“Your feelings for someone else have played a major role in our relationship. You won’t allow yourself to love me completely because you’re waiting on that nigga to choose you.”
At that, I jumped up, grabbed my purse, and headed for the door. I didn’t want to act a fool in public, and Vince was being so shockingly mean and direct that I didn’t want to end up crying in public either.
Surprisingly, Vince was behind me as I exited the restaurant. I was so shocked that I didn’t know what to think or how to react. Vince knew me; my secrets, my trials, my tribulations, my hurt, and my pain. Things that I kept from Crystal and Lynn, I had always been open and honest about with him. I couldn’t wrap my head around why he would question my love for him or how I love him when he knew me and my history so well.
Suddenly, Vince called for me as he grabbed my arm.
“Don’t touch me!”
“Calm down!” He seemed to be looking at me like he was ashamed of me.
I looked at him in the same way. “What do you mean calm down?!”
“Vic, we aren’t meant for each other.”
“Well, obviously that is something that you have known, but the shit is news to me!”
“How could it be news to you?! Our relationship is a routine. We do things because that’s what we are supposed to be doing, but there is no emotion between us. We have sex because we are supposed to. We go to dinner because we are supposed to. You suck my dick because you feel like you’re supposed to. But ain’t no passion in none of it.” Vince continued to look at me as if my obliviousness to the things that he was saying was absolutely ridiculous. “You’re emotionless, Vic. You have a wall around your heart that you will never let come down. You need to get your life together. You need to get over the hurt that your father caused you. You need to let Taij go…”
“This is not about me! This is about you leaving me for someone else!”
“No, this is about me leaving you for someone else because there was nothing in this relationship for me to stay for.”
Two
Thursday, May 5, 2011
STAR
When I heard the jingle of keys outside of my cell, I knew that it was Malik.
He usually visited my cell in the wee-hours of the morning; when most inmates, and even most guards, were sleeping.
Usually, Malik would take me to the staff break or restroom when he wanted to spend time with me, but my cellmate, Virginia, was recently released and I had yet to be given another cellmate.
Malik was able to unlock and open my cell quietly. His entrance into the cell was even quieter. At four in the morning, the sun had yet to rise, so I could barely see him as he approached my bed.
“Babe.” He called for me in a whisper, and I turned over to show him that I was wide awake. He smiled at me happily and seductively as he sat on the bed next to me. I lay in a t-shirt and a pair of shorts, so he lustfully gazed at my breast and thighs.
In such a dark and miserable place as this prison, Malik was a daily reminder of a regular life and happiness. He even often times brought me things from the outside that prisoners do not have access to; restaurant food, internet, cell phones, music, etc. If I smoked cigarettes or had interest in calling anyone on the outside, I would have unlimited access to those rare necessities as well.
When most women were being sexually abused by male guards, I gave it up to Malik willingly. I was use to laying on my back for an advantage. I use to be an escort before I was convicted, so instead of fucking for money, now I was fucking for comfort. Besides, if we were on the outside, I would’ve still been physically attracted to Malik because he took good care of me; gave me money, fed me, fucked me, and sucked me.
I was transferred to Michigan State Women’s Prison nearly a year ago. I was given fifteen years after pleading guilty to two counts of murder and drug trafficking charges. When I got there, I never thought that I would experience anything remotely similar to the life that I was use to. I had already made up my mind that I would never speak to or see my son, mother, or sister again. However, I also thought that I would never again eat the foods that I loved, never smell the scent of a man that I was attracted to, never fall for a man again, or never have sex again, unless some bitch took it from me.
Then I met Malik.
When he began flirting with me, I thought that he was just bullshitting with me. Most of the male guards that worked in the prison were very rude towards us and took it upon themselves to take pussy. I heard of guards having consensual sex with inmates, but I assumed that it was few and far between.
Malik’s approach wasn’t aggressive or abusive. He looked at me like he adored me and like I was the most beautiful girl in the world. I thought that he was just pulling my leg when he would hold long conversations with me when I was out in the yard or in the cafeteria. Then, one day, while he was guarding me during my shift in the laundry room, he gave me the business.
Neither the inmates nor authorities bat an eye when a guard and an inmate are alone in a room. It’s like a secret society that allows guards to have their way with women prisoners. Unfortunately, sexual and physical abuse is often overlooked, so a mutual sexual relationship is easily covered up and kept secret.
“Are you falling asleep?” I whispered into Malik’s ear with a slight giggle. He’d climbed into my cot, spooned with me, kissed my cheek, and fell silent.
“Yea,” he told me. “I need a nap.”
This was typical. As long as the guard on night watch on this floor was Malik’s friend, Malik could sleep in my cell for a while undetected while his friend looked out for him.
A few hours later, I was in the chow hall having breakfast with Dawn, a prisoner that I grew close to during my stay. She too was in jail for murder, which was the case for most of the women who populated this block.
However, unlike me, she had a lot more involvement in her crime than I did in mine.
One day, she got off of work early. She went home, without notifying her husband. She got home, walked into the house, and found her husband banging some chick’s back out on the living room floor. Full of rage, Dawn hit the woman in the head with a lamp.
She died hours later from a brain aneurysm.
Dawn got twenty years, with the possibility of parole in fifteen. She was three years into her sentence.
Off sight, it didn’t look like Dawn would hurt a fly. She was petite, frail, very fair-skinned, and had long black hair that she kept pulled back into a bun. She was also very sweet. At twenty-six years old, Dawn was way too young to be locked in this cage.
Since I was six years younger than her, Dawn liked to look out for me.
“I heard them keys jingling outside of your cell this morning.” Dawn teased me as we walked through the serving line.
In response, I simply giggled as I received my helping of sausage that looked like it was all kinds of meat, except pig.
Prison food is a hot ass mess, but I learned to pick and choose wisely. That is, until Malik brought me something to eat from the outside. Therefore, I usually only ate the meat, potatoes, and fruit that were served in the chow hall. Because of such a diet, and because of literally eating my emotions, I gained about twenty pounds since getting locked up.
“Mmm humph,” Dawn said with smirk. “You know that fine motherfucka be on your heels.”
She was right. Malik was sexy as hell. The only men that I saw in person in the last year were guards, so my judgment could have been a bit biased. However, nobody could deny Malik’s massive height, mixed Black and Puerto Rican skin and hair, and deep rich voice. He constantly smelled of the best colognes. He was one of the younger guards, twenty-nine years old, so he was in really good shape. Every limb was big and muscular as they surrounded a tan coating and a stomach sprinkled with abs.
Simply put, he was the shit to me.
Malik had so much swag and sex appeal. He was one of those guys that made your panties wet as soon as he entered the room. That’s another reason
why I was so taken aback when he started flirting with me. Not only was I a prisoner, but there wasn’t many ways to make yourself look good in jail. I tried to keep myself up as best I could. I could no longer wear a weave, so I simply kept my hair pulled back in a ponytail. Because of the inability to eat so much garbage, my skin cleared up wonderfully. Besides the regulated prison garb, we were able to wear t-shirts, jogging pants, and other approved garments that were prison issued. However, such items had to be purchased from the stock room, and, since I cut off all ties with my family, the only money that I had was literally a few dollars that I earned while working in the laundry room. Sometimes Malik snuck money on my books, but I never banked on that, so I was barely able to splurge on such finer things.
Yet, Malik constantly told me that, besides being “so pretty”, he loved a woman with meat on her bones, so my thick thighs, Coke bottle shaped hips and waist, and “ghetto booty” made him crazy about me.
Dawn seemed to notice my gaze as I recalled Malik in my head. She asked me, “Hey, are you being careful?”
“With what?”
“Your heart.”
As we sat at a table, I smacked my lips and smirked as if she were being ridiculous.
“I know better than to fall for him. It’s a fling.”
“Some fling,” she said as she rolled her eyes. “He is constantly in your cell and sneaking you off. Hell, maybe I should be asking him if he is being careful with his heart.”
TRICEY
Iyana and I were in the kitchen drinking Don Julio as we waited for the tacos to be done.
Blood and Devin, Iyana’s boyfriend, were in the living room doing what they do; drinking and making deals.
Since the disloyalty of many members of his old camp led to so much destruction, upon his release from jail a year ago, Blood decided to revamp his entire camp. Stupid me thought that he would take what little money he had left and turn legit, but nope! He had no interest in that. He began to focus on rebuilding his cartel. That’s when he linked up with Devin. Devin was Blood’s link to a cocaine supplier overseas. He was a retired military officer who spent many deployments in China, Hong Kong, and Asia.
In the last year, Blood successfully rebuilt his team. Once again, he was one of three owners of every bag of cocaine in this city. Once again, he was earning, at the least, a hundred thousand dollars a week.
That’s the most that I knew and the most that I wanted to know. After being kidnapped and beaten while I was pregnant with Ariana by niggas who was looking for Blood, I made Blood swear to never bring any drugs in my house and to never ever involve me in anything related to his drug life.
However, I did get involved enough to use my Masters in Business to help him turn his money into legal residual income. Therefore, he owned a Dubz R Us on the West Side that specialized in custom rims, but also carried car radio systems, alarm systems, and other vehicle accessories.
“You and Blood are so freakin’ cute together.” Iyana was grinning as she sat at my kitchen table pouring another glass of Don with a splash of Rose’s Lime.
With my back turned to Iyana, as I washed the few dishes that were in the sink, I rolled my eyes and simply replied, “Yea, we’re something.”
“You all have so much history. I can’t wait until Devin and I are like that.”
Iyana and Devin’s relationship was fresh, only a few months old, but he seemed to really be into her. Guys like Blood and Devin didn’t involve any woman, except wifey, in his business and personal life. Therefore, since Devin had actually introduced Iyana to us, and she has since spent a lot of social time with us, I knew that Devin loved him some her just as unconditionally as he claimed.
Off sight, there were many reasons to assume why Devin would wife Iyana up. She looked like he took her right off of a music video set and placed her on his arm. Iyana was about 5’5” with a slender build. She was fit and toned all over- small waist and itty bitty stomach – but she had this huge ass that I was sure was illegally injected into her in some hotel room. Nevertheless, it looked good on her. It wasn’t one of those ridiculously fake asses, but there was no way on earth that everything on this girl could be so tiny while she had this huge booty dragging behind her.
Coupled with a pretty face, light skin, and a non-stop good and long weave with colors of blonds and golds, she was just Devin’s type.
Devin was 6’4” and dark-skinned with long dreads that hung to the middle of his back. He always kept them neat in different styles. He was always dressed in the finest labels and most exquisite jewelry. With loads of tattoos and an ever-present rough demeanor, Devin gave off the impression of a gangster rapper, so he and Iyana looked ideal together.
“Girl, it takes a lot to get this deep; a lot of trials and tribulations.”
“But he’s been in jail for most of your relationship, right?”
I opened my mouth a few times trying to find the right response, but there was never a suitable response to the courses of action during me and Blood’s relationship.
“We were best friends, more like sister and brother, for some time. Then … Devin never explained this you?”
“Explained what?”
It figured that Devin, like most men, wouldn’t have divulged too many details to Iyana.
However, there was no harm in telling Iyana the basics.
“Blood and I use to date like five years ago. Then, we lost touch. When we linked back up, I was already pregnant with Ariana. I was no longer with Ariana’s dad, so Blood was able to come over, relax, and hang out. Soon, he started staying with me and using my place as his spot. One day, back in July of 2009, there was a robbery at his other spot on the West Side. During the robbery, one of Blood’s best friends, Shon, was killed. A few weeks later, the guy, Banks, who spearheaded that robbery, was killed…” I purposely didn’t say that Blood was the person that killed Banks. I left that to Iyana’s imagination. She simply nodded and continued to listen. “A few weeks after that, while outside taking out the garbage, I get bum-rushed by two guys. They end up being Bank’s boys. They wanted Blood, but he wasn’t home. They made me call him over and over again, but Blood wasn’t answering because he was at his other spot all day and didn’t have his phone. Those guys kept me all day; beating me while I was tied up. When Blood finally answered the phone, they made me tell him that I was in labor so he would come home right away. When he did, they took him out of the house at gun point…”
“They didn’t take any drugs or money?”
“No,” I answered with a shake of my head. “They only wanted Blood.”
“Wow,” was all that Iyana could say as she continued to sip and listen.
“From that point on, I never heard from Blood. His only other best friend and business partner, Smith, convinced me to move, change my numbers, and basically go into seclusion in order to hide from Bank’s boys in case they decided to come back for Blood’s drugs and money. Then, Smith told me that he gave all of Blood’s possessions to Blood’s mother since, at that point, we assumed that Blood was dead. As time went on, Smith and I started dating…”
Again, Iyana’s eyebrows rose in shock, and I giggled.
“Hey, I thought Blood was dead and I had never even slept with Blood, so I saw nothing wrong with dating his friend.”
“Now you know that had you not been pregnant, Blood would have been hittin’ that!”
I giggled as I continued. “Anyway, nine months later, Smith starts acting real funny and saying that he needs to skip town. All the time, I thought it was another woman or something. Come to find out, Blood was not dead and had actually gotten out of jail and was looking for Smith because he wanted his money that he’d left behind, which Smith had since spent.”
“Left behind? Wait. I’m confused.”
“I know. I was too,” I said with a smirk. “So, come to find out, when Bank’s boys took Blood out of the house at gun point that day, they took him to an abandoned building. I am sure they were going to kill
him, but somehow, some way, Blood was able to get to a pistol that he had on his ankle. He killed them both and attempted to run, but by then, someone had called the police reporting suspicious activity in the building. So, when Blood was leaving out, the police were already in front of the building. They arrested him, of course. Blood had multiple drug charges that were pending already, but were never able to stick because Blood always had a good lawyer. But now, they caught him red handed with a gun in his hand and two dead bodies in the building that he was running out of. Though it was self-defense, how was Blood suppose to explain that he had been kidnapped by these men because of a string of events that would tie him to drugs and murder?”
“True.”
“So, he called Smith, told him what happened, that he was taking a plea of twenty years, and that was that. But Smith never told me.”
“Why not?!”
“I don’t know! For whatever reason, Smith decided to take Blood’s money and let me continue to think that Blood was dead. However, he didn’t know that Blood had his attorney working on an appeal. The appeal was granted, they found that Bank’s boys’ murders were in self-defense and since they didn’t have enough evidence on the other charges, he was released…”
“Wow! I heard through the grapevine that Blood turned state’s evidence to get out.”
“That’s what some folks are saying because they can’t believe that Blood beat those kinda charges. But hey…,” I said with a shrug, “…he just has a good ass lawyer. But anyway, now Blood was out and wanted his money, but Smith spent it all. Since I had no idea that Blood was even alive, that is when Smith started to act funny towards me. He was continuously trying to persuade me to move out of state with him, but since my sister was in jail and he wasn’t giving me a good reason why he suddenly wanted to move, I wasn’t going anywhere. The day that Smith was leaving town, Blood caught up with him, confronted him, and Smith told him that the money was gone, so Blood had to rebuild all over again. He was back, but he was broke. And that’s when Blood and I became ‘us’.”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 55