Mail Order Mama

by Kirsten Osbourne

  He walked to her and sat next to her on the sofa. His movements were angry, and she knew he was furious with her. “Be my guest. I’ll listen.” And he would try to listen. He wasn’t sure he could, but he would try.

  “After lunch the girls helped clear the table like they do at home, and they were going to help with the dishes. Your mother sent them outside instead. She told me I’m ruining the girls by making them help with dishes, and that I need to cook Norwegian foods for them. She complains to me I’m not Norwegian every time I see her.” She felt the tears sting her eyes as she recalled how his mother had treated her. “She told me I’m a huge disappointment to you. I explained that I cook what I know how to cook and the girls aren’t starving, so I must be doing okay. She told me that in the Norwegian culture people respect their elders. I told her I don’t respect people who treat me worse than they treat animals, and that’s exactly what your mother does. She’s very cruel to me.”

  Benjamin clenched his fist. How dare she try to blame his mother for her cruel words? “She wouldn’t have said that to you. She may have suggested you learn to cook a few Norwegian meals, but the rest of it? I don’t believe it. Mor was always kind and loving to Anna. Why would she be any different to you?”

  “Because I’m not Norwegian and I disappoint her? How should I know? I only know how she treats me, and I don’t like it! I can’t believe you believe her over me. Have you ever known me to be unkind to anyone?” She stared at him in disbelief. She was his wife, and she’d done everything he’d asked of her and more. She had never done a single thing to upset him, and he believed that old harridan over him? What was wrong with him?

  “No, but I’ve never known Mor to be unkind either, and I’ve known her far longer than I’ve known you.”

  Emily recoiled as if she’d been slapped. She’d really thought her marriage was a good one until today. “I see.” She stood up and went into the kitchen to start the evening meal.

  He followed her. “You will promise me to be kind to my mother.”

  “Yes, of course, I will.” She removed the iron skillet she needed to brown the potatoes she planned on frying from the wall not looking at her husband. As far as she was concerned, until he started to believe her, their marriage wouldn’t work.

  Benjamin stood staring at her back, wondering why she’d stopped talking to him. Finally he threw his hands up in disgust, leaving the house and slamming the door behind him.

  As soon as she heard the door close, Emily sat down at the table and put her head in her hands and cried. How could she fight a dead wife and a mother-in-law who hated her? She’d lost her husband, and she knew it.

  *****

  It was almost dusk when Benjamin slammed out of the house automatically walking toward the graveyard to talk to Anna. He knelt at her grave, brushing the leaves away. In the time since he’d been there the leaves had gone from pretty oranges and reds to a dull brown. They littered the ground on top of her grave.

  “I’m confused, Anna. I thought Emily was such a good woman. She’s been a real blessing to the girls and to me, but Mor told me she said some horrible things to her. The person I thought she was would never have been so rude to my mother.” He sighed heavily. “What if I’m doing the wrong thing by leaving her alone with our girls all day every day?

  “And what’s more, when I was talking to Far today, I realized that I love her. I still love you, of course. You’ll always hold a huge place in my heart, but there’s some room left for another good woman. I thought Emily was the woman I needed to complete my life and that of the girls. I don’t know what I was thinking. How could I have lost my heart to a woman who would disrespect Mor?

  “I’m so confused. I want what’s best for the girls, of course, and Emily seems to be doing a good job with them.” He grinned. “You should see the way the girls jump up after every meal to clear the table and do the dishes. Georgie has to stand on a chair, but she does it, and she dries them beautifully. You’d be so proud of our girls. And the dresses she made them. I swear they look more like you every day.” He traced his finger over her name. “But how can the woman who has done such nice things for my girls, and who cooks meals better than anyone I’ve ever met be the same woman Mor cried to me about today?

  “I just left. It was our first real argument. I slammed the door and left. I feel like she’s betrayed me, but deep down, I don’t know what I’d do without her. She didn’t fill your shoes, because no one could have, but she completed our lives in a way I thought would never happen. I guess I should apologize, but I don’t think I’ve done anything wrong.”

  He stood up looking down at the grave in the darkness that had settled over the town. “I wish I could hear your answers, because you always knew the right thing to say. I miss you, Anna.”

  He turned back toward the house, walking slowly, not in any hurry to see his wife again.

  When he went inside, he found her setting the table. She’d made a quick meal of fried potatoes with bacon and the leftover corn chowder. The girls were pouring milk into their glasses.

  Once they were sitting, he looked at Emily, and saw her eyes were red rimmed as if she’d been crying. His heart hurt knowing he’d made her cry, but she’d made his mor cry. He couldn’t let her get away with treating people badly. He wasn’t sure how things were done back East, but here everyone respected their elders.

  He bowed his head and said a quick prayer over the meal. The girls kept looking back and forth between the two of them as if they knew something was wrong, but they weren’t sure what.

  After dinner, he went to the parlor, while she went upstairs to get the laundry gathered up for the morning. While she read a chapter of Little Women to the girls, he sat in the parlor waiting for her to come back down to talk to him. Finally, long after they usually went to bed, he went upstairs to check on her and saw the light was out when he looked under the door. He opened it to find she wasn’t there. Where was she?

  He opened the door to Georgie’s room, and Georgie was sound asleep, so he closed it again quietly. He peeked into Abbie’s room, and there she was. She’d fallen asleep on Abbie’s bed with her, the book still open on the bed in front of her. He turned down the lamp and left her there, not willing to wake either of them. They’d talk in the morning.

  Chapter Nine

  Emily was decidedly cold toward Benjamin the following morning. His breakfast was warm and waiting when he got up and she was cordial, but there was none of the playfulness in her eyes. Benjamin hadn’t realized how much he’d come to look forward to his wife’s smiles.

  As the days wore on, he could see she hadn’t forgiven him for taking his Mor’s side in their tiff. How could she honestly expect him to believe a woman he had just met over his own mother? How could any woman expect that?

  She helped in the store when he asked her to, and she made dresses for herself and the girls. Her food continued to be so good it made his mouth water, but she never asked if he was in the mood for her to cook anything special like she did with the girls. He missed her kind smiles.

  Emily never turned him away during the night, but the sadness in her eyes, often kept him from starting anything with her. Her eyes reminded him of a lost puppy who couldn’t figure out why no one loved it like they should. He wanted to apologize, but he couldn’t choose her over his own mother. What kind of person would that make him?

  Every day he felt her growing more and more distant, wondering what he could do to stop it, but knowing there was only one answer. He’d have to agree that she must be telling the truth about Mor, and that he could never do.

  Several weeks after his argument with Emily, his mor invited them out to the farm for a family dinner after church. He thought it would be a perfect opportunity for Emily and his mother to work things out, so he readily agreed. As they walked home from church, he told Emily they were going to go out to the farm for lunch, and she stopped in her tracks.

  “Benjamin Johnson, you’re mad if you think I’m g
oing to go out to that house and let your mother treat me like I’m not good enough to be in your life again. I’m an adult, and I have the right to choose who I will and will not be around. I choose not to be around her.” She crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him. It was snowing and the flakes clung to her lashes, making her look particularly pretty to him.

  “This will give you and Mor a chance to talk and make things right between you.” His eyes were pleading with her not to argue with him. He wanted to see the end of her animosity toward his mother. He couldn’t stand much more anger in his household.

  “Did your mother say she wanted to make things right? Or are you assuming she wants to?”

  He looked down, and she had her answer. Her mother-in-law had no desire to make things right with her, because she saw her as a temporary guest in her son’s household. For a woman who professed to be Christian, she was certainly willing for her son to divorce.

  “Please, Emily. I don’t want there to be any more hard feelings between us.” His voice was pleading with her, and she almost felt guilty for what she knew her answer had to be.

  She shook her head adamantly. “There wouldn’t be hard feelings between us if she would start treating me like a person instead of a piece of cow dung on her favorite church shoe.” She realized the girls were listening to the argument. “You girls run on ahead. We’ll be there in a minute.” She smiled as she spoke to the girls to try and soften what they’d heard her say to their father.

  “I want our marriage to work, Emily. I care for you a great deal, and I think you make a wonderful mother for the girls. Would you please try?”

  She noticed he’d said he cared for her. Not he loved her. She shook her head. “There’s no reason for me to try. Your mother has made it clear she doesn’t want me in her house. I won’t go back.” She shrugged. “You’re welcome to go by yourself or take the girls. I can stay home alone. It won’t hurt me one bit.” She started walking toward the house without another word. She’d never been stubborn about anything in her life, but this was something she would not back down on. She couldn’t let him take his mother’s side over hers and still hold her head up. She simply couldn’t.

  “I can’t go without you. What would I tell Mor?”

  “I really don’t care what you tell your mother. Did you care how I’d feel about going to her house with the way she treats me?” She didn’t pause as she hurried to the house. Once she was inside, she went into the kitchen and started a fire in the stove in the kitchen.

  Benjamin sighed as he watched her walk away. How was he ever going to make things right with his wife again?

  *****

  Benjamin went into the barn to talk to Far while Georgie stayed in the house to play with his mor. Abbie had adamantly refused to leave saying she wanted to stay with Emily. He threw his arms up and left them both, Georgie happily skipping along behind him. The little girl seemed oblivious to the fight he’d just had with Emily, even though she’d witnessed most of it.

  “I don’t know what to do.” He knew his voice was defeated as he went to the one man in the world who always had the right words to help him.

  Far looked up at him from where he was leaning against the stall of one of the horses. “About Emily refusing to come out to see us?”

  Benjamin had made up an excuse about Abbie having a tummy ache and needing to stay home and Emily staying to nurse her. His mother’s eyes had narrowed at the words, but Far had just nodded as if he’d expected it. “You knew I was lying?” He’d been worried about that. He hadn’t wanted to lie to them, but how could he tell his parents his wife refused to go into his mother’s home?

  “Yah. And so did your mor.”

  “I hated lying to you, but Emily’s made up some story about how Mor tells her she’s not good enough to be my wife and not good enough to be the mother of my children. She says Mor says hateful things the moment my back is turned.” Benjamin kicked at the hay on the floor of the barn. “I thought she was such a sweet woman, but she really seems to hate Mor.” He hated admitting he’d made such a huge mistake to his father.

  Far watched Benjamin for a moment. “What makes you think Emily made the story up?”

  Benjamin stared at his father for a moment before he realized he must be joking. “Well, of course she made it up. Mor wouldn’t treat anyone that way. Especially not someone who made the girls and me so happy.” He sighed, knowing his father wouldn’t like someone who could treat his wife so badly.

  “You were our youngest, so you probably didn’t notice a lot of things that happened under our roof over the years. Your mor is one of the most headstrong women I’ve ever met.” Sven removed his pipe from his pocket and lit it. “I love her, but she’s not the perfect woman you have in your head.”

  Benjamin shook his head. “Mor wouldn’t do the things Emily says she does. There’s no way. She loves the girls and me too much to try to cause animosity between my wife and me. And Emily admitted to me she’d told Mor she didn’t respect her. What kind of woman would say that to her mother-in-law?” How could Far try to defend Emily after what he’d just told him? What was wrong with him?

  Sven shrugged. “You’ll believe what you want to believe. Just remember, good women are hard to find. You’ve found two of them to love in your short life. Don’t do anything to push her away.”

  Benjamin thought about his father’s words during the drive back to town. Georgie sat beside him jabbering on about her day happy she was able to be the center of attention on the way home with no worry about interruption. She’d apparently had a wonderful day with her grandmother. The Mor he knew loved him and her granddaughters with everything inside her. She just couldn’t do what Emily had accused her of. No matter what Far said.

  *****

  Emily had enjoyed her day home alone with Abbie immensely. They’d spent some time reading together and Emily had worked on showing Abbie the days of the week and the months on the calendar, trying to teach her more things she’d need to learn before school started in September.

  It was while Emily was teaching Abbie about the months of the year that she realized she had missed her monthly cycle. It was the beginning of October the last time she’d had it. She looked carefully at the calendar realizing it was now the beginning of December. She’d already started making the Christmas gifts for the girls. She counted the days on the calendar one more time, trying not to alarm Abbie as she stared at the calendar.

  “What are you looking at, Mama?”

  Emily smiled. “Do you realize I’ve been here for six weeks now? I can’t believe I’ve been blessed to be your mother for that long.”

  Abbie moved over next to Emily and hugged her tightly. “I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve never known anyone who was so much like me before.”

  “You mean, because I’m shy and don’t like being around big crowds either?” Emily stroked Abbie’s hair out of her face as she asked the question. Abbie’s hair was always coming out of her braids and hanging loose around her face.

  Abbie nodded. “I like to be at home and so do you.”

  “I do. It’s nice to have a daughter who’s just like me.” Emily wondered about the child she was obviously carrying. How could she not have realized before? She should have known a month ago she was expecting. Would her new child be more like Abbie or Georgie? Or somewhere in between? Would it be a boy or a girl? She liked the idea of having a son, just because she didn’t have one, but she loved the girls so much, she knew she’d be thrilled with another.

  And how could she tell Benjamin? They were barely on speaking terms. Did he even have a right to know? Could she raise a child with a man who didn’t respect her enough to believe her when she told him about a problem she had? It wasn’t like she went to Benjamin with problems every day. She’d gone to him with one serious problem, and he’d all but called her a liar. No, there was no way she could raise a child with him.

  She thought about what Harriett Long had said in the train st
ation. If she wasn’t respected and treated well by her husband then she shouldn’t stay. Should she write Harriett and ask for a train ticket home? And if she did, where would she stay? Harriett had promised to help her if she found herself in a bad situation, but Benjamin didn’t mistreat her exactly. He’d never hit her at least.

  “Mama! Mama!”

  Emily shook her head. She’d been so lost in thought she hadn’t noticed Abbie saying something to her. “I’m sorry, Abbie, what is it?”

  “I asked if we could bake cookies now. You said we could make some for Georgie and Papa when they came home.”

  “Of course we can!” Emily got to her feet and walked to the work table in the kitchen getting down the ingredients. She took the recipe she’d carefully written out for Abbie out of the pocket of her apron and smoothed it onto the table. She had promised Abbie that this time, she’d just watch to keep her from making mistakes, but Abbie could bake the cookies all on her own.

  *****

  Benjamin walked into the house and smelled the cookies baking in the oven. He was so happy Emily wasn’t mad at his girls, or he was certain he wouldn’t be receiving sweets every day. He walked into the kitchen to see Abbie carefully removing a pan of cookies from the oven while Emily watched over her.

  He wanted to warn her the pan was hot, but the way Emily was hovering, he knew she’d heard the warning multiple times. She turned to Emily and smiled. “I did it. They smell good!”

  Georgie bounced into the kitchen. “Cookies! Yummy!”

  Abbie turned to her sister. “They have to cool for a few minutes, but then we can try them. Mama let me make them all by myself!”

  “I want to make cookies all by myself!” Georgie turned to Emily. “When can I make cookies by myself?”

  Emily smiled down at her younger daughter. “When you’re six. You have to be big enough to get the cookies in and out of the oven to really do it by yourself.”