Three Sisters

by Susan Mallery

  “Apparently not.” But she did draw in a slower breath. “I hate acting like this. I like Wade and sure, I want to see him again. But I don’t want to be scary or a mess. I want to be normal.”

  “Let me know what it feels like.”

  The waitress stopped by and topped up their coffee, then left them alone. Deanna picked up her mug.

  “What did he say on Monday?”

  “That he couldn’t stop thinking about me. Then Carrie walked in. I didn’t see him yesterday and I was nervous about giving in to begging or something today.”

  “You don’t want to beg,” Deanna told her. “Trust me on that one.”

  Her tone was sad, Andi realized, really looking at Deanna for the first time since sitting down. As always, the other woman was well dressed with a pair of pink jeans and a tailored white shirt. She had on a scarf, chic loafers and dangling earrings. But the pretty makeup couldn’t hide the circles under her eyes, and there was a sad twist to her mouth.

  “Are you okay?” Andi asked. “Did something happen?”

  Deanna lightly rubbed her left forearm, then shook her head. “I’m fine.”

  “I don’t believe that.”

  “Are you making the decision as a doctor or my neighbor?”

  “As your friend.”

  Andi figured using the f word was a bit of a stretch, but the more she spent time with Deanna, the more she liked her. The brittle, perfect facade had enough cracks to make her vulnerable.

  The waitress appeared with their plates. A huge stack of stuffed French toast, covered in maple syrup and powdered sugar was surrounded by blackberries. Andi felt her eyes widen. The plate had to contain two days’ worth of calories, and she honest-to-God didn’t care.

  “I’m eating it all,” she said reverently.

  “I might join you,” Deanna said.

  They each took a bite. The outside of the French toast was crisp, the filling both sweet and creamy.

  “As good as that night with Wade?” Deanna asked.

  Andi grinned. “Close. Very close.” She sipped her coffee. “Tell me what’s going on with you.”

  “Nothing that exciting. I’m fine.” She stabbed her French toast, then put down her fork. “No, that’s not true. I’m not fine. I’m a mess. Everything in my life is a mess.”

  Andi took another bite and waited.

  Deanna shifted in her seat. “Things are going badly with Colin. My kids hate me.”

  “They don’t,” Andi said quickly.

  “I scare them. I overheard the twins playing house yesterday. They were telling their dolls to clean their rooms and eat vegetables because there’s no dessert.” Deanna dropped her gaze to her breakfast. “I only let them have dessert on certain days of the week, and here I am, eating this.”

  “When was the last time you ate like this?”

  “I think it was the nineties.”

  “Okay, then.”

  Deanna’s brief smile faded. “I’m too strict. I see that, but it’s hard to change. I’m so scared all the time.” She leaned forward. “My mom was an alcoholic. The mean kind. When I was Lucy’s age, I came to live with my aunt and uncle who owned the house we’re in now. There were rules. Having rules made everything easier because I knew what was expected. Now, though, I think I’ve let the rules be the only thing that makes me feel safe. And Colin...I don’t know what he wants.”

  Andi had limited experience with alcoholism in families, although she knew the damage filtered down through generations. It took someone extraordinarily strong to stop the cycle.

  “What do you want?” she asked gently.

  “I don’t know,” Deanna admitted. “I want to feel safe. I want to not be afraid. I want my family to like me.”

  Andi reached across the table and touched her hand. “What are you scared of?”

  “If I’m not perfect, I have to go back.”

  The words came out so quickly, Andi knew Deanna hadn’t thought through the answer. “Go back to your mom’s?”

  “Ridiculous, huh? She’s been dead for years. The house isn’t even there. I went and looked the other day. It’s condos. I own my home. No one can take it from me.”

  “Maybe home isn’t a location. Maybe it’s what you said about feeling safe.”

  “Maybe.” Deanna speared a blackberry with her fork. “They really don’t like me.”

  “Are you someone they should like?” Andi reached for her coffee. “I think about my mom. I know I love her and she loves me, but do we like each other? I’m not so sure. I’m a chronic disappointment. In a family of success, I settled. Matt strung me along for a decade and then he dumped me. Why did I let that happen? Not the leaving-me part, but his inability to commit? Why didn’t I walk away? Based on how I was pissed and humiliated rather than hurt, I’m not sure I was even in love with him anymore. So why did I want to marry him?”

  Deanna smiled. “If you’re trying to make me feel better, it’s kind of working, so thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m really only pointing out that the family thing is hard. We all get messed up and then we have to find our way out of it. If my mom got off my ass, I’d probably want to talk to her more. But every conversation revolves around how I’m not living up to my potential and how great my brother and sister are doing. It’s not something I look forward to.”

  She shook her head. “But hey, you’re the one with five beautiful daughters and I don’t even have a cat. So you probably shouldn’t listen to me.”

  “I think I have to. You’re making a lot of sense.”

  They smiled at each other and returned to their breakfast. A few minutes later, Deanna put down her fork.

  “I think you need to try to back off with Wade. He’s not Matt. From everything I’ve heard, he’s a decent guy. His daughter is wonderful. I wish Madison were more like her. So don’t assume the worst right away.”

  “But assuming the worst is so easy.”

  “How’s that working for you?” Deanna asked with a grin.

  Andi laughed. “Don’t take this wrong, but I really didn’t like you much when I first met you.”

  “Don’t worry about it, no one does.”

  “But you’re really nice and funny.”

  “Maybe you could write a letter of recommendation to my family.”

  “If you think it would help.”

  “No, but thanks for the offer.”

  Andi lightly touched her arm. “I’m here for you.”

  “I’m here for you, too. The next time you feel yourself slipping over the edge, come find me.”

  Andi nodded. “You promise the same.”

  “I will.”

  They smiled at each other. Andi knew the Wade-worry would return soon enough, but for right now things actually seemed okay. As for the rest of it, she had a friend. And with friends, she could survive anything.

  * * *

  Boston sat on her front porch and watched Deanna’s daughters playing in Andi’s yard. Carrie was with them, too, as was the long-suffering cat. While the girls ran and laughed, Pickles lay in the shade, grooming. Young feet came perilously close to his tail, but he didn’t bother even looking to see if he was safe. She couldn’t decide if the cat was fatalistic or incredibly trusting.

  Sunlight spilled through the leaves on the trees. The whine of saws and hammers punctuated the laughter. Savannah circled around her sisters, shrieking that she didn’t want to be tagged.

  Summer had arrived, and with it childhood freedom. Long days with endless possibilities. Cool nights filled with stars and the magic of a full moon. Boston moved her pencil, quickly filled in the background, ignoring the reality of the grass and the house, instead placing the girls on a pirate ship. With a few quick strokes, Pickles had an eye patch and Carri
e’s waistband sported a cutlass. The twins wore hats, and beyond the edge of the ship, the angry sea threatened.

  She finished and ripped off the sheet, then started drawing again. This time the girls were fairies with ethereal dresses and wings. Pickles became a butterfly cat, and Madison was their queen. And Carrie held a small baby in her arms.

  Boston’s fingers slowed as she gently drew in the features. So familiar, she thought. So precious. Liam. Baby Liam.

  She filled in the curve of his mouth, the sweep of his chin, then stilled as something unbearably heavy settled over her entire body.

  She could still breathe, still move, but only on the outside. Inside, there was absolute stillness. And then she knew from the colors. How the heaviness was dark blue and purple with hints of green. Brown at the edges. Brown fading to gray.

  Sadness, she thought, almost afraid to acknowledge the sensation. She felt like a flower in the desert, so close to withering, yet unwilling to believe the storm clouds brought life-giving rain.

  She let the pencil fall to the grass and held her hand palm up. She was open to receiving, she thought. She welcomed the pain, should it choose to come. She had lost her precious child. Held him as his heart stopped and his soul left her.

  The awfulness grew even heavier, driving her down into the ground. She was anchored, unable to move. The gray invaded the other colors until there was no color at all. There was only absence.

  Boston closed her eyes and prayed. Prayed for tears, for the ache that came with loss. Prayed for any feeling at all.

  The grayness grew and she welcomed it. Welcomed the burning in her eyes, the tightness in her throat.

  And then it was gone. The sound of laughter returned, the colors bled away and she could move again. The stairs were just a seat and there wasn’t a single storm cloud on the horizon.

  She stared down at the fairy drawing. She recognized the faces, but it was as if it had been done by someone else. She carefully ripped the sheet off the pad and drew in a breath. Then she began to draw again, this time creating Liam.

  There might not be sadness, she told herself. But as long as she could hold him inside her, there would at least be peace.

  Chapter Twenty

  THURSDAY AFTERNOON ANDI drove home at her regular time. She was doing a little better on the OMG front of her life. She could go entire minutes of time without panicking about Wade. She considered that improvement. They still hadn’t had a conversation, something she was going to rectify that very afternoon. One way or another, they were going to talk about what had happened and he was going to explain why he hadn’t called. If he thought they’d shared a one-night stand and now they were done, she would figure out a way to get through the rest of the remodeling without dismembering him and stuffing him in her trunk.

  She pulled up in front of her house and stopped her engine. Before she’d made it halfway up the stairs, the front door opened and Wade stepped out. His dark eyes brightened when he saw her.

  “Finally,” he said with a grin. “I sent the guys home early, and Carrie’s not expecting me for an hour. Come on.”

  He took her hand and led her inside. Once the door closed behind her, he pulled her close and lightly kissed her.

  “Hey, I haven’t seen you in days. How are you?”

  She blinked, not sure how to take friendly Wade after four days of I’m-not-talking-to-you Wade. “I’m good.”

  “You spent most of yesterday avoiding me. I wanted to make sure everything was okay.”

  Avoiding him? She’d stayed away so she didn’t humiliate herself in some way.

  “As you said, we haven’t really talked,” she told him, liking the feel of his hands on her waist way too much. Leaning closer and kissing more seemed far more interesting than talking, but she had to do what was right, not what felt good in the moment. She took a deliberate step back. “I didn’t know if you were being evasive or playing hard to get or what.”

  “What are you talking about? I sent you a text on Sunday. You never answered.”

  A text? “I didn’t get it.” Or at least she hadn’t heard it, she thought.

  She pulled her phone out of her purse and scrolled through the notifications. Sure enough, there was a text from Wade.

  Thinking about you. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow. Let’s plan dinner for later in the week.

  She looked at him. “Oh. I put my appointment schedule on my phone, so I keep the notifications turned off. Otherwise it would beep every thirty seconds. Since I moved, I don’t get many texts and I never checked, so...”

  She swallowed, feeling really stupid. “I thought you were avoiding me.”

  “So we were both wrong.” He touched her chin, forcing her to look at him. “Let’s start over. I had a great time Friday night.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I want to see you again.”

  “Me, too.”

  “We should go to dinner. And this time I mean dinner. Not that you didn’t surprise the hell out of me before—in a good way. But let’s get to know each other.”

  “Okay.”

  “Yeah?”

  She nodded.

  He grinned and kissed her again.

  She let his mouth linger, then drew back slightly. “I need to tell you that I went a little crazy with the silence. Because of Matt and how he strung me along for so long. I thought maybe you were like him.”

  “I’m not.”

  She nodded. “I really want to believe you, but it’s going to take a little time.”

  He rubbed his thumb against her cheek. “You’re not the only one who worries. My wife was never happy with me and Zeke going into business. She used to bug me to go find a job in Seattle. To get off the island. We fought about it a lot.”

  Andi stared at him. “I didn’t know that.”

  “It was a long time ago and we kept the fights pretty quiet. But it was a source of tension. So even though you’re sexy as hell and funny and smart, the doctor thing has me worried.”

  “Why?”

  “What if you try to change me? I’m kind of set in my ways.”

  She nodded in understanding. “Matt wanted me to change, too. It didn’t work and made for a lot of tension. For what it’s worth, I like you just the way you are.”

  He gave her that smile she loved. “Yeah? I feel the same way.”

  “As for what you do for a living, I don’t care what any man does. I care who he is. I want someone I can depend on, and who I can trust. I’d probably draw the line at chronic illegal activities, but otherwise, what you do for a living is really the least of my issues. I like that you’re taking a sad, abandoned house and making it beautiful again. That’s impressive. Besides, you have a really great butt.”

  He grinned. “You’re shallow.”

  “Yes, and proud to be so.”

  “I can live with shallow.” He stared into her eyes. “So we’re going on a date.”

  “Yes. And this time we’re actually leaving the house.”

  “Saturday night. Seven.”

  “I’ll be ready.”

  He grinned. “Maybe you should let me honk and you come out. I’m afraid if I come inside to pick you up, I won’t be able to control myself.”

  Andi sighed. She didn’t even care if he was lying; that was so nice to say. “I don’t mind you honking. It’ll be like high school.”

  He put his arm around her shoulders and turned her toward the waiting room. “Now that we have that settled, let me show you what we did today.”

  * * *

  Andi walked into Pilates on Monday afternoon. “Hey, Katie,” she said to the receptionist.

  “Hi, Andi.” The twentysomething looked up, then frowned. “What happened?”

  “Nothing.”

 
“No way. Marlie, get over here. Doesn’t Andi look different?”

  Marlie, Andi’s regular instructor, studied her for a second, then grinned. “I’d say it’s a guy. She has guy-glow. And it’s not just about sex. It’s about being happy.” Marlie plopped her size-zero dancer’s ass on the edge of the desk. “Okay, start at the beginning and tell us everything. Who is he?”

  Andi felt herself flush. “There’s no guy,” she began, but then couldn’t help grinning. “Okay, there’s a guy.”

  “I knew it.” Marlie sighed. “I love it when relationships are new and there are so many possibilities. Plus the hot sex. Am I right?”

  “You might be.”

  The other women in the class strolled in and greeted everyone. Andi escaped to put her purse and shoes in a cubby, then walked over to the mats.

  As promised, she and Wade had gone out Saturday night. Dinner only, which had been both great and disappointing. The good news was, they’d had a chance to get to know each other a little better. The bad news was, all he’d done was kiss her at the door. The explanation that Carrie was home alone, waiting for him, had made his actions understandable, and his obvious disappointment had gone a long way to ease some of her own regret.

  The other women settled on their mats, and Marlie walked over.

  “Ready, everyone?” she asked. “Let’s start with the hundred.”

  “Couldn’t we start with sixty and do the other forty later?” Kathy asked.

  “I like that idea,” Andi said.

  The other women laughed. Marlie rolled her eyes. “So you’re going to all be trouble?” she asked. “It’s a Monday, right? This always happens on Monday. Grab your handles and let’s get going. The sooner we start, the sooner it’s over.”

  Andi picked up her handles and stretched out on her mat. She raised her legs, making sure her heels were together and her toes apart. She tucked her chin and raised her shoulders off the mat, then started pumping.

  The class moved from exercise to exercise. During the roll-down, Andi was careful to focus on her core and eased herself back onto the mat, bone by bone.

  “Good form, Andi,” Marlie called out from the other side of the class. “Slower, Kathy. One more, everyone.”