pain was something we would have to consider, to mitigate as much as possible. “Unless you’re—”
She covered my mouth with her finger, her eyes softening with reverence. “I want that too, more than anything.”
Chapter Nineteen
Kara
I was on cloud nine as Dustin’s body covered mine, reminding me how delicious it felt to be his in every way.
He was painstakingly gentle. After kissing, caressing, and licking what felt like every inch of my body, he entered me slowly, whispering in my ear, “You have to promise you’ll tell me to stop if it hurts.”
I would never ask him to stop. I wanted him too much. I wasn’t thinking about pain, only pleasure. My hands stroked his back as he kissed my neck, taking me higher with every lash of his tongue.
“I love you so much, baby.”
I closed my eyes as a smile teased my lips. He was really mine. Soon he would be wearing my wedding ring and I’d share his last name. The man I’d loved most of my life would finally be my husband, and I couldn’t wait for the next phase of our lives to begin.
Kara (Starkis Family #4) Page 17