Little Phoenix (The Census Book 1)
Page 21
I like to believe that I have good self-control. However, in that moment, any semblance of control leaves me completely. My body moves of its own volition and I’m lost to the darkness within.
With no recollection of time or space, I get lost in my head, only tuning back in when a large forearm wraps itself around my waist from behind.
Light floods my vision and at the end of my arm is a purpling Darcy who is pinned to the wall by the throat. Screams echo across the tiles behind me, but are quickly lost to the whooshing sound of blood thrumming through my veins.
A familiar voice that’s a little rough around the edges speaks softly into my ear as the arm around my waist tightens. “You don’t want to do this, M. What she said was wrong, but that’s no excuse for violence. Take a deep breath and let her go.”
The smell of freshly turned earth and the use of my nickname clues me in to who is at my back. With that knowledge, comes little snippets of information that begin to break through the haze I’m in.
Yet, I still cannot move.
Feeling completely detached from my body, numb and confused, it’s like all my senses are dulled. Each individual one is stuck down the opposite end of a deep and very dark tunnel where nothing can reach them.
The door crashes open as more sets of heavy footsteps enter the room. The screams eventually fade and silence descends, all until Rick breaks through its thin veil.
“I’ve got you, M. Let her go,” he coaxes, his voice increasing in volume as he pulls me tighter against his chest.
Darcella’s face becomes increasingly red and discolored. Her eyes are bloodshot and wide with terror, yet the sounds of her gasping for air evoke no emotion in me. I don’t even feel pain as her long nails scratch the skin off my hands and forearms, drawing blood.
“M. Let. Her. Go.” Rick commands.
I contemplate it for another few seconds before my sensibilities finally return and I drop her like a hot coal. Guilt floods me as she slumps to the floor.
Satisfaction and relief are nowhere in sight as she takes heaving gasps and scrabbles to get as far away from me as she can. Micah comes into view and tries to help her up, but she slaps his hand away.
“You’re crazy, all of you! Stay away from me!” She rasps before fleeing from the room.
Ignoring her outburst, Rick spins me around and cradles my head to his chest, rhythmically stroking my hair and making shushing noises.
My ears start to ring as the numbness slowly fades away and my limbs begin to tremble. All of the repressed agony rushing back. Sharp and hot.
Bullet holes. The coppery tang of blood and searing hot pain. Stomach roiling smells of burning flesh, mud and oil. Ragged scars on a face contorted with amusement as I’m suspended in the air. A hand around my throat. Choking.
Gasping for air, my fists tighten around the shirt in front of me. The ringing in my ears increases in volume as I grit my teeth and bury my face.
Enough!
I refuse to break down. Tears track down my face, but not for much longer. My family may be gone and I can do nothing to change that. What I can change though, is what happens from here on in.
Sniffling, I push back against Rick’s chest and wipe my arm across my face, smearing blood across it in the process. Awareness of my surroundings suddenly comes hurtling back and I notice that it’s just the two of us alone in here now.
Letting me go, he reaches out to me and I try to avoid his grasp, but he’s quicker. Clutching at my chin, he holds my head steady and forces me to look at him. So I close my eyes.
“No, M. You don’t get to play that game. Look at me,” he demands sternly.
Guiltily, I move my gaze to his. Expecting to see anger and disappointment, I’m completely shocked to be met with nothing but understanding and compassion.
“I know you’re hurting, and you feel ashamed by what just happened, but we all have triggers. You need to acknowledge them and you need time to adjust. We will all work with you on that, but for now, let’s just get you home.”
Searching my eyes for an answer, he must find what he’s searching for as his expression softens. He gives a slight nod before placing a hand on the small of my back and leading me to one of the sinks.
Grabbing a paper towel, he wets it and sets to wiping the blood off my face. Once he’s satisfied, he dumps the sullied towels in the bin and gently coaxes me out into the corridor, where each of the guys are waiting uneasily in various states of distress.
Linc is leant against the lockers opposite with his head down, running his hand back and forth over his necklace. Jax is furiously ringing his hands together and muttering under his breath, whilst Aus and Micah both pace back and forth.
All of their heads snap up as one as the door clicks shut behind us.
Before I can even process anything, Micah’s trembling form has me wrapped up in a bear hug. I’m still angry at him for what happened at lunch, but I just can’t bring myself to care right now. I just need a moment to feel safe and protected.
To not feel alone.
Linc moves away from the locker to stand beside Aus and Jax, all three of them coming to a stop just behind Micah who continues to quiver in my arms.
A little uncertain as to which one of us needs the comfort more, I wrap my arms around his back and return this embrace. “It’s okay, Mic. I’m fine.”
A few moments of silence pass before he buries his head in my hair. “It’s not okay. If I had stood up to her then there would never have been any reason for you to get involved and she would have never gone after you like that,” he croaks, his voice breaking on the last word.
“Honestly Micah, it’s fine. Can we just go home, please?” I beg, dropping my head to his shoulder in defeat, gripping him harder.
I want to be strong, but I just can’t. Her words hit far too close to home. I don’t want to have to be strong anymore. Everything is too painful. I just want to have everything go back to how it was before all of this happened.
“Sure thing, Lala,” he whispers softly. Removing himself from my hold, but not moving far, he wraps an arm around my shoulders and pulls me close.
Conscious of getting blood on his shirt, I hesitate in wrapping my arm around his waist.
Micah has no such qualms.
Reaching behind his back, he grabs my arm and wraps it around himself, giving me a little hip bump in the process. Clutching each other tightly, we set off down the deserted hallway towards the parking lot as the guys form a protective circle around us.
If I weren’t so emotionally unstable right now, I would find this whole thing utterly embarrassing. Right now though, I couldn’t care less. The loss of my family is still far too raw to process. I just need to feel the sense of security that comes with my team.
Letting all of my hurt turn to anger, I harden my resolve. The worst thing to do in a fight is to lose control of your emotions. If I don’t want to become a danger to myself, or my team, then I need to be able to control emotions and reactions myself. Tomorrow, I vow to start training properly.
I will gain control over my triggers.
I will become stronger.
I will develop my skills and I will get to the bottom of all this.
Even if it means I die trying.
The drive back was uneventful, thankfully. I’d had enough drama for the day and I certainly didn’t want to have to deal with anything else.
Originally, I’d protested when Lachlan told me I was only allowed to attend college three days a week. Not anymore. After today, I’m glad he didn’t give me a choice in the matter.
As if I wasn’t already completely exhausted from my first day back -my whole-body aching and screaming at me like I’ve run a whole marathon- the incident with Darcella was the icing on the cake.
Although rehab has been going well, it’s clear that I need to take things a little slower. There’s no sense in pushing it too far and setting myself back.
See...I can be sensible when I want to be!
They finally got the message when I made it to my room and slammed the door in their faces. I felt bad about it. After all, they were just looking out for me. I just didn’t have it in me to deal with them and all their emotions right now. I can’t even figure out my own, let alone those of five others.
I’d just gotten my PJ’s on and tucked myself under the covers when there’s a soft knock on my door.
“Can I come in?”
“Yeah. I’m decent.”
Linc steps over the threshold and quietly closes the door behind him. Moving to the edge of my bed, he sits down causing the duvet to move and disrupting the comfy bed burrito I had going on.
He catches my dirty look and shoots straight up and off the bed, raising his hands in surrender. Watching me wriggle around trying to get comfy again, he lets out a little chuckle. The sound surprises me so much that I freeze in my attempts to rectify my swathe of duvet.
He laughs with the guys on occasion, but he’s always so reserved around me and usually fairly hesitant in his interactions. Maybe the altercation today helped him to realize that there are other people out there that are on his side too. People that won’t judge him for simply being himself.
I cherish the moment while I can, enjoying how handsome and carefree he looks when he smiles. Silently promising myself that I will break down those walls of his, just so that I can see him smile like that more often.
The second he notices me watching he shuts back down again. Lowering himself carefully back down on the bed, making sure he doesn’t disturb my bed burrito this time, he drops his head.
I strain to hear him as he speaks at an almost inaudible level. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay. You haven’t eaten.”
Ever the one with words, I snicker and smile at him. “Thank you for coming to check on me. I’m fine though, I just want to go to sleep. Today took a lot more out of me than I realized,” I admit solemnly.
“You need to eat first,” is his reply.
I sigh. “Honestly, Linc. Thank you, but I would rather just go to sleep. Maybe you can make me one of your energizing smoothies in the morning?” I suggest, trying to placate him.
His smoothies really are the best. He puts all sorts of fruit, veg and green stuff in. It sounds vile but they are the most amazing concoctions I’ve ever tasted.
Another smile lights up his face as he blushes. At least he’s accepting the praise now. It’s obvious he isn’t used to receiving compliments. His uncertainty in dealing with his emotions shows again as his hand strays to his necklace.
Unconsciously, I lean towards him to try and inspect the piece of jewellery further, stopping only when his voice draws my attention. “Sure thing, Hime. Sleep well.”
That’s another word that the twins use that I don’t know the meaning of.
It’s got to be Japanese. At least it sounds like it. The language really is beautiful. Every time they speak to one another in their native tongue, it invokes images of fluid calligraphy in my head.
I wonder what those two words mean though. I completely forgot to ask Micah after everything that happened. I would ask Linc, but I can already feel the pull of sleep threatening to take me under.
Perfectly on cue, a yawn escapes me and my eyes grow heavy. Standing, Linc pulls the covers up a little higher and tucks me in. His soft hands stroking an errant piece of hair behind my ear is all I need to tip me over into the land of nod.
Before sleep finally takes me, I’m vaguely aware of him reaching the door and turning back to watch me with a small smile playing on his lips.
It feels nice to be taken care of.
To feel loved.
18 Mila
Lifting my head above the quilt to get a better smell of the tangy scent of berries and salty bacon, I can’t help but moan in delight. They smell so mouth wateringly delicious.
“Ahem.” My eyes shoot open as someone clears their throat. A second person chuckles as I take a look around with bleary eyes, still half-lidded with sleep.
Linc stands closest to me, which leaves Micah to his own amusement in the corner by the door. From their expressions it’s obvious I spoke out loud. Again.
Voicing my thoughts is starting to become a bit of a bad habit of mine. I’m going to have to put a stop to it, otherwise my mouth is going to get me into a whole boatload of trouble.
Either that or I’m going to spew something that other people really shouldn’t be privy to. Most likely something about my non-existent sex life and how Gem always warned me I was born to be a horny harlot.
Cue the hysterics.
My stricken gaze meets Micah’s watery one. “No! No- Please, please don’t stop on my account. It’s all very amusing Sayuri,” Micah splutters as he struggles to catch his breath.
God damn it, I did it again! This time, I don’t even have to ask if I just said that out loud as Linc snickers, quickly moving his forearm across his mouth to try to hide it.
I mentally facepalm. Just shut the fuck up Mila! You won’t be able to embarrass yourself then.
Well…that was just the straw that broke the camel’s back.
Micah ends up on the floor this time in uncontrollable fits of laughter. I groan, burying my face into my hands.
Lifting my head, I look sheepishly at Linc who is standing very still. In one hand is a plate piled high with bacon and in the other is a smoothie.
His eyes are fixed on me, their usual inky blackness appearing lighter than normal. A rich brown color finally emerges, lighting up with streaks of gold and amber as he begins to lose the struggle against his need to chuckle. His cheeks are flushed and slightly puffed as he tries to stop the sounds of his enjoyment from escaping.
Micah of course, remains rolling around on the floor, unable to even breath, slapping his knees like a cartoon character. Eventually he manages to at least get enough of a grip on himself to remain sitting up upright and wipe at the tears running down his face.
Without a second thought, I grab a pillow from behind me and launch it straight at his face. Catching him completely off guard, it sends him reeling backwards to the floor where he starts wheezing again. Maybe I should have thrown that a little harder.
Linc watches his twin fall and it’s like the dam wall has finally broken as he suddenly breaks out into full-blown chortles himself, coaxing a beaming smile from me.
It is the best feeling in the world to be able to see him smiling, so happy and carefree. I’ve been constantly chipping away at his walls in the hopes that I could get him to open up fully like this and the results couldn’t be any more satisfying.
I’m just so glad that there is hope of being able to bring that side of him out. I have a feeling he’s not properly shown his true self for a long, long time. If ever.
Today is a good day.
Despite the awesomeness of the moment, it’s over quickly. Having eyes for nothing other than the delicious treats Linc brings me, I stretch my hands out towards him, opening and closing my fists in a gimme gesture.
Handing me the food, his laughter slowly dies, but the smile remains. He may not talk much, but he can be very expressive when he feels comfortable enough. “Thanks, Linc. It smells amazing!”
Taking a bite of the bacon, the hot, salty taste sends my taste buds into overdrive. I wash it down with some of what looks like blueberry smoothie, but I know it is so much more.
The refreshing flavors of banana, peach, blueberry, various different seeds, kale, pineapple and what tastes like whey protein explodes across my tongue.
Unbeknownst to me, I close my eyes and moan in ecstasy, letting the flavors take me on a ride.
Geez, even my internal monologue sounds like it’s taking a trip on the crazy train.
Forge
tting that the twins are still in the room, consequently bearing witness to my strange food orgasm, I open my eyes to find Micah staring up at me with heated eyes. Linc turns his face towards the door, without a doubt, trying to hide the flush that is heating his face right now.
Well at least I didn’t say anything out loud this time. Ten points for Mila!
My lips purse as I try to hold in my own amusement, not wanting to embarrass Linc. But I can’t help it. One more look at their expressions and I’m lost. The horrific pig snorts that leave my mouth bring them quickly, albeit clumsily, back to the real world.
Micah tries to get up off the floor too fast and ends up tripping over his own feet and bumping into Linc, who grumbles at Micah as he struggles to keep himself upright. Linc tries to push back at him and they both end up of balance and fall into a heap on the floor.
It’s so comical that it looks like something straight out of a sketch, which only makes me laugh even more, causing me to sound more like an asphyxiated seal.
It takes a couple of minutes for me to calm down enough to be able to take a deep breath and clear my vision.
Glancing over at the twins, who are now standing together with an arm around each other's shoulders, another weight seems to be lifted off my shoulders as their smiles beam back at me. Not once since I’ve known them, have I seen them act this close with each other.
Although everything leading up to me becoming a part of the family was shit, I know the guys will always protect me and love me like any real family would. Laying in that hospital bed, I thought I was on my own. I couldn’t have been more mistaken.
Grinning back at them, I tuck back into my breakfast with gusto. I’m about halfway through when Linc clears his throat to get my attention. Both of them have moved closer to the side of the bed to watch me scoff my food.
“Lala, we are at your service today,” Micah says with a flourishing bow and a cheeky grin. Arching my eyebrows I continue eating, waiting for him to finish his spiel. “We’ll be completing the online lessons with you and then we can get some more physical rehab done. If you feel up to it that is?”