Seasons in the Sun

by Strassel, Kristen

He leaned in closer. My breath caught in my throat.

  “Me too,” it was barely more than a whisper.

  We sat there just like that, just holding each other, for I’m not sure how long. Taryn’s voice thundered in my head, and I did my best to make it go away.

  “Why do you do it?” I craned my neck up to look at him.

  “Do what?”

  “You know,” I was losing confidence in my question. “The drinking, and the other stuff.” I wasn’t quite sure what the other stuff really was.

  He didn’t answer me right away. At first I was afraid I’d upset him, but I could tell by his expression he was thinking about what to say.

  “You know how I said I wasn’t sure if you had any friends outside of the restaurant?” He was rubbing my back again, but it was more of a nervous thing this time. I nodded. “I don’t have any real friends, besides Taryn, and only because she’s my sister. There’s plenty of people around, but they only tolerate us, or want something because of our parents. They get what they want, and they move on. They don’t care about what we want.”

  That was the saddest thing I’d ever heard. Tristan was so full of life, how could people just dismiss him like that?

  “I’m your friend.”

  “I know. And it makes the rest of it that much worse, because we have so little time left together.”

  “Do you have to leave?”

  He nodded. “If I stay here, I’ll get in trouble just like I do everywhere else. Look what happened today. I can’t do that to you.” He cupped my face in his hands.

  I wanted to give him a thousand reasons why it would be different. To give him one reason to stay. But could it be enough for him here? Was he right?

  “I’ll never forget what you’ve given me this summer, Callie.”

  He leaned in to kiss me. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he pulled me up on to his lap. He began working his way down my neck, making me moan as I raked my fingers through his hair and pulled him in closer. Eventually, he fell backwards so I was lying on top of him, his hands holding me tight around my waist under my shirt. I moved my faced down so our lips met again.

  I thought we might kiss until dawn. Tristan finally separated from me, looking into my eyes barely inches away. Then he eased me down, so my head rested on his chest.

  “Get some sleep, Callie.” He softly wound his fingers through my hair, playing with my curls until I drifted off.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Even the sun didn’t want to get up that morning. A gray wall of fog and mist hugged the shoreline as we waited in the queue to board the boat. Morning came quick and catching the first boat back to my impending doom was nothing short of a shock to my system.

  I climbed out of the Jeep as soon as we parked and headed up to the top deck. Tristan followed wordlessly. He knew nothing could cut my nerves right now.

  “I got you some coffee,” Tristan had disappeared for a few minutes and handed me a Styrofoam cup with steam escaping from the top opening. Risking burning my tongue, I took a sip right away. It was bitter and watery, cut by non dairy creamer that comes in those little tubs. What is that stuff, anyway? Caffeine was a godsend, or else I would have dumped the coffee overboard.

  “Thanks,” I winced as I braced myself for another sip.

  “Cheers,” Tristan held his cup up for mine to tap. Okay, so that got a smile out of me.

  “It’s going to be all right, Callie.” He seemed to stomach his coffee better than I did, but he didn’t look me in the eye as he said it. He leaned on the railing and looked back at Woods Hole growing smaller in the distance.

  “I shouldn’t have done this,” the panic rose in me again.

  “Maybe not,” Tristan turned to me and smiled. “But I’m glad you did.”

  “I am too,” I slid under his arm and didn’t say anything else for a few minutes.

  “You know,” he finally broke the awkward silence. “I’ve never done that before.”

  “Done what?”

  “Spend the night with a girl and not … do anything.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know how to react to that. Was that a good thing or a bad thing?

  “Not that I didn’t want to,” he tipped my face up so I looked at him. I was glad I had the railing to lean against or else I would have fallen into the ocean for sure. “But it wouldn’t have been right.”

  Again I wasn’t sure what he meant, and I couldn’t form the words to ask him.

  “Someday.” He kissed my forehead sweetly, and pulled me in tighter. We stayed like that, with me still swaddled in his sweatshirt, breathing in his scent, until Vineyard Haven came in to view.

  Reality hit me like a car with no brakes. We had no choice but to deboard the boat. We returned to the car and rode back to our houses in silence. Work and my mother waited.

  Walking into The Magnolia Café was an out of body experience. My bones felt like they were made of rubber. I could barely breathe. Each step took effort. Tristan looked at me as we approached the kitchen door. He squeezed my hand and let go, letting me lead the way.

  “Calliope. In to my office. Tristan, if you have any idea what’s good for you, you’ll stay far from my sight today.”

  Tristan disappeared into the front of the restaurant and I remained frozen in the doorway. All activity in the kitchen came to a screeching halt, waiting to see who made the next move.

  “Calliope! Sometime today.”

  My mother scolding me was nothing new. She was always hard on me. I could usually take it in stride. Most of the time it made me try harder. But this, I knew I was wrong. So wrong. This was way bigger than being fifteen minutes late for work or forgetting to get the eggs out of the henhouse. I lied, I left the island, and I spent the night with a guy.

  This was unchartered territory for both of us.

  Somehow, my body found its way into her office. She greeted me by slapping me across the face.

  I closed my eyes, bracing myself, willing myself not to cry. I’d cried enough about this. I slumped in the chair in front of her desk, still feeling the sting of her palm on my cheek. My mom didn’t sit. She paced the tiny room with her arms crossed.

  “What in God’s name were you thinking?”

  “I wasn’t, I guess.” I knotted my fingers painfully in my lap. I couldn’t look at her.

  “You scared the hell out of us.”

  “I left a note.” As if that made everything better.

  “Calliope. I know I have reminded you of this many times this summer. You are fourteen years old. You are not an adult. You don’t make your own decisions. I think now you can understand why. You have different rules than Keisha, and certainly different rules than the twins. You don’t have to like it, but that’s how it is.”

  I didn’t like it. It frustrated the hell out of me.

  “Maybe if you ever let me do anything, then I wouldn’t have gone yesterday.”

  My mother sighed in disgust. “Even if for some insane reason I had let you go to this concert, you would have still missed the ferry back. Tristan is not responsible for his own actions. Do you understand what’s gone through my head all night? Is there something you need to tell me, Callie?”

  “No,” I was pretty sure what she insinuated. “I’ve told you everything.”

  “I’m not sure I believe that. You already took it upon yourself to decide to go to this without telling me or your father.”

  I actually did tell her I was going to this concert, but I wasn’t going to remind her of that.

  “Nothing happened.”

  “Do want to talk to Keisha about it? Maybe you’d feel more comfortable discussing this with her.”

  “NO!” I raised my voice. “I didn’t have sex with him!” I’m sure the entire kitchen heard me.

  She looked offended and a bit disgusted. “Keep your voice down, Calliope. You need to get back to work. We’ve all been picking up the slack for the two of you this morning. You’ll be working back here with me today, doing f
ood prep. You’ve seen enough of Tristan already today.”

  “Fine.” I stood up to leave.

  “I’m not done. You are grounded. At least until the twins leave. Probably until you show me you deserve my trust again. You won’t be out of my sight. And no sneaking out, either.”

  How did she know? Now wasn’t the time to ask. “Is that all?”

  “Yes. Get to work.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  My mother granted me a stay of execution to go to the fundraiser. Not for my benefit, of course. All week she coached me to be her mouthpiece for the Obamas. I was sure the president and his wife wouldn’t be hanging on the every word of some random teenager, but I didn’t care. And I didn’t listen to her, either. I looked forward to that night almost as much as she did for completely different reasons.

  Taryn offered to come over and do my hair. I was thankful on two levels for this. First, my hair had a tendency to fight whatever I planned to do with it, escaping any restraint I tried to put it in to settle into a frizzy halo around my head. Secondly, I needed to talk to Taryn. I hadn’t had much of a chance to talk to anyone since being placed on solitary confinement. I had more than a sneaking suspicion that Keisha ratted me out to my mom about my middle of the night adventures, so I wasn’t confident confiding anything in her right now.

  No one else was home yet. Dad was still at work, and Mom and Keisha stayed late at the restaurant to put the finishing touches on the appetizers before the catering crew came to pick them up for service. Taryn set up her arsenal on the kitchen table. She had several curling irons, clips, and a box of pins laid out neatly on a rubber mat, ready for battle.

  “I didn’t know you were so into doing hair.” Her set up was impressive.

  “I like it,” she said as she divided my hair into three sections and clipped it into place. “My dad’s hairstylist has a lot of downtime on set, and he’s been showing me how to do stuff. I’m going to try to intern on his next film.”

  “That’s cool. Do you like being on the movie sets?”

  “It’s all right. After a while, it’s all the same. It can get kind of boring. It’ll be nice to have an actual purpose for being there.”

  “Tristan says he gets bored, too.”

  “I don’t think much of anything can hold his attention.” She sighed as she released a hot curl from her iron. I thought it was odd that she’d curl my already curly hair, but I didn’t have any basis to question her.

  “Maybe he could learn a trade on the set, too?” I offered.

  “No, he never would. He’d rather go sneak off with the caterers and smoke weed. You know how he is now, Callie, he’s a loose cannon.”

  “I know. That’s really how he acts all the time when he’s in Los Angeles?”

  “Pretty much. Sometimes he sleeps or passes out.”

  “Oh.” I didn’t know what to say. That person who invaded Tristan’s body at the concert seemed like an alien to me, and Taryn had to deal with this every day.

  “I know he likes you, Callie, and I know this is hard for you to hear, but seriously, just enjoy the time you have with him while he’s here and then let him go.” Taryn said sadly. I felt like we were talking about someone with a death sentence. “I’ve had to pick up the pieces so many times for girls he just smashes into a million pieces without even caring what happens to them. You don’t deserve to have to go through that. The person you’ve spent the summer with, that’s not Tristan.”

  But then who was that person? Why was everyone so willing to dismiss that Tristan could be anything but a train wreck? “I just don’t understand why he would be so different while he’s here.”

  “I don’t either.” Taryn rubbed an oily substance between the palms of her hands and raked her fingers through the curls she created. “I’m not complaining, but I also know it’s too good to be true.”

  “Well, maybe he can just stay here.” If I said it enough times, eventually someone might agree with me.

  “Callie, listen to me,” she said as she positioned my head down and sectioned my hair so the curls fell in my face. “You have to let him go. He can’t stay here.”

  “Everyone says that, but no one says why.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I was glad Taryn couldn’t see them.

  “You saw how he acted at the concert.” I didn’t know how much Tristan had told Taryn about what had happened, but she had already told me that they talked about everything. “Trouble finds him. It’s only a matter of time before he’d find those people on the island. I’m pretty sure he already has. He’s just usually better about hiding it from you.”

  That last sentence rode through me like a lightning bolt. Wow, I was so naïve. Here I thought I was making a difference in Tristan’s life, making it better somehow. In reality, he was just sneaking around, being one person to me, and another to the rest of the world.

  But still, that had to mean something, right?

  Although, somehow it made it worse.

  “Isn’t there anything that can be done about it?”

  “Well, here we are, and it didn’t work. We’re going to be eighteen in September, so then there’s really nothing anyone can do. The only person who can help Tristan is Tristan.”

  I sat in silence, heartbroken for Tristan that he felt so lonely, so empty that that was what he had to do to fill the void. What was it that would be enough for him, so he wouldn’t have to be so self destructive?

  I knew it wasn’t me.

  A cloud of hairspray surrounded me, bringing me back from my thoughts. “Tell me what you think!” Taryn proudly proclaimed as she set the bottle down. She handed me a hand mirror and followed me into the bathroom. “Stand with your back to the big mirror, and look in the hand held. You’ll be able to see everything.”

  “Wow.” It was amazing. I could hardly believe I was looking at my hair. She had somehow created a loose wave all around my head, leading to a low bun of well behaved curls at the nape of my neck. I looked like I was ready to walk down a red carpet.

  “You like?” Taryn was beaming, thrilled with my reaction.

  “I look like a movie star.”

  “You look like you’re having dinner with the President of the United States.” The realization hit me as she said it. All summer long I had thought of tonight in terms of finger foods and my date. All of that seemed trivial when she put it like that.

  “Don’t let my brother or your mother take this away from you. This is an amazing experience that not many people get Callie. You need to think about yourself, for once, and your future.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  None of the party guests had arrived at Caroline’s house yet. I’d followed Taryn back to the house once I was dressed and ready to hang out while she did the same. All the party workers buzzed around outside. The house was eerily quiet inside, tables set up with centerpieces, kitchen staged, but no people. Not even Tristan, much to my disappointment.

  I’d never been passed the sitting area of Caroline’s house, and I was intrigued to see the actual living area. Even though the house was still somewhat a beach house, it was much larger than our little guest house. The hardwood floors practically showed our reflection as we walked up the stairs. Taryn led me to a large room with an amazing view of the ocean off in the distance with elegant white bedding and furniture. She carelessly dropped her hair supply bag on the bed and immediately began digging through the closet.

  I sat on the bed and watched her get ready. Even on her worst day, she was already far more put together and sophisticated looking than I ever would be, so it didn’t take her very long. I was fascinated watching her glue on false eyelashes. It was effortless for her to be glamorous. That would never be me.

  Once she slicked on some lip gloss, we headed back downstairs. Much to my surprise, Matt agreed to come to the party as her date. Since he never missed a chance to tell us what horrible things he thought about the President, I didn’t think he’d come. He waited for Taryn slumped in a high backed chair
playing with his phone. It might have been the way he was sitting, but his khakis and jacket looked like he’d picked them up off the floor after walking all over them for a month. I never understood why Taryn gave him the time of day. He didn’t even look up as we came down the stairs.

  I scanned the room, hoping to see my date, who was coming through the door as my eyes landed on it. Tristan was already dressed in black dress pants and a deep blue button down shirt, just open enough at the collar to reveal a black T shirt underneath. He looked amazing.

  He stopped without closing the door, looking a bit surprised. “Wow, he said quietly as he approached me. I had stopped on the bottom stair, with my hand on the railing. He picked it up as he approached and kissed it. “I don’t think we’ve met. I’m Tristan.” His eyes never left mine as he lowered my hand.

  I giggled. “Stop it.”

  “I never thought she was going to let you come. Do you have house arrest anklet or anything?”

  “I have a tracking chip implanted. I get shocked if I think anything she doesn’t approve of.”

  “Well then I hope I can make your night electric.” He kissed me quickly before he ran up the stairs.

  Alone again, I wasn’t sure what to do in this house. I was almost tempted to go out back and help the catering crew prepare service. I knew most of them anyway, and was sure to be way more comfortable with them then the actual party guests. Instead I wandered into the den and checked out the bookshelf and CD collection while I wanted for someone to pay attention to me.

  “Whatcha doin’?” Tristan made me jump when he came back into the room.

  “Looking at your aunt’s books.”

  “Nobody ever reads those.”

  “That’s sad.” Only in my dreams would I own this many books.

  “They’re just for show. They’d be much more interesting if anyone cared about them.” They were mostly about Cape Cod and the Islands, The Kennedys, and other local lore. They didn’t make any statement at all. What a waste.

  “Can you get away for a while?” Tristan pulled me back against him, speaking close to my ear.