Star Fish

by Nicola May

  ‘What a beautiful day, day day,’ blared out on the clock radio.

  ‘Today, Penelope,’ I announced, ‘is the first day of a new beginning in the life of Amy Jane Anderson.’

  I sang in the shower, put on my favourite red shirt and little black skirt and headed downstairs. Even the fact that it was a rainy Monday morning was not going to deter me. I went into the kitchen, made myself a coffee and began to open my post. It consisted

  of two bills, a circular trying to sell me yet another credit card and the familiar green Starr & Sun envelope.

  Mr Leo, I discovered, was a complete babe. He had a round, smiley face and collar – length blond wavy hair and looked a bit of a surf dude to me. He was only twenty-nine, what’s more, which made him even more appealing. His name was Charlie Collins, majoring in fun and pleasure, extreme sports and drinking. Why not? I could do with a bit of fun.

  When I arrived at work, Mr Parkinson, for some reason seemed really pleased to see me. He called me into his office.

  ‘Amy, it’s good to have you back,’ he said sincerely whilst looking right down my red shirt. ‘I’ve missed them – I mean I’ve missed you.’

  ‘Thanks, Mr Parkinson, and thanks again for letting me take time off at such short notice.’

  Liv surprisingly was already in on a Monday morning. I got straight on to email without even acknowledging her.

  Dearest Liv

  Did you wet the bed or have you got early personal calls to make?

  Dearest Minger

  I object to your rudeness. As you know I live for my work and not work for a living like some people. Oh and I did have to give Jack a quick call before he went off to work to remind him of my address. He’s coming over to stay next weekend!

  Dearest Liv

  I take it Alec, the World’s Richest Man, has been dunked then?

  Dearest Minger

  I thought I’d told you already that you should have one in rehearsal, one in the wings and one on the stage. Now please do get on.

  PS: Glad to see you’ve already given Mr Parkinson a hard-on!

  I never thought I’d say it but I was actually pleased to be back at work. It took my mind off the past couple of weeks. Brad had also returned to work today. I gave him a quick call to check he was OK and he didn’t seem too bad. I was still was having trouble getting my head round the fact that Sam was marrying Katie. It just seemed so surreal. He strolled in at 10 a.m. with the ‘flushed look’ that I could now recognise myself.

  ‘Sam Clark, you’ve been shagging on a Monday morning, you lucky bastard!’

  ‘Good to see you back, babe.’ he said, and handed me a gift bag. I opened it and my eyes filled with tears. It contained a little book entitled plainly Friends and inside it were pictures with anecdotes of what a good friend is.

  ‘Thanks, Sam you really are so sweet.’

  ‘I just wanted you to know that you are a very special friend and I’m proud of you for looking after Brad the way you did.’

  The day carried on in normal Monday fashion. My newfound positivity must have kicked in as I even paid for a car park ticket at lunchtime.

  The churchyard experience in Dublin had obviously disturbed me as I was now actually worrying if I would go to heaven or not. Thinking about this, as I got back into my car to return to the office I handed my ticket to a fellow parker as I still had half an hour left on it.

  Later that afternoon I gave Christopher a quick call. He was delighted to hear from me.

  ‘I was beginning to miss you,’ he said, and I could tell he was smiling. ‘Nobody else gives me such entertaining feedback after dates. Now, did you approve of Mr Leo?

  ‘I did actually, he looks quite a babe.’

  ‘Shall I get him to call you directly on the mobile?’

  ‘Yes, OK. Ask him to call me tonight if he can.’

  I got into bed that night feeling calmer about life than I had done for a long time. In a way, knowing that Kieran was going to be a father made me realise that he was out of my life once and for all. Having a sneaky shag with a married man was bad enough, but a sneaky shag with a married man with a baby on the way was a total ‘out of bounds’ situation. If I did want Saint Peter to let me in those Pearly Gates then I would have to stick to my guns on this one.

  – Twenty Eight –

  Pisces: You’ll feel a great surge of energy today. Make sure you channel it down the right track or it could all end in tears.

  Brad looked better than he had for a long time. I gave him a big hug when I arrived at his house.

  ‘I know, just hug me ’cos you feel guilty for using my house as a pick-up joint,’ he said sulkily.

  ‘Actually darling boy I am here an hour early so we can have a little drinkette before I leave.’ I produced a bottle of wine from behind my back. ‘Now get those glasses and quit being so shitty.’

  We sat down at his kitchen table. I leant over it and gave my friend a kiss on the cheek.

  ‘It’s going to be OK, you know,’ I told him quietly

  ‘I know it is,’ he replied. ‘Now let’s get this bottle open. Where are you going tonight anyway?’

  ‘Don’t know. Mr Leo said that he was going to surprise me. He also said that he was going to take me for the ride of my life and I had to wear jeans.’

  ‘Oh my God, how exciting!’ Brad shrieked.

  ‘I know, I love surprises,’ I enthused. ‘I was thinking he might be taking me to a fairground but I don’t know of any local ones around at the moment.’

  ‘Hang on, Ames, he’s probably just got a fast car like Gibbon Man.’

  ‘As long as it’s not ice-skating I really don’t care.’

  Just as I was saying this we heard the unmistakable sound of a motorbike pulling into the drive. It was my turn to say, ‘Oh my God.’

  Brad was in hysterics.

  ‘It’s not funny! I panicked. ‘How on earth am I going to stay on? I feel a bit pissed after that wine now.’

  Mr Leo was very charming. After saying a quick hello, goodbye to Brad, he gestured towards his huge black motorbike and proudly announced, ‘Ms Anderson, your chariot awaits. Here’s your helmet. Have you ever been on a bike before?’

  Not wanting him to think that I had led a sheltered life, I confidently replied, ‘Of course I have. Love’em – my cousin used to have one. Went on it all the time.’

  ‘Good, good. I won’t have to teach you how to lean into corners then.’

  In a way I was glad that I had had half a bottle of wine or I might have feigned illness there and then.

  ‘Where are you taking me on this amazing machine then?’ I asked jauntily.

  ‘Now that would be telling.’ He laughed. ‘Right – hop on.’

  I could see Brad peering round from behind the front room curtain and knew that he would still be in hysterics.

  I clambered clumsily on to Mr Leo’s mean machine and clung to him like a limpet clinging to a rock. I can honestly say I have never been so scared in my whole life. I was so glad that I had commenced my path to righteousness as on several occasions, as we rounded bends, I obviously leaned the wrong way and thought that my time was up. Finally we pulled into what looked like an industrial estate.

  ‘You OK back there?’ Mr Leo asked, his voice muffled by his helmet.

  ‘Fine, fine!’ I exclaimed.

  I’ve never been so glad to stand on terra firma in my whole life. When I pulled my helmet off I could feel my hair sticking down to my head. I quickly ruffled it up and hoped I didn’t look like a complete minger. In the background I could hear a lot of fast engine noise.

  As we walked across the car park, I saw a sign. WW Go Karts – Dare or be Square. If Brad had been laughing when I left he’d have been beside himself now.

  ‘Told you you’d be getting the ride of your life,’ Mr Leo said proudly.

  ‘I thought I’d just had it,’ I spluttered.

  ‘Reckoned you’d be up for this from the way Christopher described you.’
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  Christopher Starr, just you wait!

  ‘Let’s have a quick drink in the bar first and then we can get you kitted out. We’ll have an hour on the track and then I thought we could go to a nice pizza place I know round the corner. Hope that’s OK with you?’

  Charlie Collins had big brown, honest eyes. His wavy blond hair had been pushed flat to his head, which made him look even younger than his twenty-nine years. He also had the fullest, most succulent lips I had seen in a while. My loins responded to this lion’s charm.

  ‘Charlie, that sounds just great,’ I smiled.

  ‘CC to you from now on, Amy. Follow me.’

  I was slightly concerned that I had already had half a bottle of wine and I was now drinking a large rum and Coke for Dutch courage. Could get done for drink-driving in a go-kart?

  I walked over to my assigned kart, number six, looking quite gorgeous – not – in a red boiler-suit and matching red helmet. My feet were laced into smelly boots and my hands stuck in dirty leather cut-off gloves. There were four other drivers joining us on the track. Here was I, thinking that it would just be me and the lovely CC pottering around at our own pace. Realistically, how could a gregarious Leo do anything sedately?

  ‘Right, listen up.’ A Cockney accent travelled across the track as we were getting into the karts. ‘We’ll send you round on four laps and time ya. Fastest lap goes first on the grid and so on. We’ll then start the race and it’s up to you to go for it. No bumping on purpose. Look out for the blue flag – it means someone wants to overtake so move over. Red flag means stop, there’s been a bad pile-up ahead.’

  The cockney voice continued. ‘Obviously for the lady in the pack the black and white flag means the end of the race. Now enjoy yourselves.’

  Cheeky bloody bastard! The smelly helmet was making me feel claustrophobic, not least because by now was actually quite drunk. I had a terrible fear that I might be sick and no one would be able to get my helmet off in time and I would choke on my own vomit. As I put my foot over the throttle pedal, ready to speed off, I could feel the male testosterone all around me. I let them all speed off in front of me so I could get a feel of the kart. Once I actually got going I found I wasn’t that bad. Lifting up the visor on my helmet, I felt the exhilarating rush of wind on my face.

  The alcohol in my system was obviously making me quite reckless. I started cornering really well and at one stage even overtook a disgruntled-looking contender. Then Charlie lapped me, letting out a big ‘Yahoo!’ as he did so.

  I was really pleased that I wasn’t at the back of the grid and I could see the pride on the lion’s face as we prepared ourselves for the actual race.

  I got ready to press my foot hard on the throttle as we waited for the flag to go down. I don’t know if it was the excitement of being involved in a proper race or the fact that my co-ordination was waning as the large rum and Coke took effect. But all of a sudden I was screeching, at what felt a hundred miles an hour towards the other karts on the grid. I crashed into not one, not two, but three of them and ended up hanging almost upside down on a crash barrier. I could see stars. I heard Cockney man exclaiming, ‘Bloody women drivers.’

  My legs felt like they had been crushed in a vice. I started to cry. I then heard another voice shouting. ‘Bloody hell, Vince, stop your bullshit and get her out of there! She looks hurt.’

  In a fuzzy haze I then heard running and the new, but strangely familiar voice again. ‘It’s OK love, let’s take your helmet off gently.’

  I looked up with my mascara-stained face directly in to the beautiful, bluey-green eyes of Will Wallingford.

  Before I had a chance to say anything, Charlie was by my side. ‘Amy, are you OK? That was some driving.’

  I was in no mood to talk about ‘some driving’. I just wanted to get out of this blessed kart and I wanted to get out now.

  ‘Will somebody help me out of this bloody thing,’ I wailed. My legs were really hurting.

  ‘Careful as you go, Amy.’ Will said caringly as he lifted me free of the damaged kart. He sat me down on the crash barrier. ‘Let’s just check your legs, shall we.’

  He moved his hands up and down both legs and suddenly the pain seemed to disappear as the memories of Will’s gentle touch came flooding back to me. He looked towards Charlie.

  ‘She’s just badly bruised, mate, but I think you should take her to hospital as she may have a bit of concussion.’ Will then turned to me. ‘Good to see you again Amy. You know where I am now. That’s if this insurance claim doesn’t bankrupt me!’ He laughed and then wandered back to see how Cockney Man was getting on with clearing up the damage.

  ‘How do you know Will?’ Charlie asked.

  ‘Oh, I used to go to school with him,’ I replied nonchalantly.

  Leaving the massacre behind us on the track, Charlie rang for a taxi as thankfully he didn’t think it would be safe for me to go to Casualty on the back of the bike.

  ‘Right, let’s get you to the hospital then.’

  ‘Actually I don’t feel too bad now,’ I told him. ‘I would just like to go home, have a hot bath and go to bed.’

  ‘I feel so responsible for this, I’m really sorry. If you feel ill at all in the night, make sure you get checked out, won’t you?’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ I meekly replied.

  ‘Here’s a tenner for the taxi. I’ll call you tomorrow.’

  As the taxi pulled away I noticed the sign again. W.W. Go-Karts and smiled to myself. Trust Will to be running this sort of empire.

  – Twenty Nine –

  Pisces: A dramatic change to your lifestyle could be on the cards.

  I woke up feeling as if I had been run over by a steamroller. My head was thumping and I could barely move my legs. I looked under the covers to check they were still attached to my body and gasped as between my knees were the biggest bruises I had ever seen.

  There was no way I could go into work. What on earth was I going to say to Mr Parkinson? ‘Sorry Mr P but I got drunk and threw myself round a go-karting track last night and I cannot walk.’ I’d have to consult Anna. She was the world’s best liar when it came to sick time.

  ‘Morning, dear sister.’

  ‘You’re up early, Ames. How was your date?’

  By the time I had finished telling her she was in absolute hysterics.

  ‘Glad I have the support of my sister when I lose the use of my limbs,’ I said, laughing.

  ‘Cool seeing Will again though, wasn’t it?’ She had really liked him when I went out with him all those years ago.

  ‘Yeah, it was good to see him. I still think he’s gorgeous, but he’s got a girlfriend and after the Kieran débâcle I’m not ever going to go down that road again.’

  ‘It seems as if he’s keen for you to contact him though.’

  ‘Yes, but you know what I’m like. I don’t think I could just have a polite chit-chat evening with him. I’d want to jump him!’

  ‘Amy, sometimes I don’t think we came out of the same pod, the things you come out with!’ Anna exclaimed in mock horror. ‘Anyway, back to your skive excuse. Go straight through to Mr P, firstly do the bit that you realise that you have had a lot of time off lately and you are really grateful for his support. Then say that you have woken up with the most horrendous period pain and feel that you need to stay in bed with a hot water bottle and will see him Monday. Men never question period pain.’

  ‘Good one, Anna, I shall do that. How are your bowels, by the way?’

  ‘I forgot to tell you – Sam got me this homeopathic pill and I seem to be cured. Shitted for England the first few days I took it but it seems to have sorted itself now.’

  ‘Lovely, glad I’m not eating my Coco-pops!’ I laughed. ‘See you soon.’

  ‘Yeah, seeya and good luck with Mr P!’

  Before I rang work, I took a couple of painkillers and ran a hot bath to soothe my aching limbs. When I checked my mobile for messages, the text message sign was flashing. Two messages.
The first one was from Brad. GOOD RIDE? The second was from Charlie. HOPE YOU’RE NOT TOO SORE. CALL ME xx.

  I sank into the bath and let out a sigh of relief as the pressure was taken off my aching limbs. Good old Anna, thinking of the period pain excuse. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t thought of it myself, must have been that bump on the head. It was then that an awful realisation overtook me. I sat bolt upright in the bath and squealed in pain and also fear. My period had been due three days ago.

  ‘Stupid, stupid cow,’ I said out loud.

  How could I have let this happen to me again? I felt my boobs to see if they were tender. They felt normal. I pushed my stomach in to see if it felt any different. It seemed the same size. I was never late.

  I got out of the bath, regained my composure and phoned Mr Parkinson on his direct line, speaking the script my sister had prepared for me. It made me cringe telling the period pain lie, especially as I might not be suffering from the curse for the next nine months.

  I got back into bed and for once instead of going in to my usual Piscean emotional state I began to think logically. I was thirty-three years old. I had my own house, a good job and fantastic friends and family. I would be quite capable of bringing up a child on my own. Nobody need ever know it was Kieran’s. I could say that it was a one-night stand. On the other hand I was an adult; I could make my own decisions. I could have an abortion and nobody would ever know about it. It was when I thought about this option that I did start to cry. I had lost one baby in traumatic circumstances; there was no way that I was going to lose this one too.

  However, I was too terrified to go and get a test. At least not knowing for a little while would stop me having to make a decision. I didn’t feel strong enough to have to face the enormity of this situation just yet. In true Piscean non-confrontational fashion I said to Pen, ‘I’ll wait a week. I can face it in a week.’

  Then I put on my smiley mask and put my best fin forward to carry on as normal.

  Later that week, Charlie rang and insisted that he took me for Sunday lunch. I couldn’t face going on the bike again so said I’d meet him at The Lyndhurst Arms, which was just down the road from my house.