Little Phoenix (The Census Book 1)

by Willow Dean

  “What sort of a question is that?! Of course I have,” I scoff. “I don’t know how I would fare at the moment though, but we can give it a try.”

  Linc looks about one second away from vetoing the idea as his face scrunches up. “Let me at least try, Linc. I promise, I’ll be careful,” I plead, adding a little prepubescent whine to my voice for extra effect.

  “Fine.”

  Always one with words.

  The sides of my mouth tip up as Micah whoops loudly and literally flies out of the room.

  Letting my gaze follow after Micah, I continue to keep watch on Linc out of the corner of my eye. Whilst he’s gone, I fully intend on taking the opportunity to see if I can get Linc to open up a little more.

  “You know, you did a fine job of raising him.” Tensing at my words, he slowly turns his head in the same direction as mine, almost as if he’s following Micah’s movements himself.

  I remain quiet, waiting patiently. I don’t push. He needs to know I won’t force any information out of him, but that it’s still okay for him to be vulnerable in front of others.

  He needs to realize that it’s normal to feel hurt and pain. It’s normal to want to confide in someone else, and that he too, can turn to others in his time of need and receive nothing but love and kind words. All free of judgment.

  “It wasn’t easy, but he turned out alright. He was a good kid. I’m just glad that I could spare him the pain so he could live for both of us,” he confesses sadly. My heart aches at the grief in his voice.

  Who could hurt such a sweet and gentle boy?

  Placing my mug on the table, I walk over to kneel at his feet. He tries to avoid looking at me by keeping his gaze fixed on the hallway, running his hands back and forth over his necklace anxiously.

  Gently touching his cheek, I encourage him to turn his attention to me. Catching a stray tear that tracks down his face, I look straight into his eyes as they take on a distant and tortured look.

  “I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, and that’s perfectly fine. However, you need to know that we are all here for you. No one will judge you here. You’ve done a fine job Linc, but it’s time to let go. Micah is an adult now, he can look after himself. You have your own life to live. Now is the time to let go.”

  His shoulders slump and his eyes close. Taking a deep, shuddering breath, he reaches up and places his hand over my bandaged one. My chest constricts at the near palpable pain and torment he exudes.

  With impeccable timing, as always, Micah chooses that moment to bound back into the room like Sonic on steroids. Nearly tripping over himself in the process.

  Hmmm, what an apt nickname.

  Withdrawing quickly, Linc pulls away and runs a forearm over his eyes. Unperturbed by his reaction, I stand up to block him from Micah’s line of sight. Not that there was any real point in me doing so considering Micah is currently engrossed in getting the game out.

  If Linc wants to maintain a stoic front for the others, then that’s his choice. The hard-cut emotional mask he dons is his coping mechanism and I get that, just so long as he knows that he has all of us to open up to and support him, then I’m happy.

  I’m just glad he let me in, even if it was just an inch. It was something. In whatever case, asking for help doesn’t mean you’re weak and feeble.

  Putting your emotions on display and seeking support shows a strength to acknowledge and overcome your demons, and a willingness to conquer. It proves that you never gave up.

  It proves that you survived and came out on top.

  “Emotions are your strength, not your weakness, Pumpkin. Never forget that.” Thanks, Dad.

  After a hilarious game of twister, and one frustrated Micah, we head down to the basement to do some light training. Turns out, I’m still the Twister master, despite my lack of normal strength and stability. Who knew?!

  The twins pair up and do their own thing in the corner whilst I try my hand at jogging. All of us fall into some form of routine, me with my steady steps and the twins with their boxing. Neither of them go full out though, as half of their attention is constantly on me.

  Surprise, surprise.

  It’s not long though before the gentle peace we’ve settled into is smashed to smithereens.

  “What are you doing?!”

  I had a good rhythm going, god damn it!

  Rolling my eyes and huffing in discontent, I spin around to face a furious Aus. Resting my hands on my hips, I straighten my back and try to catch my breath. “I’m running. What does it look like I’m doing?!”

  Wrong thing to say, Mila.

  Stomping down the stairs with a face like thunder, he growls...like, actually growls at me. “You are meant to be resting, not doing strenuous exercise. Doctor's orders! Do you really want to be confined to the house again?!”

  Stepping toe to toe with him, I barely notice when Micah and Linc stop their sparring and move over to join us.

  “I’m not doing anything overly strenuous. I’ve been doing a gentle jog for,” I pause to glance down at my watch, “three minutes and forty-two seconds and I promised the chuckle brothers over there that I would stop at five, if not before,” I snark, hiking a thumb over my shoulder.

  “They’ve been watching me carefully and I agreed that they could intervene if they felt I was pushing it too far. Now can I continue? Or do I have to justify myself further to you?” I retort, stabbing a single finger into his rock-hard chest as it heaves with frustration.

  Swinging his furious gaze to the twins, he regards them for a few seconds before looking back down to me. Grumbling something under his breath, he swats my hand away and storms back up the stairs.

  Seriously, what the hell was that about?!

  Usually I wouldn’t have snapped like that, but Aus’s controlling attitude has the uncanny ability to really get under my skin. They’ve all been overly protective of me since day one, I just chalked it down to their experiences and them welcoming me as part of their family.

  I understand his worry, I really do, but there was no need for him to barge in and speak to me like that.

  A large hand finds its place on my shoulder as Linc speaks quietly in my ear. “Forgive him. Not having control is a big trigger for him. Confrontation and anger is his go to way of dealing.”

  That’s not exactly healthy, but whatever.

  Nodding my head in acceptance of what Linc’s trying to tell me, I turn to give him an understanding smile, only to find him already across the other side of the room sparring with Micah again.

  Watching on, I become mesmerized by the way their bodies fluidly dance around each other. Both having chosen to go topless and they do not disappoint.

  You can literally see every muscle. Each one pumped, primed and ready for action. Sweat drips in rivulets down their chins and onto their chests.

  My eyes catch on a single droplet that's running down Linc’s eight pack, following it-

  Down girl! They are practically your brothers now, you can’t be caught ogling. Even if they do look mighty fine.

  Although the twins are large in frame, they aren’t quite bodybuilder size, they just have plenty of chiseled muscles to showcase. Watching each muscle flex as they use their body as a finely honed weapon, it’s obvious their strength is imbued in the execution of each movement. Both of them exude strength and agility.

  It’s clear to see why they head up recon. Despite their stature, neither of them lands heavily on the mats, and aside from the sound of flesh hitting flesh, you can’t hear either of their steps. It’s incredible to watch.

  Watching them trade shots uncovers the memory of Gem and I sparring outside the tents, bringing with it a sharp stabbing pain in my chest.

  Aside from my little episode with Darcella yesterday, I’m getting much better at dealing with my emotions over everything that’s happened over the past couple of months.

  I’ve even managed to start compartmentalizing. When the memories threaten to swamp me, I use any
stray fliers to drive my focus, rather than letting myself wallow in self-pity and loathing.

  I set off at a slow jog again, stretching out my now cold muscles. I only manage four minutes twenty-two seconds before I have to call it quits, stopping just short of my aim to get to five minutes.

  Although, I did run for three or so minutes prior to being so rudely interrupted. So I guess, technically, I exceeded my goal. I had wanted to continue, but when my legs started to shake and the old wound on my temple began to throb, I sensibly called it a day.

  Planning to attempt the stairs on my own, I don’t even make it a couple of steps before I’m swarmed on both sides and made into a twin sandwich. Their hawk eyes having easily picked up on my deteriorating state. I shouldn’t have expected anything less of my twins.

  Erm, what?! Come again, now? Your twins? They’re not your anything.

  Honouring my desire of being independent, they flank me on either side and just watch on.

  All of it is done without any verbal communication on their part. It’s a little creepy to be honest. They are twins though, so I suppose there may be some credo to that whole freaky twin thing.

  Although the two of them were close when I first met them, they always maintained a barrier of sorts. Now, they spend an increasing amount of time together and appear to be conversing more, falling naturally into deeper and more meaningful conversations.

  It’s lovely to see them both relaxing a lot more around each other and to finally see them rekindling their relationship as twins. Especially seeing as Linc is now beginning to show his true colors.

  Feeling pleased with myself for managing to make it up into the living room without face planting, I head straight for the main set of stairs. I’m struggling for breath by the time I reach the top, and my legs continue to shake, but I made it all without help.

  Mila for the win! That’s how it’s done boys, you just watch.

  A sense of pride and accomplishment flows over me and renews me with energy. That feeling only doubles when I see the delight in the twin’s expressions too.

  Micah winks at me and gives me a sloppy kiss on the cheek before heading to his room. Linc hesitates for a second just outside of their door before gracing me with one of his newly found smiles, which makes my happiness soar.

  I can’t help but beam back at him before journeying to my bathroom to indulge in a lovely bubble bath.

  I think that’ll do as a nice celebratory prize for my achievements today, thank you very much!

  Chuckling to myself after realizing how stupid I sound, I remove the bandages from my hands before running the water.

  Most people wouldn’t bat an eye at running for five minutes and then making it up two flights of stairs. However, when you’ve lost nearly all your muscle mass and spent an extended amount of time barely having the faculties to even take yourself to the toilet mere meters away. Every step, every improvement -no matter how little- is a huge accomplishment.

  I cannot wait to finally have enough strength to go back to sparring and climbing again. The guys are going to be in for a big shock, that’s for sure.

  They’ve only seen the puny, weak, destroyed little girl who lost her family. They haven’t seen the calculating, strong and independent women who will see an end to those who oppose her.

  They’ve not yet met the true Mila Jackson. Just the mere shell that she retreated too, when everything she’d ever loved was so cruelly ripped from her grasp.

  It’s time to pull up your big girl panties, Mila, and show them boys just what you got!

  19 Mila

  I was a fool to think that things would improve at college.

  Only a week after being back, and the hushed whispers and cold looks have evolved into harsh rumors and segregation.

  Today was by far the worst.

  Whenever I walked into a room, everyone ignored my presence, yet notably shifted their desks away from me. Thankfully, none of my lectures involved group work or else that would have made for quite an awkward time!

  Luckily, I’ve never really been one to care about what others think of me. Yeah sure it’s nice to be liked, but you can’t be liked by everyone. The extent of everyone’s reactions right now though, are really beginning to take the biscuit. It definitely has me wondering as to how bad these rumors truly are.

  For them to still be circulating five weeks later, resulting in whole rooms silencing when I enter and people giving me a wide berth, it’s quite a feat really. Most times, it’s hard to tell whether people are scared of me or just downright disgusted.

  I’ve heard some of the rumors and they aren’t all that bad. Sure, rumors aren’t nice, but words can’t harm me. Just like water off a duck’s back, I soon learnt to ignore it.

  None of that makes it right though. I haven’t even been given the chance to defend myself. It’s frustrating and quite frankly, a massive pain in my ass. At least the bandages on my arms are off now, giving the horde one less thing to talk about.

  As soon as I got home, I grabbed a book and sat in front of the fire in my little grotto and haven’t moved since. Cuddled up under my favorite blanket, book in one hand and gingerbread latte in the other, I try my hardest to calm my thoughts as they continue to race around my head at a million miles an hour.

  The other day, the guys finally filled me in on everything that had happened whilst I was having a lovely little beauty sleep. What devastated me the most, was that I had missed Gem’s funeral.

  Lachlan had tried to advocate on my behalf with her parents, but it didn’t go down too well. They blamed me for her death, and her sister, well…she even accused me of murdering her myself. Of course, what made things even worse, was that there was no body to retrieve.

  Fortunately, Gem holds a place in the local cemetery, so I can go to visit her when I feel ready. That’s a thought best left for another day though.

  Everyone deals with death in different ways. Some people like a grave to visit. Others prefer to have the ashes of their loved ones scattered in the wind. Some even keep an urn on the mantelpiece or even make the remains into jewellery. Each to their own, I guess.

  For me, death is death. The person you once held dear is no longer present in their physical form, but they shall forever live on in that one place you hold close.

  Spirits know no bounds. My loved ones, both alive and dead, live on in my heart and in my soul. So long as I am alive, they shall be too. I don’t need a physical manifestation to mourn or tend to. I’m happy just bathing in the beautiful memories we shared.

  Funerals however, are a completely different story. Despite only having funerals for pets when I was younger, they’ve always been a form of closure for me.

  Signifying the start of a new chapter, funerals have always made me feel close to my loved ones and allowed me to accept their death. Knowing that they were delivered to their place of rest peacefully and that I was there with them until the very last possible second. I was able to finally let go.

  I can only assume that’s why I continue to struggle with my feelings about Gem and my family. I can’t bring myself to accept that they are no longer here with me. Nor can I even begin to move on from what happened without being alongside them on their journey to their resting place.

  I wanted to at least hold a funeral for my parents, but Lachlan quickly dismissed that idea. Apparently, it’s protocol to have a funeral on base, and as always, Lachlan danced around the subject and said that we couldn’t hold one due to safety reasons.

  For their safety, mine or someone else’s? I have no idea. I don’t believe his excuses, but what can I do? Besides, it’s not like I even have their bodies to bury.

  My parents also had a will, but wait for it…yeah, you guessed it. I’m denied access to it until I complete college and am the sweet, tender age of nineteen, due to my safety.

  It’s a load of bullshit if you ask me. Especially seeing as my birthday is only seven weeks from now. It’s not like I am fifteen going on thirty. Wh
at could possibly change so much between now and then?!

  Sadness overwhelms me as the memories resurface. Mingling with the mix of emotions that I feel from where my life is headed now and the rumors that are circulating, it concocts a terrible mix of guilt, anger and pain.

  I may not care what people think of me, but in this fragile state of mind, when everything is still so fresh, it’s all too much to process.

  My mental walls are completely shot. So much so, that I can’t help but wonder if some of the rumors are true. After all, it’s not their words that bother me, it’s the implications behind them. The more that happens in my life, the more insults that are thrown my way and the more I feel like I’m spiralling out of control.

  The secrets that keep building up aren’t helping either, and I still haven’t gotten any further into finding out who is targeting us, or should I say, me. Lachlan remains tight lipped about that too and it’s downright infuriating.

  “Hey, Lila. What are you doing?”

  “Oh, hey. Er- Nothing really. What are you guys doing?” I frown, forgetting all about trying to relax as the guys flood into the room behind Aus.

  Worried that something might have happened, I put my book and coffee down, giving them my full attention.

  It’s not like I could actually concentrate on reading with everything running through my head right now anyways.

  “Is everything okay?” I ask in concern.

  “Yeah, we just wanted to see if you were okay after today. You’ve been kinda quiet,” Micah trails off.

  Glancing around the group, no-one will hold my gaze except Aus, who stares back with an intensity I’m not quite sure I like. He only validates my worries a second later.

  “We heard the rumors and we know you have too. You can’t deny that they don’t have any effect on you-” Aus cuts off with a grunt as Rick elbows him in the stomach as a punishment for being so blunt.

  He’s completely right of course, but I’m not going to admit that. I remain silent as I try to sort through everything in my head, trying to figure out a way to play it off.

  Walking through the corridors today, nobody seemed bothered about whether I heard certain rumors or not anymore. Everyone was vocal about it and I’m sure I haven’t even heard the worst of them yet.