Waking Up

by Carpenter, Amanda

  Robbie relented and flashed a quick smile to Jason, who was now clad in jeans and a short-sleeved, rugby-style shirt which matched the gray of his eyes. Her gaze bounced off his masculine figure self-consciously, as she mused that lately whenever she saw him, the solidity of his body struck her anew.

  As the meal was already set out, they were sitting down to eat quickly enough, and while Robbie concentrated on listening and eating, the other two fell into a discussion about work.

  “Well, it certainly looks as though you’re doing extremely well for yourself, my boy,” said Herb at last, as he leaned back and prepared to nurse his drink idly, his plate neatly clean. He repeated sagely. “Extremely well for yourself.”

  Jason shrugged, broad shoulders rolling under his shirt. Robbie knew what those shoulders looked like, naked. Unseen by either man, her cheeks suddenly reddened vividly. She studied the scene outside the glass doors intently until the flush died away. “I’ve got a long way to go, yet,” Jason was saying easily.

  “Mark my words, son. Some men get by, while others stand out,” her father told him, nodding at his own observation. Robbie almost smiled until she looked over to Jason and saw his serious, polite attentiveness. “Me, now, I just get by. Very well, though, I might add. This house is paid for, and my retirement is taken care of, but I just get by. You have what it takes to stand out.”

  She agreed silently, but Jason was shaking his head with a slight frown. “I don’t know, Herb. What you are seeing in me right now might only be my youth and the energy that comes with it. I’ve been lucky so far, I haven’t had any accidents, haven’t had anything go wrong at all. But many potentially great people have something go wrong in their lives.”

  He glanced at Robbie sitting quietly at her end of the table, and the look was nearly a caress. It warmed her to a tingling all over. She couldn’t remember how she used to feel about him anymore, but if she had felt this good by his positive regard, then it wasn’t surprising that she had missed it.

  “Yes, but that shouldn’t keep one from trying,” her father was saying.

  “No, of course not. But as someone has been teaching me lately, I find that if I can live just being the man I want to be, then I will be content with my life. As for any material or worldly success, I’ll accept what comes my way.”

  “Sounds like you know a wise person,” commented Herb with a smile.

  Jason grinned quickly and flicked Robbie a sideways, laughing glance. “You should know, since you’ve been living with her for the past twenty-two years.”

  “Oh, yeah?” Her father looked at her in somewhat pleased appraisal, while she blinked several times rapidly.

  “What are you talking about, I’ve never said any such thing to you!” she exclaimed with some heat, as she stood and began to clear away the dishes energetically.

  Jason rose to help. “Sure you have. You just haven’t put it into those exact words,” he replied quietly. She felt odd, surprised, taken aback. “I went to college, and immediately got wrapped up in my career goals, the competition, grade point averages, yearly incomes. I got ambitious, Rob, and I studied hard for four years to get a good start on my working life. Then I came back here, plunged into the rat race, and found you, living serenely and taking your own sweet time about deciding what to do with yourself. It brought me back down to earth again, and showed me the things that really do matter.”

  She scowled fiercely as she carried a load of dishes to the waiting machine. Neither of them realized when Herb quietly slipped away to find his evening newspaper. “Don’t make me out to be some kind of paragon,” she said, ostensibly irritable. “I don’t need that kind of pressure on me.”

  “I’m not making you out to be a paragon,” he said quietly, putting his own handful down on the counter. He leaned his elbows on it, back curved, head turned to her as she squatted on her heels to stack things into the dishwasher. When she glanced up, she saw how the slanting evening sun lit the back of his head to gold and brown, while in shadow, his eyes gleamed palely. “What you’re doing isn’t even profound, though at times it can be. What you’re doing, Rob, is being sane while the world rushes crazily around you. You’ve taught me something, sweetheart. When I find myself going too fast, all I need to do is slow down.”

  She ducked her head, and her hair, now quite dry, swung against her cheeks. “Sometimes I think I should have done differently,” she confessed quietly. “Here I am, twenty-two years old, I don’t know what I want in my near future, I don’t know where to go from here. Do you know, the people who went to college from my senior class have already graduated? Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I should have been one of them, too.”

  “You shouldn’t have been if you didn’t want to be in college,” he replied, touching her hair and tucking it behind her ear. With a great effort she managed not to flinch away in surprise. “Above all else, you should do what you want to do. Now, who was it who told me that?”

  Despite herself, she began to smile. “I need somewhere to go from here,” she sighed. “I need some kind of goal.”

  “Why don’t you take some classes?” he suggested, shifting his weight from one leg to another. “You were always excellent in math, weren’t you? And what of those drafting courses you took in high school?”

  “1 thought about studying to become an architect once,” she told him dreamily, her fingers curving gently around the door of the dishwasher. She had finished stacking dishes for several minutes now and had only just realized it.

  “Why don’t you?” he asked softly, his eyes running over her face time and time again.

  Her expression abruptly closed, her eyes flashing downward, and she shut the machine door, then started the cycle. She stepped towards the sink quickly, wetted the dishcloth and went to the dining table to wipe it energetically.

  “Rob. Roberta.” Her swiping motions stilled completely, and she turned her head to one side. Had she ever heard him call her anything but Rob before this? She doubted it. “Please don’t run away from this.” She didn’t move. “I’m not pressuring you.” That last was said with some defensiveness.

  It softened her into turning back around to face him. She could hear what he was asking. He was asking her to confide in him, the way she used to. She put out her tongue, moistened her lips nervously, and found it easy to say after all. “I’m scared. I’ve never been to college. It’s been years since I’ve studied. I’ve fallen out of the habit. Maybe I wouldn’t do well, maybe I’m too old…”

  “Good God!” he expostulated. “That’s the worst excuse I’ve ever heard you give about anything, and let me tell you, I’ve heard some bad ones.” Her expression was briefly stricken, and she bowed her head, abashed. He thrust away from the counter, which he had been leaning against after turning to watch her movements. Three quick, easy strides brought him right beside her, and he said gently, “I understand being scared, Rob. But you shouldn’t let it cripple you.”

  Her forehead wrinkled in distress. It sounded easy from him, when his university days were behind him. “What if I didn’t do well?” she asked in a burst of uncertainty.

  “You’re not alone in the world, you know,” said Jason wryly. Then as she stared at him, he offered with studied nonchalance, “I could always help you study.”

  Her astonishment showed plainly in her face. “You wouldn’t want to do that,” she replied, in immediate rejection. Then, “Would you?”

  He was gazing at her patiently, amusedly, affectionately. “Have you ever known me to offer something when I didn’t mean it?” he retorted laughingly, and she shook her head. “Well, then, what do you think?”

  “I think,” she said slowly, with some wickedness through her appreciation, ‘that it’s one of the nicest propositions I’ve had in a long time.”

  He winced at that. “I don’t think I’ll pry into that statement. Just think about it,” he advised. “Don’t close doors on yourself needlessly, do you hear?”

  She threaded her arm through h
is to squeeze it against her side briefly. His brows rose quizzically as he looked down at her, though his eyes were warm and smiling. “You’re very good to me,” she told him quietly.

  His face subtly lit with pleasure. “What else are friends for?” he replied lightly. She smiled as she withdrew to finish wiping the table, and then she carried the cloth to the sink to rinse it and spread it out to dry. She couldn’t have said why exactly, but his response left her feeling a bit flat. It was the strangest thing in the world. She should have been feeling great.

  She didn’t see him for any length of time throughout the rest of the week. As soon as Thursday rolled around, the pace of her days picked up pleasantly so that Sunday arrived quickly and she had nothing to do for the whole day until she had to prepare herself for her date with Ian.

  He had called yesterday morning to finalize plans, and they were going to a show, then out for coffee and dessert. It was a film she had already seen, but as it was very good and also quite hilarious, she didn’t bother telling him so. It would be fun to see the film again, and she always enjoyed Ian’s company.

  Since she had worked yesterday, she had waited until today to mow the lawn, and so she straddled the riding mower and started the engine. Soon she was going merrily around and around the lawn, in smaller, and then even smaller squares until she felt dizzy and the front garden looked neatly shorn. Then she went to the back garden, starting at the left and then going towards the Morrows’ yard. When she had almost finished, Jason leaped over the fence that separated the gardens and walked casually her way.

  She sent him a wild, gleeful look, and with a horrified shriek, she frantically turned the unwieldy mower around and started riding bumpily away. She heard his aggressive roar in response, and soon he had leaped on to the back to seize control of the steering wheel, leaning over her apprehensively crouched figure. At that, she tried cravenly to abandon ship, but he laughingly grabbed hold of her, clasping her against his chest.

  “Whoa, careful!” he exclaimed, while turning the mower back to the small plot of grass still uncut. At the feel of his hard chest at her back, with his arm a strong barrier around her waist, she fell quite still, feeling an absurd surge of pleasure. “There now, finish your job, and I’ll wait inside for you.”

  “Okay!” she replied, as she leaned her head back briefly against his shoulder. He squeezed her tightly in response and then leaped off gracefully to stride towards the back door.

  She completed the job as quickly as she could, anxious to finish so that she could see Jason, and soon the mower was tucked back in its usual place beside her father’s dark sedan. She pushed a button located near the door to the family room, and sent the garage door down before lightly running inside.

  On her way, she peeked quickly into the living room and grinned as she saw Herb still snoring away loudly on the couch. His head was hidden under a sheaf of the Sunday comics. Then she skipped into the kitchen to find Jason finishing a beer. Beside him sat a newly poured glass of lemonade, which she took with thanks, drinking the cold, tart liquid with pleasure.

  She then walked to the table to sprawl in a chair, throwing back her arms and arching her back in a lazy stretch. The movement sent her slight, rounded breasts straining against her tank top, and Jason’s eyes lingered on her chest, reminding her that she didn’t have a bra on. She abruptly drew straight, flushing slightly as she realized her nipples must have been clearly outlined against the thin, sweat-dampened fabric. She asked, ostensibly nonchalant, “Having a good weekend?”

  “Yeah, I hate to see it end,” he replied, strolling over, beer in one hand. He pulled the chair around to sit on it backwards, lean legs straddling the seat. He leaned his forearms against the back, idly shaking his nearly empty can. “I have a few weeks of vacation coming up after next week, and then a few more at Christmas.”

  “Really? That ought to be fun. Have you decided what you’re going to do?” She reached for her glass and sipped at it.

  He shook his head. “Nope. I think I’ll just take things as they come. How was work last night?”

  “Tiring,” she said and then stifled a yawn. One of the waitresses scheduled called in sick, and the others had to share her station between them, as the manager had been unable to reach anyone else at such short notice. They had been frantically busy, and she had felt as though she’d been run off her legs, but she had walked out of the restaurant with a hundred dollars in tips tucked into her purse.

  “Got any plans for the rest of the day?” he asked casually.

  Her easy manner and open smile vanished slowly, and she stared at him warily before saying, “I’m going out with Ian.”

  At first she thought there was no visible reaction to her reply, but a closer look at Jason had her noting the suddenly rock-hard rigidity of his jawline, the odd angry glitter in his gray eyes, the white-knuckled appearance of his right hand as he clenched the beer can tightly. It began to crumple under her eyes. “You’re a fool,” he said through stiff lips.

  For a moment she couldn’t speak, and then with her own anger rising, she said, a thread of steel in her voice, “I’ll thank you to keep such comments to yourself.”

  “He’s called Linda three times throughout the week, trying to get her to see him,” Jason continued harshly.

  She stared at him for a moment, feeling that perhaps she had begun to understand a little. “Did she go out with him?” she asked finally, her voice hushed.

  “He was out of town, she said, until Friday, but she went out with him last night,” he bit out and apparently only then realized what he was doing to his beer can. He loosened his grip and set the gnarled cylinder carefully on to the table.

  “I’m sorry,” she offered sympathetically. He must really be hurt. She hadn’t realized that he cared for the brunette so much. A leaden ache started somewhere in her chest.

  He thrust out of his seat violently, strode away, and then came back. “Doesn’t that mean anything to you? Can’t you see even now that Walsh is just playing with you?”

  “Ian plays with everybody!” she expostulated, rising to her feet also, in her agitation. “For God’s sake, it isn’t as if he’s married to me!” At that, Jason’s head reared back and his nostrils flared. He stared at her, eyes leaping. “What in the world is the matter with you?”

  “I don’t want to talk about it!” he snapped and strode out of the open glass doors. For a moment she just stared at the blank space where he had been standing. Then she raced to the door to stick her head out.

  “That’s convenient!” she shouted furiously to his retreating back. He didn’t respond. She thrust out her chin and her brown eyes narrowed in grim determination. She was going to thrash this out with him once and for all, whether he liked it or not.

  She whipped out of the back door and raced after him.

  Chapter Four

  When she reached Jason’s side, she had to skip to keep up with his long, angry stride. Apparently he had no intention of stopping, nor did he look down at her. He stared straight ahead, his eyes ominously narrowed, his face hard. If it had been anyone else, she would have thought twice about confronting such strangely intense emotion, but this was Jason. She used to wrestle with him in the dirt, and once, when he had teased her too hard, she had hauled off and let fly with her right arm, bloodying his nose.

  She hopped around until she was right in front of him, slim legs planted firmly apart, arms akimbo. He stopped short to avoid smacking into her full tilt and glared at her. “Get out of my way,” he growled and tried to sidestep around her.

  She moved into his path again. “Hold it, mister.” She shook her finger under his nose and gritted, “I have a bone to pick with you. You seem to have picked up a nasty habit of starting arguments and then walking out on them, but you’re not going to get away with that around me, Jason Morrow!”

  He blinked, and his expression grew somewhat milder, but she was too angry to notice. He folded his arms across his chest, muscles flexing, a
nd cocked his head quizzically to one side. “It appears to me that I can do just about anything I damn well please,” he commented then, deliberately infuriating her.

  Robbie eyed him up and down as though seriously contemplating doing him bodily injury. “What the hell has got into you? I can’t figure you out. I don’t know you anymore!” she exclaimed exasperatedly.

  The expression in his gray eyes changed, and his lips took on a sardonic, wry twist. “No,” he agreed quietly. “I don’t believe you do.”

  “I’m sorry your girlfriend went out with Ian,” she said between her teeth. “I’m sorry that you mind so much, but there’s nothing I can do about it. You’re just going to have to accept it.”

  He began to look thoughtful, as he considered her dark brown, rather flushed countenance. When he spoke next, his tone was actually cautious. “Do you mind, Rob? You don’t seem too upset.”

  “Of course I’m upset!” she shouted and then made an effort to calm down. Her anger ebbing somewhat, she poked her finger halfheartedly into his chest. He snatched at her hand and held it, warm fingers curling around hers. “I’m upset with you, you big jackass,” she mumbled and tried to tug her hand away. “My God! I’ve never known such an obtuse man! I’ve tried and tried to tell you, Ian is just a good friend. The only one who seems to mind him around here is you.”

  “I don’t have to like the man just because you do, Robbie.” He seemed quite intent on keeping her hand for a while and playing with her fingers. Light color suffused her cheeks. She grew absurdly flustered with the half-smiling consideration he was giving her slim hand. He appeared to be in sudden good spirits, and she resigned herself to the realization that she might never grow to understand him.

  “That’s certainly not surprising, with all the attention he’s been giving your girlfriend, but don’t take it out on me, do you hear? I won’t stand for it.” Her tone of voice was growing more and more absent, as she found herself tangled into a knot of confusion. He cradled her hand against his chest while watching her face, lightly alert. His actions were totally strange to her. Never had he given her such attention. How odd he had become!