Thankfully, it was my mother.
“Hello?”
“Call Star’s attorney and tell her that I have the money for Star’s bail.” My mother spoke as if it disgusted her to even say the words.
I, on the other hand, was elated and damn near fainted from the overwhelming joy. “REALLY?!”
My mother seemed irritated by my excitement. “I don’t see how she will learn her lesson if we keep bailing her out of trouble.”
“Is that what you were trying to do? Teach her a lesson?”
“That is what I am supposed to do.”
“Mama, I am sure that getting her butt kicked in the county was lesson enough.”
“She can’t stay with me, and she can’t have Jordan. I want full custody of him since she can’t act right.”
I wasn’t about to argue with her. She already sounded like the only reason why she was bailing Star out was because Jesus had finally talked her into it. She didn’t sound sincere at all. She sounded like, if it wouldn’t count against her will, she wouldn’t even be doing it.
“Well, thank you, mama.”
She didn’t respond, but no matter her attitude, I was happy as hell. Since it was the end of the day, I knew that Jean would not be available until the next morning, so I had to wait to call and let her know that she could begin the necessary steps to get Star out. Since Star still hadn’t called me, I would have to wait until Monday when I visited to tell her the good news.
Yet, I hoped that by Monday, she would be free.
After work, I had just changed and was about to leave to pick Ariana up from mother’s house when I heard keys in my front door.
No, I hadn’t taken Smith’s keys from him, because I was hoping that our separation wasn’t permanent.
I simply sat on my bed and waited for him to come into the bedroom. As usual, we hadn’t talked much at all. Our conversations had been few and very far in between, mostly checking on each other’s wellbeing. Therefore, I wondered what the hell he was doing using a key that he hadn’t used in weeks.
I had very little to say to him. It was apparent that these past seven months meant very little to him since he was willing to leave them and me behind so easily.
When he appeared in the doorway of my bedroom, I clearly saw worry and sadness in his eyes. It was then that I was one hundred percent sure that he wasn’t leaving me, but was running from something or someone. Yet, I was so mad at his secrecy that I couldn’t feel sorry for him.
Without a hello, he told me, “I’m leaving tomorrow.”
I sat there wondering what he was expecting me to do. At this point, I had no fight left in me.
“You don’t have anything to say?”
Snickering sarcastically, I said, “What do you want me to say?”
“Something. Anything.”
“I have said more than enough. If you are still leaving in spite of how I feel, then fine. Bye.”
He seemed shook by my bad attitude. In my heart, I wanted to cry, tell him how much I loved him, and beg him to stay; but he didn’t deserve it – not if he could so easily leave what he was building with me and Ariana. When I walked away from Amiel, I’d grown tired of men choosing other shit over me, so I wasn’t about to tolerate it just because I found myself in love again.
“Come with me, babe.” He spoke to me with so much love. Had I not been so angry, I would have melted right then and there, packed my things, and left with him; but the fact that he expected me to leave my family in such a time of need made me question his motives. I wondered what the rush was, but I knew that he would never tell me.
He seemed to want to continue to persuade me, but his cell phone rang. Once he looked at the Caller ID, all blood rushed from his face.
I knew that, as it had been for the past couple of weeks, that phone call would summon his exit.
“You’re leaving?” I looked at him scornfully, waiting for an answer.
As he walked out of the doorway, he told me, “Call me if you change your mind.”
“I won’t.”
LYRIC
“Hey, Tricey.”
I was in the bathroom putting on makeup, so I put Tricey on speaker.
“Lyric, don’t think I’m crazy…”
“Why are you whispering?”
“I’m in Smith’s closet.”
“What?!”
“I know,” Tricey replied with a whine. “I couldn’t take this shit any more. I needed to find out what the fuck was going on.”
“So you’re in his closet?! Is he there?”
“No, not yet. He’s leaving tomorrow. He came over my house earlier asking me to leave with him. Then his phone rang and he bounced again. I know something’s up. Something is going on and I need to know what is making him just leave me. I have a gut feeling it’s another woman. So, I came over his house thinking that I would catch him up, but he wasn’t here. I came in to snoop around… Now I am in the closet.”
I started to laugh uncontrollably.
It felt good to laugh so hard since I hadn’t had anything to smile or laugh about for the past couple of days.
“I am going to sit in here until he gets here. I’ll hear something that is going to catch his ass up.”
“Bitch, are you crazy?!”
“No, but I am tired! How he just gone sweep me off my feet and then bounce without telling me why?! That is weird! He gotta be running from a woman!”
“Tricey, get outta that man’s house before he catches you.”
“I want him to catch me so that I can catch him in his lies!”
“How long are you going to stay in there?”
“Until he gets home and I can hear a phone call or something. He has been so secretive. I will feel better once I know why he’s leaving. Ariana is with my mom, so I can stay in here all night if need be.”
I sighed and shook my head as I applied final touches to my lip gloss.
“Well, I will be up all night. I am going to Phoenix fiancé’s birthday party, so you can call me if you need to.”
“Is James going with you?”
No sooner than she said his name, the same dread entered my heart as soon as it was temporarily relieved with Tricey’s craziness. “No.”
“He still hasn’t called you?”
“No.”
“Aaaaw, sweetie. What’s wrong with these fools?”
I managed to giggle at the irony in Tricey asking me that as she sat in the closet at her man’s house that she technically broke into.
Going to the party didn’t make me feel any better about the status of my relationship with James.
The atmosphere in the private loft that Phoenix rented was hot. There was so much lust in the atmosphere that I could have waved my finger in the air to lick and taste it.
Trying, very unsuccessfully, to talk Tricey out of that man’s closet made me late for the party. By the time I got there, it was nearly midnight. The social areas of the loft had been abandoned by then, and I could hear the sounds of sex in the air.
I crept along the darkly lit loft to peep the scene. Many couples walked past me, some saying hello with drunken and tantalizing grins. I yearned for James more. I envied everyone’s openness with his/her mate and wanted that back. I hated myself for giving up my relationship without a fight.
When I heard sexy giggles and moans coming from upstairs, I went to take a peek. As I walked up the stairs, a familiar face got my attention by grabbing my hand gently. I couldn’t recall his name, but I had seen him many times at BSC parties.
“Allen,” he told me, answering my curious expression.
“Hey, Allen.”
“You playin’ tonight?”
I noticed how fine Allen was months ago. He was 6’2” with a slim yet muscular build. He reminded me of a past fling, Jelani, with his lighter skin and tattoos all over his arms and chest. He gave off a slightly rough edge with his baggy jeans and tee. The difference between him and Jelani was that Allen was as single as a dollar bill.
/> Though Allen was fine, and I was currently without a man and definitely horny, it just didn’t feel right. For the first time in a long time, I only wanted one person to play with this pussy.
“No,” I answered regretfully. “Not tonight.”
He gave me a disappointed faint smile as I continued my journey up the stairs to see what kind of fuckery was going on.
The upstairs led to an open space full of raised pillow-top beds. There were four of them lining the wall. On the other side of the room was a couch where I sat next to two other women who were drinking and watching the fuckery.
I personally chose not to drink this night. I didn’t need my already sensitive emotions being amplified by alcohol; though I wished that I could get my hands on a Vicodin or muscle relaxer to temporarily take me to another, more peaceful place.
There was action on each and every bed; four girls having an orgy in one, a single couple fucking in the other, a male-female-male threesome on the third, and two women in a sixty-nine in the last.
Voyeurs weren’t oddities at swinger parties, so none of the people playing paused as person after person came in to watch the fun.
I focused on the all girl orgy. The women lay in line, one sitting on the face of the first as she ate another who had the last one on her face. They ate with so much enthusiasm and intensity that their moans of lust came out in muffles.
Soon, the couple playing alone got my attention. I envied their passion. They reminded me of James as they kissed passionately while he lay on top of her giving her deep and meaningful strokes. She howled through their kisses and ran her nails down his back.
Just being there made me envious and want James even more. I wanted to be able to be myself with all of my flaws and desires, just as they were, while in a relationship, and only with James had I been allowed to do that.
Not only did I want it back, but I also needed it back in order to effectively be myself.
I left the party.
I had to talk to James face-to-face. On my way to his house, I called but he didn’t pick up. I was going by his house on a whim, hoping that he would be there.
When I got there, there were two cars in the driveway, James’ and another. I didn’t care who his company was or what kind of company he had, casual or intimate. I wanted my man and my happiness back, and I was willing to go through anyone to get it.
I didn’t know what to expect as I rang the bell. Since he hadn’t spoken to me in so long, I didn’t know where his mind was regarding me or this relationship. I waited for him to answer and wondered if he still loved and wanted me. I wondered if he had gotten fed up with my insecurities. I wondered if he would even answer.
I heard the locks unlatch and blew a sigh of relief. However, I wasn’t going to be totally pleased until I knew I had him back.
I knew that I was a fool in love when he opened the door and the simple sight of his face made me feel better.
“Can we talk, please?” I tried to read his expression as I waited for an answer. He seemed to simply stare at me blankly and unsure.
Then he let his guard down, “Sure,” and let me in.
As I walked through the door and followed him through the living room, my eyes met Raven’s. She sat on the couch wearing one of his t-shirts and seemingly no bra. My heart felt as if it was being ripped from my chest. It took every ounce of strength for me not to cry as I followed him down the hall.
It hurt like hell, and the only thing that would make it better is if I had him back. I understood him. I understood his sexuality in a way that I wished Bradley was open to understanding mine. I knew James. I knew that no matter Raven’s, or any other woman’s, existence, what we had was love.
I was damn near in tears as we entered his bedroom and sat on his bed. Thankfully, he held my hand as I thought of what to say.
Before I could even speak, he told me, “I love you, and I missed you more than you will ever believe,” and I exhaled with happiness as my tears fell. “I can’t help who I am, and if you can’t handle it, I understand.”
“I want to try,” I told him.
He looked at me questionably as we held hands. To convince him of my willingness, I began to confess my true feelings. No matter my fear of another woman being able to take him from me, my fear of giving him up scared me more.
“I won’t say that I can handle it, but if you can promise me that I come first and that you love me, then I am honestly willing to try.”
James simply leaned over and kissed my forehead as he promised me his love. “I don’t care who it is, she can never compete with or replace my love for you, baby.”
When he spoke, I believed him wholeheartedly. I believed his love more than anyone else’s in the world; even more than the man that asked me to marry him, because, unlike the others, James knew me. He knew my good and my bad, my clean and my dirty; and he still loved me.
“Well,” I said with a sigh of relief as I wiped my tears away. “How does this work? Do I leave because she’s here? Do we all hang out like one big happy family?” Then I laughed away the tension in my belly. “Because I have missed you too much to leave.”
“You never have to leave. Do you want her to leave?”
To be the bigger person and despite that gnawing feeling in my belly, I shook my head. “No, she can stay for a while.” I wanted Raven to see that I was here and that I wasn’t going anywhere so that she fully understood her position. I also needed to witness the depth of their relationship.
He stood up, still holding my hand, and led me out of the room. I pushed away the doubt in my heart and ignored the butterflies in my stomach. I was willing. I was willing to adapt to James’ needs if that meant happiness for me. I was willing to give him the chance that others didn’t give me.
Nineteen
Friday, April 2, 2010
TRICEY
I stayed in that closet the whole night.
Smith came home at about two in the morning. I could hear the shower running and then him climbing into bed. I was forced to stay there until I heard his snores. I planned to then sneak out.
I knew that I was being crazy, but I also knew that I wouldn’t be able to live with him leaving until I knew why. So, as I sat there waiting for his phone to ring, someone to come by, or my chance to leave, I dozed off into sleep.
I dreamed about happiness.
I dreamed about my sister being free and with her son. I dreamed about Smith staying in Chicago and continuing to be my loving man and Ariana’s loving father. I dreamed that Amiel never existed and that Ariana’s father was a man that actually loved and chose me.
I even dreamed about Blood. I dreamed that he was alive. That gave me the most happiness, even in my dreams. To hear his voice so clearly made me feel like he was still walking this Earth, and that felt so good. Though his voice was in my dreams in anger and rage, it still felt good to hear his voice again.
Yet, his anger broke me out of my sleep in fear. He was so mad that it scared me. As I stirred in the darkness, I could have sworn that I still heard his voice.
“You thought I wouldn’t find yo’ ass?!”
I was confused as I fought to see in the darkness. I forced myself to wake up and shake off the eeriness of the dream. I quietly sat up in the closet. I listened for Smith’s snores so I could sneak out of the closet.
“Where the fuck is my money?!”
I jumped at the sound of the voice and damn near pissed myself as the voice sounded eerily familiar. My heart began to beat a thousand miles an hour – so fast that I began to feel faint.
“ANSWER ME!”
Again, I jumped in fright.
The voice was coming from downstairs, so I slightly opened the closet door and peered into Smith’s bed.
It was empty.
I crawled along the floor, out of the bedroom, and towards the staircase.
“Man, I thought you was neva gone get out! You were facing three murder charges and a shitload of drugs charges. They gav
e you damn near a hundred years!”
“So the fuck what! You was suppose to hold this shit down for me, not take from me, motherfucka! You suppose to be my nigga, my right hand!”
Tears filled my eyes as I was convinced. I cried in both joy and fear. I was confused and wondered what the hell was going on.
As I crept down the stairs, shadows were revealed against the walls of the floor below. I could see someone standing while pointing a gun at another figure lying on the floor.
“I thought it was over for you, my dude! I thought it was ova!” Smith’s voice was trembling. However, I didn’t care. I was trying desperately to make sure that I wasn’t hearing a ghost.
Smith sounded as if he was looking down the barrel of death. “So you gone kill me?!”
“You took everything from me! I had everything and now I ain’t got shit!”
“You still ain’t gone have shit cuz when them niggas get wind that you turned state’s evidence, they comin’ for yo’ ass!”
Finally, I reached the bottom of the stairs. I collapsed to my knees and cried out as I recognized Blood. I continuously screamed, “Oh my God!”
Smith and Blood initially jumped in shock of my presence. Then they both looked at me questionably.
Blood turned towards Smith. “What the fuck is she doing here?!”
I ran towards Blood and wrapped my arms around him, but he didn’t budge. I continuously touched his face to be sure that he was real, but he just pointed his glaring eyes and gun at Smith.
“Oh my God! You’re alive?! Oh my God!” I wanted to ask how, but my happiness was taking over my curiosity.
Blood looked at me like was crazy as hell. “Hell yea, I’m alive. What the fuck you mean?”
In return, I gave him the same perplexed look. “We all thought you were dead!”
“We who?”
When Blood looked as confused as I did, I noticed the guilt on Smith’s face. As I glared at Smith, Blood got even more furious.
Blood instantly snapped at Smith. “You didn’t tell her that I was locked up?!”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 53