by Willow Dean
Still nothing.
Trying to snap him out of whatever funk he’s in, I kneel down beside him and bump his shoulder with mine. He shows absolutely no signs of stopping, carrying on as if he doesn’t even know I’m there.
Whatever he saw must have triggered him somehow. His eyes are like black pits, crazed and unfocused as he continues to pound into Baldie’s face.
The leader I know and have come to love, isn’t there anymore. In his place, is a person filled with such heartache and hatred. My chest aches at the pain that engulfs his eyes. It’s soul crushing.
Taking a gamble, I lean into his line of sight, straight in front of his raised fist. A relieved breath spills from my lips as his hand stops less than an inch from my face, his breathing hard and erratic.
Slowly, I lean forward to rest my forehead against his and close my eyes, whispering softly. “It’s okay, Tough Guy. I’m here with you. I’m safe. Come back to me, Rick. Please, come back to me,” my voice wavers slightly.
I listen until his breathing starts to slow before re-opening my eyes. Capturing his normally soft hazel eyes with mine, they stare back at me, steely sharp with a hint of vulnerability swirling in their chocolate depths. Studying them, it’s like looking at my own reflection. The pain and confusion are all too familiar.
Completely lost to his past only seconds ago, I wait patiently as he drags himself back to the present. The haze over his eyes clears more and more, with each second that passes.
“M?” He croaks.
“Hey, Tough Guy. I’m here,” I murmur, rubbing my nose against his. “Do you think you could come over to the swing with me and help me get these off?” I coax gently as I turn to show him my cuffed hands behind my back.
Not knowing what his trigger is, I do my best to hide the pain and fear in my voice. I don’t want to lose him to that again.
He reaches out to touch the blood running down my face from the split in my eyebrow. I didn’t even know I’d sustained any damage from that until only a moment ago. All I know is that the hit hurt like hell.
His gaze starts to darken again. “Rick,” I urge, snapping his attention back to me. “I’m fine. Come on, these are kinda cramping my style.” Tilting my head, I give him a cheeky pout, hoping that my humor will be enough to distract him.
Success!
His gaze softens as he strokes my cheek with bloodied knuckles. Standing up, I head over to the swing set and sit myself down as he starts searching Baldie for the keys.
Following shortly after, he sits down next to me and reaches for my face again. Letting his rough palm embrace my cheek, I nuzzle into it and gain a good-natured laugh from the big guy.
Double success!
Sobering up, he smiles sadly before wiggling his fingers, prompting me to turn around.
My shoulders sag in relief as the clasps are released. Bringing my arms around my front, I begin to stretch them out, cracking my neck in the process to try and release some of the residual tension in my muscles from when they seized.
I’m going to be super sore later. Urgh.
Before I can even turn back to fully face him, Rick has me in a bone-crushing hug. Securing me to his chest, he buries his face in my hair and begins to tremble. Wrapping my arms around him, I return his embrace and rub my hand along his spine.
Although I haven’t spent much alone time with Rick, I knew him well before the others. We never had soul deep conversations, but I knew him well enough to see how closed off he was.
Even before all this, back when I knew him in college, he would hold his emotions in an ironclad fortress. Never once speaking about his friends or family. Whenever he engaged in conversation, he would deftly divert the attention away from himself.
Having lived with him for a while now, even with the guys or his own family, it’s painstakingly obvious he’s not one for physical affection. Whatever flashbacks he just experienced must be pretty darn bad for him to be acting so affectionate towards me.
I suppose the best way to describe Rick is like the Hulk. Big, mean and scary when he’s mad. When in reality, he’s just a soft and gentle giant at heart.
Rick is a man who is determined to make the world a better place. A man dead set on acting as everyone’s crutch, even if it means shouldering their pain. A man who maintains an impenetrable shield because he’s afraid of losing himself and hurting others in the process.
“Talk to me,” I whisper, stroking the back of his head and pulling him closer to me.
“Later. I jus- Not now,” he mumbles. Fear and pain causing his voice to crack.
“Whenever you are ready. I’m here,” I soothe.
Squeezing me one last time, he lets go and cups my face in his hands before kissing my forehead and promptly standing.
“Come on,” looking up to him, I smile mischievously. “Take me home, Tough Guy.”
Giving a little chuckle, he offers me a hand up just as Aus and Linc bolt out of the back door. I don’t even have time to get my feet underneath me properly before Aus lifts me clean off my feet, gripping me like his life depends on it.
“Woahhh, calm down soldier. I’m all good.”
“I heard you shout and then- Yo- You were just gone, Mila!” He shudders as I wrap my arms around him and squeeze his gargantuan frame as best I can.
“But I’m not gone, am I? I’m here now, Aussie, and I’m all good. You got to me in time. Let’s get things wrapped up and go home, yeah?” Pushing him away gently, I encourage him to look at me. To really see me.
It takes a long moment, but he finally manages to open his eyes. Giving me a once over to make sure that I’m really there, he nods stiffly before letting me down and pulling a shutter down on his emotions. His mask firmly falling back into place.
Linc still stands there. Frozen. Staring at me with wide eyes, pale as a ghost. He wastes no time in taking up my offer as I open my arms to him. “You alright, Ice Bear?” I whisper.
“If you are?” He chokes out as he tightens his grip around my waist and draws me closer.
“I’m all good. Don’t you worry about me, come on.” Patting his back and pulling away, I take his hand and lead him back into the house.
Rick and Aus stay behind to handcuff the guy out back and drag him, none too gently, behind us. Heading through the kitchen and into the living room, they deposit him with the rest of the goons who are placed in a heap against the far wall.
As I step into the room, Micah all but jumps me. I squeak as I’m lifted clear off my feet and spun around. “Hey there, Sonic. You can put me down now,” I chuckle. “I’m okay but you’re…kinda…crushing me-”
“Sayuri,” he breathes. Shaking, he releases his grip a little and lowers me to the floor. His hands explore freely, as he checks me over, until I playfully swat them away.
“I’m cool, Mic. Will you do me a favor and take my case and the safe out to the SUV please?” He’s reluctant at first, looking to all the guys for their silent permission before nodding and heading out to do as I asked.
Spotting Jax in the corner, I give him a brief smile which he returns. True to his character, his shoulders slump in relief as he continues making sure that our visitors are secure.
Utilizing logic over emotions, he’s much more adept at coping with situations like these. Unlike the others, he knows that I’m present and well without the need for physical assurances.
It’s obvious that each of the guys have abandonment issues in one-way or another, in addition to various other triggers they seem to possess. Our team is all sorts of messed up!
Unfortunately though, we have other priorities at present. We’ll just have to find time to work with each other as a group, when we are back, home and safe.
Turning my attention back to the group of assailants currently restrained in my living room, I study them. All four are cuffed and propped up against one another, each one in varying states of consciousness.
Assessing each one, I take my time to pick my target. Albeit uncon
scious, he holds a sense of power that the others don’t possess. Being the second biggest of the bunch, he packs some serious muscle.
Shit! He’s the one I threw in the hallway. How on god’s green earth did I manage that?!
Squatting down in front of him, I give him a playful slap on the face. Nothing happens, so I backhand him instead. I haven’t got the time, nor the patience, to be going gentle on their asses.
His eyes shoot open in surprise as the connection jolts him out of any sweets dreams that he may have been experiencing.
“Hey there,” I tilt my head, plastering a sickly-sweet smile on my face. “How ya doing? You’re not looking so good man. That nose looks painful.” Scrunching my nose up, I wince. “Do me a solid and tell me who sent you,” I prompt, turning the overly ripe charm back on.
Like a good little bad guy, he doesn’t rise to the bait. Instead, he smiles a bloody toothed smile before spitting in my face.
Someone grabs my shoulder to pull me back as someone else goes to grab at him, but I knock them both away. Wiping my face with the back of my sleeve, I stare at him dead in the eye.
The look of promise in my eyes must be oozing menace as a tinge of fear flickers across his face. “We can do this the easy way, or the hard way, man. I’m quite partial to a little pain,” I grin sadistically.
I would certainly like to return the favor for the pain induced by those bastard cuffs. They hurt like a motherfudger!
“You are a crazy bitch. I ain’t telling you nothing,” he spits out.
“That, I am.” I agree. No point in denying the truth. “That, I am. Now, what will it be?” I ask indifferently as he considers his decision.
After a couple of seconds, all signs of fear disappear from his face as a steely resolve and a sickening gleam fills his eyes. It’s the type of look psychotic murderers have when they zone in on their prey. It’s the expression of a dying man with nothing left to lose.
The twitch of his hand and the nearly inaudible click has me reacting immediately.
“Everyone out now!” The guys don’t second-guess me. Aus and Linc race out the room first and just about make it out of the front door as Rick and Jax hesitate just outside the living room door, waiting on me.
Pushing them in front of me and out into the hallway, I hear the soft sound of the delay igniting the combustive material inside the detonator. Grabbing both of their heads, I throw them to the floor and cover them as best I can with my body as the living room explodes behind us.
I lay there for a minute, disorientated as my ears ring and my back screams in pain. How the hell did we miss that?! I know the guys patted them down thoroughly.
Whatever. Right now is not the time to be thinking about things like that. There are far more pressing matters in hand.
Propping myself up on shaky arms, I look around at the destruction. To my right, Rick lays sprawled out face down. Completely out for the count. The blood pooling around his head on the floor tells me he probably hit his head on the cabinet on the way down.
On the other side of me is Jax, who just lies there face up, eyes wide open and unseeing. His breathes are uneven as terror consumes his pale face. My heart aches for whatever nightmare he is reliving right now, but that’s not my main concern. The integrity of the building is.
Needing to make sure we get out safely, I focus on our surroundings and assess the damage.
The whole bottom floor is alight. Fire surrounds us, licking up the walls and across the ceiling. I don’t recall losing consciousness, but the ceiling and staircase are already partially burnt through.
We need to get out and quick, or else the hallway is going to collapse on top of us.
“Jax! Jax!” I shout frantically. Shaking him, I try to shock him out of his stupor. My efforts have little effect. His eyes continue to jump erratically from one area of fire to another. “Damn it, Jax. This is not the time to be triggered!” I growl.
I need to get them both out, but right now, I’m at a complete loss as to how to do that. I’m strong, but I’m not that strong! I don’t think I even have enough strength to carry Jax, let alone the both of them.
Grasping Jax’s face in my hands, I try one last desperate attempt to get him to focus on me, hoping that I can just calm him down enough to help me get Rick out of here.
“Sparks, I need you! Look at me,” I demand. Slowly, his eyes cease their darting. fixating on different parts of my face as I reassuringly stroke his cheek with my thumb. “I don’t know what’s going through your head, Sparks, but you can have a minute when we are outside. Right now though, I need you. I need you to help me with Rick. Can you do that?” I urge, my tone sharp.
Nothing.
“Jax, please?!” I plead. His eyes focus on my lips before coming up to meet my eyes as he nods subtly. I pull away with a smile, knowing he’s there enough to at least follow my commands. “Good. You take his right side, I have his left. Head straight for the front door. You go out first and I will follow.”
We both grab a side and begin to lift Rick. Stumbling down the corridor, we support his dead weight between us, with difficulty. It’s like when you carry your friend’s drunk ass home. When someone is out for the count and truly weightless, their weight seems to increase infinitesimally.
The smoke starts to get thicker and we can barely see to put one foot in front of the other. A combination of both smoke inhalation and Rick’s size, coupled with each step we have to take, makes it harder and harder to breathe.
Creaking sounds echo behind us, which only serves to strip my already frayed nerves.
“Faster!” I urge.
We manage to speed up a little and are nearly at the front door when I hear the upper floor collapsing. Changing my grip on Rick, I use all my strength to throw him at Jax, pushing them both the last couple of steps outside.
Tumbling out of the door in a pile of limbs, Rick collapses on Jax a couple of feet away from the door. I see the guys racing over just as I about make it to the front door.
My front foot just crosses the threshold when the floor above comes tumbling down. I try to dive out of the way of the falling debris, but I’m not wholly successful.
One of the heavy wooden beams clips my calf as I dive forward, causing agony to explode down my leg as I struggle to determine whether the intense agony that grips my calf is from the fire raging at my back or an open wound.
Rolling over a few times from my momentum, I somehow end up on my back, laying there on the grass, simply looking up into the sky and breathing heavily. I take as many deep, clean breaths as I can to try and clear my lungs of any smoke. The pain in my leg and back returns with a vengeance as the adrenaline fades and the world starts to spin around me.
Before I can take anything else in, or even contemplate our near demise, Jax is hovering over me, completely fear stricken and mumbling incessantly. His hands hover over me. Untouching, yet shaking violently.
“No. No. No. No. No…”
“Jax-”
“No. No. No…” He mutters rhythmically. His anxiety surging with each word.
Forcing myself to sit up, I ignore the merry-go-round the world has become as fiery pain tears through me. Ignoring it for now, I take Jax’s hands in mine as I hold them to my face.
“Jax, it’s okay. Shhh. Calm down. It’s okay. You’re okay. We’re all okay. Just take some deep breaths with me. In-” Inhale. “Out-” Exhale. “That’s it. In. Out. In. Out. Good job,” I praise as his breathing starts to slow.
Tears leak down his face as his shaking subsides. Wrapping me in a tight hug, he buries his head in my shoulder. I flinch as his arms trail down what feels like the starts of blisters on my back.
“I’m so sorry, Mila. So, so, sorry. I just froze, I should have-”
“Sparks.” Interrupting him gently, I run my hands down his back soothingly. “There is nothing to apologize for. We are out and safe. That’s all that matters. Come on, let’s go home.”
Without another word, he
pulls back and gives me a sullen nod. Holding out a hand for me to use to get up, I manage to make it to my feet, but the pain in my calf intensifies. I cry out as the world falls from beneath me. Catching me, Jax effortlessly lifts me into his arms. I hiss as the movement jostles my back and shoulders causing my wounds to sear in agony.
By the time we make it over to the SUV, the twins are already in the back tending to Rick who is still out cold, but thankfully still breathing. His head looks like it’s stopped bleeding too.
Aus is on the phone to someone and is already sat waiting in the driver’s seat, ready to go.“We’re heading straight to base to get you guys checked over, but we’re going to have to take some detours first to shake off any tails.” No one protests his orders.
Once we’re all packed in and belted up, Aus peels away from the house. I lean against Jax’s shoulder, watching on as the remainder of my old life goes up in flames.
“Sorry, Hime,” Linc whispers, reaching over the back of the seat to lay a comforting hand on my shoulder.
I squeeze his hand in return, knowing I don’t need to say anything for him to realize I appreciate the sentiment. He isn’t offering apologies for any wrong doings. He’s simply acknowledging the cold hard facts. That he is sorry for my loss.
Sorry for the fact that I no longer have a house or an old life to return too. Sorry that everything has turned out the way that it has done and that there is nothing any of us could have done to change what has happened.
Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. It would have been too difficult to go back and live there alone anyways. Maybe it’s a divine sign that signifies the start of a new, more prosperous life. Insert sarcasm here.
I’m just thankful I was able to save the things that were most important to me. Including something completely unexpected and new. Something that cannot be replaced.
My new family.
26 Mila
It takes us half an hour to get back to base and thankfully, we weren’t followed. Rick regained consciousness in the last five minutes of the ride and is currently laid in the back with a killer headache.