Goose Chase

by Patrice Kindl

On the Run

  IT HURTETH NOT THE TONGUE

  TO GIVE FAIR WORDS.

  —JOHN HEYWOOD, PROVERBS

  "O beauteous hair, most daintevous rare..."

  I swallowed. 'Twas bitter gall and wormwood to be forced to flatter my own treasonous hair. I nearly asked the Prince to do it, but in the unlikely event that his idea had any effect, I could not bear to allow his lordship to gain mastery over my hair when I had it not. I would most humbly petition my hair though it choked me.

  I could not remember exactly what Lucinda had said, but it had not seemed to be a set rhyme. I began again, making up my own words.

  "Never was there

  Beauty so rare,

  As my hair!"

  "Do you know," I interrupted myself, "I shall feel a perfect fool if this does not work."

  "Go on, go on," said the Prince. I made a grimace of distaste, but reluctantly continued:

  "Angels in air

  Have locks less fair,

  Than my hair!"

  "Twas most excellent well said, that bit," the Prince whispered. "Now apologize."

  "For what?" I demanded, outraged.

  "Hush!" He flapped his arms at me. "Do not undo the good you have done. Did you not tell me that you spoke harshly to your tresses?"

  '"Twas entirely justified."

  "Grovel, Goose Girl, if you wish to be free."

  "O very well," I said. Was it my imagination, or was the Prince enjoying this?

  "Grieved I should be [I snarled]

  Did I hurt thee,

  O my hair!"

  "Now get down on your knees," suggested the Prince.

  I ignored him. I would make my request and have an end, for good or ill.

  "Let me go free,

  I do beg thee,

  Good, kind hair!"

  I could not resist pointing out an obvious fact in my last stanza:

  "Please hear my prayer;

  One fate we share,

  O wise hair!"

  Reflect upon that awhile, O my hair!

  Nary a thing happened. I stood there gawking at the loop of hair like a loblolly on a lamppost for what seemed a lifetime. Then I sank, groaning, to the ground.

  "Woe is me," I mourned. I dropped my head into my hands. "O woe is me, for I fear that I must die."

  A soft swishing sound and a gentle brush 'gainst my cheeks and arms could not rouse me from my grief. I huddled miserably against the door frame, waiting for eternity.

  After some time, I heard the Prince clear his throat. I must order him to leave me, for the night was wearing on.

  "I do beg your pardon, Goose Girl. It pains me to interrupt your reverie, but ought we not to be going? You might not have noticed, but the night is wearing on."

  "You go, sire," I said without opening my eyes. "There is no reason for you to perish too. You are unfettered; go." A large diamond rolled down my cheek and into my lap.

  "But Goose Girl," he protested. "I know that I did most faithfully promise to do all you command; however, I must say that under the circumstances I really do not see—"

  "O, wilt thou go!" I scrambled to my feet and shook my fist under his nose. "Thou gomeril! Thou goop!" He stepped back several paces. "Thou art like to drive me mad! Go! Go! Go!" I gave him a hearty shove with my hands.

  "I pray you, mercy," said the Prince, offended. "If that is your wish, then I must." He bowed so low that he nearly toppled over. "I will hope to hear you overtaking me, for the night is long and the woods are dark and deep. I speak merely out of concern for your welfare."

  I watched him retreat, anger vanquishing fear at least for the moment. I shook my head, unbelieving that so much folly could exist in one human brain.

  And as I shook my head I felt a sensation I had not known these past twelve days. My hair was tickling my arms. I wheeled about. Yea, verily, I was bound no longer. I was as free as a dandelion seed, floating on the wind.

  "Wait! Your Highness! Wait for me!"

  I had to return to get my possessions, but soon we were hurrying through the dark valley, he laden with the saddlebags and I with my sewing kit. The Prince had eyed this bag with what I fancied was the light of criticism in his eye. 'Twas true that crowns and gowns and suchlike fripperies were of little use in the wilderness, but I had worked so hard on the cursed golden dress that I could not bear to part with it, nor could I bear to leave the tiny gowns and tiaras belonging to my Geese to be despoiled by the Ogresses. O, perchance the feathers, pebbles, and eggshells were of small value, but yet they were the only mementos of my Geese that I had left.

  For some time I was too grateful for my freedom to do aught but rejoice in the beauty of the night and the pleasure of being abroad in it. A full moon rode the crest of the hill and the wood was streaked with silvery light. Yet after a while I began to be a mite uneasy.

  "Halt, my lord," I said at last. "Do you hear aught?"

  "Tis only the wind in the trees, Goose Girl," said the Prince.

  "But there is no wind," I replied, and I felt a growing disquiet.

  We walked on for a time.

  "Hist!" I cried in a harsh whisper, gripping the Prince's forearm. "My lord, do you not hear a rustling in the leaves?"

  "'Tis only a blackbird dropping down to its nest, Goose Girl."

  "But blackbirds do not fly at night," I said, and O, how I longed for a bright little knife in my hand.

  We walked on through the moonlit forest and our shadows fled before us.

  "Nay, my lord," I cried out in a fever of fear, "you must hear that roaring, rushing sound behind us!"

  '"Tis only the stream roaring and rushing o'er the rocks in its path, Goose Girl," said the Prince in the tone of voice used to soothe toothless babes.

  "But the stream is before us, and not behind us." I halted and remained rooted to the spot, scanning the darkness. "Beware, my lord! See where they come!"

  Tessa, Lucinda, and Nellie emerged from the shadowy wood. All four faces wore terrible, lunatic grins.

  "Well, if it hain't our faithful servant Alexandria!" cried Tessa. Her bearded head was festooned with moss and bracken, and her bald head shone dimly in the moonlight. "What do ye be doin', wanderin' in the wildwoods so forlorn? Tis a darksome dangerous place fer a lady like ye be." All her eyes glowed yellow.

  "Come back, Alexandria," said Lucinda. Ropes of glistening saliva hung from her exposed fangs. "Ye've left without yer wages. We gots to give ye yer wages, missy."

  "GIVE US BACK OUR MEAT!" roared Nellie, pounding herself on her chest.

  I groped for something, anything, to say that would avert their rage and greed.

  "I ... I—"I faltered. There was naught that I could say. The situation had gone far beyond words. And we had no weapons! I thrust my hand into my sewing kit, searching for the memory of a pair of scissors. My hand closed on a mass of goose feathers. Feathers! Of what avail was that to us?

  Lucinda pulled something out of the bosom of her dress. I flinched, expecting to see the butcher knife. 'Twas not, however, a knife, but something that glinted bloodred in the cold light of the moon. She swung it, temptingly, before me.

  "See, missy? 'Tis yer wages what we promised. Just you come over here and git it." She advanced, fixing me with a glittering eye.

  Wildly I looked about for something to throw at her. Nothing; there was nothing.

  She stepped closer.

  "Cease and desist, hag," cried the Prince. He leveled his bow at Lucinda. Ah! the bow and arrows. I had forgotten them.

  "Go your ways and leave us to go ours or I shall shoot."

  She came on, still dangling the necklace before her.

  There was a twanging noise next my ear, then a thunk! as the arrow landed squarely in Lucinda's chest. Twang! And another arrow joined its brother.

  She smiled, drawing her lips up high so that we could see her gums and count each and every tooth. Then she plucked the arrows one after another from her bosom, as if they were brambles caught in her clothing, and flung
them away. Onward she came.

  "She can't do that," protested the Prince.

  "She is doing that," I pointed out.

  "Then—why then, you do something, Goose Girl," croaked the Prince in a strangled voice.

  "I—"

  The three Ogresses stepped closer. Lucinda stretched out one hand with the ruby necklace in it, and with the other she made a snatch at me, her monstrous long arm seeming to stretch yet longer as it swung nearer.

  I shrieked. Stupidly, pointlessly, I threw the feathers I held in my hand at her.

  Instantly the world utterly changed. From black darkness, all became white. A bitter wind screamed about the Prince and me, and the temperature plummeted from warm and tender June to icy January. The Ogresses were nowhere to be seen, but a ruby necklace with great gaudy stones as big as hens' eggs fell at my feet into a mound of the cold whiteness.

  I turned to the Prince, who was standing behind me with his mouth agape. He swallowed.

  "That was most, uh, resourceful of you, Goose Girl," he said, quite respectfully. He stooped and picked up the necklace. Handing it to me with a bow, he continued, As much as I should like to understand what you did to bring about this really very surprising event, it occurs to me—ought we not to retreat while those ladies are otherwise occupied?"

  "Gaaah—" I responded cleverly. I turned back and gazed once again at the white devastation before me. Now that I looked again, I realized that 'twas a great mountain of snow that had reared itself up betwixt ourselves and the Ogresses when I flung the goose feathers.

  "You—I..." I gabbled. With an effort I pulled myself together. "You are in the right, sire. We must go, and as quickly as we may. They are powerful and long-limbed, and will overtake us if we do not hurry."

  Which indeed we did. We picked up our heels and ran.

  "I protest," huffed the Prince when we had slowed to an energetic trot, "I am struck dumb with amazement."

  "That, sire," I observed grimly, "will be the day."

  "I [puff, puff] do not understand you, Goose Girl."

  "Tis of no consequence, sire."

  "Very well. But will you not tell me how you effected that remarkable occurrence?"

  "I must save my breath to make our escape, my lord," I gasped.

  "Very well." He sounded sulky, but was himself soon too much occupied in breathing to spare energy for speech.

  "I must—" I wheezed at length. "I must halt. I can go no further for the moment." I staggered into a tree and sat down.

  We had gained the mouth of the Ogresses' valley and sat on a hill looking down upon it. The strange white mountain of snow gleamed in the moonlight 'gainst the inky forest about it.

  "Fie upon it," I muttered when I had regained my breath.

  For there they were, three black blots on the white field, coming closer and closer by the instant.

  "They outran my horse Bucephalus," the Prince said. "They will be with us in a trice. We must go."

  "Wait!" I cried. "I cannot! Not for some moments. I must rest."

  "Then I must hope that you have something else in that bag that will save our skins, Goose Girl." And he sat down with a resigned air.

  But what could that be? I groped about in the bag. A Goose crown? But 'twas not mine to fling away. A gown, either mine or one belonging to the Geese? I shook my head in despair. How could I tell?

  I drew forth the ruby necklace. I held it aloft, appraising it. "Perchance this will do," I said. "They may give up and go home when they regain their treasure."

  The Prince frowned. "Nay, Goose Girl. Coming from a humble station in life, you may think that those are merely pretty red stones, but I assure you that they are very fine rubies. I dare say they are worth a king's ransom, always assuming that the king in question be ruler of a not overly prosperous nation or mayhap provided with a great many sons or otherwise—"

  "Your point is, sire?" I demanded a bit testily.

  '"Twould be folly to throw it away heedlessly," he concluded with admirable brevity. The Ogresses had drawn so near that I could make out the two heads of Tessa, the dreadfully long arms of Lucinda, and Nellie's tufts of hair.

  "You are quite right, my lord, in believing that, coming as I do from a humbler sphere, I cannot value this bauble as you do. 'Tis rubbish to me indeed, compared with our lives."

  "Try something else first," he suggested. "You may always throw the necklace if all else fails."

  "What, pray tell, do you wish me to throw?" I could see the hairs growing from Nellie's nose mole. I had braided them for her last night and I perceived that the braid was coming undone.

  The Prince viewed the contents of my bag.

  "Why, look at these pretty little crowns," he said with pleasure. "So neatly made, and so very tiny. They might almost be made for fairies—"

  "They approach, my lord. What would you have me throw?"

  "Not these little dresses. One can't really get much distance, throwing a dress. Here, I see, is your golden wedding gown. I never entirely believed that you were exerting yourself to the fullest extent to finish that, you know."

  "Your Highness—"

  "Throw these," he said at last.

  He held out the broken eggshells which my Geese had left for me, each half shaped like a large white cup. I sighed. 'Twas true enough that these would look like no more than refuse to the Prince, but I misliked losing them, for they had once most intimately belonged to my Geese. There was, however, no time.

  I stood up and flung them at the Ogresses.

  This time there was a vast blue expanse betwixt us, a blue that was nearly black in the moonlight. I could still see them, far off on the other side of the blueness. The cups of the Goose eggs had become a great lake, upon the shores of which we stood, they on one side, we on the other. The tiny figures of the Ogresses began to jump up and down in transports of rage.

  The Prince regarded this circumstance with considerable self-satisfaction.

  "An excellent choice, do you not think, Goose Girl? I doubt that they can swim, not unless they are witches as well as Ogresses, and I don't suppose that that is likely, though of course all things are possible. I make no claims to be an expert in the matter, you know."

  'Twas now well advanced toward dawn, and the sky had turned a pearl gray in anticipation of sunrise. I could see that the Ogresses, now recovered from their temper tantrums, were moving purposefully about.

  "Nay, my lord," I said, "I do not suppose that they can swim, but evidently they can build a raft."

  "O, curses!" he cried, and then looked mortified. "My apologies, Goose Girl," he said. "Even though you are only a common Goose Girl and a bloodthirsty, bad-tempered, horse-devouring one at that, 'twas wrong of me to use bad language in your presence. Will you not forgive me?"

  "I'll forgive you anything, sire," I said briefly, "provided you help me over yonder fallen tree. They are coming. It must be sorcery of some sort, for I do not know how else a raft may be made so swiftly."

  This time we had only run for a few scant minutes when we could hear their craft beaching on the near shore, and within a few more we could hear the Ogresses themselves approaching fast and furious through the bushes and bracken behind us.

  We had no leisure to stop this time.

  The Prince gasped out, "You must throw something else, Goose Girl."

  "But what?" I panted. "You choose, my lord." After all, he had chosen well enough last time, though it had not bought us much time. I thrust out my bag at him as we stumbled along. He took it, plunged his hand down to the bottom, and grasped something.

  To my dismay, he held on the palm of his hand the twelve white pebbles. I had told his Highness that our lives were more valuable than any number of rubies. How much more valuable must they be than these common white pebbles? Yet I did not wish to cast them away; I had already lost the feathers and the eggshells. I would now have nothing left of my Geese save the crowns and gowns, which reminded me far more of that wicked old hag than they did of
my darling birds.

  The Ogresses were upon us. I could hear the harshness of their breathing, smell their graveyard stench. I must throw something.

  "Very well." I took the twelve white pebbles in my hand and turning, flung them despairingly right into the Ogresses' faces.

  Tessa, Lucinda, and Nellie kept coming.

  But yet there was a difference. As the first rays of the sun breasted the peak of the mountain, the Ogresses slowed, stiffened. They moved still toward us, but as though the blood in their veins had congealed, had become some colder, thicker liquid. Their jaws opened, gaped. Their eyes widened; their arms reached toward us in a fury of impotence.

  We stood frozen, unable to flee.

  A stony scream seemed trying to force itself out of stony throats. Slowly, ponderously, they gathered themselves for one last murderous leap. They leapt; they fell.

  They crumbled into great piles of rubble at our feet.

  "Goodness!" said the Prince, turning quite pink.

  CHAPTER TEN

  Little Echo

  HASTE IN EVERY BUSINESS BRINGS FAILURES.

  —HERODOTUS, THE HISTORIES OF HERODOTUS

  "They have turned to stone," I whispered. "They are no more."

  "They were Ogresses," the Prince said. "Perchance 'twas the sun that turned them to stone and not the pebbles at all."

  'Twas true enough that the Ogresses had always returned home ere dawn and left past dark, but yet it had not occurred to me to try to defeat them with daylight.

  "I do not know," I said. Then, "It does not matter."

  I laid myself down upon the ground just where we stood, next to the piles of crumbled Ogresses. I closed my eyes and slept without dreams for several hours.

  "Good morrow, Goose Girl," said the Prince cheerfully when I woke.

  I looked about. The sun was high in the sky. The Prince had started a small fire and sat by it looking at his book. I sat up on one elbow and watched him. He was reading. I was struck dumb with amazement.