The B*E*A*S*T* Within

by Rebecca Goings

  He climbed into the driver's side of his vehicle and pushed a button on the center console that darkened the windows. Lust was riding him hard, and he could no longer resist the pull to mate. Unzipping his pants, Tam stroked himself while inhaling the scent of the shirt, imagining, dreaming, fantasizing. It didn't take long before his handsome Asian features contorted as he gasped his release, pulsing onto the torn fabric.

  Smiling to himself, Tam readjusted his clothes and tossed the soiled shirt out the window. The images of Lanie writhing underneath him flitted through his head and would soon become a reality. What he hadn't decided yet was whether or not he would make Noah watch

  * * * *

  It was getting late. The sun had set hours ago. When the Hummer had traversed the forest, they came upon the highway once more, many miles away from the car they'd previously stolen. There were no cops waiting for them, so when they finally reached civilization, Noah used one of the twenties in the glove box to buy them some fast food to eat on the road.

  Once again, he silently thanked his friends for risking their lives to help him. If it weren't for them, he had to wonder if he'd be sitting in another one of B*E*A*S*T*'s cages—without Lanie by his side. He shuddered at the thought.

  The town they'd just passed through was the only one for at least another hundred miles until they reached the border of Colorado and Arizona at the Four Corners. The road was dark, and the clock on the dash read half past ten. Maybe he should pull over for the night.

  Glancing in the back, he had to smile at the absence of a back seat. The entire rear-end of the Hummer was carpeted and comfortable, cozy enough for him to snuggle against Lanie and hold her in his arms. He hoped she wouldn't scoff.

  "What are you doing?” Lanie asked in a tired voice as he began to slow down.

  "Pulling over,” he answered, driving a few yards away from the road. “It's time we get some sleep. Care to join me in the back?"

  "Noah—"

  He held up his hand. “It's all innocent, I assure you. I just thought that ... that it would be ... well, more comfortable. For both of us."

  She looked at him with red eyes, and his stomach lurched. He hadn't spent more than a few days in her presence, but it felt like a lifetime to him. She was so beautiful, and he longed to tell her—longed even more to show her. But he couldn't, not when too many unanswered questions about his past still swirled around them.

  That didn't stop him from wanting her pressed against him, feeding off her body heat and being surrounded by her sweet scent. She was the one good thing in his life, and he wanted to hold on to her and never let go, but she was right about his past. If he did have a wife, he'd have to say goodbye to Lanie or at least banish all thoughts of her from his mind, but he wasn't sure that could be done. Noah was getting used to having her soothing presence around him. If he ever had to live without it, he didn't know what he would do.

  "All right,” she said in answer to his suggestion about sleeping.

  Without giving her a chance to change her mind, Noah crawled into the back of the truck and opened a few compartments that lined the interior. Inside, he found some small pillows and thin blankets.

  "Will these keep us warm enough?” Lanie asked after he tossed her one.

  "I'll keep you warm enough, baby,” he said, flashing her a wide grin. Even in the dim light, he could see her blush, and he had to bite his lip to hold back the growl that wanted to escape. Would he be able to simply hold her without wanting more? He might drive himself insane, but it would be well worth the risk.

  "You shouldn't talk like that,” she said.

  "Then let's stop talking."

  He held out his hand to her, and she took it timidly then spread out on the floor of the truck beside him. Noah laid the blankets over the top of them and tucked his arm around her from behind. He pulled her close and kissed her cheek.

  "You cold?” he asked when he felt her trembling.

  "No,” she said, her shivers contradicting her words.

  "Then why are you shaking?"

  "Because ... because you drive me crazy, Noah."

  He squeezed his arm around her, making sure she could feel every inch of him against her back. He kissed her cheek once more and whispered, “I'm glad I'm not the only one going crazy. If I find out that I'm not married, I'm going to make you mine, Lanie Erickson. Hard and fast or slow and gentle, it doesn't matter to me, baby. As long as you're gasping beneath me."

  "Oh, God, Noah—"

  "Shh,” he whispered. “Will you deny me?"

  Lanie's small hand covered his across her belly, lacing their fingers together. All she gave him was a curt shake of her head, but her scent gave her away. She wanted him to make her his, of that he was sure.

  "I don't think I'll be able to sleep,” he confessed.

  "Noah,” she said, breathless.

  "What?"

  "Please shut up.” Her voice was strained, telling him of the need spiraling inside of her. He chuckled. “Right. No more talking."

  Seventeen

  Lanie stared into the darkness. It was impossible to sleep after the words Noah had spoken seductively in her ear and with his breath softly fanning her face. He was asleep, or at least she hoped he was, as his breathing was deep and even. His chest warmed her back and his arm draped over her belly. Swallowing hard, Lanie tried to calm her raging libido. Just feeling him against her was enough to drive her wild. Now, however, she had images of what he had a mind to do if he found out he wasn't married.

  His words had shocked her. No man had ever talked to her so bluntly, so brazenly. And Lanie couldn't believe how much she liked it. Noah was a shifter, and just that thought alone should have been enough to cool her ardor. But his wild animal side seemed to bleed into his human side, and Lanie was shocked at just how much she liked his brusque demeanor. She'd never been wild in her youth. Always the good girl, she'd been the designated driver at parties, never wanting to rock the boat by letting her hair down.

  Now she was with Noah, and it felt so good not knowing what was going to happen next, finally having the chance to be wild and crazy. Being chased by B*E*A*S*T* scared her half to death, but being on the run with Noah brought her a certain peace. Lanie knew it was insane, but she was falling in love with Noah Carpenter.

  And they'd only been together a few days. Last week, she hadn't even known he existed, yet here she was wrapped in his arms, sighing with contentment and eagerly anticipating when he would make love to her.

  But would he? If Noah's memories of a woman were real, if he was indeed Anthony Mercer, then it was altogether possible that he was married. Heck, he could even have children. It wasn't right for her to have feelings for him. It wasn't right for her to hope and pray that he had no one waiting for him.

  A silent tear rolled down her cheek as she snuggled next to him. Perhaps this was the closest she'd ever get. She tried hard to banish the thought. If the time came when she had to walk away from Noah, Lanie knew she'd never find another man quite like him. He groaned in his sleep, suddenly twisting away from her, and Lanie rolled over to see his head toss back and forth.

  "No,” he whispered as his face contorted in pain. “Stop. Please! NO!"

  "Noah? Noah, wake up.” Lanie shook his shoulder, but his grunts continued. “Noah? Honey, can you hear me?” Stroking his cheek, she could feel her heart in her throat.

  He screamed and sat up, his wild eyes darting around the interior of the Hummer before resting on her. Lanie could see the tears that pooled in them, and it broke her heart.

  "Lanie?” he whispered, suddenly breaking down into sobs.

  She sat up and pulled him into her arms. “It's okay, Noah,” she cooed as she stroked his hair. “You're with me now. It was just a dream."

  "Jesus, Lanie,” he said, his voice cracking. “How could they do that to me?"

  She shivered, not wanting to know what he'd dreamt about. His arms pulled her tight against him as he dragged her onto his lap. Burying his fa
ce in her neck, he cried deep, heart-wrenching sobs as he trembled, telling her of his terror at the hands of the B*E*A*S*T* agency.

  "Noah, you're all right. You're safe."

  "You're all I have, Lanie. I don't have a damn thing that they didn't give me—except for you. You're the only bright spot in my life!” Lanie's own tears spilled over as he cried those words to her. “You keep me sane, baby."

  "Oh, Noah,” she said through her sniffles. “How can I care about you so much already? It's barely been a few days, and I can hardly imagine a life without you."

  "Promise me, Lanie."

  "What? Promise you what?"

  Raising his head, he looked at her and the torture in his eyes made her stomach threaten to revolt. He'd endured so much that it was criminal. If Noah deserved anything, it was peace.

  "Promise that no matter what happens, you'll always be there for me. That you won't be too far away. That I can always find you. I'm terrified of myself at times, I can't even imagine how scared you must be. I'm not sure anyone else in the world will accept me for who I am. But you have, baby, and I don't want to lose that. So promise me."

  Lanie nodded. “I promise, Noah. No matter what happens, I'll always be here for you. Always."

  Once again, she found herself crushed against him as he rocked her back and forth. “I need you,” he said, sounding as if he were trying to hold back more tears. “I can't do this alone!"

  "You're not alone.” Kissing his cheek, she whispered again, “You're not alone, Noah. I'm here."

  She had no idea how long they sat there holding each other. But she would have rather died than let him go.

  * * * *

  Noah's eyes burned. He hadn't returned to sleep after he'd cried his heart out to Lanie. She lay on his chest with her head tucked under his chin, her steady breathing and melodic heartbeat soothing him somewhat. Damn, it felt good holding her like this.

  When he squeezed her closer to him, she mewled in her sleep and snuggled closer, her leg tangled with his. Noah bit his lip and glanced out the window as the sky pinkened with the dawn. They should try and get some miles behind them, but he didn't want to move. He liked it just the way he was, cuddled with Lanie, sharing her body heat, smelling her sweet scent.

  Rogan had said that Tam desired her as well. Instantly, Noah's hackles were raised. How dare that bastard think of Lanie in that way? She didn't belong to him. Hell, Tam hadn't even met her! But Noah supposed that wouldn't stop him. Her scent had obviously intrigued B*E*A*S*T*'s number one killer the same way it had captivated him, and Noah knew Tam wouldn't give up until he found her.

  The man was mad, there was no doubt about it. Noah remembered how, when the scientists would take Tam for testing, he was the only shifter who welcomed it, seeming to revel in the pain they inflicted. No one understood him. Perhaps it was part of what made him such a ruthless assassin.

  But Tam would never get Lanie, not while Noah still had breath. If he found out that he was married with a family, he would still protect Lanie until his dying day. No one deserved what Tam had to offer. Noah had no doubt that even as his mate, Lanie would feel only pain, no pleasure.

  She moved a bit, shifting her body to get into a more comfortable position. Her arm draped across his chest and her hand rested against his neck. It was all he could do not to caress the skin under her sweater. The woman was so soft that Noah knew he'd never tire of touching her.

  Rubbing his eyes, he sighed and watched as the sun turned the sky from pink to gold. “Lanie?” he whispered. “Lanie, baby, we've got to get up."

  "Mmm?” Her soft response made his body tighten.

  "Damn it,” he grumbled under his breath.

  "Noah? What's wrong?” Lanie lifted her head, and her hair framed her face like an angel. He sucked in his breath at the sight of her sexy, hooded eyes.

  "I think I'm going insane,” he said.

  "Did you have another bad dream?” she asked, stroking his cheek.

  The look of concern she gave him was his undoing. Noah shook his head and leaned over her, shifting his body weight to lie on top of her. He kissed her gently and held her head in his hands, yet he didn't deepen the kiss. But, damn, how he wanted to. Resting his forehead on hers, he groaned.

  "We've got to get back on the road."

  "I know,” she whispered, running her fingers through his hair.

  "This is going to be hard, Lanie."

  "It's already hard,” she said, teasing him with a small smile.

  He gave her a wicked grin. “I was hoping you couldn't feel that."

  Lanie opened her legs, allowing him to settle between them completely. They both moaned at the intimate contact.

  "I was hoping I could."

  "Goddamn, Lanie, don't talk to me like that.” Noah's heart began to race as his body trembled with desire.

  "Like what?” she asked innocently, batting her eyes at him.

  "You're going to be the death of me,” he growled, surging to his knees before he did anything stupid.

  "Perhaps,” she said, sitting up and caressing his shoulders. “But you'll die a happy man."

  Noah couldn't help but chuckle at that, hugging her close.

  Eighteen

  "I have an idea."

  It was around noon when Lanie spoke again, too lost in her own thoughts to make much conversation. The terrain had turned from mountainous to flat, dry desert awhile back, with sagebrush rushing past the windows. They were approaching the Four Corners, the famous juncture where Colorado, Utah, Arizona, and New Mexico met. Soon they would cross over into Arizona, with absolutely no clue as to where to go from there.

  "Oh?” Noah answered, giving her a sideways glance as he drove. “And what's that?"

  "We could find a phone somewhere and call Information to see if we might be able to find a listing for an Anthony Mercer."

  He was quiet for a moment before he said, “That's not a bad idea."

  "And if we find something,” Lanie went on, “I could call and ask for him, maybe claim to be an old friend."

  "Next time we stop for gas, you could use one of the pay phones at the station."

  Nodding, Lanie suddenly felt her heart in her throat. Would they be able to find anything? Did Anthony Mercer actually exist? She realized she really didn't want to know, but she needed to know. It might not be too much longer before she could know for sure. If Noah had a family, she'd have to deal with her own feelings and let him go, but she wasn't sure she could.

  It was true they'd only known each other for a short while, but it felt like a lifetime. Hell, two lifetimes. Having him pressed against her that morning had been heaven. His body fit hers like a glove, and she couldn't help but selfishly pray that she could keep him. It was easy to pretend he wasn't a shifter—and that scared her half to death.

  Noah wasn't a normal man. He wasn't even anything that resembled normal. Her family would never understand, but maybe her family wouldn't have to know. If she ever brought Noah home to meet her parents—

  That thought stopped cold as she glanced at him. Would she ever bring him home to meet her parents? Would she ever see them again? Tears pooled in her eyes and she tried to hide them, but Noah turned to look at her with concern on his face.

  "What's wrong, Lanie?"

  "Nothing,” she said, trying to put a smile on her face.

  "Don't lie, baby,” he said gently. “I can smell you. Something's wrong."

  "I just ... I want to see my family again, Noah. I want to talk to them—tell them I'm all right. My God, they must be half out of their minds by now. They probably all think you've kidnapped me!"

  Noah's grip on the steering wheel tightened. “I know, and I'm sorry. But we can't contact them."

  "When can we?"

  He looked at her with sadness in his eyes. “I don't know. Maybe ... never."

  Lanie gasped. “That's not an option! I can't live like this forever, Noah. Don't tell me I can never see my family again."

  "If we
contact them, B*E*A*S*T* will know, and they don't play games, Lanie. Your family would be interrogated, maybe even tortured. We can't do that to them."

  "I can't live the rest of my life never seeing them, never spending another holiday with them."

  Noah sighed and ran his fingers through his hair. “Maybe in a few months, I don't know. But Tam is on our trail now, watching every move we make. We can't risk contacting them."

  "Tam? You've said that name before.” Lanie swallowed hard, goose bumps raising the hair on her arms. “He's the panther, isn't he?"

  Noah took a deep breath and held it for a few seconds before nodding and releasing it. “Tam is one of the most ruthless shifters the agency ever created.” He looked at her, holding her eye contact before looking away again at the road. “He's not ... right in the head. I've known him for a long time. He even seemed to regard the torture at the hands of the scientists with some kind of perverse pleasure. He loves being ... what he is. And he's highly prized at B*E*A*S*T* because of it."

  He paused to take another fortifying breath.

  "If we're ever caught, Lanie, we have no hope. Tam is brutal. I don't think the man even has a conscience. Rogan will try to keep him at bay, but we still have to be careful. Very careful."

  "Is Rogan your wolf friend?"

  The corner of Noah's mouth lifted immediately. “Yeah. He helped me escape B*E*A*S*T*. Twice, actually. Even stole this Hummer right out from under the agency's nose just so we could get away."

  "Wow, isn't that a bit risky?"

  "Hell yeah it is!” Noah shook his head. “Sometimes I don't know why he sticks out his neck for me the way he does. But he stayed with B*E*A*S*T* to see if he could find out who he really is. He has dreams of his life before just like I do, but no one at the agency knows it. As far as they know, he's one of them."

  "What would happen to him if they found him out?” she asked.

  "They'd mind-wipe him again and see if that would fix the problem. If not, they'd end his experiment."

  "You mean ... kill him?"

  "That's exactly what I mean."

  Lanie shivered again, turning her attention back to the passing scenery. If they hadn't been sitting so far apart, she would have grabbed hold of Noah's hand for comfort. Instead, she firmly clasped her own hands together in her lap, trying her hardest to think of rainbows and butterflies.