Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series)

by Jessica Watkins

  I began to threaten her as she continued to wrestle her arm out of my grasp. “Nah, bitch. You bad, right? You can leave my sister hangin’, right? So don’t run now.”

  “I didn’t do shit!”

  Her kids were in the screen door watching. The littlest one, who looked to be about a year old, looked like he was about to start crying.

  Again, I didn’t give two shits. Yet, when she noticed her children watching, she stopped fighting me, so I let her arm go. That’s when I could see that she at least gave a fuck about something.

  “So you just gone let my sister take the rap for those drugs?!”

  Roxie laughed cynically. “What you expect me to do? Turn myself in? You see all them kids in that doorway?! Those are my kids, and I am all they have. If I go to jail, the state will take them away.”

  “And what about my sister’s child?”

  “What about him? He got somebody. . .”

  “Fuck all that! Regardless of all this, my sister is not taking this charge- point blank, period! The cops is on yo’ ass! Please don’t get it twisted and think otherwise. If Star don’t turn you in, I sure in the hell plan to.”

  “And I will be gone before the police even get here.”

  “No worries, beau beau, because I plan on getting Star out of jail. You think they won’t let her out? Anybody could look at Star and tell that she doesn’t have anything to do with running drugs. She is in school. She has her shit together…”

  Roxie began to laugh barbarically. “Girl, your sister ain’t top shit. Your sister sells pussy. She ain’t all high and mighty while she got her legs open to make a few dollars. And to top that, the bitch is a scam artist, so she was two minutes away from selling dope anyway, if you must know.”

  I just stood there looking at Roxie in disgust. I didn’t believe a word the little bitch was saying.

  After a few seconds of us staring each other up and down, I laughed her off. “Don’t worry about it. The police will be here. I be damned if my sister sits in jail for your bullshit.”

  As I turned and walked away, I heard Roxie say, “Bitch, I won’t even be here when they do.”

  My heart was so heavy as I drove home.

  I attempted to discuss Star’s possibilities with my mother as I drove, but she didn’t want to hear it. She was still very disgusted with Star, and her heart had yet to soften.

  I was left to take care of this all on my own. To make matters worse, Smith was very nonchalant about it as well. He hadn’t even given me the information for his attorney. After asking him for the contact information three times with no reply, I simply used James’ referral.

  It saddened me even more to reflect on how suspect Smith had been acting. For the past two days, his mood had become progressively worse. He was constantly at my condo. Usually that wouldn’t bother me, but, with his fucked up attitude, I was ready for him to go. He was short tempered and easily irritated. I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to pick a fight with him because, honestly, I didn’t want to lose him. With him in my life, I was finally truly happy. All that was absent in my life prior to entering into a relationship with him was fulfilled as soon as he asked me to be his woman; a loving man, security, and a loving father for Ariana.

  I didn’t want to lose all of that for whatever minuscule reason that had Smith’s panties in a bunch.

  I kept all of that in mind as I entered my home. I figured that I would just stay out of Smith’s way. His attitude along with my current irritation with him and stress over Star was not going to mix well.

  Therefore, when I saw him sitting on the couch letting the television watch him as he sipped on, what looked like, Hennessy, I said a quick, “Hey, babe”, and kept it moving to my bedroom. However, I could hear him get up from the couch and follow me.

  Ariana was wide awake, so I was getting ready to bathe and feed her when Smith walked into the bedroom behind me.

  “Have you been thinking about moving?”

  My skin crawled when he spoke. Yet, I laughed as if he were joking. I just knew that he had to be. “No,” I simply answered.

  “Why not?”

  “Because I am not moving anywhere.”

  “Why not?”

  Again, I was laughing.

  “What the hell is so funny?”

  “You! Your selfish ass is hilarious to me! You are steady barking at me about moving, and you won’t even tell me why!”

  As I spoke, I saw a small amount of compassion in his eyes, as if he felt bad for his actions. That is when I knew that I wasn’t the problem. Whatever was pushing him to the edge wasn’t this relationship. He honestly looked like he wanted to just pick me and Ariana up, and take us with him.

  The weight of all the stress threw me down onto the bed. I sat on the bed and looked at him with pleading in my eyes. I desperately wanted to know what was wrong so that I could help him and stop our relationship from what looked like was coming to a sudden end.

  “Baby, what’s wrong?” I spoke softly and sincerely. “Please tell me what’s wrong.”

  “Nothing!”

  “You’re lying! Is someone after you? Are you still selling drugs?”

  “No!”

  “Then what’s wrong?!”

  He got so mad that he punched the wall. Ariana and I jumped from the sudden sound, but he continued to yell. “Why does something have to be wrong for me to want to leave and start over?!”

  “All of a sudden you want to just leave? You’re full of shit, Smith! Nobody just wants to move to another state all of sudden. Regardless of that, my sister is in jail! You want me to leave her in there?! I know you haven’t been paying much attention, but I gotta get her out, and that can’t happen with me in whatever state you’re trying to take me to!”

  And then, seemingly with tears filling his eyes, he told me, “I have to leave, babe. I have to.”

  I was tired of fighting. This was obviously something that Smith felt like he had to do with or without me. I had to be tough for Star. I couldn’t be a crying miserable woman who needed her man. I had to fight for my sister, so I had to let go.

  “Well, leave then, Smith. Go! Get out!”

  And for the second time in a week, with no words, Smith was walking out on me.

  LYRIC

  Every three months the Black Swinger’s Club hosted a Meet and Greet at a local lounge to give its members in the area an opportunity to meet and get to know one another in a non-sexual, laid back environment.

  James couldn’t come with me to tonight’s Meet and Greet because he had to work. Honestly, I was happy that he couldn’t come, because ever since Jamaica, things hadn’t been the same. There was a dark depressing cloud hovering over our relationship now. It wasn’t James. He was being the same loving and attentive man that he had always been. However, ever since I saw that emotion in his eyes for another woman, there had been an insecure feeling gnawing at my stomach that just wouldn’t go away.

  So, I planned to drink it away.

  I was sitting at the bar between Selena and Robin, two BSC members that I grew close to since frequently partying with them over the past year. We chatted both on and off line and often gossiped amongst each other about what was going on in BSC; no detrimental gossip. We simply chatted about who had a big dick, who got down at a party, who was cute, who wasn’t- Things like that.

  I have my best friends, Tricey and Cory, but I absolutely adored my lifestyle buddies. I loved socializing with individuals who were in the lifestyle because they are more accepting and overall cooler than other people. People in the lifestyle are more open to accepting someone for their flaws because they know how different they are themselves. Very rarely can someone be an outcast in a lifestyle environment because nothing you do is out of the ordinary to someone who lives an out of the ordinary lifestyle every day.

  “Humph, here comes Miss Raven,” Selena said, taking me out of my trance. She was even kind of snarling.

  I looked in the direction that Sele
na was discreetly looking, and yep, Raven was walking through the crowd.

  “Why are you looking like that? You don’t like her?” I was trying to be discrete, but if there was dirt on this chick, I for damn sure wanted to know it.

  “She rubs me the wrong way. But she is a hot commodity amongst the men, so I heard.”

  “Why a hot commodity?”

  “Because she is a single straight girl, something that is very rare in the lifestyle. Men get tired of fighting over pussy with other women. They see a straight girl and go crazy.”

  “She is not in the lifestyle, so she says.”

  Robin laughed. “Girl, please. She isn’t coming to all these parties to socialize. She can do that anywhere. She’s coming around to get some of this willing dick that is all over the place.”

  And as soon as the margarita that I was drinking had momentarily taken away the gnawing feeling in my stomach, it quickly returned.

  An hour later, I was freaking out because I got a text message from James saying that he was coming.

  He was able to get off of work at a descent time, so he was able to pop in on the Meet and Greet.

  I didn’t want to be in the same room as him and his “beau”. Again, as in Jamaica, my good time had been ruined and I just wanted to go home. So, when it had been over two hours and he had yet to show, I went outside of the lounge to give him a call and tell him to just meet me at home.

  However, once I stepped outside, I saw his truck in the parking lot across the street. The lights were off, but the windows were foggy, considering the clear and dry night that we were having.

  I snuck across the street to be nosy. At this point, it was two in the morning, but the lounge sat on a main street that was busy with cars and pedestrians who were enjoying the winter turning into spring. With the sounds of the music, cars, and people, James couldn’t hear me as I tiptoed towards the back of the truck to see what he was doing.

  I heard noises- sex noises. I lay my hand on the truck to feel its slight rocking and motion as their sex songs eased out of the car.

  I giggled. I thought it was funny how James bumped into one of the BSC ladies in the parking lot and they chose to get it in the truck. I was glad that James was able to get off work and have a little fun, so I walked quickly back to the lounge.

  Robin met me at the door. “I was looking for you. Come take a picture with me and Selena.” Robin was also carrying my drink, so I took it from her as she led me over to a wall where Selena was standing.

  “Hey, Nicki.” That was Andre; a hot BSC member that had been on my heels about playing with me.

  He was sexy; bald, clean cut, and trendy. He was attractive, and he knew it. He was so vein, but it actually worked for him.

  “Hey, beau,” I greeted flirtatiously.

  “Where’s your man?”

  “On his way in,” I told him.

  Then Robin and her tipsiness invaded our conversation. “Um, Andre, move out the way or take this picture!”

  Andre giggled as he took the camera from Robin. As we posed for the picture, I saw James walk in out of the corner of my eye, so I quickly took the picture and skipped towards him, giddy to find out what he’d so quickly gotten into in the parking lot.

  When I approached him, we embraced as I greeted him. “Hey, baby. Glad you could make it.”

  “Yea, me too.”

  Then I looked at him with a sneaky smirk.

  He stared at me blankly as he asked, “What?”

  “What were you doing in the parking lot?”

  “Nothing,” he quickly told me. “I just got here.”

  My women’s intuition smacked me in the face instantly.

  “I just pulled up two minutes ago.”

  I just looked at him, waiting for him to either tell me the truth or continue to tell me this boldfaced ass lie.

  Again, he asked me, “What?”

  “You didn’t just get here, James. I went out to the parking lot. I heard you in the car.”

  Instantly, guilt covered his face.

  I immediately got the bubble guts because, considering my willingness to allow him to fuck many of the women in attendance, I didn’t understand what there was for him to lie or be guilty about.

  My question was answered as I saw Raven walk into the lounge. It was just too coincidental that they would walk in minutes behind one another, especially since she had been at the party for hours already.

  “Raven? You were fucking Raven?!” Thank God the music was so loud that no one could hear me. Immediately, James took my hand and literally drug me out of the lounge. To keep from causing a scene, I walked behind him as if we were simply leaving.

  I didn’t want to cause a scene outside either. I also wanted to get my mind together before I reacted, so when we got outside, I continued to walk to my car. James was on my heels.

  For whatever reason, when normally a woman would kick, scream, and bust windows in a situation like this, I just wanted to spare my relationship. I was desperate to do so. I didn’t want to lose another love. I couldn’t go through that again.

  As I got in the car, James got into the passenger side. I simply sat quietly in my seat trying not to cry. I didn’t want to be one of those women. I didn’t want to scream, yell, or bitch, but I wanted him to respect me. I needed him to respect me if I was going to be able to continue being this woman that loved him so much that I catered to his sexuality.

  “I’m sorry.”

  With a roll of my eyes, I replied, “Don’t patronize me.”

  “I am.”

  “Were you sorry before or after you pulled your dick out?”

  James sighed heavily. “I didn’t know it was going to happen. She saw me parking. She came up to the car, got in, we started talking, and one thing lead to another.”

  I rolled my eyes and shook my head as I allowed everything to sink in. I was more so upset that James had actually lied to me so easily. I had been so undeniably happy because of the openness of our relationship. Now he had taken that comfort away from me. Now, he was just a lying ass man. He was no longer special and deserving of my willingness to play along with his sexual preferences.

  “It’s nothing to be mad over, babe. It was just a fuck.”

  “No! This is different. It wasn’t just a fuck. If you gotta lie to me, it ain’t swinging! It’s cheating!” But as the words left my lips, I felt like such a hypocrite. I was disappointed with James, but I understood him. I understood how he could sneak a fuck in and still love me, because I had snuck so many fucks in while I was engaged to Bradley, and I loved him to death.

  I looked at James and didn’t see a man that didn’t love me. I saw a man that couldn’t help himself.

  “I just don’t like her, James. The fact that I told her how I felt in Jamaica and she still approached you proves that she doesn’t respect me!”

  “Who cares how she feels about you?! This is about me and you, not what she thinks. I love you.”

  Twelve

  Saturday, March 20, 2010

  LYRIC

  Over the next couple of days, I was able to forgive James and move on.

  Yet, I couldn’t forget her. Raven was like a thorn in the side of our relationship. I constantly wondered what was so special about this chick and her pussy that she and it made my man outright lie to me for the first time... that I knew of.

  James was given a chance because I have been that adulterer who cheated only because I wanted the sex and still very much loved my significant other. I loved Bradley to death, even while I was lying to him about the true facets of me and Veronica’s relationship. I loved the hell out of Bradley the entire time that I was cheating on him with Veronica. Therefore, I understood the error of James’ ways. I knew that his lies and infidelity took nothing away from how he felt about me.

  Tricey didn’t see it that way though.

  “How can you be so calm about this?!” She was shrieking as she stuffed her face with shrimp fried rice. I was at her plac
e. We were chilling on a Saturday evening and drowning our sorrows in Chinese food and liquor.

  “I understand where he is coming from. I’ve done it before.”

  “But you have never done it to him!”

  “But because I have done it, I understand him.”

  Tricey sighed as she sipped some of her Coconut Ciroc and lemonade. She and I sat at her dining room table while Ariana napped on the couch.

  “You need to stop trying to be this down ass chick that doesn’t care about anything.”

  “I am not trying to be anything; it really doesn’t bother me. We are in the lifestyle. Every woman he wants to fuck won’t be to my liking.”

  “But he shouldn’t lie to you.”

  “True.”

  “And the bitch should respect you.”

  “Very true. But it’s also up to him to let her know what my position is and how she fits in. That’s his job. And the moment it looks like my position is being disrespected, I’ll deal with it.”

  “It is! It’s already being disrespected. Despite the fact that you told him not to fuck her, and despite what you told her in Jamaica, they fucked anyway. Despite how you feel, they are doing what the hell they wanna do!”

  I sat quietly as I deliberated my situation. Tricey was right, but I was right as well. There were going to be certain roadblocks in this lifestyle that James and I would have to overcome and learn from. This was one of them. Tricey wouldn’t understand that because her monogamous attitude would never allow it.

  “We’ll see,” is what I finally said. “No, I don’t want James or Raven to feel like they can disrespect me. But since I understand where James is coming from, I am going to give him the pass that I wish Bradley would have given me and just hope that James doesn’t do it again.”

  Again, Tricey sighed. “Okay, girl. If you are cool with it, then so am I. I just don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “James is new to the lifestyle. I made the same mistakes when I was figuring out my sexuality. So, if I want to be with him, I will have to teach him.”