However, over the course of the past week, he’d felt his hunger for her building, transforming into a need he wasn’t sure could be controlled.
But of course, he would control it. He wouldn’t break his agreement with Belinda that there would be no intimacy between them. To do so would be foolish, and would only make it more difficult when it came time for them to say their final goodbye to one another. And they would say goodbye. He knew the only reason Belinda had married him was to save her home, and when she’d fulfilled her end of that bargain, she’d move on.
He looked at the clock, wondering how much longer she would be. Pacing the length of the kitchen, he once again replayed those moments of literally stumbling across Belinda on the ground.
He assumed that when he’d stepped out onto the porch and called her name into the darkness of the night, he’d scared off her attacker. Had he paused a moment before calling to her, had he been stopped on his way out the back door by somebody, it would have been too late. This thought not only sobered him, it horrified him.
Once again he looked at the clock, becoming more and more concerned with each passing moment that Belinda didn’t appear. Maybe he should go check on her, just to make certain she was all right. She’d not only had a terrifying scare, but she’d also suffered physically from the trauma.
He took the stairs two at a time, stopping in front of the closed bedroom door. He knocked. No answer. “Belinda?” He knocked again, louder this time. Still no answer.
“Belinda, are you okay?” When there was still no reply, he opened the door and stepped in. He saw her immediately, still in the tub. Only her head was visible above the layer of strawberry scented bubbles, and that was slumped back and to the side. She looked unconscious…or worse.
Had her throat swelled up, constricting her air? Had she suffered a head injury he hadn’t been aware of? He should have never left her alone. He should have taken her directly to a hospital.
As he reached the side of the sunken tub, her eyelids fluttered, then opened. “Are you all right?” he asked, unsure whether to step closer or step away.
“I—I must have fallen asleep.” She raised a hand and smoothed her water-slickened hair. Sitting up, she exposed her shoulders and the creamy swell of her breasts.
She gazed at him, her eyes a smoky blue. They seemed to be whispering to him, beckoning him closer, promising him pleasures that weakened his previous resolve.
His mouth suddenly felt unaccountably dry. He took a step backward. “I’ll just get out of here and let you finish up.”
“Don’t go.” She whispered the words as she rose: out of the water.
Derek knew he should run like hell, but his feet refused to meet his brain’s commands. Instead, he drank in the beauty of her nakedness as bubbles slid off to expose her inch by inch. He could smell the scent of strawberries, knew her skin would taste of them…knew he was in deep trouble.
“Belinda.” He wasn’t sure whether he meant her name as a protest or a plea.
She stepped out of the tub and moved toward him, trailing bubbles and creating a fire in the pit of his stomach he feared would consume him.
“Belinda…I don’t think this is a good—” The rest of his words were halted as she placed a finger against his lips. Her scent surrounded him, clean…sweet…feminine.
“Don’t tell me it’s not a good idea. I don’t want to hear reason. I don’t want to be rational. I just want you to hold me, make love to me.”
Before he could voice another protest, she reached up on tiptoes and pressed her mouth to his. The kiss tasted of hungry need and aggressive want, and as her tongue touched the tip of his, the flames of desire surged within him.
He stroked her back, the skin soft as velvet beneath his touch. As he reveled in the feel of her, her fingers worked to unfasten his shirt buttons.
As she pulled the shirt from his shoulders, her lips moved from his mouth to the hollow of his throat. Someplace in the back of his head, some remnant of reason remained and he knew he should stop her…stop this, before they were in over their heads.
But, heaven help him, he didn’t want to stop. As he felt her breasts pressing against his bare chest, heard the husky moan that growled deep in her throat, he let the last of his doubts fade away.
He picked her up and carried her to the bed, where he gently lay her down. He stood hesitantly by the edge of the bed, giving her a final opportunity to change her mind. She didn’t “Make love to me, Derek,” she whispered urgently, reaching out to pluck impatiently at the button fly on his jeans.
He stepped away from her touch and instead crossed the room and turned off the ceiling light. Moonlight streamed in the window, dancing on Belinda’s body, highlighting the pale gold of her drying hair.
He moved to the curtains and pulled them shut, plunging the room into complete darkness. He’d lost his rational, reasonable mind where she was concerned, but he hadn’t forgotten to protect himself. He’d make love to her, but he’d do it in total darkness, where she couldn’t see his scars.
BELINDA KNEW that making love with Derek would only make things more difficult between them. But the moment she’d opened her eyes and seen him standing by the bathtub, his gaze lit with fierce longing, she’d decided to hell with the consequences.
She’d tasted death tonight and now more than anything she wanted the energy of life to flow through her, the sweet swell of passion to banish all thoughts from her mind, all darkness from her soul.
She felt a moment’s panic when he shut off all the lights and closed the curtains, plunging the room in the same kind of profound darkness that she’d slipped into with those strong hands around her throat. “Derek?”
“Shh. I’m right here.” His voice came from just beside the bed.
She heard him unbutton his jeans, heard the whisper of denim as he slid them off. The bed depressed with his weight and he was beside her, his hands on her breasts as his lips captured hers.
Like the refrain from a half-forgotten favorite song, familiar, nearly forgotten sensations rushed through Belinda with each stroke of Derek’s hands.
She arched her body to meet each caress, sighed her pleasure when his mouth moved to capture first one nipple, then the other. Hearing his ragged breathing only stoked the flames of her desire higher.
His broad back warmed her hands as she caressed the muscles and planes. The spicy, masculine scent of him intoxicated her, caused her senses to whirl with each intimate touch.
She lost track of time and space, forgot the past and future. The only emotion she could sustain beneath the onslaught of his lovemaking was a mindbending passion.
When she could take it no more, when he’d touched every inch of her body and had her nerves screaming in tortured pleasure, she pushed him away. She wanted to touch him, explore all of him with the same intimacy he’d shown to her.
Running her hands down his chest, across the flat of his stomach, she felt his swift intake of air then his low moan of excitement.
She gasped as he grabbed her hands, halting her exploration. Rolling her onto her back, he pulled her arms above her head, capturing her hands in a firm grasp. He moved his lower body between her legs and entered her at the same time his lips possessed hers.
Slowly at first, they moved together in perfect unison. As their bodies melded, their heartbeats conversed, beating together in the rhythm of desire.
She wrapped her legs around his back, urging him closer, deeper, and he accelerated his movements, building to a frenzy.
Tears pressed against her eyelids as she felt herself rushing closer and closer, spiraling higher and higher. As she reached the pinnacle and plunged over the edge, she cried out his name, felt him stiffen against her as he joined her in a delirious spin down to earth.
Almost immediately afterward, Derek moved out of their embrace and got up. She heard him fumble in the darkness, heard the rustle of his jeans. “Derek?” She sat and pushed her tangled hair away from her face. Her body s
till tingled with the afterglow of their lovemaking.
The overhead light blinked on, blinding her for a moment with its jarring glare. When her vision focused, she saw him standing by the doorway, his jeans on and a T-shirt in hand.
“I’m sorry, Belinda. That should have never happened.”
The words, the coolness of his tone, shot through her like a knife piercing through her heart. “Please, don’t say that.”
“I have to say that,” he returned angrily. “We made an agreement, and we broke it tonight. I don’t want you to get any crazy ideas that somehow this meant anything to me.”
Bitterness bubbled inside her. “What makes you think this meant anything to me?” she countered. “I needed somebody and you were convenient.”
“Just so we understand each other.”
“Trust me, I understand perfectly.”
For a moment their gazes locked, and in his she saw distance, alienation and just a whisper of what looked to be pain.
“It won’t happen again,” he said, then turned and left the room.
Belinda shivered despite the warmth of the room as an aching regret surged through her. He was right It had been an enormous mistake.
For a little while, as he’d kissed her, loved her, she’d been able to fool herself. She’d believed it wasn’t just a momentary thing based on lust. While in the shelter of his arms, she’d managed to believe that somehow their hearts had found each other once again.
He was right. It would never happen again. She’d have to be declared mentally insane before she’d allow herself to be touched by Derek Walker again.
Chapter Twelve
“If you’re going to be gone all day, then I’d like to spend the day with my sisters,” Belinda told Derek as she met him in the kitchen. He was leaving on an early morning flight to get the children and bring them home. They’d both agreed that it would be best if he went alone so too many new things wouldn’t be thrust on the kids all at the same time.
Clad in a navy three-piece suit and a crisp white shirt, Derek looked more like a successful businessman than a man going to collect his new family.
“Belinda, you know I don’t think that’s a good idea,” he said as he measured coffee into the machine.
“I don’t care whether you think it’s a good idea or not,” she countered. “I’ve been cooped up in this house for the last ten days. I need a break.” A break away from him and his cool silences.
Since the night they’d made love, they’d circled each other warily, keeping their distance and being so polite it made Belinda’s teeth grind.
He turned away from the coffee machine and looked at her, his brow wrinkled thoughtfully. “I suppose it wouldn’t hurt for you to hang out with your sisters while I’m gone.” The grimness of his features that she’d come to expect from him the past week softened somewhat. “I know it’s been rough, Belinda, but you know what Junior said. The safest place for you right now is inside this house. Until we find out who’s threatening you, you aren’t safe anywhere else.”
“And what if we never find out who’s after me? I just spend the rest of my life like a prisoner here?”
“We’ll find him,” Derek replied firmly.
“How? We’re no closer now than we were after the first attempt on my life.” Frustration made her voice more snappish than she’d intended. “I’m sorry, I’m taking it out on you and it isn’t your fault. I’m just discouraged.” She sank into a chair at the table. “Somebody is playing games with my life and not only is it frightening me, it’s starting to really make me angry.”
“I feel the same way,” he acknowledged. He leaned against the counter, his gaze lingering on her. “You won’t wander off alone?”
She shook her head, a hand reaching up to touch her throat where the bruises had faded but a lingering soreness remained. “Trust me, I have a very clear memory of what happened the last time I wandered off alone.”
“I’ll drop you off on my way to the airport, then pick you up as we come back late this evening.” He turned back to the counter and poured them each a cup of coffee. “I’m still worried about bringing the kids here right now,” he said as he placed a cup in front of her, then joined her at the table.
“But we agreed that postponing their arrival might weigh poorly in the judge’s eyes. Besides, nobody has tried to harm Cody.” She paused a moment to sip her coffee, grateful for the warmth of the brew, then continued. “Let’s face it, Derek. The target is me. Nobody else.”
They drank their coffee in silence, the same stifling silence that had shouted between them since the night they’d made love.
For Belinda, that particular night had taken on the dimensions of a dream. First, the viciousness of the attack, leaving her shaken and terrified. Then, the utter abandon of making love to Derek, also leaving her shaken and terrified, although in an entirely different way.
For the past several days the easiest way to handle it all was to pretend that none of it had happened. Forget the feel of malevolent hands around her throat. Forget the sensation of Derek’s fingers stroking heat throughout her body.
But now, memories of Derek’s touch winged through her. She’d hoped that her memory of their lovemaking three years before had been enhanced by the passage of time. Someplace deep within her she’d believed there was no way possible that it had been as wonderful, as breathtaking, as she’d remembered.
She’d been wrong. Her memory hadn’t exaggerated or embellished. Making love with Derek was just as magnificent, just as powerful, as she remembered. And all she wanted to do was forget the entire experience. As he apparently had.
Finishing her coffee, she stood and took her cup to the dishwasher. “I’ll just run upstairs and get ready.”
He looked at his watch. “We need to leave here in the next fifteen minutes.”
She nodded and went upstairs to the master suite. She’d moved all her clothes in here before going down for coffee. With the children arriving later today, starting tonight she’d be staying in the master suite with Derek.
As her fingers nimbly braided the length of her hair, she eyed the king-size bed with trepidation. Surely it was big enough that sleeping with Derek would be no different than sleeping alone. They were both adults, both in agreement of what this marriage would entail. Sleeping with him should be no problem at all.
Still, her stomach quivered nervously as she thought of lying next to him in the dark, feeling his body heat next to her. Stop it, she commanded herself irritably.
She grabbed one of her sweaters from the closet and pulled it on over her T-shirt. The red turtleneck would hide any remaining black and blue on her neck from her sisters.
Before heading down the stairs, she checked first in Tasha’s room, then Toby’s to make certain all was ready for them. She paused in Toby’s doorway, as always the room creating a wistful, aching pain in her heart.
If only Derek had loved her enough. If only she hadn’t run to Kansas City, pregnant and so alone. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to remember for a moment. The pain. The blood. All alone and so scared. All alone when she’d delivered. If only Derek had loved her enough to want her, then perhaps the tragedy wouldn’t have happened.
She turned away from the bedroom, surprised that for the first time she didn’t feel the black bitterness directed toward Derek. For the first time she realized it was difficult to hold him responsible for something he hadn’t known. And would never know.
Her heartache over the lost little baby boy was her own and she selfishly guarded it, mourning him silently, too deeply for words. Telling Derek about the baby would change nothing.
Walking down the stairs, she realized how much she was looking forward to spending the day with Abby and Colette. Although she’d spoken on the phone to them nearly every day, she hadn’t seen either one of them since the night of the party. She needed a day of girl talk and laughter, a day spent with her sisters.
“All set?” Derek picked up a briefc
ase Belinda knew was stuffed full of legal papers pertaining to the children’s case. She grabbed a jacket from the coat closet, then together they walked out of the house and to his car.
“You promise me you’ll be careful today,” he said moments later as they pulled up in front of the Connor ranch house. “Don’t go anywhere isolated. Stay where there are several people. Don’t allow yourself to be alone with anyone except your sisters.”
Belinda held up a hand to halt his litany of admonitions. “I promise all of the above.” She turned to open her door but halted as he placed a hand on her arm. She looked back at him and he leaned toward her and placed his lips on hers.
The kiss was soft, sweet, lacking the intensity of their previous kisses yet touching her with its tenderness. As he pulled back, he grazed her cheek with a fleeting caress. “We’ll see you tonight.”
Belinda nodded and stumbled from the car, confused by the mixed signals he sent her, disturbed by the immediate want his sweet touch evoked inside her.
When she saw Abby standing in the doorway, her confusion melted away, replaced by a surge of bitter understanding. Of course, that’s why he’d kissed her. He’d seen Abby standing there and had played his part of loving husband.
“Hey, what a pleasant surprise.” Abby greeted her with a hug.
“I hope you don’t mind. Derek is going to be gone all day. He’s flying out to pick up the children, so I thought I’d spend the day here,” Belinda explained.
“Mind? I’m delighted. We haven’t seen enough of you since you and Derek got married.” Together the two women went inside, where the rest of the family was at the kitchen table eating breakfast.
As always, breakfast at the Connors’ was served with plenty of talk and laughter. This morning, there was no talk of losing the ranch, no worried frowns to mar the liveliness of the conversation. Instead the talk was filled with plans for the future.
“I talked to Charlie Rippert about buying enough grain to get the cattle through the winter,” Luke said.
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