by Catori, Ava
Reed had no idea what he was going to do. The wedding invitations were due to go out soon enough, and they’d already sent “save the date” cards. Dropping his head to his hands, he realized things were going to get ugly.
This wasn’t what he planned, but at this point it was out of his control. His heart wanted what it wanted, and he couldn’t go into a marriage when his heart and mind were focused on another woman. How would he tell her? Reed slumped with the weight of the entire world dropping on his shoulders. There was no easy way out of this one.
Sending the text, he felt the rush of adrenaline go through him. “Can I see you tonight? I need to talk to you.”
Becky looked at her phone, this was a mistake. She couldn’t keep doing this. “I don’t think so, I’m sorry.” She hated sending those words. She wanted nothing more than to say yes, that she’d see him, spend time with him, be with him, whatever he wanted to hear, but there was no point in going there – they had no future, and dragging this out slowly would be torture.
“Please, I need to see you.”
“I have a date,” she lied. It made her sick to her stomach, but it was the easiest way out of it. If she didn’t seem available, he wouldn’t lead her on. It’s not like she could have the man, his future was planned, and she didn’t belong in it.
“Oh, I see.” Nothing else. The pit in his stomach wouldn’t leave him alone. A date? She had a date with somebody. What if she likes him, what if she wants to spend more time with him? Thoughts swirled through his mind, that he might actually lose Becky, when she was never his to begin with.
He swallowed hard and sent another message. “Break your date. He’s not the one for you.”
Becky did a double take looking at the text. What the…she sent the words before she could stop herself. “Why, who is?”
“Maybe me.”
Her heart stopped. Did he just send that? Is this a joke? “You?”
“I don’t know.”
She hated games. “You’re engaged.”
“Not after tonight.”
She thought she might hyperventilate. Did that say what she thought it said? Her stomach twisted, and she got antsy. Standing up, she paced in circles, did he just say that? Looking at her phone again, sure enough the message still said the same thing. Trying to catch her breath, she kept pacing, freaking out quietly inside. She didn’t need her co-workers looking over. Her world was about to change, and she wasn’t sure what that meant. She knew exactly one thing, Reed was ending his engagement and he wanted to see her.
Finally, catching her breath, she sat back down at her desk and texted, “Tonight, eight o’clock?”
“Let’s make it nine. I’m not sure how long this will take.”
Becky stared at her phone. This was huge. This was freaking huge. She had to tell Samantha! Wait…not yet. She needed to wait until he broke it off with Jessica first. She didn’t want to jump the gun and look like a fool.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. Reed wants me. Me.
Chapter 12
When Reed showed up, he looked grim. “I couldn’t do it.”
“Oh.”
“I’m sorry, Becky. I’m so confused.”
“Sure, I can understand. This was probably a mistake for me to show up here tonight.” She stood to leave.
“Please don’t go,” he pleaded. “Just sit and talk to me for a little bit. I need to figure this out.”
“You’re a grown man, Reed. I think it’s obvious I’m attracted to you, but I can’t be the other woman you go running to. I’ll ask you not to contact me again unless you’re single.”
“Becky,” he called out, but she kept walking. It was the hardest thing she’d ever done.
Reed sat on one of the overstuffed chairs. He blew it. Seeing her, he knew he needed more. It was time to end things with Jessica. He didn’t even know how he’d find the words, but he knew it was the right thing to do. He couldn’t promise forever to Jessica when all he could think about was Becky.
With a heavy heart, Reed headed home. He’d have to tell her, there was no other way. And even if Becky wasn’t the one for him, the idea that another woman lodged herself in his brain told him what he already knew, he couldn’t marry Jessica. The drive home was overwhelming. His feelings washed over him, leaving him sad for the end of the relationship that had treated him so well for the last few years.
He’d have to find the words, but how? What would he say? She was going to be angry, sad, and disappointed in him. All the time and effort she’d been planning for their wedding would be for nothing. Reed felt like a jackass and heel. He hated what he was about to do.
It didn’t go how he expected, it went worse. There were tears, there was yelling, and it got ugly. He never meant to hurt her. He never meant to end things – not like this. He thought they would be together in the end, married, and yet the relief he felt in letting go told him more than he even realized.
He sent a single text later that night. “I’m single.”
Becky’s jaw dropped. She didn’t know what to think. He was single, and that meant he was available, and he wanted her. The twisted knot in her stomach went from joy to panic. He wants to spend time with her. She can’t compete with Jessica, she wasn’t elegant and graceful. She was awkward and chubby, and oh my gosh, what if they got together, she couldn’t get naked in front of the guy, holy shit, what had she gotten herself in to. As the anxiety spread from her toes to the top of her head, Becky’s reality sank in. Reed was single and contacting her. He wanted her.
She didn’t know what to say, what to text back. She wanted to hear his voice, wanted to talk to him, wanted to text him, but she reigned in her excitement for now. Give him time, his emotions are raw, he just got out of a long term relationship, you aren’t over the hurdle. Remorse may set in tomorrow, and he could end up back in Jessica’s arms. As much as she wanted to be happy, Becky reserved her feelings for now, for fear they’d get trampled on later.
She had to respond, she couldn’t ignore it. He wanted her to know. She had no clue what to say. Afraid she’d ramble and say too much, she simply wrote back, “Okay.” She felt like an idiot, she couldn’t think of what else to say.
“Can I see you,” came back.
“I need time.”
He didn’t answer. Did she blow it? Shit, here he went and called off his wedding, and all I do is push him away. She wrote back once more, not wanting to sound too eager. “Tomorrow?”
“Tonight?”
Holy shit, she couldn’t do tonight, it was already so late. He needs time, they just split up, and he wants to come running over here? This is too soon. He needs time, he needs space.
“Next week?” She wrote back.
“Tomorrow,” he suggested
“Tomorrow,” she finally agreed.
And so it was decided, she’d see him tomorrow.
Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. She was going to see him tomorrow.
Texting Sammy, “Are you awake? Need to talk.”
Her phone rang seconds later. “What’s up?”
“It’s Reed. He’s single.”
“What? Get out of here.”
“He just broke up with Jessica. He wants to see me.”
“Wow, that’s huge.”
“Yeah, I can barely breathe. He asked to see me, said he’s been thinking about me, and then I went to see him.”
“Wait, when?”
“Earlier.”
“And you didn’t tell me?”
“I was going to, tomorrow.”
“What happened?”
“I told him I couldn’t see him anymore, because he was engaged.”
“And?”
“And he just texted me that he was single and he wants to see me.”
“Wow, they’ve been together forever and were about to get married, Beck.”
“Yeah, I know. I’ve got a lot of mixed feelings. I mean, I’m thrilled for me, but freaked out that he just called off his wedding.”
>
“Yeah, I’m not sure what to think. I mean, I’m happy for you, but he was off limits. That’s not cool.”
“Wait a minute, do you think I broke them up? I didn’t have anything to do with it, this was all him.”
“You didn’t lead him on or something?”
“Are you serious? Of course not! I can’t believe you’d even say that.”
“You were really hot for him.”
“He’s pursuing me, not the other way around.” Becky was perturbed at the accusation.
“Okay, I’m just saying, you’ve been lusting over the guy.”
“Privately! Sam, I told him I couldn’t see him again, and walked away.”
“He obviously wanted to see you if called off his engagement. This is huge.”
“You’re telling me?”
“Sorry, Becks, it’s just big news.”
“Huge.”
“Forgive me?”
“Of course.”
“This is pretty cool. He must really like you.”
“So he says. What if now that he can have me, he realizes what he did and doesn’t actually want me after all? I’m no Jessica.”
“You’re so much better than Jessica. You’re awesome.”
“You’re just saying that because I’m your friend.”
“I’m saying it because it’s true.”
“I’m scared.”
“What are you afraid of?”
“What if he sees me naked one day and it freaks him out?”
“Slow down, princess. Go on a date first, before you start to think that far ahead.”
“You’re right, you’re right. It’s just, have you seen Jessica?”
“I know what you’re saying, but Becks, he just dumped her for you.”
“Wow.” The gravity of it hit her. This was huge. She was huge. It was insane thinking that far ahead, but what if when he kissed her he wanted more. She wanted more, but that would mean clothes would be coming off, and she wasn’t ready for that. She wasn’t ready for his judgment, his disappointment, and his realizing that he’d just ended things with his hot ex Jessica for her fat self.
Her pudge felt pudgier, and without even thinking, she wrapped her arms across her midriff, as if it would shield his eyes from her over abundant curves. He wasn’t even here, yet in her mind she knew he’d eventually see her – all of her, and the fog that was deluding his brain into thinking she was something she wasn’t would lift, and he’d see her truth. The truth wasn’t going anywhere, and suddenly Becky felt sick to her stomach.
The thought of Reed Amwell seeing her naked sent her into a panic, and as her brain spiraled into a pit of self-criticism, she realized maybe she should cancel seeing him after all. It was a mistake; all of this was a mistake. He belongs with Jessica, and no matter how much she wanted to kiss him, to taste his sweet lips, it wasn’t supposed to happen. People like Reed didn’t happen to girls like Becky.
What felt like a huge win, his wanting to see her, suddenly withered under the weight of the reality. It would turn into regret. He’d realize what he’d done, who he’d chosen, and hate himself. He’d rush back to Jessica, beg for her forgiveness, and Becky would be left to pick up the pieces of her crumpled heart. This isn’t going to end well.
“Sam, do you think I should see him? Is this a mistake? It’s a mistake isn’t it? We don’t belong together.”
“Wait a minute, something incredible happens and now you’re ready to shut it down?”
“I don’t know what I want. I mean, I think the guy is hot, but I barely know him.”
“Becks, do you like the guy or don’t you? Stop overthinking things.”
“I’m feeling really overwhelmed. I mean, this is happening. This kind of stuff doesn’t happen to me. I’m the kind of girl that gets dumped for someone else. I’m just trying to wrap my head around it all.”
“I’m happy for you,” Sam sighed. “It could be true love.”
“True love? We haven’t even gone on a date yet.”
“Beck, he broke up with Jessica. He was about to get married. He must be feeling something!”
“I guess,” she smiled. “I’m almost afraid to be happy.”
“Don’t be, it’s pretty cool.”
“I should sleep, not like I’m going to be able to,” Becky said, realizing the time.
“Yeah, I should too. I have an early appointment. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, and call me after you talk to Reed. Let me know what happens.”
“I will.” Hanging up the phone, Becky took a deep breath and broke into a grin. This is real.
Getting through work the following day was going to be damn near impossible. It took forever to fall asleep, and when she finally woke, it was with a smile. Reed broke up with Jessica and wanted to see her – amazing.
The day moved at a snail’s pace, and every time she checked the clock, it seemed like only three or four minutes had passed. Her concentration was shot; the only thing she could focus on was what she would say to him, and what he might say to her. She played out possible conversations in her head, trying to think of good responses, but no matter how many times she played the upcoming scenario out, she knew there was no way to predict the outcome.
It was painful sitting there at work, when all she wanted to do was to see Reed. Time was moving in slow motion, and just when she swore time had passed, it was standing still.
As the clock finally ticked toward the close of Becky’s working day, she gathered her things and headed out to her car. She could do this, right? Her insecurities were creeping in again, and as much as she wanted to push them away, she couldn’t help thinking Reed was making a mistake by choosing her.
What could she offer him? She hated her job, her small business was barely getting off the ground, his ex was five times better looking, and he obviously loved the girl, they were going to get married. Dabbling in the crappy feeling, she pushed it aside and found her strength. Why can’t I be the one he’s attracted to? I’m cute, I’m fun, and I’m ambitious. She tried to convince herself that she was just as much of a catch as Jessica, but it felt like a stretch.
Becky turned her car out of the parking lot and headed home. Distracted in thought, she almost bumped into a car that stopped short. She had to get it together! He was just a guy. Okay, that was a lie; he was unlike any other guy she’d ever known…she had a major crush on an insanely hot guy. And that insanely hot guy wanted to see her.
A quick text conversation set their plans, seven o’clock at her place. She didn’t think she could handle this publically. The last thing she needed to worry about was other people. What if he kissed her, would the people around them be judging, wondering why a good looking guy was settling for a fat chick? She hated that she even let stupid thoughts like that cross her mind, but sadly they did.
Becky debated getting another shower, but knew the timing would be cutting it close. She had just enough time to eat something small and touch up her make-up. Should she change her clothes, keep her work clothes on, throw on something more casual? She hated how every tiny decision blew up bigger and bigger, and what should just be a simple conversation was turning into a massive event in her mind.
Standing in front of the mirror, she noticed something she hadn’t seen in a while. A huge smile was spread across her face. She liked it.
When her doorbell rang, Becky’s heart leapt to her throat. Taking a deep breath, she stood at the door. Calming her nerves the best she was able, she finally answered the door.
He was so handsome. Reed Amwell was the man of her dreams, she was sure of it; she’d seen him there before. He looked like sculpted artwork with his chiseled jaw, broad shoulders, and strong form. Staring into his gorgeous eyes, Becky melted a little inside. His eyes were warm and smiling, and looking right at her. She wanted to stare into them all night long, get lost in her dreams. Locked in place, unable to talk, once again Reed left Becky breathless.
Finally catching herself, she blushed, her cheeks sh
ading crimson and flushing hot. “Hi,” she said, barely able to form words. She wanted him so badly that she could taste it.
“Hi,” his voice was soft but low.
There was unspoken tension, heated chemistry. There was nothing stopping them anymore.
Stepping back, she allowed him through.
He knew in that instant, he’d made the right decision. He wanted to reach out, he wanted to run his fingers through her hair, pull her close, kiss her, taste her, be with her, and yet he’d only said hello. The look between them said so much more.
Awkwardly, Becky fidgeted with her hands. A finger mindlessly went up to twist a curl in her hair. “Can I get you something to drink?”
“I’m fine, thanks. I was hoping we could talk,” he said, sitting on the sofa.
Becky froze. She wanted to sit in his lap. Standing awkwardly, she finally forced herself to move. Exhaling deeply, she sat beside Reed.
Becky bit her lip, sucking it in, her nerves getting the best of her.
“Are you okay?”
“I’m a little nervous,” she admitted.
“Nervous?”
“I’m not really sure what’s going on. You were engaged last night, and now you’re not, and you want to see me, and guys like you don’t usually want to see girls like me,” she couldn’t stop rambling. Her words were like spilled milk, running until somebody could stop them. “And I’m afraid you’ll realize it was a mistake, and that you didn’t really want to see me after all, and…”
Reed leaned in and kissed her. Her words stopped immediately. He slowly pulled away and looked at Becky. “Relax,” he said calmly.
Her fingers went up to her lips, “You kissed me.” She said it out of disbelief.
“I’d like to do it again.”
Becky stared at him, was this really happening? She nodded slowly.
Reed leaned in, his breath warm, and barely brushing against her lips, he spoke. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for a while.”