Little Phoenix (The Census Book 1)

by Willow Dean

  “Well, we already know about the attack at the party. So anything from there onwards would be a good of a starting place as any,” he declares flippantly.

  My mood immediately sours. I knew Lachlan was aware of what happened at the party. Rick had told me that it was a Census clean-up crew they’d dispatched to take custody of the creep.

  What I wasn’t told was that it had anything to do with the attack on me and my family. That the whole thing was something premeditated and not just another run of the mill, creep attack.

  Looking at the guys, it’s obvious from their expressions that this doesn’t come as news to them. They knew, and they didn’t bother correcting me, or even telling me for that matter.

  Fire burns through my veins as the sound of my teething grinding resounds around my skull.

  I can’t believe they kept that shit from me!

  I try my best to rein in the anger, yet despite my best efforts, my voice comes out deathly quiet as I address the big-ass elephant in the room. “Why wasn’t I informed of this before now?”

  Silence.

  Of course, why should I expect anything else?!

  “Did no one even think, for one tiny little second, that I may have had an interest in knowing that I was being targeted before now? Not only that, but that I was clearly their target since the very beginning?!”

  More silence.

  A growl slips loose. I simply don’t care anymore. I’m pissed. Beyond pissed.

  Yes, I was recovering both mentally and physically, but I still deserve to know. I am, was, stable enough not to run off in pursuit of danger or harm myself. Obviously, they think differently.

  Although we never spoke about what happened at the party in depth, we’ve had discussions about it here and there. So why not tell me this little tidbit of information?

  Heck, we were talking about what happened at the party just the other day. Even if they didn’t want to tell me in the beginning because I was still recovering, why not when they knew I was pretty much recovered? There are no excuses.

  The party incident makes a whole lot more sense now. Thinking back over everything he said to me whilst he had me pinned, it’s obvious now that it wasn’t just some random attack.

  Berating myself, I realize -with or without their help- I was stupid not to have pieced it together sooner.

  Yes, I’m angry with the guy who attacked me that night. Yes, it was unpleasant, and yes, I’m pissed because I was clearly their mark from well before the incident that included my family. But the thing that has truly infuriated me the most, is that the people closest to me, continue to keep secrets from me.

  Everyone continues to spout lie after lie, hiding shit from me like it’s no big deal. After finding out that my own family was keeping secrets from me my entire life, you would have thought that they would have a bit more common sense.

  Even if, in their own convoluted way, they were trying to protect me or believe it’s in my best interest not to know, it’s of no consequence. It’s not their decision to make.

  It’s bad enough that both sets of my parents kept me in the dark. Adding Lachlan to the mix is hurtful enough, but adding my entire team…it’s an enormous blow to the already paper-thin trust I already had.

  Everyone demands trust and loyalty from me, but how can I give them that if I cannot expect to receive the same in return? I don’t know how they can think that I can even begin to trust them anymore.

  “Mila-”

  Standing abruptly, I walk over to the fire, cutting off whoever was about to speak. Arms reach out to me but I swat them away. With my back to them all, my fists clench and unclench erratically at my sides.

  I’m sure my voice is cold and slightly menacing right now, but they need to know that what they did is not acceptable. Especially if we are meant to be a team. In the environment we are meant to be working in, a lack of trust could get one of more of us killed.

  “Let me make this very clear to you. All. Of you. I will be given full disclosure, right here. Right now. Or I am walking,” I declare, turning around to give Lachlan a pointed look. “I am fully aware that certain things related to the organization need a level of secrecy to avoid putting others in unnecessary danger, and I appreciate that I may not have clearance for that information yet, your current missions included. However, I think that we all know by now, those missions are pertinent in relation to identifying those behind the attack on me and my family.

  “I am a part of this team now, and at the center of everything going on, despite your best efforts to remove me from it. Meaning, that I therefore have the right to know what is going on. Not just because it involves my safety, but because I am part of this team too. I am not a child that needs protecting. I am a grown ass woman who can look after herself. It’s my life they wreaked havoc in. My life they wanted to take, and it is my life that you all continue to mold and control to your liking.

  “I will not continue to sit back idly whilst you interfere with my life and pass secrets around behind my back. If you want my trust and cooperation, then I suggest you all rethink your actions and work on gaining my trust back. I put all of my faith and trust in you when you took me in. However, at this present moment, I can wholeheartedly say that I don’t trust a single one of you.”

  Apart from Rick, Lachlan and Aus, every one of them is despondent and has their head tilted towards the floor. Each one of them avoids all eye contact with me as I sweep my gaze over the group.

  “I will not hesitate to withhold information if I feel that you will abuse it and try to gain control of me in some way, and I certainly will not hesitate to do my own investigations with or without your approval,” I fire at Lachlan.

  My jabs obviously get his back up as he watches me with a critical eye, but I don’t budge.

  He will not win. Not this time.

  This has gone way too far and he needs to know that if he wants my cooperation, that he has to give as well. No relationship should ever be take, take, take.

  No-one should be controlled. No matter what. Free will takes precedence over everything, and if they can’t understand that, then this is never going to work.

  With the exception of Lachlan, all the guys now regard me with a mixture of emotions, ranging from anger and doubt, to understanding and regret.

  “I take full responsibility for the boys withholding information. I ordered them not to speak to you about any of this until I gave the go ahead, for the benefit of your mental and physical wellbeing. I did not foresee there being a problem with that. In hindsight, maybe I should have been more intuitive and at least informed you that we were withholding information for that reason. For that I apologize. Now, shall we continue?”

  Well I certainly didn’t expect that response.

  I just about catch my jaw from dropping open in shock. My anger ebbs away as I realize that I may have overreacted slightly. Maybe there wasn’t any ulterior motive and they genuinely did just want to protect me, but being left out of the loop, hurts all the same.

  At least I made my feelings clear to them all. Hopefully now there won’t be any more miscommunications and maybe they’ll be a bit more open with me.

  After feeling like I’ve been thrown into a different dimension, with no family at my back, where nothing makes sense and each interaction brings a whole new set of questions, the last thing I need is more secrets.

  Having multiple people that I trust, keeping information from me, only exacerbates the sensation of helplessness and isolation that came with the whole situation in the first place.

  Deep down, I know they did it because they believed it was what was best for me, but it still hurts and does absolutely nothing for my trust issues. I don’t need protection. I need answers and honesty.

  Exhaling slowly, I let my shoulders drop and start by filling them in on everything that happened from the moment we met the bikers, up until my very unfortunate happenings with a tree.

  Not my proudest of moments, but hey, I li
ved. That’s a positive, right?

  Watching intently, I scour their features for any signs of them agreeing with the rumors that are circulating around college. Each new part of the story I recall only adds to my guilt and the crushing effects that the whispered words have on me.

  My stomach turns, waiting for my guys expressions to morph into something of shame and distrust. But they never come.

  All I see is their growing pain and anger as I describe everything that happened in detail. Each of them, particularly Lachlan, become extremely pale and tense when I describe my lovely encounter with Meat Man.

  I can’t quite decide from their reactions whether there’s history between them that I am not privy to, of course, or whether it’s just their overall protectiveness of me that brings about their worry.

  Keeping eye contact with Lachlan for that last little bit of my story, I make sure he knows that I’m fully aware of his blatant lie the other day. He definitely gets the message and fortunately, has the grace to look at least somewhat ashamed.

  I can’t help but get a little snarky with him. My anger peaking at the fact he so easily tried to deceive me. “So, Lachlan. Are you going to try and convince me that it was still all a wound induced hallucination or are you going to fill me in on what really happened?”

  Folding my arms across my chest I wait for his response. Color me intrigued when all of the guys' furious faces snap to Lachlan simultaneously.

  Giving a weary sigh, he leans forward and places his elbows on his knees, steepling his fingers under his chin. “There were six individuals in the team that went to retrieve you. They arrived on the scene to witness you-” Although he tries to cover it up, it doesn’t go unnoticed when he trips over his words. “Unconscious, in his arms. Knowing that he and his team -which was all of four men in total- were outnumbered, he dropped you when our team surrounded them. Not expecting any resistance, they were caught unawares.

  “Mars picked you up whilst the rest of our team engaged. They managed to subdue three of our agents and used stun grenades to get away. After they fled, the team secured the area and triple checked the crash site.” There was a small bout of silence as Lachlan locks his gaze with mine, looking like he’s contemplating how to say his next words.

  Something in the look I gave him must have provided him with the courage to speak. Whatever he was going to say was bad.

  He knew it. I knew it.

  Nothing would make the words he was about to say, any easier to take. So I do what I do best. Compartmentalize. Tightly bundling up every emotion that’s currently running amok in my head, I shove them into the deepest, darkest corner of my mind and erect a steel wall around them.

  “They must have added to the fuel that was supplied by the car when it crashed. The explosion was not typical of a car of that size. It was that destructive, that if we didn’t already know what vehicle we were dealing with, then it wouldn’t have even been discernible that there had been a vehicle involved. The team was unable to retrieve any bodies or remains. For that, I am truly sorry, Mila.”

  Lachlan is the only one able to maintain eye contact with me, his words coated with genuine sorrow. I nod, feeling a sweeping numbness settle over me.

  Without any doubt, the pain and heartache will eventually reach me, but for right now, my emotions are safely stored behind an impenetrable wall. Guarded by my rage and thirst for justice.

  Clearing my throat, I pray that all I receive is the truth to my next question, otherwise I can’t safely say that all hell won’t break loose. “Maybe now you could acquiesce my request with a truthful answer this time. Who do you believe is responsible?”

  “There are a few organizations-”

  “Lachlan,” I growl in warning. Even now, he stubbornly refuses to come clean.

  Expecting the guys to be just as spineless, I’m truly shocked when the person who I thought would be least likely to speak out, gives me the only truthful answer I feel I’ve gotten all day without having to fight tooth and nail for it.

  “The prime suspect is the Archanine agency. Although there are a few others that are suspect too.”

  Lachlan throws a scathing glare at Linc before attempting to berate him. “Lincoln Delany, that is a direct–”

  My head whips round so quickly that my neck pops. “Cut the bullshit Lachlan!” I roar. “Enough is enough! You do not get to pull rank this time. This is a part of my life and I am a part of this team.”

  Lachlan stands as I stride over to him and get right up in his face. I forcefully prod a finger into his chest to make sure that my point really hits home this time. It’s either that or a right hook to the face, and even I don’t think that I’ll get away with assaulting a superior officer this early on in my employment.

  Worth thinking about in the future though.

  “You have no right. I don’t care how high up the food chain of this organization you are. This involves me and I have a right to know what is going on. Despite what you and my so called,” cue the finger quotes, “parents believe is right for me. So far, nothing that either you, or they have done, has been anything other than controlling and manipulative. You took me in and provided me with food, shelter and a job. For that I am forever grateful. However, I will not be walked over and treated like a child.

  “What you have done is in your best interest and what you believe to be right for me. Instead of protecting me like you think you are, you are endangering me by not allowing me access to the information that I could use to keep myself safe. I’m a part of this team now. I should therefore be privy to the same information as the rest of my squad. If you don’t wish for me to have access to this intel, then I suggest you remove me from my post now.” Taking a few ragged breaths, I centre myself.

  Lowering my voice, I lean in so close, that our noses are nearly touching. “If I feel you are holding anything back Lachlan, I will not hesitate to go AWOL and find the answers on my own. Forget rules and regulations. I will achieve what I need to do, with or without, the permission of you or my so-called parents.”

  Finishing just as abruptly as I started, my chest heaves with heavy breaths. Lachlan tries to stare me down with a look of pure fury, with what I’m sure is a little bit of pride mixed in. He’s trying to intimidate me, but it won’t work. I refuse to back down. Not now. Not ever.

  Rick comes to stand behind me and places a hand on my shoulder as a show of support. I don’t take my eyes off Lachlan, yet I can feel the burning intensity of Rick’s gaze as he addresses Lachlan over my shoulder.

  “She’s right Lachlan. She has a right to know. Despite what her pa-” Cutting himself off, he clears his throat before continuing. “The directors believe.”

  Good man.

  Lachlan seems to hesitate for a second before clenching his jaw. “Fine. But it shall be Trick and Kaye who give you that information. Not me,” he grits out with a note of finality, before turning and leaving the room.

  The room remains silent for a couple of minutes whilst everyone’s brain catches up with what just happened.

  Releasing a sigh, I realize I’m no closer to obtaining any answers than I was before. At least I have one lead that I can look into, and by the sounds of it, the guys would be willing to help with that. However, now is not the right time. I’m exhausted and quite frankly, need some epic chill time.

  Giving a small squeeze to Rick’s hand, which is still on my shoulder, I turn and give him a tired smile. Looking past him towards the guys, I pull up my big girl panties.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to direct all that at you guys. I know you had your orders, and you only wanted to do what was best for me. I just don’t know how I can trust anyone if everyone keeps withholding information from me,” I admit defeatedly, rubbing the back of my neck to try and release some of the tension there.

  Linc gets up to his feet and walks over, pulling me into a hug. I freeze. The move is so…not, Linc.

  Linc barely ever shows physical affection. It’s so rare in f
act, that his actions leave me feeling very on edge. It’s like a lion protecting a mouse. Completely surreal.

  Speaking in a soft and gentle tone, he offers me comfort in his own way. “It is us who should be sorry. We should know more than anyone how it feels to have no control. I promise you, from now on, I will give you all the information that I am privy to.”

  Wow. Erm, brain fart. Did Linc just use words? Lots of them?

  The other guys must be so damn lost in their own heads right now, because instead of being shocked about Linc’s actions, they simply release a chorus of quiet agreements.

  Enjoying the moment for what it is, I relax into Linc’s warm embrace and squeeze him back, getting a whiff of his typical cinnamon and apple scent.

  Oh wow, I could really do with some of his awesome glazed apple cinnamon rolls right now.

  Letting him know I forgive him and that I’m grateful for his words, I bury my face in his neck and whisper to him, so that only he can hear. “Thanks, Ice Bear.”

  I know he watches those cartoons when he thinks no one is around. The one with the three bears that go on adventures. We bare bears I think it’s called. He looks and acts just like the Ice Bear character. Quiet and surly on the outside, but tender and sweet on the inside.

  Linc full on belly laughs at the nickname, causing everyone to jump in surprise.

  Now they notice how weird he’s being...

  I giggle at their reactions as Linc releases me and steps back. It takes them a second to recover, but then they are on their feet. Each of them walking over to give me some form of physical affection and a guarded, but sincere apology.

  Even if I desperately wanted to, I know that I can’t stay mad at them because I know they only did it to protect me. Yet, it still hurts. I need time to destress and process, but it will all be alright in the end.

  I hope.

  21 Mila