When I Look to the Sky

by Barbara S. Stewart

  “What a beautiful thought, of course it’s OK.”

  “I just think it’ll be a connection to Mama.”

  “Perfect. Special.” he added.

  “Was there something else?” he asked.

  “Yep, and it’s OK if you say ‘no.’ I have a plan B. Actually its plan A-and-a-half,” she laughed. “But I’m gonna ask.”

  “I’m ready, I think,” he laughed. “What is it?”

  “Can you sing at the wedding?”

  He waited a moment to respond, not knowing if he could do it. Finally, he took a deep breath. “Wheww… Carlee, that’s a tough one.” She snuggled into him, she knew it was.

  “I want to say yes, I think I can, but I’m afraid of the emotions. I don’t want to start and not be able to finish,” he said, honestly. They sat quietly a minute, and then he asked; “Sing what?”

  “Oh, Papa, do you have to ask.”

  Matthew and Geni passed the opening to the living room just as Andy began; with his arm around Carlee, he was softly singing to her.

  Take my hand

  Won’t you

  Give me your heart

  Won’t you...

  They were both crying. Matthew guided Geni to the kitchen, not wanting to interrupt or intrude on that precious moment.

  “Let me think a bit before I say ‘yes.’ What’s the A-and-a-half?” he asked, and laughed.

  “I’m going to ask Nathan to sing while you walk with me to Matthew.”

  “Do I want to know?” he laughed. “Goin’ to the Chapel?”

  “No,” she laughed and pulled her phone from her pocket. “I found this when I did a search on wedding music. “Marry Me.” It’s by Train, you know I love them.”

  Forever can never be long enough for me,

  To feel like I’ve had long enough with you…

  Marry me

  If I ever get the nerve to say hello in this café

  Say you will…

  He listened to the song in its entirety and finally said; “Geez Carlee, I don’t know if I can even walk down the aisle with you after hearing that.” He wasn’t just wiping tears, he was crying.

  “Matthew doesn’t know this. He knows about “Won’t You,” but not this one.”

  “Our secret,” he said, rising from the sofa, he pulled her to her feet and into his arms.

  “Papa, I love you.”

  “I love you, right back,” he said.

  They walked into the kitchen, where Geni and Matthew waited. He’d poured them all a glass of wine.

  Andy’s emotions were all over his face. “Papa, daughter moment,” he laughed.

  There was a holiday get-together at Andy’s on New Year’s Eve with Carlee’s family. Geni loved meeting them all. They exchanged gifts, and details of the wedding were shared. It was family-time, and Carlee and Matthew loved all of them being together.

  Geni and Matthew traveled to Jacksonville on Tuesday morning. He returned to St. Augustine on Friday after Carlee’s class. He planned a date night with her before he was to return to London Saturday evening. He booked a room for the night at the historic Casa Monica Hotel.

  “Bring a pretty dress; it’s a fancy date,” he told her before she returned to school.

  “Taco Tico?” she asked with big laugh.

  “No, not this time, fancier,” he replied.

  On Friday, she waited anxiously for him, her bag packed for the night. He picked her up and drove around the block to the hotel. They checked in, and settled in their room before their dinner date.

  “You sure we have to go out?” she laughed as she flopped in the middle of the bed.

  He laughed and crawled on the bed beside her. “Date first, but I’ll be thinking about later,” he said and rolled on top of her, kissing her.

  Dinner was downstairs at 95 Cordova; it was candlelit, and romantic. Afterward, a horse and carriage waited to take them for ride around the old town. As they boarded, the carriage driver presented Carlee with a bouquet of daisies. Later, they returned to their room, but there was no sleep. They made love and spent the night wrapped in each other’s arms, talking about the future.

  “It’ll go fast,” he told her when she cried. “You’ll be so busy making plans for the wedding, camp, moving, all of that. It’ll fly by, but I’ll be counting the days too. I can’t wait, Carlee. I love you, and I can’t wait to wake every morning and see you beside me.” He wrapped her in his arms and held her…

  ~ ~ ~

  Once he was back in London, Matthew and Carlee continued their nightly phone calls; they talked about plans and details for the wedding. He told her about his days in his new life as a teacher. His excitement over the newness of it made Carlee happy, proud, and sad that she wasn’t there to experience it first-hand when he came in from work each day.

  Andy planned to go to St. Augustine every other weekend. He was already dreading when he couldn’t see her whenever he wanted. He was already starting to feel alone, but excited and proud for the life she had ahead of her.

  Geni and Carlee planned a weekend in Jacksonville for dress shopping. Carlee knew she could shop at home, but Geni was so excited when she asked her about the weekend plans that Carlee thought it would be fun. Geni personally called to invite Kimmy, Jenna and Marissa to join them.

  Carlee and Marissa went straight from school. Kimmy and Jenna arrived later in the evening. Geni began their weekend with dinner Friday evening when they arrived. She set up a Mexican buffet and they made margaritas. They sat around the kitchen table and shared an evening filled with laughter, girl talk, and wedding plans.

  Geni listened as Kimmy, Jenna and Carlee shared stories, thinking about Carlee’s younger years without her mama. It made Geni happy that she and Carlee had developed a kinship. She was thrilled that Carlee had included her in the dress-shopping excursion; she didn’t have to, but she was glad she had. Marissa brought her blow-up mattress so she could sleep in the same room. Jenna and Carlee slept together in the bed. And it made Geni smile as she heard the three of them giggle and whisper into the night.

  They began the next morning with coffee and pastries, and then set out on a day of shopping. They went to several shops, and each time they went in, Geni listened as Carlee described what she was looking for. She watched, thinking by now she’d have been frustrated, but Carlee just kept looking.

  “Someone will have it, I just know it! I know what I’m looking for, I’ve seen it in my mind,” Carlee said, closing her eyes as if to see it once more. “I’m just not seeing it in these stores!”

  Geni took them to a girlie Victorian tea room for lunch. They shared tea sandwiches, crudités and more laughter. Afterward, they ended up crossing the river to Park Avenue in Orange Park. They went into The Bridal Shoppe and once again, Carlee explained what she was looking for. She gave a great detailed description. It was just that no one seemed to have what she described. She had not even tried a dress on yet because she wasn’t finding what she wanted nothing was even close, and she wasn’t going to settle.

  Lindy, the sales associate, listened closely. She thought a moment, seeming to go through the shop’s inventory in her mind. “I think I have what you’re looking for. It’s a 2008 vintage Austin Michaels dress,” she said referring to the designer. “I’d say it’s your size. Six right?”

  “You’re good,” Carlee said, and laughed as she added, “Now let’s see how good!”

  She was gone a few minutes and returned with the dress in a bag. Everyone watched, and Carlee held her breath as Lindy unzipped it.

  “Oh, my!” Carlee yelled as Lindy pulled the dress from the bag. “That’s it! That’s my dress!”

  She led Carlee into the fitting room. Carlee slipped out of her clothes, there was nothing modest about her as she shimmied out of the skirt and top she was wearing. She had on a camisole but, as usual, no bra. She looked at Lindy and laughed. “Why bother?”

  Carlee stepped into the dress as Lindy helped. “I can’t remember in the ten years
I’ve been here ever helping with a dress that was a perfect fit! This is perfect!” she said as she zipped and buttoned.

  Carlee turned around to see in the mirror. It was everything she wanted. It was a soft, almost blue-white shade of lace. It was different, and she liked ‘different.’ It was a tea length ball gown style, with a full crinoline bottom.

  “It looks like something from the 1950s,” Carlee smiled. “I love it!”

  In the front was a bandeau neckline with sheer lace that came higher on the neck, and went to the back and buttoned at the neckline. The rest of the back was open to the waistline. There was a zipper that went down from the fitted waist and a small bow on the front left side highlighting the waist. And it fit perfectly.

  Kimmy, Marissa, Jenna and Geni waited anxiously just outside the door. “Oh yes!” they heard her say.

  “It’s gorgeous!” Lindy told her. “I’ll open the door now.”

  “No, wait just a sec, please.” She dug through her bag and pulled out the hair clip she always had with her. She bent over, allowing her hair to fall forward, and rustled her fingers through the mass of curls. She twisted it, and then pulled the hair on top of her head, letting tiny curls escape.

  “Perfect!” Lindy told her.

  Carlee held her breath and Lindy opened the door. As she stepped out of the fitting room, Jenna and Marissa gasped. Kimmy and Geni both had tears in their eyes.

  “What kind of veil?” Kimmy asked.

  “Nothing, I love it just like this,” Carlee said turning this way and that, to see in the three-way mirror.

  Marissa said, “We can weave pearls into her hair before she pulls it up.”

  “Oh! I love that!” Carlee said.

  She turned once more to face the three-way mirror. She stood, looking at her reflection. Suddenly, she started to cry. Kimmy went to her, and wrapped her arms around her, holding her as the tears flowed. She knew what she was thinking. They all did.

  Finally, she told Lindy, “This is the one, I’ll take it.”

  Lindy went back into the dressing room with Carlee to help her out of the dress and place it back in the bag. Carlee sat down a moment. “I get the crinoline thing for the bottom of the dress, but I have to ask something,” she said.

  “I think I know,” Lindy laughed, but allowed Carlee to continue.

  “It’s just that the back is so open. What would I wear under it?”

  “You seem to be a free spirit,” she said and Carlee laughed. “And you are small, so before you leave I’ll give you just what you need. If it doesn’t suit you, I’m sure we can find something.”

  They stepped out and Lindy took the dress to the front to allow them a few minutes to browse. They looked for a while and found a tea-length, silver-grey dress for Jenna and Marissa. It was similar in style to Carlee’s, and they both loved it.

  Lindy looked at Geni; “Mother-of-the-Groom,” she said and smiled. They found a sky blue dress, perfect for her tall, thin frame.

  “Mother-of-the-Bride,” Kimmy said as she browsed, and Carlee smiled.

  Carlee’s dress needed nothing. She didn’t want to leave it, so she took it with her. Lindy gave her the information on where to take it in London to have it ‘freshened’ after her travel there. She handed Carlee a small paper bag. “The garter is always our gift to the bride,” she said and leaned to whisper in Carlee’s ear. “In the tissue paper is all you need under the bodice of your dress. My card is there if you have any questions.” Carlee couldn’t imagine what it could be in a bag that small.

  Back at Geni’s that evening, in the room she was sharing with Marissa and Jenna, Carlee laughed, “I can’t stand it anymore.”

  “What?” Jenna asked.

  “You saw how open the back of the dress is. The slip thing is part of the dress, but it’s only on the bottom. I asked Lindy what I would wear under the top. She handed me this bag with the garter and said that all I need under the dress was in the bag!”

  They looked at the small bag and finally, Marissa said, “Well, let’s see what it is!”

  Carlee took the tissue paper from the bag. Lindy had written on it, ‘For your groom.’ She tore into the paper and all three of them screamed with laughter. Carlee fell back on the bed laughing, and Jenna and Marissa doubled over in giggles. The paper contained a flat envelope that said ‘SassyNippies Nipple Covers’ - they were adhesive flowers.

  Geni and Kimmy were drinking a glass of wine in the living room. They heard the laughter and wondered.

  “I’ve heard that sound before. I’m not sure I want to know!” Kimmy laughed.

  Damon, the manager at White’s referred her to the florist the hotel used. She spoke to them several times about the flowers, telling them what she wanted for the reception and breakfast. They decided on daisies and white carnations for the bouquets.

  Everything was falling in place.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO ~ Almost There

  Carlee met with her advisor the following week. Together, they found the course of studies she needed to complete her degree at the University of Westminster where Matthew was teaching. She couldn’t wait to tell him. “We found my college in London!” she said when she called.

  “And?”

  “As soon as everything is in place I’ll be attending your Alma Mater!”

  “Great! I hoped that all along, but I didn’t want to influence you.” They talked a while about school and finally, Matthew said, “I just sent you and Andy an email with a link and some pictures. Look it over, talk to Andy and tell me what you think.”

  “What is it?” she asked pulling up her email.

  “It’s a two-story, two-bedroom flat in Bethnal Green, about six miles from the University. The second story is a large loft; it could be an office or a third bedroom, maybe both, and there’s a bathroom. There’s an outside balcony that overlooks the Regents Canal, wood floors, lots of windows. The rooms are big and open. I went today and saw it. It’s really beautiful, Carlee. There is security and covered parking. I’m pretty sure it’s in our price range.”

  Carlee was looking at the pictures as he spoke. “It is beautiful!”

  “Can you pull off a long weekend and bring Andy to come see it?”

  “I’ll call Papa as soon as we hang up.”

  “I already did,” he laughed. “He said whatever you could work out, he’d join you. Can you come tomorrow? I miss you something awful!” he laughed as he said it, but he was only half kidding.

  It was still five weeks until she would be there, so a quick trip now would be perfect. Matthew’s birthday was in a week and the approach of Valentine’s Day made it even more appealing. She hung up and dialed.

  “I’ve been waiting for the phone to ring; what took you so long?” Andy laughed.

  “I was telling Matthew about school, and then he was telling me about the flat!”

  “School? Something you need to share?”

  “We found my course of study. I’ll be transferring to Matthew’s University! He’s very excited!” she said, “So am I!”

  “When can you go?” he asked her.

  “I could leave late on Thursday and return late on Tuesday. Does that work for you?”

  “I’ll get our flight, tell Matt I’ll book a suite at White’s and we can all stay together.”

  Carlee chatted about the wedding for the first hour and a half of the flight. Finally, she dozed; Andy remembered the last time they made this journey together, and it was bittersweet.

  Matthew was at the University when they arrived, so they went straight to White’s and napped. Matthew joined them after class to go see the flat that afternoon.

  Andy loved it from the moment they parked the car. Matthew took Carlee’s hand as they walked through, checking out every nook and cranny, every closet and cupboard.

  They drove back to White’s for dinner at Six. Chatting about the flat, Matthew asked Andy a million questions. Cook came to the table to say hello, and personally served their meal. When he hug
ged Carlee she told him that she needed to see him. “I need some help, your expertise, with the wedding menu.”

  “Come down in the morning. I’ll meet you here with brown sugar scones, and it’ll be my pleasure!” he said in a happy voice.

  “You know me well,” she laughed easily. “It’s a date!”

  When they returned to the suite, Andy said good night. Carlee and Matthew sat on the sofa talking about the flat and their future.

  Finally, they went to the room they would share and Carlee crawled in bed. She couldn’t believe she was really there with him. He curled close to her and whispered in her ear as he wrapped her in his arms. His fingers left a soft touch as they roamed her body.

  “Can you be quiet?” He laughed as he asked, but he wanted to make love to her.

  “Matthew…” she said and scooted closer as he wrapped her tighter in his embrace. His mouth covered hers in a kiss. As she slipped the t-shirt over her head, he pushed her shorts away. “Oh, my,” she whispered.

  ~ ~ ~

  Andy heard Matthew’s alarm the next morning and called for coffee. He heard the knock at the door when the coffee arrived. Matthew came out, dressed for work. Working man, Andy thought and smiled.

  “Got time for a cup?” he asked.

  “Always,” Matthew said.

  They sat at the table and Andy poured what he always referred to as ‘the elixir of the gods.’ “I like the flat.”

  “We do too. Carlee talked half the night about what we would need. I finally told her that one of us had to go to work or she’d still be talking,” he laughed.

  “Just say how you want to go forward.”

  When Carlee woke, she dressed quickly, gave Andy a peck on the cheek and ran out to meet Cook. As promised, there were brown sugar scones waiting. She kissed his cheek and took out her iPad with all her lists.