“Good. Come spring we’ll plant some new crops and hopefully next year we won’t have to buy grain from anyone else,” Abby replied.
Dreams and hopes filled the air, and any doubts Belinda had entertained about her marriage to Derek disappeared. Somehow, some way, she’d fulfill her end of the bargain to him, as he’d already fulfilled his to her.
After breakfast, the three sisters cleaned the dishes while the men disappeared for morning chores. “I swear, Belinda. Marriage to Derek seems to agree with you. You have that glow all newlyweds wear,” Colette said as she handed Belinda another dish to rinse.
Belinda smiled self-consciously. “The glow you’re talking about is probably due to eating too many of Abby’s pancakes.”
“Belinda’s newlywed status is about to be adjusted. By this evening she’ll be a newlywed mother,” Abby reminded Colette.
“Oh, that’s right.” Colette’s eyes sparkled. “Six months ago who would have thought we’d all be happily married and raising families of our own?”
“I wish Mom and Dad were here to see us now,” Abby said softly.
“Me, too,” Belinda agreed.
For a moment grief hung between the three, a shared grief that only strengthened the bonds of sisterhood between them.
Belinda took Abby’s hand, then Colette’s, in hers. “You know, when Roger first told us about his father and the fact that one of us might be his half-sister, it frightened me. I didn’t want to think about the fact that one of us is adopted. I was so afraid that if we found out who it was, things would change between us.” Belinda squeezed her sisters’ hands. “I’m not afraid anymore. I realize now it doesn’t matter what’s written on a piece of paper. You are my sisters in my heart, and nobody can ever take that away from me.”
Somehow the three of them were in each other’s arms, laughing and hugging and more than a little teary-eyed. “It’s a moot point anyway,” Abby said with a final hug to Belinda and Colette. “Apparently Mom didn’t want us to find those adoption papers, because I’ve ransacked this house and they’re nowhere to be found.”
Belinda smiled. “Mom always was the best at hiding things. Remember our Easter egg hunts? There were always eggs we couldn’t find because she was so creative in hiding them.”
“I can’t help but feel sorry for Roger. All he wants is to grant his father’s greatest wish before he dies,” Colette said as she sank into a chair at the table.
“Yes, but what can we do about it? Without those papers we don’t have a clue which one of us might be Roger’s half-sister,” Belinda replied. She turned to Abby. “You’re the oldest. Do you have any memory of Mom being pregnant? Do you remember me or Colette being born?”
“I would have been two when you came, three when Colette was born.” Abby shook her head. “I just don’t have any memories that early in my life.”
Brook yelled from her high chair, demanding her mother’s attention. “Okay, my sticky little sweetheart, I’ll get you out of that chair,” Colette said to her daughter. Brook clapped her hands together and gave them all a toothless grin.
“I’ll clean her up,” Belinda offered. She picked up the six-month old and kissed her chubby little cheek. “Come on, Aunt Belinda will wash that syrup off you.”
It took Belinda only a few minutes to clean up Brook and change her clothes. As she carried Brook back to Colette, she breathed in her baby scent.
Would she someday have a real marriage to a man she loved? Would she one day get the opportunity to have another baby, one she could hold and love, watch grow?
“Thanks, Belinda,” Colette said as Belinda returned Brook. Colette smiled at her daughter. “Want to go watch Daddy get thrown off a horse?” She looked at Belinda. “Hank is breaking one of the Hortons’ horses. He’s been working with the horse for the past couple of weeks and is going to try to ride it this morning. Want to come watch?”
“Sure.”
After bundling up in jackets, they stepped out into the cool morning. Already a crowd had gathered around the corral. Abby and Cody were there, Cody dancing in excitement as he announced that his Uncle Hank was the “bestest horse rider in the world.”
Belinda found herself studying the workers who’d taken a break from chores to watch the action about to take place. Had one of them broken into the house and attempted to stab her? Was one of them responsible for nearly choking her to death?
Billy Sims stood off by himself, his usual scowl creasing his broad forehead. Bulldog and Philip Weiss leaned against the fence, Bulldog’s face rapt as Philip more than likely spun a tale of adventure from his youthful days.
“Good morning, Belinda. Come to watch the fun?” Roger slipped up beside her, his hat covering. his blond hair.
“Hi, Roger. Yeah, I decided I needed a visit home for the day.”
“Married life treating you okay?”
“Fine,” she replied smoothly. “I understand. you’re seeing my best friend.”
Roger’s thin mustache danced upward with his grin and he swept his hat off. “Janice is terrific. We have a great time together. You two known each other for long?”
Belinda shook her head. “Only for about six months. We met in a dental office and things just clicked between us.”
He studied her face for a long moment. “You know, you look like her. Something about your eyes…the structure of your face.”
“I look like Janice?” she asked in confusion.
He shook his head and smiled. “No, not Janice. Marie…my father’s mistress.”
“Did you know her?”
Roger shook his head. “Not well. I met her a few times but had no idea of her relationship with my father.” He looked to where Hank led a huge white horse out of the barn. “She was quite beautiful. You, more than your sisters, remind me of her.”
Belinda found his comment oddly disconcerting. “How is your father doing?”
Roger’s pleasant features pulled into a frown. “Not well. I’m in touch daily with his personal physician. I just wish you-all could find those adoption papers. I still hope to give my father the final gift of his daughter before he passes on.”
“I’m sorry we haven’t been able to help you. We’ve looked everywhere for those papers.”
“I’m hoping they’ll turn up before it’s too late.”
He studied her once again. “Would you agree to a DNA test?”
She looked at him in surprise. “Sure, I guess I would.” She no longer feared discovering which of them had been adopted, knew in her heart nothing could ever change her love for the two women she called sisters.
“Good, I’ll talk to Abby and Colette to see if
they’ll agree to the test.” He looked relieved and Belinda’s heart went out to him. He apparently loved his father very much.
She touched his arm lightly. “I’m sure Abby and Colette will do anything they can to help you.”
“I don’t want to mess up anyone’s life,” he hurriedly added. “I just know what a comfort it would be to my father to be able to look at, perhaps hug, the daughter he never got to father.”
“Your father is lucky to have a son like you.”
Roger blushed and slapped his hat on his head. “I’ve tried to be a good son, although I’m sure my dad would agree I haven’t always succeeded.”
“We all have times when we disappoint our parents,” Belinda replied.
They both turned their attention to the corral, where Hank had mounted the white horse. Whoops and hollers resounded as the horse shied then bucked, trying to dislodge the unfamiliar weight of the rider.
Belinda watched her brother-in-law, admiring the picture he made on the back of the horse. Funny how both Abby and Colette had married men who physically looked a lot alike. Black hair and shadowed, eyes, they were handsome men, if you liked that kind of dark attractiveness.
While on one level Belinda found them goodlooking, on a deeper level, they did absolutely nothing for her. Her dream lover had sun-kissed hair and. warm br
own eyes. She frowned irritably as she realized whenever she fantasized about the man of her dreams, his face was always Derek’s.
The diamond ring he’d placed on her finger sparkled in the sunshine. At some point in the future she would give it back to him and their pretend marriage would be over. The Connor ranch would be safe, Derek would have his children, and everyone would be happy.
As she thought of the way he’d reacted after they’d made love, the ensuing silence and coolness directed toward her, she told herself the end of her marriage couldn’t come a day too soon.
DEREK DROVE the distance from the airport to the Connor ranch with the radio off, the only sound in the car the soft, rhythmic breathing of the sleeping children in the back seat.
The trip had gone without a hitch. The children had been thrilled to see him, had clung to him with eager excitement during the transfer procedure from the foster home into his care.
Having the kids in his custody was a curious blend of happiness and grief. His brother and sister-in-law should be alive, raising their children and growing old together. But a drunk driver had ended their life and now it would be Derek watching the children grow up.
As he neared the Connor ranch, thoughts of Belinda filled his head. Making love to her had been a mistake. It had merely served to whet his appetite for more and that was an appetite he didn’t intend to indulge ever again.
He’d managed to manipulate their lovemaking so it happened under safe conditions…under the cover of darkness. He’d also made sure she didn’t touch him too intimately, didn’t explore the length of his body. He couldn’t guarantee that if they made love again, the same conditions would prevail.
Better he keep her at arm’s length, not only physically but emotionally, as well. He tightened his grip on the steering wheel, knowing the difficulty he faced.
Initially, when he’d first come up with the marriage scheme, he’d thought it would be easy to keep his distance from her. After all, he’d believed she’d turned her back on him, diminished what he’d believed they’d shared in the past. Now he knew she hadn’t done that, that his mother hadn’t told her how to contact him.
The edge of bitterness he’d planned on using as a defense was gone, and that only made things more difficult for him.
Something else complicating the entire situation was the danger to Belinda. Because of the threats and attacks that had already occurred, Derek was reluctant to leave her alone for any length of time.
In this case, familiarity was not breeding contempt, rather it was intensifying a slow burn of desire inside him. He awakened each morning wanting her, and went to bed at night with the same hungry need.
And starting tonight she’d be sleeping in his bed. He groaned aloud as he thought of lying next to her, breathing her sweet scent all night long and not touching her, not holding her.
As he pulled up in front of the Connor house, he asked himself when it had happened. When in the hell had he fallen back in love with Belinda?
Chapter Thirteen
Belinda would have had to possess a heart of stone not to fall instantly in love with Tasha and Toby. Although they were still asleep when Derek arrived to pick her up, Belinda and Derek awakened them when they arrived at Derek’s house.
It took nearly an hour for them to get the children unpacked and settled in their rooms, then the four of them had cookies and milk at the kitchen table.
Toby was quiet, seeming quite satisfied to allow his older sister to monopolize the conversation. But each time Belinda’s gaze caught his, he gifted her with a shy, sweet smile.
Tasha chattered like a magpie, describing to Belinda their foster home, the airplane ride and her happiness to be with her uncle Derek.
Belinda found both of the children utterly enchanting. She understood Derek’s obsessive need to make certain he gained custody. He’d be a good father to them. This thought brought a blossom of pain to her as she remembered the child he’d never get a chance to father, a child she’d never get a chance to mother.
By nine o’clock Toby’s and Tasha’s eyelids drooped with sleepiness and Belinda and Derek took the two to bed. Toby was asleep the moment his head touched the pillow. Derek gave Tasha a kiss goodnight, then went downstairs, leaving Belinda and the little girl alone in the frilly, feminine bedroom.
Belinda leaned down and kissed Tasha’s forehead. “Good night, sweetie.” She turned to leave but Tasha caught her hand.
“My mommy and daddy are in heaven.”
Belinda sat on the edge of the bed and smoothed a strand of blond hair away from Tasha’s cherubic little face. “I know,” she answered softly, her heart aching for the child.
“I’m glad we’re going to live here with you and Uncle Derek. Uncle Derek said Mommy and Daddy would want us here.” Her brown eyes, so like Derek’s, blinked with sleepiness.
“I’m glad you’re going to live here, too.”
Tasha yawned and snuggled beneath the covers, her hand still gripping Belinda’s. “Now I’ve got an angel mommy and you. I’m glad you’re going to be my mommy here.” The little girl’s eyes fluttered closed and within moments her fingers had relaxed their holdon Belinda’s.
Belinda stood, her heart full of emotion. She walked to the doorway and paused a moment to look at the sleeping child.
Neither she nor Derek had considered the consequences of her parenting the kids for a year, then walking out of their lives. She hadn’t considered the possibility that she’d fall in love with the children.
Oh, the kids would survive when she left. Children were resilient and they would adjust to her absence. But already, after only a couple of hours, they had burrowed into her heart. It was as if Fate had conspired to make walking away as difficult as possible.
She left the bedroom and went in search of Derek. She didn’t want to think about leaving right now, refused to contemplate the heartache that she’d eventually suffer.
She found Derek on the porch swing. “They both asleep?” he asked as she stepped out onto the front porch.
“Yes.” He moved over to give her room to sit beside him. “They’re great kids.”
“Yeah, they are,” he agreed. “Mike and Marilyn did a good job, for what time they had.” His voice thickened. “I just wish they’d had more time.”
Belinda knew no words she could utter would distill his grief over his brother and sister-in-law’s untimely deaths. Instead of saying anything, she touched the back of his hand.
He cleared his throat and sat up straighter, causing the swing to sway. “How was your day with your sisters?”
“Nice. It was fun seeing them both filled with such hope for the future.” She gazed at him, the moonlight stroking his bold features. “We have you to thank for that.”
He smiled. “Your sister sent me a report, kind of a prospectus on what they intend to do with the money I invested. She has some good ideas.”
“Abby’s always had good ideas, just never enough money to implement them.”
For a moment they sat silent, the sounds of night surrounding them. Their silence wasn’t forced or strained, but rather natural, peaceful. The swing swayed to and fro, relaxing Belinda with its gentle movement.
It was easy to forget for a moment that their marriage had been nothing but a business deal. Easy to forget the past and pretend they were two parents sharing a moment of togetherness at the end of a busy day.
A fool’s pretense. She couldn’t allow herself to get caught up in the illusion they presented to the outside world. Reality was that their marriage was a business deal, that Derek had no intention of it being anything other than that. He’d been quite clear that he wanted no emotional investment.
“Roger asked if I’d agree to a DNA test today,” she said, breaking the silence and pulling her thoughts away from the state of her marriage.
“What did you tell him?”
Belinda shrugged. “I told him I’d do it. Since Junior checked him out and we know he’s exactly who he says
he is and his story seems to be true, I see no reason not to try to accommodate him.”
“Will it bother you if you find out you were adopted?”
“Up until a couple of months ago I would have said yes.” She leaned back in the swing, conscious of his arm just behind her. “The idea that I might not really belong terrified me. Somehow in the last month or so, I’ve realized that it has nothing to do with belonging. I belong here, and my sisters will always be my family. Family is a state of mind, not a state of birth.”
“I hope Toby and Tasha feel that way one day.”
“They will. All it takes is love, and it’s obvious you love them.”
He nodded. “1 do. They’re all the family I’ll ever have.”
“Surely someday you’ll have your own children,” she said, ignoring the catch in her heart.
“No. I don’t intend to have children.” He looked away from her and directed his gaze toward the moon in the distance. “Once we’ve divorced, I don’t intend to marry again.”
Belinda studied him, wondering what had happened to the dreams he’d shared with her so long ago…dreams of marriage and family.
What had made him change? What had destroyed those dreams he’d once had? As she watched, he rubbed his thigh, as if kneading out some deep pain.
“What happened to your leg, Derek?”
He looked down, as if surprised to see his hand massaging it. “I broke it a couple years ago. The doctors had to put a pin in.”
“It must have been a bad break.”
“It was.”
She wanted to ask him more…exactly how he’d broken it. She wanted to know what he’d been doing in the years since he’d left here. Had he fallen in love? Had his heart been broken? Had he ever thought of her? The questions burned inside her, but refused to be verbalized.
He stood. “We’d better get to bed. I imagine the kids will be up early.”
Bed. In Derek’s bed. A curious mixture of emotions surged through Belinda as she watched him lock the front door, set the security code, then start up the stairs to his room.
‘Tm going to get a drink of water. I’ll be up in just a minute,” she explained.
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