Off Limits

by Vos, Alexandra

  “Ah,” his face had dimmed slightly. “No problem. I was heading out to the cinema after this. I was going to ask if you wanted to come, but it’s no big deal. We’ll just have to do it some other time, instead.”

  I gave a small, pathetic laugh and directed my gaze out of the window once more. Luke wasn’t here, but our stalker still lay outside, waiting for me to leave. “Yeah.”

  Our conversation was boring. We talked about non-things, it was practically small talk, and I didn’t really feel like I’d learnt anything about Jamie by the time Luke pulled up outside.

  The first time I’d tutored Luke, he’d confessed something to me even his girlfriend didn’t know.

  “Oh, I think that’s Luke,” I pointed out where he’d just pulled up and down the rest of my drink. The stalker had pulled out of the car park the second Luke had pulled in and I winced. Now I looked even more stupid. “I guess I’d better go.”

  I put in half for the bill after much deliberation. If I wasn’t going to be doing this again, it wasn’t like I could promise to pay next time or something. We really had to go halves.

  We walked out together, but thankfully we weren’t holding hands. I couldn’t see Luke’s face well enough to see how angry he was. Angry or hurt. I didn’t really know what he was feeling anymore. “I had a really great time tonight,” Jamie brought my attention back to him. “Thank you for agreeing to come out with me.”

  I smiled. “I had a great time, too.” My face turned back towards Luke, but Jamie placed his hand on my cheek and his pressed his lips to mine before I could dodge. It was only a peck and it didn’t incite any reaction in me, but Jamie was blushing wildly when he pulled away.

  “I’ll let you go. I’ll see you at the party tomorrow.”

  I nodded dumbly, wishing Luke hadn’t had to see that. I hadn’t been expecting it at all, even though it probably should have been obvious.

  The thought of kissing Jamie just really hadn’t been on my mind.

  I slipped into Luke’s car with as neutral an expression as I could manage. I didn’t meet Luke’s gaze as he assessed my appearance. Luke revved his car and sped off.

  “Thank you for coming to pick me up,” I muttered, making my split ends even worse.

  “I didn’t think he’d kiss me in front of you,” Luke replied, hard gaze still focused on the road. His fingers were white on the steering wheel.

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. I kept silent and resisted the urge to shrink away from him. Luke was the last person I wanted to hurt, but our situation required each of us to hurt every day.

  He pulled up outside my house after less than five minutes. I’d been a complete idiot, asking him to pick me up. He probably thought I was trying to rub it in or something. Undoing my seatbelt, I still couldn’t look at him. I didn’t want to see those raging eyes on me – they’d hurt and they’d turn me on. Luke would be intense and something about his dark, angry eyes were utterly arousing.

  “You look really gorgeous tonight.”

  My cheeks burned a bright red and I finally raised my eyes to judge his expression. The anger was there, but it was trying desperately to mask the sorrow that swirled in his eyes. I swallowed. “I only did it to try and get over you, you know. I don’t like Jamie and I won’t be going out with him again. I’m sorry for asking you to pick me up.”

  Luke’s face didn’t soften, he just shrugged. “It’s none of my business what you do in your love life, Carmen.”

  I scowled, stopping all my efforts to get out of the car, and leaning towards him aggressively instead. He met my stare, only breaking it when I pressed my lips to his.

  The heat was instant, flooding through me as my eyes slipped shut. It wasn’t very comfortable, leaning over the gearstick to meet his lips, but it was worth it. I was on fire, longing to be closer as Luke wrapped a possessive arm around my waist, dragging me as close as we could get in the vehicle.

  I pulled away only when I could no longer breathe, my nose brushing against Luke’s. “I want it to be your business what I’m doing.”

  There was indecision shining in his eyes, his fingers still biting into my hips deliciously. I couldn’t make it for him. “You should go home.”

  I nodded. “I should.”

  But he was still holding onto me, still begging me to come home with him, still longing to have me properly in his arms, in his bed. “Stay at mine tonight,” he whispered, barely audible. “We can pretend for a night, can’t we?”

  I nodded, latching my lips to his again for just a moment. “Yes.”

  I buckled myself back in, heart racing as Luke sped down the road at double the speed limit. We didn’t speak and I sat with my eyes closed, picturing what was going to happen when we got to his house. My body was warm and the desire was pooled in my stomach. I needed Luke and I couldn’t have cared less about my safety as he sped down the roads at top speed.

  When we got to his house, Luke’s cheeks heated a bit. “This is going to be kind of obvious, isn’t it?”

  I shrugged distractedly. “I don’t really care.”

  He smirked, linking his hand through mine as he opened the door. “She’s not your mum.”

  “Hi mum,” he called through to the living room. “I’m just gonna head straight to bed, I’m really tired.”

  I kicked my shoes off silently, resisting the urge to giggle. It was only eight o’clock in the evening. “Okay honey!” She called back through, completely innocent to the fact I was even here.

  I tiptoed up the stairs, silent as a mouse, but as soon as we reached Luke’s room, I was shoved back roughly into the door. His lips were insistent, bordering on desperate, as they devoured mine. One of his hands held mine above my head, the other roaming my body with deliciously rough touches.

  I groaned and arched into him, desire taking over everything. Luke dragged my legs around his hips, releasing my wrists to support me against him as he walked towards the bed.

  When he laid me down, our bodies moulded perfectly together and a soft moan left my lips. I wanted him to be as rough as he wanted with me; I wanted him to show just how desperate he was to finally have me in his bed.

  Luke grinned, admiring my body as he undid my blouse. “You’d better keep quiet. I want to be able to keep you up here all night without getting caught.”

  Chapter Eleven

  The next morning brought everything back to reality. I was snuggled against Luke’s chest, warm and squashed, but the most comfortable I’d ever been. Guilt flooded me and I brought myself even closer into his side.

  It was a single bed and I was sweltering, but I’d be damned if I left it before I absolutely had to. Right now, I could just about quell the guilt to enjoy the feeling of his arms wrapped tightly around mine and his breaths sending ripples down my spine as they caressed the shell of my ear.

  It wasn’t long before Luke woke up, almost shoving me off the bed as he stretched. He kept his eyes shut, but tightened his arms with a groan. “I don’t want to get up.”

  “Then don’t. I definitely don’t want to get up, either.”

  We were both naked and having our entire bodies pressed against each other was incredibly intimate, even if it wasn’t sexual desire that was flooding my body. I was on the verge of saying something incredibly soppy.

  “Do you reckon I should try and sneak you out without my mum finding out? I don’t know whether she’d be angry with me or not.”

  I shrugged, unwilling to make that decision for him. “It’s up to you. Then again, I’m not sure I’ll be able to look her in the eye if I see her today. Maybe sneaking out is the best option.”

  We debated it further, glad for the excuse to stay in the bed for as long as possible, when Angela’s voice interrupted us. “I’m just heading out, you two! Make sure you wash up your breakfast pots, otherwise I’ll not be feeling quite so lenient.” Smugness smothered her voice and both our cheeks heated up.

  I guess that answered that one.<
br />
  We shook our heads, all the tension lifted for a brief few moments as giggles took over. It was such a bizarre, rubbish scenario that it seemed kind of surreal. I had to laugh, just because it was better than crying.

  Eventually, we sat up and separated ourselves. It felt cold, compared to the scorching heat of being snuggled into Luke’s side, with his fingers tracing soft patterns over my skin. I shrugged on my clothes with a quickly fading smile. Reality wasn’t completely back yet, but breakfast was going to be awkward and we both knew it. When Luke gave me a lift home it would probably be unbearable.

  Still, our conversation managed to be relatively neutral over cereal and orange juice, even if our gazes only met for a few seconds at any one time. We talked about homework, about how his German grade was doing okay, about our families.

  In the car, we were silent. Not a single word was said until we were parked outside my house and even then it was after a good two minutes of sitting and saying nothing. “I’m going to break up with her tomorrow. After the party.”

  I shut my eyes for a moment. “Good.”

  “I shouldn’t have done that last night, and I’m sorry.”

  I reached across and clasped his hand in mine anyway. “Yeah, me neither, but I don’t regret it.”

  It was a wide grin that Luke shot me and it was utterly inappropriate. “I definitely don’t regret it, either.”

  “I guess I’ll see you later, at the party. Thanks for driving me home.”

  I stepped out of the car and everything seemed to weigh ten times more than normal. I couldn’t bring myself to turn around, not until I heard him pulling away from the curb. Thankfully, he wasn’t looking.

  Inside the house, I was greeted by my mother’s tapping foot. “Where on Earth have you been? I rang you a thousand times and you never picked up, I was so worried. I was getting ready to call the police.”

  I kicked off my shoes, gaze downcast. “Sorry, I stayed at Phoebe’s last night. I went to help her get ready for the party and ending up dozing off. I didn’t mean to worry you.”

  She sighed, coming and wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “I wish you’d have let me know. I was worried you’d gone home with that boy you went out with.”

  “No, I definitely didn’t go back with him,” I assured her, willing myself to give nothing away.

  “Did you have a nice time, though?”

  I shrugged. “It was fine. I won’t go out with him again, he’s just a friend. I’ve had a late night though, I think I’m going to go and have a nap if that’s okay.”

  “Of course, just let me know if you want any food making. I’ll be in all day.”

  It was with a heavy everything that I trudged up the stairs and collapsed on my bed. I fell asleep in no time – the evening of guilt that lay ahead was enough to tire me right out.

  ***

  My phone blared into my sleepy ears and I groaned, slamming the phone to my head with a scowl. “What?”

  “Carmen,” Phoebe whined, “why aren’t you here yet? Luke only just got here and nothing has been set up yet. What’s going on?”

  I sat up and rubbed my eyes. “I’m sorry, I just fell asleep. Late night last night. I don’t think I’ll be able to get there before the guests get there.”

  She sighed with irritation. “It’s my birthday, I thought you’d be here early to help.”

  “I’m really sorry, I didn’t mean to sleep at all. I’ll be there as soon as I can be.” It was difficult to even make myself speak, never mind forcing myself into the shower, and into a dress and then to Phoebe’s house. It was going to be unbearable.

  But, I did it.

  I forced myself into the slinky dress Phoebe and I had picked out for me together, cringing when I had to look in the mirror to fix my hair and make-up. It was a black number that highlighted any meagre shape in my body. Phoebe had insisted on buying me some expensive red lipstick to wear, so I forced it onto my lips with a sigh.

  I looked good and I hated it.

  I couldn’t be around her right now and be okay. I couldn’t be around anyone. I needed to wallow in my misery and figure out what the hell I was going to do.

  Figure out how I was going to tell Phoebe.

  Snatching a bag and some trainers, I unleashed a can of hairspray onto my already falling curls and gave myself one more forlorn look in the mirror. I was a bad person.

  “I’m going out now mum. I’ll be staying at Phoebe’s tonight so you don’t have to worry about me driving,” I called as I came down the stairs. The bonus of house parties was that my shoes didn’t matter. The days when it came to going around town in heels would be a sad day, even if it’d make me a bit taller.

  My mother, unfortunately, came to meet me at the bottom of the stairs. I’d been hoping to sneak out without being told I looked nice and without the warnings to be careful.

  “You look lovely,” my mother smiled, though I noticed her eying the length of the black dress sceptically. The lace around the top didn’t leave too much to the imagination, either. “But be careful. Don’t drink too much and don’t leave Phoebe’s house.”

  “I know.”

  She pulled me into a hug and beamed at me. “Have fun!”

  I was very late. The party was in full swing when I arrived and, guiltily, I was glad. Phoebe would probably already be drunk and I could linger around in the shadows with a glass of vodka without her noticing or wanting to spend time with me.

  And then tomorrow, when I woke up, I’d tell her what had happened and I’d probably never speak to her again.

  I didn’t knock, but welcomed the deafening music far more than her neighbours probably did. It hurt my ears and gave me a headache, but I revelled in the heavy drum and bass and went in search of the alcohol after kicking my trainers off.

  I clung to Phoebe’s present too. I was going to have to see her, to let her know I was here, but I wanted to pick a moment when she could be called away straight afterwards. For now, I stuck to the kitchen, going straight for the vodka and pouring myself a strong drink.

  I didn’t get to drink very often, but when I did I almost always went overboard. Tonight I just needed to stay sober enough not to ruin Phoebe’s night, but other than that it was all good.

  Jamie cornered me almost as soon as I arrived, coming up to me with a grin. My mood sank. Another person I was going to hurt. “Hey, Carmen, you look great.”

  My attempt at a smile wasn’t very successful. “Thanks.”

  “I was wondering if you wanted to go out again next weekend?”

  I shifted uncomfortably. “I’m sorry, I don’t think I really can. I’m kind of in a bad place right now, my parents are divorcing and it’s all a bit weird. I’m not sure I can handle a relationship.”

  Jamie’s face sank. “Oh.”

  “I’m sorry, I did have a good time, I just really can’t do this right now.” It was probably the least hurtful way to tell him. I really didn’t aim to hurt people.

  “It’s no problem,” he turned away to pour himself a strong drink. “Thanks for being honest. I’ll catch you around. Maybe later on you can give me a call when things settle down.”

  I smiled, but Jamie wasn’t looking at me and he left the kitchen straight away, not glancing back at me. My throat burned with shame and I found myself blinking back tears. No one in the kitchen was paying any attention to me, but I felt crowded in Phoebe’s massive house. I needed to shut myself away so that I couldn’t hurt anyone else.

  I gripped the present so hard the wrapping paper ripped.

  Luke met my eyes when he entered the kitchen and that was enough to spur me on. I ducked away from him and went to find Phoebe to give her the present. She was laughing loudly with someone I didn’t recognise on the outskirts of her living room and I sidled up with the biggest grin I could manage. “Happy Birthday!”

  She beamed, accepting my present and engulfing me in a hug. “Thank you! I can’t believe you were so late, but look, Luke managed to get eve
rything ready even without you.”

  I took in the decorated room and nodded. “Looks good.”

  “You should tell him that. Compliments are on the path to friendship,” she turned when someone else approached her and I thanked God for her popularity. “Thank you for the present, I’ll talk to you later.”

  I slipped away, downed my drink, and returned to the kitchen with the hope that Luke was no longer there. I hoped my stupid idea to go on a date with Jamie didn’t affect their friendship at all. They’d both get over me in no time and their lives would return to normal.