“What are you going to do for his birthday?”
She was trying to change the subject and I appreciated that. I wanted to talk about something that didn’t leave me unsure.
“I don’t know yet. It’s in the middle of the week, on Thursday. That, and his work schedule, doesn’t give me a lot of choices. It is our first time spending his birthday together, and I want to do something special. Maybe I will just give him something special at home.”
“You give him something special all the time,” Tricey joked.
She was right about that. To an average man, James had it made. His sexual options were endless, and to others, that was special. Yet, to us, it was just how we lived.
“How is Star doing?”
Immediately Tricey’s smile turned upside down. “I talked to her earlier. She is doing as best as she could. She’s scared and wants to come home. She has a new arraignment hearing on Thursday. I am praying she gets bail, and a bail that I can afford.”
“Your mother won’t help?’
“Girl, my mother refuses to even talk to Star, and Star is too scared to talk to my mother.”
“Well, I am sure Smith will help.”
Tricey’s expression got even more somber. “I don’t know if he will even be around to help.” Then her eyes filled with tears.
“He still hasn’t come by?” Tricey told me about Smith walking out last Thursday night. Since then, he has called but hasn’t seen her, and he is still talking about moving out of state any day now.
Tricey shook her head, wiped her tears, gulped down the rest of her drink, and told me, “I think he’s really leaving.”
“But why?”
“It’s another woman,” she answered. “It has to be. He wouldn’t have to hide anything else from me. I practically lived with Blood, so I lived the drug game with him. If it were something to do with the Feds or drugs, Smith knows that he could tell me because I understand. It’s a woman and I know it.”
“How? You all are together damn near everyday all day.”
“So were Amiel and I.”
For a few seconds, Tricey and I sat silently as we considered the coincidence.
“I am so confused, though,” Tricey said. “How could he be so blatant about it? It’s as if we haven’t spent the last seven months joined at the hip.”
“You can’t know somebody after seven months, and that goes for me and James too. How long was I with Bradley, and how long were you with Amiel? Seven months isn’t long enough for us to know James and Smith’s potential to hurt us. We have to just hold our breath, wait, and hope for the best.”
STAR
I was walking the yard aimlessly when suddenly my hair was yanked so hard that the force damn near broke my neck.
“Bitch, you got my brother killed!”
I was caught off guard and didn’t have time to react before a crowd of inmates surrounded me as this woman began to literally whoop my ass.
“You didn’t think I was going to catch up with yo’ ass?!”
It was Tim’s sister. Ever since that inmate told me that Tim’s sister was here, I feared the worse. But, Tammy convinced me to come out into the yard today to get some sun. Since Tammy was also trying her best to stay on good behavior to help her trial, I knew that she wouldn’t help me. I could only pray that this ass whooping wouldn’t last long and that no other inmates jumped in.
Tim’s sister punched me in the stomach, causing me to hit the ground wincing in pain. I had never been in a fight in my life – never had a reason to. The burden of being locked up had taken so much of my energy that I was too weak to fight back.
She straddled me and began to punch me in the face and head repeatedly. The other inmates got so close to watch the fight that they were literally stepping on and kicking my head and face. I was terrified. I was so scared of dying in here that I finally began to cry and block her fists the best I could.
I could hear Tammy’s squeaky accent screaming for me to fight back. It suddenly hit me that, if I didn’t do something, this bitch was going to kill me. So, I tried any and everything to get her off of me – punched, clawed, and scratched– but it was no use. This chick was much bigger and stronger than me. Every punch left me dazed and delirious. Her legs around me felt like vice grips, not allowing me to move.
Finally, I heard whistles and guards yelling. I silently thanked God as I forced myself to see through tears and blood. Within seconds, Tim’s sister was being lifted from my body and I was snatched up from the ground. I could still hear Tim’s sister yelling about how I killed her brother and that she was going to kill me. I was so glad that my tears and blood were blocking my vision so that I couldn’t see the other inmates laughing at me, but I could hear them loud and clear.
I was taken to the Health Facility.
Nothing was broken, but my eyes were nearly swollen shut and there were scratches all over my face. The nurse had to stitch the side of my head and my nose felt broken. Despite the headache that I had, I was finally able to relax when the guards took me to Disciplinary Segregation a few hours later.
Disciplinary segregation is a more restricted area of the block where inmates are housed whose actions or behavior has disrupted the safety and order of the block. It and its inmates are separate from the main population of the block. Even though Tim’s sister started the fight, the guards didn’t care and threw me in disciplinary segregation anyway. Luckily, since this area was a lot less populated, I was in a cell alone. Another good thing was that Tim’s sister, who I heard the guards call Gigi, was in a separate disciplinary segregation unit to keep us away from each other.
Though this was where the troublemakers were held, it was the quietest that I had ever heard this place be.
I was lying across my bed as I heard rough giggles on the outside of my cell. “Damn! Who whooped yo’ ass?”
I looked up to see a very butch inmate leaning against the bars of the cell and looking at me sympathetically.
I answered nonchalantly, “Some chick.”
“She beat yo’ ass,” she replied as she continued to laugh. However, it wasn’t a taunting laugh. She wasn’t making fun of me. I think she was actually trying to make me laugh.
It didn’t work, but it softened my approach.
“What’s your name?”
“Star.”
“Can I come in?”
Oddly, her masculinity made me comfortable. I had been around so many fucked up feminine hormones that I was glad to be in a stud’s company. It gave me the familiar comfort and security of being in a man’s presence.
As she came into the cell, she told me that her name was Nik. I assumed her full name was Nicole. She was short, a little pudgy, and had long dreads that were pulled back into a ponytail. Honestly, if it weren’t for her breasts, she could have easily passed for a dude.
She comfortably sat next to me on the bed as if we had known each other for years.
“What you doin’ in here? You look too innocent to be locked up.”
I smacked my lips. “Half the women in here do.”
“You right.”
“I got caught with some drugs. They weren’t mine though.” I chose to leave the murder out of the equation. “What did you do?”
“I got drug charges too. I shoulda been outta here a few weeks ago, but they added a month to my sentence because I kept getting in fights.”
I tsked and rolled my eyes. “Is that all people do around here?”
Nik laughed as she replied, “Hell yea, girl! People don’t get locked up because they are doing community service and carrying groceries for little old ladies. Maybe two percent of the inmates in here honestly didn’t do anything, but everybody else is a motherfuckin’ criminal, so all they do is ig’nant shit all day.”
I simply sighed and shook my head, which was an instant mistake because shaking my head made it hurt even worse. I turned to look at my reflection in the makeshift mirror on the wall. I looked horrible and my eyes were
beginning to blacken.
Nik noticed me looking at myself. “Babygirl, you are going to have to learn to defend yourself. These guards ain’t no good at protecting us and these bitches ain’t gone do shit but watch you get your ass whooped or join in.”
“I kinda figured that out,” I said sarcastically.
“You gotta grow a thick skin and learn to out crazy these bitches. Otherwise, they are going to try you every time they see you. There’s bitches in here gettin’ they ass whooped or raped everyday…”
“Are you serious?”
I was nearly breathless from rapid, nervous heartbeats as I spoke. Raped? Was she serious?!
“I thought that shit was just on TV.”
Nik chuckled. “No, beau. That shit is real.”
I couldn’t believe it. I wasn’t cut out for this. Okay, so I broke the law and one could call me a criminal, but I’ve never been violent and I didn’t know anything about whooping somebody’s ass.
“These guards are worthless too, so you gotta defend yourself... by any means necessary.”
Thirteen
Monday, March 22, 2010
TRICEY
I damn near fainted when I saw Star.
Both of her eyes were black and purple. I could hardly even tell that her eyes were open. One side of her head was bandaged, there were scratches all over her face, and her lips were swollen.
There were a lot of people in the visiting area, so I attempted to keep my composure as much as I could as Star slowly walked towards me. As soon as she was in arms length, I threw my arms around her and held her tightly.
She fell into my arms, holding me with the same grip and, seemingly, didn’t want to let me go.
“Oh my God!” I spoke softly into her ear. “What happened to you?”
Since visiting was non-contact, a guard quickly barked at us. “No touching!”
I slightly jumped at the sudden loud noise. Star sadly looked at me, sympathizing that I had to even experience this.
As we sat at the table across from one another, Star told me, “I got beat up.”
“Why?!”
Star broke down. Tears flowed from her swollen eyes. My heart ached for her. No matter what my sister may have been doing in secrecy, she was a sweet and loving person. I was sure that whatever she did to get herself into this mess was done with the need to provide for her baby- not to just be this reckless bitch that didn’t give a fuck.
She didn’t deserve this.
“Tricey, I fucked up,” Star seemed to confess. “I’m not going to get out of this shit.”
“Don’t talk like that…”
“No, seriously! Listen…” Then she leaned closure towards me and whispered as she continued to cry and rant. “Me, Roxie, Benz, and Scoop set this guy up. They robbed him and there was a shooting. One of the guys got killed, and now they are charging me with felony murder…”
“What?!” I was too shocked to say anything else.
This had to be a dream. This shit was too unreal. This only happened in movies... and really bad ones. This wasn’t my life, and it wasn’t my family’s life.
“All I did was pretend like I liked him so that I could learn the spots in his house, and then I told Benz and Scoop where the spots were. But they rushed the job. The guy’s friend, Tim, got killed, and Tim’s sister is in here! She found out that I was here. She whooped my ass, and she threatened to kill me. She is going to kill me if I don’t get out of here!”
Star appeared to be having a panic attack and a breakdown at the same time. Guards were standing close by, so I couldn’t touch her; but I desperately wanted to hold her hand and tell her that everything was going to be okay, even if it might not be.
“You’re being charged with murder?” I couldn’t believe it. Though she was sitting in front of me and I could see and hear her, I didn’t believe what she was saying. I thought I was hearing things. I felt like I was having an out of body experience. I felt such a permanent lose of my sister. Suddenly, I was as eerily frightened as I was when Banks’ boys walked Blood out of my house at gunpoint. I was feeling the same sense of loss that I felt when I realized that Blood was never coming back again.
I had to get Star out of there.
There were no ifs, ands, buts or exceptions – I had to get my sister out of jail before something or someone happened to her, even if that someone was herself.
I didn’t trust Star’s mindset. She talked about how she deserved to be in jail, and how she was accepting of whatever happened to her in there because she had been such a bad person.
I felt lost and desperate. I needed direction, and with my mother still being too stubborn to help me get Star out, I called Smith, hoping that he would answer.
I still hadn’t seen him since he walked out. Over the past few days, I had little time to even think about it because I had been so consumed with Star.
Yet, when he answered the phone and I heard his voice, I broke down and realized how lost and hurt I would be if he left me.
I began to cry. I was crying so intensely that I pulled over onto the side of the expressway. Seeing my sister defenselessly locked in that place broke me all the way down.
“Babe, what’s wrong?!”
“Smith, you can’t leave me. Please, don’t leave, babe. Not like this. I need you…” I continued to cry, recalling the vision of my sister begging me to get her out of there when our visit ended. I saw real panic in her eyes.
Smith was quiet. All I could hear were my tears and the engines of cars as they flew by me.
His silence told me that he was leaving regardless of how I felt.
“I’ll do what I can to help…”
“But you’re still leaving, aren’t you?”
Again, his silence answered me.
“What happened, Smith? Is it another woman?”
He quickly answered, “No.”
Ignoring him, I asked, “Are you married? Have you had a girlfriend this whole time or something?”
“Tricey, are you serious?”
“No, are you serious?! You have been under me for seven months, and now you’re leaving with no explanation or anything?!” I couldn’t believe it. Literally, I felt like I was living someone else’s fucked-up existence. “Smith, I can’t take it. I just can’t take losing any more.”
“Then come with me! Why do I have to tell you every little detail for you to just pack up and come with the man you love?”
“So you want me to leave my sister?! You want me to just leave her there?! At this point, she is being more truthful to me than you are, so my loyalty is with her, not you!”
“Then I don’t know what to tell you, Latrice.”
I felt so empty. Sadness was hitting me like a ton of bricks, and I didn’t know how to stop or fix it. “Please don’t do this to me,” I pleaded. “Not like this.”
LYRIC
James and I were lying in bed watching a movie.
An intimate moment like this excited me the most and was what I cherished most about our relationship. I had never experienced such comfort in love. Though I loved my ex-fiancé, Bradley, very much, I was never comfortable or relaxed because I was worried about how or when he would find out about my secrets.
With James, I had no secrets. For the first time in a relationship, I was open and free to be who I was. It felt like I was experiencing love for the first time. I held no secrets from James. I didn’t want any other man. All I wanted was to continue to experience this first occurrence of true bliss in my life.
James noticed my heavy reflection. He looked down at me as I lay on his chest and chuckled. “I love you,” he told me.
Without thinking, I replied, “Why?” Hearing James tell me that he loved me with such intimacy and truth made me want to know if he really felt that intimacy.
“Because this is the first time that I have been with a woman that I could be relaxed around. I don’t have to hide from you. I can be me. We are who we are, and we accept each other with
every flaw, bump, and fuck up.”
It felt like James was right in my head and watching my thoughts. This was why it was so easy for me to look past the very few disputes we’ve had. I had the kind of compassion for James that allowed me to accept and forgive him that a person only experienced with family. There was an understanding in my love for him that allowed forgiveness and trust, despite what I may see or hear.
“Do you think that I love you?”
I immediately answered, “Of course I do.”
“But…?”
And I chose to be as open and honest as we have always been. “I wonder if you are in love with me.”
I honestly felt that no matter what, I was connected to this man more intimately than a kinship. What I felt was beyond chemistry. It was passionate and undying. I was in love. I was wrapped up, hog-tied, and head over heels. A person could cope with love, but I couldn’t handle the feelings that I felt for James. They left me nervous, anxious, and even a little obsessed.
I enjoyed being in love, but there was a twinge of anxiety under my skin. I wasn’t sure if James felt the same, so I just lay there watching him as he spoke love into my ear while the movie watched us.
Soon, he kissed me and allowed his lips to show me his love. His lips descended rapidly down my body. I giggled and squirmed as he kissed my neck. I got wet and my anxiety rushed out of the room as he sucked one breast while rubbing the other. I anticipated his next move as he kissed my belly. I was thankful that he was mine when he laid his mouth on my pussy.
James put his arms under me to bring me closer to his face. I was so caught up that every time he looked me in the eyes, with every kiss, and with every orgasm, I sunk deeper and deeper in love with him.
I was honestly scared of being so in love.
Nevertheless, I knew that this was a feeling that only came once, maybe twice if you’re lucky, in a lifetime, so l decided to just lay back and enjoy my baby. I enjoyed his face as it fucked me. His tongue penetrated me, and I seemed to disappear into the bedding. His tongue stroked my pussy; it felt so soft, gooey, and warm. My juices flowed from my body like a raging tsunami. His mouth spoke his love for me directly to my spot.
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 49