Imaginary Grace

by Anne Holster

  I shrugged and headed over to the door. I said nothing for most of the walk to Mick’s, then finally Scott broke the silence.

  “Seriously, man, what’s up with you? You’ve barely said anything all night.”

  I shrugged again. “I just got a lot on my mind, that’s all. Not to mention the fact that I can’t remember the last time I had a good night’s sleep.”

  “Oh, well, it’s time to perk up.” He punched me playfully on the arm. “C’mon, it’s gonna be a great night. Everyone’s going to be there, and this is the last time you’ll be free on a Saturday night for a while. Isn’t the band playing the next few Saturdays? Plus Amber and Kristen will probably be there. Hey, I have an idea, how about I take a step back and let you have both of them?”

  That actually made me laugh. “I don’t think that’ll be happening. Amber’s still pissed at me for ditching her at the bar the last time we were there.”

  “This is true,” he said, chuckling.

  Amber. The thought of her made me sick. I hoped we wouldn’t run into them. But Scott had made me laugh for the first time all day, and by the time we got to Mick’s, I felt my mood beginning to lift. As I got myself a beer from the fridge I decided to forget about everything (Grace) for a while and enjoy myself. A few minutes later I was on my second beer and hanging out with the guys in the living room when from the corner of my eye I noticed a girl come in the front door. I briefly wondered who she was, but was distracted by Scott’s rather loud monologue detailing the circumstances of his latest conquest.

  I forgot all about the girl, until a few minutes later when I went into the kitchen for another beer and found her with her head in the fridge. I must have startled her, because she kind of jumped when she heard me behind her.

  “Sorry,” I said, “Didn’t mean to scare you.”

  “No worries.” She put her hand out to me. “Hi, I’m Lisa.”

  Just then Mick appeared behind her and put his arm around her waist, “Ah, I see you’ve met Tanner. Tanner, this is my girlfriend, Lisa.”

  So this was the reason Mick never went out. “Nice to meet you, Lisa.”

  “You’re the guy who plays in the band, right? Mickey says you’re really good.”

  “Yep, that would be me.”

  “I guess you’re not playing tonight.”

  “No, not tonight,” I said, “Next weekend.”

  Lisa slid herself onto the kitchen counter and pulled Mick over so that he was standing between her legs with his back to her. She then wrapped her arms loosely around his neck and rested her chin on his left shoulder.

  “I told Mickey I want to come and see the show some time,” she said.

  “Ah, no can do, babe. I told you, you’ve got be twenty-one.” Mickey gently squeezed her thigh.

  I took a moment to study her. She was pretty enough, but I wouldn’t exactly call her hot. She was on the shorter side and thin, with shoulder-length dark blonde hair that she had tucked behind her ears. Her eyes were a deep brown, and they lit up every time she spoke. She wore jeans and a light-pink, zip-up sweatshirt that reached just above her hips. Her feet were bare, and I noticed she wore a little jeweled toe ring on her left foot. She looked tan, like maybe she’d been away recently.

  This wasn’t the sort of girl I’d pictured Mick with. The few times I’d hung out with him, I saw the type of girls who checked him out – girls like Amber and Kristen. But now that I thought about it, I’d never seen him leave with any of them. In fact, he barely spoke to them. He certainly seemed to adore Lisa, though. What did this rather mousey-looking girl have that the others didn’t? I was intrigued.

  I had always lumped girls into two categories – hot and not hot, with no in-between. But the more I watched Lisa and listened to her, the more I realized there was a whole other gray area that I had never bothered to pay attention to.

  “You look tan,” I said. “Were you on vacation?”

  “No,” she said, smiling. “I’m from Florida, and I was back there visiting last week.” She squeezed Mick’s arm. “Next time this guy’s coming with. My sister’s dying to meet him.”

  “Oh,” I said to Mick, “You’ve never been?”

  “Yeah, over winter break, but her sister was down in the Keys and we missed each other.”

  He leaned his head back so it was resting on her shoulder. “I’ve heard the stories about your sister, and I’m not sure I’m ready to meet her.”

  “You take that back, mister, or you’ll pay for it later.” But she was laughing as she said it. Normally this couply stuff made me want to puke, but for some reason I found myself enjoying Mick and Lisa’s banter. They seemed genuinely happy with each other, although I was still a bit mystified as to why he had chosen this girl over so many others.

  “So, where’d you guys meet, anyway?”

  They looked at each other briefly and then, as if on cue, they both started laughing. “Well,” they both said in unison. “No, wait, let me tell him,” Lisa said. “I tell it better.”

  I realized my error a few minutes into Lisa’s blow-by-blow of how they’d met while working at a kids’ sleep-away camp the summer before. I had reached my limit and now wished I was in the other room with the guys, pounding back beers. My mind must have wandered, because suddenly I heard Lisa say my name.

  “Huh?”

  “I just asked if you had a girlfriend.”

  “Um…” I began, not knowing how to answer. The more people who knew about my fake relationship meant the more people who would know about my very real breakup.” “Sort of,” I said finally, hoping she’d leave it alone. She didn’t.

  “Sort of?” Lisa raised her eyebrows. “What does that mean?”

  Mick jumped in to rescue me. “Lee, sort of means…sort of. That’s all.”

  Mick didn’t really know anything about Grace – only what he’d heard from Scott when Scott shot his mouth off. “Sorry, buddy, sometimes this one doesn’t know when to quit,” he said playfully, pulling her down from the counter and hugging her.

  “That’s okay, maybe I’ll bring her over next time and you could meet her,” I suggested.

  “Who?” Lisa asked. “Oh, you mean your ‘sort of’ girlfriend?”

  “Yeah,” I said, laughing, “my sort of girlfriend.”

  “Okay, well, we look forward to meeting your mystery woman. On that note I gotta get going. I’m late to meet my friends. Tanner, it was nice meeting you.” Lisa stood on her tiptoes to kiss Mick. “Walk me out?”

  Mick nodded, and the two of them walked out, leaving me alone in the kitchen. I stood there for a second, listening to the guys laughing in the other room, then I slid my phone out of my pocket. What the fuck am I doing?, I thought, even as I typed out the text to Grace. Hey what’s up. If ur around do u want 2 meet up? Then, before I could change my mind, I hit send.

  “Hey, T,” Scott yelled, “What are you doing in there? Dean said he’d give us a lift.”

  I looked down at my phone. She hadn’t replied.

  “You guys go ahead, I’ll meet you there.”

  Scott started to give me shit, but Mick said, “Tanner, you can drive with me. I’m leaving a little later.”

  “Yeah, okay, Mick,” I said, and just then I felt my phone vibrate. Sure enough, it was from Grace – Suuuure! me & beth r @party at frat. meet us there.

  I replied that I would be there soon, then slipped the phone back into my pocket. I waited until the guys were gone, then told Mick I was going to skip the bar. I didn’t feel like explaining why so I just told him that I was beat from working all day.

  He didn’t question it. “Sure, no problem, I’ll catch you next weekend at the show.”

  “Okay, sounds good,” I said, already heading for the front door.

  As I walked toward the path that would lead me through the woods and eventually to the row of
frat houses, I told myself it wasn’t about Grace. I just didn’t feel like hanging at a bar tonight. I told myself that even as I stopped at my car, opened the passenger-side door, and reached into the glove compartment for the shiny new deck of cards I’d picked up on my lunch break. I got them at the convenience store next door to the gas station where I worked. They had a picture of Fort McHenry on them and looked pretty cool. It was either that or a deck with the Oriole’s symbol on it, and I took a chance and figured Grace was more of a history buff than a sports buff. I put them in my jacket pocket and then closed the car door and continued on my way.

  It wasn’t hard to find to the party; it was the well-lit house with the big crowd out front. As I got closer, I heard someone call my name. I looked in the direction of the voice and saw a couple of guys from my music theory class. “Hey, what’s up?”

  They were trashed; the party must have started earlier than usual. “You want a drink, buddy?” one of them asked as he handed me a beer.

  I was going to say no, but I had a buzz going and didn’t want to lose it. “Sure, thanks, man.”

  I bullshitted with them just long enough to drain the beer, then told them I was meeting up with someone inside.

  As I opened the front door I realized the party was even more crowded than I’d thought. I went from room to room, looking for Grace and Beth. Unable to find either of them, I headed downstairs to the basement where I spotted Beth at the far end of the room talking to Gary and some blond-haired dude who looked like he should be sporting a surf board under his arm. I held back for a minute, scanning the room, but still didn’t see Grace. I stuck around, though, figuring Grace would wind up here eventually.

  “Tanner!” Beth exclaimed drunkenly when she saw me. “You made it.”

  As I walked over, Gary shot me a nasty look, then rolled his eyes at surfer boy.

  “No gig tonight? “Gary said snidely without looking at me.

  “Something wrong with your eyes there, Gary?” I said motioning my head towards him with a half-smile, causing Beth and surf city to laugh.

  Gary just shook his head and blew out a deep breath. “What are you doing here, anyway, Tanner? Strike out at the bar?”

  I glanced over at Beth, but she was deep in conversation with Panama Jack and didn’t hear the comment. I turned slowly back to Gary, leaned toward him, and whispered, “Watch it, frat boy, ‘cause you know I could bury you.” He took a step back, but from the corner of my eye I could see that Beth was watching us now. “Just here to see my girl, buddy,” I said in a friendly tone, then turned to Beth. “Where is she, anyway?”

  “She went to the bathroom, but there was a huge line.” She stood on tiptoes and scanned the room. “Here she comes now.”

  As she came into view, I felt my jaw go slightly slack. If possible, she looked even hotter than she had at the wedding, with her hair all loose and hanging almost to her waist. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans that were tucked into these tanned leather boots that came all the way up to her knees along with a fitted pink hooded thermal. When our eyes locked, she smiled, then cast her eyes down shyly. When she got near enough, I pulled her to me and slid my arm around her shoulders. “It’s about time you joined us.”

  “I see you’ve met Adam,” Grace said to me.

  “No, actually, I haven’t,” I said, extending my hand to shake his.

  As we shook hands, I briefly wondered what happened to the guy that had visited Beth a while back. I was about to ask Grace if they had broken up when I heard Gary say, “You ready to split, Adam?”

  “Split? We just got here,” Adam said, “I’m going to hang for a while.”

  “Suit yourself,” Gary replied; then, with a frosty glare in my direction, he disappeared into the crowd. By this time Beth had been joined by two other girls – I didn’t catch their names – and they were all happily chatting amongst themselves and with Adam.

  I turned to Grace and noticed that she wasn’t drinking anything. “Do you want me to get you a beer or something?”

  “Oh, no thanks,” she said. “I have to work on a paper tomorrow and I want to be up early.”

  “Oh, well, in that case,” I said, grabbing both her hands in mine, “what do you say we get out of here and go back to your place?”

  She hesitated, and for a second I thought I had made her uncomfortable; then she looked up at me and smiled. “Lead the way.”

  After making sure Beth had someone to walk home with, we headed up the stairs and back out the front. The basement had been stifling so the cold air felt great by comparison.

  “It’s about a fifteen-minute walk from here,” Grace said, pointing, “straight down this way.”

  “Yes, Ma’am,” I said as I grabbed her hand.

  Then, remembering the guy Beth was with, I asked, “Who was that guy Beth was talking to? He looked like he should be riding waves out on the West Coast or something.”

  She laughed. “I know, that’s what I always say. I call him the surfer dude.”

  “What happened to that other guy…Tom, right?”

  “Nothing happened, Thomas is still her boyfriend. Adam, aka the surfer, is just a friend.”

  “If you say so,” I said, laughing.

  “No, really; he is just a friend,” she argued. I just nodded because she really seemed to believe what she was saying, and I didn’t care anyway. I was just busting her chops.

  “How was work today?” she asked, obviously eager to change the subject.

  “Worked sucked. It was really busy, but it usually is.”

  “Oh, that does suck,” she agreed.

  “Nah, I shouldn’t really complain. I’ve been there a long time and they work around my schedule. Like on school breaks I can pick up extra days during the week, and if it’s not too busy they let me work on my car.”

  “Is that how you pay for your apartment,” she asked, “or do your parents help you?”

  “My parents help me out a lot. They pay for my tuition and my apartment and they give me some money towards food and stuff. The money I make at the gas station I use for maintenance on my car and gas and for going out and stuff like that,” I squeezed her hand. “What about you?”

  “Oh, my parents pay for everything school-related. I worked over the summer and saved some money so that’s what I use for going out and stuff. I really don’t need much spending money.”

  By this time we were at her dorm, which I was thrilled about because the cold had started to seep right through my jacket. She was cold too, rubbing her stiff hands before she unlocked first the door to the building, then her room.

  She offered me a drink but I shook my head. “I like your boots,” I said as she sat down next to me and began pulling them off.

  As usual, she deflected my compliment, which I had begun to find pretty cute. “Oh, really? Thanks. They’re actually Beth’s.”

  I took off my jacket and tossed it on her dresser, then made myself comfortable on the huge pile of pillows on the bed.

  “Oh, hey, I almost forgot. I got you something,” I said reaching for my jacket and sifting through the pockets.

  “You did?” Grace had gone to retrieve the TV remote from Beth’s side of the room, but now she came walking back toward me.

  “Yeah, here you go,” I said as I tossed her the deck of cards. She caught it mid-air, and when she saw what it was, her eyes lit up like it was gold or something.

  “Wow, thanks,” she said, looking down at the cards for a moment, then she placed them on the dresser and climbed onto the bed. She had this half-shy, half-sexy smile on her face as she crawled over and straddled me. “You’re so…” she began, placing her hands on either side of my face. I assumed she was going to say hot or cute or sexy or something to that effect, because that’s what I usually got from girls, but then she said, “…nice.”

  Nice? That was a f
irst. I didn’t know how to respond, so I just slid her over and then turned onto my side and kissed her. After a few minutes she pulled away and said, “Stay here tonight.”

  “Suuure,” I whispered without a hint of hesitation.

  Chapter 37

  Grace

  I couldn’t believe I had actually said it. I had actually asked him to spend the night! Now my mind was reeling with the possible consequences.

  First, Beth. It was going to be really awkward when she got home, and that was if he didn’t try anything. If he did, well, I didn’t want to think about Beth walking in on that. On the other hand, I wasn’t sure I could resist him.

  He started to kiss me again, but then he stopped and said lightly, “Um, you can change if you want. Unless of course you usually sleep in jeans.”

  I giggled at his observation, because if he hadn’t said anything I actually would have slept in them. “Yeah, okay, I think maybe I will,” I said and climbed out of the bed. As I gathered my pajamas from the dresser drawer, he leaned back on the pillows feeling around for the remote, then started flipping through the stations.

  Grateful for the chance to freshen up, I slipped into the bathroom and shut the door behind me. After changing into flannel shorts and a tank, I washed my face and brushed my teeth, then lifted my eyes to the mirror. Should have just left my makeup on, I thought, but it was too late for that. I decided on the next best thing - dim the lights before he got a good look. It wasn’t like I looked that bad, and he had seen me without makeup before, but still, it was the first time he was sleeping over my place and I wanted to look my best.

  As soon I opened the bathroom door, I went right over to the light switch on the far wall and flipped it off. There, now I’m safe. I lay down on the bed next to him just as he finally settled on some sports recap show.

  After a few minutes he seemed to tire of it and turned onto his side to look at me. “You look so comfortable, I’m jealous,” he said, smiling as he ran his hand across my stomach. I didn’t answer him right away. I just lay there enjoying the feeling of his hand as it gently slipped under my tank and across my bare skin. I have to admit I was a bit nervous, but I eventually turned onto my side to face him.