But every now and then, forces stronger than my pride, such as Tricey, force me to relive my hurtful past.
“You can,” Tricey told me.
“He would embarrass me.”
“He may miss you too.”
“Anyway,” I said changing the subject. “How have you been since the baby shower?”
This is how I have been dealing with missing Bradley and the guilt of ruining my happiness. I fill the void with blasé proceedings until I don’t feel the empty space anymore.
FOUR
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
VICTORIA
Today was Crystal’s first day back in the city, so she, Lynn, and I were sure to have lunch together. We met at my place, hopped in Lynn’s Avenger, and hit I-94 towards downtown Chicago.
“How was your vacation?”
Crystal smiled at me as she answered. “It was great. Much needed. Jamaica is gorgeous.”
Crystal and Sean went to Jamaica for their wedding anniversary. About nine months ago, Crystal finally got the courage to leave Sean after years of cheating and physical abuse. That month she spent at my house really changed Sean for the better. He went to anger management, and, as a couple, they sought marriage counseling.
Therefore, this wedding anniversary was very special for the two of them; a week in Jamaica was a suitable dedication to the new ties that bind them.
“And how was your date, Lynn?”
Lynn didn’t return from dinner with Ray until about two o’clock the next morning. Thus, I was way too tired to investigate how her night went.
Crystal was obviously confused. “Date?”
Lynn was obviously embarrassed because the guilt oozed from her. “Yes, a date.”
Crystal asked, “With?”
“A parent I met a few weeks ago.”
Confusion flooded Crystal’s expression.
“Don’t look at me like that,” Lynn told her.
“I knew you were unhappy, but damn.”
“It was just dinner.”
I confirmed, “Just dinner?”
“Yes.”
“That lasted until two in the morning?”
Crystal nearly choked. “Two in the morning?!”
Lynn almost looked nauseated. Lynn has also served as a guiding light for Crystal. Her knowledge of God served as a counsel for Crystal as she struggled with putting her marriage back together, so to see Lynn avoid that guiding light was very sad and shocking for her also.
“We were just talking,” Lynn confirmed in defense.
I inquired, “About?”
“Life.”
There was contentment in Lynn’s eyes that I have never seen before. She seemed to exhale slow and relaxingly as if she was breathing freely for the first time in a long time.
“I’m still confused,” Crystal replied.
Lynn sighed as she said, “I am too.”
Crystal gave me a questionable look, and I answered it with my own confusion. It seemed as if we were watching a saint turn into a sinner, and that was such a sad sight to see.
Crystal asked Lynn, “You’re that unhappy?”
“I am,” Lynn said with a confident nod. “And the more I experience Ray, the more I realize what it is that I am missing. Ray is everything that I am missing in my life.”
“All new relationships appear that way,” I told her.
“You’re right. The grass always looks greener on the other side. But I like it on the other side, and I detest my side.”
Crystal asked, “What is it that Travis isn’t doing?”
“Its not just what he isn’t doing. It’s what he is doing, what our life isn’t, and how we can’t change no matter how much we try. We aren’t in love with each other anymore. Our life is routine. I approach my marriage like an obligation.”
“But all marriages go through bad times. My marriage was the worst just a few months ago.”
“Unfortunately, taking a black eye from the man you love is easier to fix than simply not loving him anymore.”
The irony in that left us speechless.
I got a weird call from Taij while the three of us were waiting to be seated at Grand Lux. Crystal and Lynn were still confirming Lynn’s unhappiness with her marriage as I answered.
“Hey, Taij.”
“Hey, Vic. How are you?”
“Good. You?“
“Great. Hot,” he answered with an exhausting sigh. “Just finished playing basketball out in the park.”
“What’s up?”
“I wanted to ask you a question. Where is the church you go to?”
“In Hazel Crest.”
“What time does service start on Sunday?”
“Eleven. Why?”
I am very confused. Taij has never even talked about Jesus in front of me, let alone going to church. The most I’ve seen him respect religion is celebrating Christmas and buying DeSire an Easter basket.
“I want to come to church.”
Instantly, I held Lynn’s arm for support because I wanted to faint. She and Crystal looked at me questionably.
I asked Taij, “When?”
“Sunday.”
“Really?”
“Yes,” Taij answered with a laugh.
“Is something wrong?”
He laughed again. “No. I just think I should start going to church.”
I didn’t argue with him. Today has been way too much for me to handle. Lynn is falling head over heels for a stranger, and now my “baby’s daddy” wants to find Jesus.
I couldn’t take much more.
As Taij and I said our goodbyes, I looked at Lynn and laughed. “Taij wants to come to church Sunday!”
Her response was as surprised as I felt. “Whaaaaaaaaaat?”
“I know, right?! Something is up with that!”
“What happened?”
“That’s what I want to know. You just don’t all of a sudden choose to go to church when you haven’t gone all your life. I had to turn into a hoe before I figured out I needed Jesus!”
“Maybe he is trying to impress you,” Crystal said with a grin.
I instantly dismissed that thought. “Yea right.”
“How do you know?”
Since Taij’s move back home, Crystal has always thought he and I should get back together. Once she met him and saw how attractive he is and how good of a father he’s been to DeSire, she has been head-over-heels for our potential.
But there isn’t a chance in hell. I’ve never entertained the thought, and Taij doesn’t look at me twice.
“Taij isn’t thinking about me,” I answered.
“You don’t know that,” Lynn pointed out. “Maybe he is getting his life together.”
“Doubt it.”
Crystal disagreed. “What if he is? What if he wants to get back with you? Would you take him back?”
“I’ve never thought about it,” I answered shaking my head. “After he did what he did, I just never considered it an option.”
Lynn asked, “Why not?”
“Because he gave me a STD,” I whispered. “An STD that he most likely got from one of my associates, DeSire’s babysitter, or God only knows who.”
“But you encouraged me to stay with Sean,” Crystal told me.
“And you encourage me to work it out with Travis,” Lynn added.
“Your situations are different.”
“Ike Turner,” Crystal reminded me.
And I agreed with her. “Maybe not yours.
We all giggled.
“People make mistakes,” Crystal added.
“He is a great father,” I told them. “Well established. Sexy.”
Crystal smiled as if she was recollecting along with me and chimed in. “And it’s perfectly fine to make exceptions for exceptional men.”
Just then, I found myself thinking of Taij in ways that I hadn’t in years. Though I’ve by no means ignored his charisma and good looks, I have never considered the possibilities of us rekindl
ing our relationship. Our break up was very concrete, but that could be because I concluded it in a way that gave Taij no other option.
Taij was the only man in my life that gave me completion. All of my life I’ve wanted to be a great man’s other half, and I played that part with Taij blissfully. I still yearn to play that part, but I have yet to meet a man that made me as happy as Taij did. I yearn for an ambassador; a leader of my household and representative of me. That yearning got so bad that the absence of such a man began to hurt like hell. I felt alone, so I consumed my life with empty moments with men that weren’t even good enough to meet my mother… and she’s dead.
Now my attempts are to become content with being alone in case that is what God has forme.
However, at times, I can’t help but yearn to be the kept woman that is within me.
TRICEY
Blood came barging through the front door like a pit bull.
I was lying across my bed eating a Home Run Inn pizza when I heard the door hit the wall as it flung open.
“Tricey!”
I jumped, attempting to move as fast as I could with a big stomach.“What?!”
By now, Blood was standing in the doorway of my bedroom with perplexity and anxiety all over his face.
“What’s wrong?”
He was even sweating a little bit.
“I need you to do me a favor.”
Oh, shit.
I asked him nervously, “Like what?”
All of Blood’s daily activities involve something illegal, so any “favor” he needed me to do couldn’t be good.
“The Feds got Alicia.”
Alicia is one of the hypes that makes runs for him. She is willing to risk being pulled over with enough cocaine in the car to put her away for thirty years – all for a few hundred dollars and the status of being in a dope boy’s good graces.
“The Feds?! Since when have the Feds been watching you?!”
“I don’t know!”
“How do you know they got her?”
“They pulled her over about a half a block after she left the spot. I drove right past them.”
He just stood in the doorway looking like his stomach was turning in knots. The police are scary enough, but the Federal Bureau of Investigation meant that Blood is making so much money that his criminal activities have surpassed the interest of the state alone. It also means that he is most likely on a wanted list, and he probably has been under surveillance for quite some time.
Luckily for him, Blood never touches the drugs, but the sight of the Feds could cause a detrimental breakdown of his camp, starting with Alicia’s hype ass, who is hopefully not singing like a bird right now.
“What is it that you need me to do?”
“I need you to make the run for me.”’
“WHAT?! Oh hell no!”
Blood began to beg. “Tricey…”
But I cut him off. “Hell no, Nate! Are you crazy?!”
“Tricey, they already got Alicia. They aren’t thinking that I would make another run right now.”
“Exactly, because you shouldn’t! What if they get me too?”
“They aren’t thinking about you.”
“How do you know? You didn’t know that they were watching you in the first place! They could be sitting outside my damn house right now!”
“Please, Tricey? I gotta make this transaction. I got to.”
“Well, you do it.”
“I don’t touch that shit,” he responded with a frown.
“But you want me to?!”
“You don’t have to. All you have to do is drive. Smith and Shon will pack the car and meet you there. Just make the drive. Smith and Shon will make the transaction. You don’t even have to get out the car.”
He looked so desperate. Nate only moves major weight, so I was sure that this deal was worth hundreds of thousands and that there was some guy waiting for it that was getting more and more pissed by the second.
“What are you going to do if the Feds find the stash in Alicia’s car?”
“They won’t find it. Alicia will be okay. They are probably just questioning her.”
He looked like he wanted to believe that. For his sake, I wanted to believe it too.
“Did they have dogs with them?”
“Not that I saw.”
I took a long, deep breath. Nate has done so much for me that it is hard to tell him no. However, it is very easy to say no to the possibility of my pregnant ass sitting in a federal prison somewhere.
But I couldn’t tell him no.
“Fine. I’ll do it.”
Smith and Shon, two of Blood’s best friends and workers, were outside waiting for the okay. Therefore, no sooner than Blood called and told them that I was cool with making the run, they began to pack the Yukon. While I waited nervously, Blood made phone call after phone call, trying to get anidea of what the Feds could want with Alicia.
“Bitch, are you crazy?”
I called Lyric while in the bathroom. Blood would be so pissed if he knew that I was on the phone talking about this with anyone, so I whispered as I sat on the toilet and waited for the butterflies to fall out.
Lyric continued to scold me. “He can’t find some other hype to do this for him?”
“I guess not.”
“Why can’t he do it?”
“You know he’s not touching anything.”
“You’re right. Why you, though?”
“I guess everyone else is too suspect or can’t be trusted. He’s all up in arms because of the FEDS, so he’s being super cautious.”
“How much are you taking?”
“Hell, I don’t know.”
I’ve seen Smith carry about three garbage bags out of the pantry, so at the least, there was fifty bricks stashed in the truck by now.
The knock on the bathroom room door scared the shit of me.
“Tricey, let’s go.”
Lyric must have heard Blood’s demand and got scared as well, because before I could tell her goodbye, she said, “Bye girl. Call me,” and hung up.
I flushed and prayed as I washed my hands. It was so ironic to pray to God to help me successfully do something that I know is dead wrong.
As we left out of the house, Blood gave me what seemed like fifty-million rules as Smith and Shon went ahead without me: “Don’t take this route… The police are always on this street, so take this one instead… Don’t turn the music up. Make sure to do the speed limit”, blah, blah, blah. Therefore, as I drove to the south side, I replayed everything he told me over and over again.
Supposedly, this was going to be simple. I would pull into a garage at a home in Hyde Park, flash the headlights twice, and two guys would come out along with Smith and Shon. Then Smith and Shon would unpack the car and leave the money inside duffle bags in the stash spots.
No sooner than I pulled into the address on 51st and Blackstone, I flashed the headlights twice. Instantly, the garage rose. I pulled inside and my heart began to beat anxiously as the garage door closed without any lights coming on.
So many things could go wrong at this moment. These men could turn on us, killing Smith, Shon, and me for the drugs. Smith and Shon could actually be the ones setting us up and do the same to me and the buyers. The possibilities were endless, especially considering that someone was obviously untrustworthy enough to be talking to the FEDS, giving them enough information to track down Alicia.
I continuously said a prayer in my head and promised God that this was my last time doing this.
No sooner than the garage door was securely closed, a bright light came on and out of the side door came two Italian men who looked to be in their mid-forties, Shon, and Smith.
Smith snuck me a cute smile as if he were laughing at my anxiousness. I was finally able to calm down once he and the two Italian men had a small exchange of words before the two Italians went back into the house.
“Good girl,” Smith smiled at me as he walked towards the truck.
<
br /> “Whatever. Just get this shit out of here so I can get my ass back home.”
“We got you,” Shon told me as he opened the back door of the truck.
Suddenly my baby began to move. I guessit could feel my anxiety.
I started to talk to it with long and slow deep breaths as I attempted to ease my heart rate. “It’s going to be okay. Calm down,” I told the both of us.
I watched Smith and Shon in the rearview mirror as they emptied the stash spots. It took them all of fifteen minutes. Then they told me that they would be right back and entered the house with the garbage bags.
No sooner than the side door closed, Blood was calling me on my cell.
As soon as I answered, he asked, “You good?”
“I’m okay.”
He laughed as he told me, “You don’t sound like it.”
“Well, considering the situation, I am not in a laughing mood right now. Did you find out about Alicia?”
“I had one of my boy’s watching the car. They talked to her for about an hour. Then some police officers came and searched the car for another hour. They didn’t findshit.”
“So they let her go?”
“Yea. She called me. Said they were asking about me, but it sounds like they’re more interested in top notch niggas.”
I wondered who could be more top notch than Blood, but I guess somebody has to deal the drugs to him.
“So everything should be okay,” he added as if he were ensuring himself as well. “I just have to lay low for awhile and be little more careful than usual.”
“No, everything is not okay, because I haven’t made it home yet.”
“You’re good now,” he told me. “It’s all over. Now you just have to get home withfour-hundred thousand dollars in the walls of the truck.”
I damn near choked. “HOW MUCH?!”
“Shh!”
I replied in harsh whispers, “How much did you say?!”
“You heard me. Just be careful driving home. Smith and Shon will be trailing you though.”
“You better have them trailing me. That’s your best bet. If I wasn’t scared of you, I would disappear with this money.”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 24