"He was worried about you."
My anger began to rise. "Why? And why did he talk to you instead of me?"
"There were things he felt uncomfortable talking to you about."
"Gus could talk to me about anything!"
"Maybe I phrased that wrong. There were things he was afraid to talk to you about because he feared he'd make a mess of things."
"Like what?"
She took a deep breath. "He hated to see you so alone. It bothered him a lot and you seemed to push away everybody who tried to get close."
I began to boil over, outraged that she knew a shitload about me and I knew next to nothing about her. I was always in the dark and it pissed me off. "If you think I'm so fucked up then why did you consent to date me?"
"Please don't use that word."
I bit my tongue. "Fine. Just answer my question."
"Because I think I fell in love with you long before we actually met."
The wind left my sails in a rush and I gaped at her. "What?"
"Did you ever read a story where you connected with a character so strongly that you wanted to meet them, know them, or even love them?"
"I…I guess," I stuttered, not sure where she was going.
"Well, Gus told me a story and you were that character. He loved you so much that I guess a little of that rubbed off on me."
I blinked a few times, dismayed at the tears that had started to build. Gus was always looking out for me, even after he was gone. "Why… did Gus choose you… for me?" I was struggling not to cry, but it was a question I needed an answer to.
She beamed a brilliant smile. "Because he knew I wouldn't put up with your bullshit."
I barked a laugh that turned into a sob. Troubled, I brought a hand up to cover my mouth. Anabel scooted closer, running a hand over the top of my head and offering me a shoulder to cry on. A little piece of me, a very little piece, wanted to resist but it was quickly silenced. I fell forward into her arms and wept like a fuckin' pansy.
----------
I was close to running late as I got of the shower and when I reentered my bedroom, Anabel was reclining on the mattress, an elbow cocked to support her head.
"I picked out some clothes for you."
So she was dressing me now?
"They're on the back of the closet door."
I padded over to look, trying my best not to frown. "Did you pick out my underwear too?"
"Yep. But you have to let me watch you put them on."
I grinned a little at that. I opened the closet door to find my suggested wardrobe hanging neatly on separate hangers.
Grudgingly, I had to admit that she had impeccable taste. I couldn't have done better myself. Of course, I wouldn't have chosen to wear the thong. I turned around and presented it to her with an eyebrow raised in question.
"You don't want panty lines do you?"
"I don't like thongs, they ride up on me."
"They're supposed to ride up on you, Maddie."
I guess I couldn't argue with that so I removed them from the hanger and dropped my towel. After I got them on, I reached for my bra but was called up short.
"Not so fast, come model for me."
"You've got to be kidding."
"You have an amazing body. Come over here and show it off."
I wasn't sure I liked that idea, but I turned around and walked over to edge of the bed, a little uncomfortable at being on display.
"Yummy."
I started to blush a little and got a giggle in response.
"You certainly weren't shy last night."
The blush deepened.
"Turn around."
I spun, thankful that I was no longer facing her.
"Wiggle your hips a little."
"If I do, can I go put my clothes on?"
"Okay, but it has to be a sexy wiggle."
I rolled my eyes. Embarrassed, but more than a little turned on.
"I'm waiting."
I bent over slightly and shook my ass at her.
"Oh, baby."
I stood up straight and hurried back over to the closet, a teasing laughter trailing after me.
"Get over it, Maddie. I've already seen you naked in about every position imaginable."
My mind flooded with recent memories, leaving me feeling a little lightheaded." Yeah, I guess you have."
"Then what's the problem?"
Good question. "I dunno."
"Hmmm, I guess you'll figure it out," she said cryptically.
I chewed on that while I got into my clothes. Anabel had chosen black slacks with a matching blouse and vest. She'd also remembered my aversion to heels and picked out a pair of black pumps.
"Would you like me to braid your hair?"
"I thought I'd just leave it down."
"Okay, that's a really good look for you."
"It is?"
"Oh, yeah."
I smiled, but then it hit me why I was getting dressed up and I faltered. I was so glad that Woody had made all the arrangements; I don't think I could've done it.
"Hey now, don't you go ruining your makeup," Anabel said, rolling off the bed and grabbing a Kleenex from the nightstand. She hurried over and began dab at my eyes. "You okay?"
I took a shaky breath. "It's going to be a tough day."
"I know it is. You'll get through it."
"Will you sit with me for the service?"
"Of course."
I was pathetically relieved. "Thanks."
"You don't have to thank me, Maddie," she chided. "You about ready?"
"I was gonna paint my nails, but I can't keep my hands from shaking," I admitted reluctantly.
She grabbed a hand and led me into the other room. "What color do you want?" she asked as she seated me at the kitchen counter.
"Red, I think."
"Okay."
She left me alone for a minute and I struggled to get myself under control. I had lied. It wasn't just going to be a tough day. Tough wasn't even close to strong enough a word. I hadn't even left the house and I was already beginning to blubber.
When Anabel returned, she sat down across from me and went about the business of painting my nails. She hummed comfortingly as she worked and I wondered how difficult the day would be, would already be, without her. I didn't ask her to be here yet here she was. It hit me abruptly that I had more than just a lover, I had a friend. Someone who cared about me and, if I was to believe what she told me earlier, even loved me. I guess I had a lot to think about.
"There we go," she announced with satisfaction.
"Thank you."
"You don't need to thank me, Maddie."
"Why do you keep saying that?"
"Because I'm not performing a service for you. I'm doing it because I want to."
"I see."
"No, you don't. But you will."
I narrowed my eyes at her.
"You don't intimidate me. Stop trying."
"Why do you make me feel like I don't know half as much as I think I do?"
"Because you don't. But I shall teach you, Grasshopper."
I chuckled. "Shut up."
She laughed, obviously amused with herself. "We ready to go now?"
"Just need my jacket and my gun."
She scowled. "You won't need a gun today and you're not wearing that jacket, it smells like cigarettes."
I started to protest, but gave in with a sigh. "Then I suppose you've picked out something for me to wear, Mother?"
"Yes, I have. I'll go get it," she said, rising to her feet but pausing to whisper in my ear. "And your mother wouldn't lick every inch of your body or sit on your face, Maddie."
I was glad she didn't loiter long enough to see my reaction, which was a shiver that shook me from my toes to the roots of my hair. I couldn't fight off the disturbing sensation that I had stumbled into something that left me in way over my head.
"Here ya go," she said from behind me.
I turned to find her holding the black Irish walkin
g cape that Joey had bought me for Christmas a couple of years ago. I'd never worn it. Dutifully, I pulled it over my head and settled it into place.
"God, you're beautiful."
I gave her a smile. "So are you."
"I know," she said, grabbing my hand and leading me toward the door. "You're gonna be late if we don't hurry."
I swallowed my apprehension and put on my sunglasses as we walked out to the car. Once we were traveling, my mind worried over the events of the day and the burden began to weigh on me. Everything seemed so imminent and I wanted nothing more to run back into the house and hide until the day was over.
"Everything okay?"
"What gave me away?"
"You're chewing on your lip."
"Oh."
"Trust me, you'll survive."
"I don't know how people do this."
"Do what?"
"Say goodbye."
"It isn't easy," she whispered. "I know what you're feeling."
"Do you?"
"I've said goodbye to both my parents."
"I'm sorry."
"Me too."
"Will you tell me about it?"
She sighed. "It was the hardest thing I've ever had to adjust to. I never felt more alone, or so vulnerable."
My eyes began to sting. "How do you get past it?"
"You don't. It hurts today as much as it did then; you just learn to deal with it. Time makes it easier."
I didn't trust my voice so I tried to focus on the road. She reached over and took one of my hands. She didn't say anything and I was glad. A minute or two longer and I would've had a complete breakdown. We rode in silence until I pulled up in her little driveway.
She squeezed my hand and leaned over to kiss me. "I'll see you in a little while, okay?"
"Okay."
"You'll be fine, I promise," she said, pecking my cheek and reaching for the door.
"Annie!"
She stopped and turned around to face me. "Hmmm?"
I wasn't sure what I was going to say, but I was suddenly terribly afraid of being alone. "I...I..."
"Shh, I'll see you soon."
I could only manage a nod and she patted me on the leg before she got out. I watched her walk up to the door, working up an unconvincing smile when she shot me a wave, and damn near bursting into tears as she disappeared inside.
V
I eyed the house across the street from me with trepidation. It wasn't the kind of house you would expect a crime boss to live in for it was just a modest dwelling in old neighborhood. You would be hard pressed to find a difference between it and the home I grew up in, a home only a couple of blocks away.
There were reasons why I was afraid to get out of my car and enter the all too familiar house. Things had changed. I hadn't seen Sophie since I left for the Army and I had a lot to apologize for. She never gave up on me, even though she probably should have. Was I completely over her? They say nothing endures like first love. Would she forgive me?
The last few days had given me a lot to consider and unfortunately, none of it was good. I had put so much effort into not thinking about it that I never allowed myself to realize just how badly I had treated her. All she had ever wanted was to be my friend and for a long time that's exactly what she was. The very best friend. We shared everything together and had no secrets between us. That is, until I fell in love. Of course, she fell in love as well, it just wasn't with me. Suddenly, we both had secrets to keep.
Until very recently, I couldn't remember a more horrible moment in my life than when she told me she was going to marry Tony. I'd never felt so completely betrayed. I threw a world-class tantrum a toddler could only look upon with envy, stormed from the house and spent the night on the lakefront bawling my eyes out.
With a great deal of effort, accompanied by some subtle threats from Gus, I bottled everything up and maintained a somewhat civil attitude, even managing to be her Maid of Honor. A day burned into my memory with indescribable pain. It had been beyond gut wrenching. I stood beside her at the ceremony, trying to look happy for her, but totally unable to stifle the tears flowing over my cheeks in rivers. As soon as it was over, I ditched the reception and ran all the way home, curling up in a little ball on the floor next to my bed. I wanted to die.
After the wedding, everything rocketed downhill. I wanted her to hurt as much as I did, and I took every opportunity I could get. I knew every button to push and I pushed them over and over again. I was fuckin' despicable.
Still, she kept trying to get through to me no matter how malicious I became. I couldn't be around her and I couldn't forgive her so when I graduated from college, I joined the Army. It worked for the most part, but she tracked me down religiously twice a year. Every Christmas and every birthday she either called or sent me a card. I never replied to the cards and when she called, I tried to make it as difficult as possible.
Sadly, now that I could see things in a different light, I had no excuse for my behavior. She loved me, of that I was certain. It was almost ten years later, and she still hadn't given up hope. The calls had been infrequent the last few years, but she still made them. How could I say I was sorry? How could I say that it wasn't her, but me that I needed to forgive? How could I say that I was just too childish to deal rationally with the situation? How could I say that what I understand now, I didn't then?
I looked at my watch and took a deep breath. It was time to pay the fiddler. I checked my face in the mirror and gave myself a gut check before climbing out of the car. As I puttered across the street, a painful throbbing started in my forehead and I sorta hoped it was the first stage of a fatal stroke.
I ended up standing on the front porch staring at the door, thoroughly incapable of mustering up the courage to ring the bell. I don't know exactly how long I stood there and I probably would've frozen to death, if Joey's wife hadn't opened the door and found me.
"Maddie!" Carla exclaimed in surprise, grabbing my hand and pulling me into the house. "You look like you're freezing, honey. Did you walk over here?"
"No, I was just… I mean… I guess I lost track of time."
"Foolish girl. Let's get you something warm to drink," she said, leading me into the living room where a crowd had gathered.
Before I knew it, a toddy was thrust into my hand and I was surrounded.
"I'm glad you're here, Maddie," Woody said. "There's something I'd like to talk…"
"It can wait, Woody," Joey interrupted, coming up behind him. "Maddie, get yourself upstairs. You know the way."
I swallowed.
He bumped Woody aside and leaned over to whisper in my ear, relieving me of my drink. "It'll only hurt a little and it's way overdue."
My throat constricted, but I managed a nod. Of course, he actually had to give me shove to get me moving. I made my way across the room, sensing that at that moment, I knew exactly what death row convicts felt like as they were ushered to the electric chair. Tony caught my eye as I reached the stairs, and there was no mistaking the warning in his expression. I sighed and plodded up the steps.
Far too soon, I was again standing in front of a door. I decided that thinking was my biggest problem and I was only prolonging the inevitable. With a rush of rapidly fading bravery, I reached out and completed a short knock.
"Come on in."
I extended an unsteady hand and stepped inside, catching my breath and fairly confident that I was tense enough to shit an 84-karat diamond. She had her back to me and was fussing over her dress in the mirror. I closed the door behind me and she turned at the sound.
She gasped in surprise, her hands rising to cover her mouth.
"I haven't changed that much have I?"
"Oh, Maddie," she whined, her eyes shining.
She took a hesitant step toward me, but caught herself as if unsure of her reception.
"I…I've missed you," I rasped weakly.
"I've missed you too. I've missed you so much," she cried.
I began to crumbl
e, but I wanted to say it. I needed to say it. "I'm so very, very sorry, Sophie," I choked, trying to ignore the moisture starting to rage from my eyes. "I'd give… anything… to go back and change the way I acted. I've been a hideous, jealous bitch and you have no reason, no reason at all, to… forgive me. I… I can only pray… that you will."
She rushed across the room and I tensed, half expecting a slap or perhaps a light pummeling. Instead, she smothered me in a hug and wept hysterically into my chest.
I wrapped my arms around her, the weight that had been slowly driving me into the ground evaporating in her embrace. The relief was so poignant it made me dizzy and I likened it to an epiphany. I didn't know how she could, or why she would, but I was forgiven. Just like that. I could hardly believe it and it took a moment for it to really sink in. When it did, the tears that gushed forth were no longer heartsick, but tears of joy.
----------
Close to an hour later, I was seated on her little bed, her head in my lap while I played contentedly with strands of her mousy brown hair. She was still as beautiful as I remembered. An inch shorter than I was with deep brown eyes and a body that could've made Michael Jackson give up little boys.
We had spent the last twenty or so minutes gossiping and catching up with each other. The past apparently thrust behind us, it seemed like old times. I couldn't have been happier.
"Do you have somebody, Maddie?"
"I think so."
"You think?"
"It's very new and sometimes I'm not sure she even likes me."
She rolled around to look up at me. "What do you mean?"
"We've only know each other a few days, but she's already slapped my face and called me, among other things, a bitch."
"How did you meet her?"
"Gus kinda set us up. Then Joey and Billy jumped on board."
A chuckle.
"What's so funny?"
"Sounds to me like they picked the perfect girl."
My brows knit. "Why do you say that?"
"Never mind."
"No, tell me. I really want to know."
"You won't get mad?"
"No."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
She took a deep breath. "You've always been arrogant and unpredictable, Maddie. You want everything your way and if you can't have it, you tend to lash out. You need someone strong enough to make you stop and think about what you say and do every once in a while. Gus could put you in your place, and my Dad, but you drifted away when you left for the Army. I don't think you've let anyone else have that kind of power over you since."
Stories by Kiera Dellacroix Page 91