As he continued to whisper Spanish love into my ear, he reached around my waist and began to play with my clitoris. I bit my lip in anguish, desperately trying not to make any noise. I winced in silence. The inability to let loose like I wanted to made the pleasurable pressure in my pussy intensify.
I cursed quietly; begging for him to stop and to never stop at the same time. I couldn’t take it, but I didn’t want it to end.
Before I knew it, he spun me around, picked me up, and sat me on the sink. His aggression made my love juice ooze out of me. After spreading my legs wide, onto either side of the sink, he slipped his dick back into me, leaned me back against the mirror, covered my mouth, and fucked the orgasm out of me.
My screams of lust were muffled by his hand. I wanted to burst all over his dick as he pierced my body rhythmically and mercifully. Malik leaned over as he fucked me and whispered into my ear. “Cum for me.”
And, just like that, my body obeyed.
A few minutes later, Malik also obeyed his own demands, so we quickly dressed and exited the restroom, right on time for me to hit the chow hall for dinner.
I was so scared to eat. I was hungry as hell because I ate like a bird all day, trying to eat the lightest things to ensure that my stomach wouldn’t get upset.
“You sure you okay?”
Malik was following me back towards the chow hall where we would separate for the night. The guard on post on my floor tonight wasn’t one of his friends, so this would be our last time seeing each other until he returned from three days off of work on Saturday.
“I’m sure,” I told him.
He just looked at me curiously and changed the subject. “I looked on your Facebook page today.”
My Facebook page was still up because I was arrested so suddenly that I was never given the opportunity to take it down. When Malik and I met, he took it upon himself to look me up on the website to see pictures of me before being imprisoned. He would try to tell me of little notes that my mother, sister, and friends left for me or show me pictures of Jordan that they would tag me in, but I always stopped him.
“Why are you even still going on there? You’ve seen those pictures a thousand times,” I told him.
“I just like to look at them. Sometimes I wanna see you outside of prison garb; though either way, you’re still sexy than a motherfucka.”
It hurt me that I couldn’t be as content and happy as Malik was in his like for me. I wanted to enjoy this only chance at a regular life that he was sneaking and giving me, but I couldn’t help but hesitate just before I fell for him.
He was just too unreal, but the situation, that I was pretty sure was growing in my belly, was real than a motherfucker.
Seven
wednesday, May 11, 2011
VICTORIA
“Damn!”
I cursed quietly as I continued down the hallway. Jolanda was standing outside of my office with her arms folded and with a serious attitude that I could clearly see from many feet away.
Up until this point, I had very few run-ins with her and Jahleel. The first was two years ago when her father gave her my number to reach out to me. I promptly told her that, besides Jesse telling her of my existence, her father had a lot more to tell her, to never call my house again, and hung up on her. Then, when they started attending this school, they communicated with me in mean mugs that I ignored and counted as them being naive to the fact that their father is a child molesting bastard.
Therefore, since we hadn’t spoken to one another, I knew that Jolanda’s presence outside of my office was some bullshit.
“You’re a bitch!”
However, Jolanda’s immediate aggression and anger once I approached her threw me off.
But I simply told her, “I’ll be that.”
I didn’t want to lose my job, and I knew that this was a child who seriously didn’t know any better.
“I don’t care how much you don’t like us. For you to let my brother get his ass whooped is bullshit! What the fuck we do to you?!”
I simply continued to let her talk shit as I walked right on by her and began to unlock my office door.
“You so petty!” She was speaking to me in the youngest and most irritating tone that she could muster, and it was making my skin crawl. Not only was it naturally irritating, but I felt too anxious and tired to even deal with some chick all on the back of my neck with her hands on her hips talking shit.
I woke up on the edge, feeling uneasy and restless. I was irritated as hell for no damn reason, so Jolanda all in my space was something that I really didn’t need or want.
“Humph,” I heard her mutter. “Just like I thought; ain’t got shit to say. My father…”
Right then, I cut her straight off. “What about your father, lil’ girl? What about your motherfuckin’ father?!”
I was right up in this little girl’s face; so much that I couldn’t believe my rage.
With my finger so close to her face that I damn near touched the surface of her skin, I spit, “Check yo’ self before I fuck your world up like your daddy fucked up mine.”
And before I could say or do anything else to jeopardize my job, I opened my office door, entered, and shut it behind me, nearly missing Jolanda’s face.
I felt that I was doing the best that I could do. Though it may be extreme, what I really wanted to do was fill Jolanda and Jahleel in on the bullshit that their father put me through. I wanted so badly to tell them how he beat my mother, and, after she died, began to beat me, and then even molested me, just so they would understand that I am not the bitch that I look like, and that I actually care about them enough not to fuck up their family with their father’s truths.
I sat at my desk fuming and attempting to talk myself down. I quickly searched my purse.
I was ready to get back to happy.
My phone rang as I was taking my wallet from my purse. It was Tricey, and I was so happy to have someone to vent to.
“Hello!”
“You don’t sound like your morning is good at all,” Tricey responded with a slight laugh.
“It’s not!” I fussed as I retrieved an envelope from my drawer to assist in lining my joy up perfectly. “I just had it out with Jolanda.”
“Had it out? Like literally?”
“Yes, literally. I was damn near about to fight that lil’ girl.”
“What happened?!”
“Hold on, Tricey.”
Before she could respond, I muted the phone, took the extra straw that I grabbed from Dunkin Donuts, put the end of it to the start of the line and the top of it in my nose, inhaled completely and calmly, held my nose closed to keep from sneezing, and then began to clean up and got back on the phone with Tricey.
“Yea, girl,” I continued. “So, yesterday, I was walking the halls and saw some guys getting into it with Jahleel. I turned the other direction and got security. In the meantime, Jahleel got his ass whooped. He saw that I saw him and turned back instead of helping him, and of course he told his sister. So, I am coming to my office today and she got her ass standing there waiting on me. We had words. She called me a bitch and everything. But the moment she said something about her father, I went in.”
“Oh Lord,” Tricey muttered. “You didn’t hurt that little girl’s feelings, did you?”
“Not as bad as I wanted to! I could have fucked that girl’s whole world up, but I didn’t. I understand that it may be childish for me to just ignore them, but what am I suppose to do?! If I attempt to have some loving relationship with them, I will be forced to be around Jesse at some point…”
“And that wouldn’t work.”
“At all! And if I tell them why I don’t want a relationship with them, I would be wrong for that too.”
“Exactly, so you do what’s best for you. They may never understand or forgive you, but so what? In this situation, you are definitely going over and beyond the call of duty. You could have put their father in jail, but you didn’t. So, no one c
an blame you for how you choose to deal with the situation.”
This was why Tricey was my friend; my real friend who knew so much about me that she understood me. Granit, I didn’t give Crystal or Lynn a fair chance at being as good of a friend because I kept things from them, but it made me feel good to speak to someone who understood my pain.
As I sat back, relaxed, and finally opened my Outlook email, I finally felt the peacefulness that I was missing when I woke up this morning.
I felt so much better as a familiar joy and energy came over me.
TRICEY
“Well, now that you have vented, I need to talk.” Then I began to sigh and groan in embarrassment as I confessed, “I want to call Amiel.”
Very calmly, Vic asked, “Really?”
I played with my empty cup of coffee as I watched one email come in after another.
I couldn’t focus on work, though. Amiel had been on my mind heavily for the past few days.
Ariana called Blood “daddy” yesterday. I never taught her that word because I wasn’t prepared to explain to her why she didn’t have one. I am guessing she picked the word up while in daycare or watching one of her many shows on the Disney Channel.
Blood didn’t mind at all. He loved it! Yet, it made my stomach cringe to know that my daughter was getting attached to someone that I wasn’t even sure that I loved. That uncertainty meant that this “daddy” that she thought she had was temporary at best.
It was time for me to break the cycle. I didn’t want Ariana falling in love with a father figure that may be gone in a few years.
If Blood and I broke up tomorrow, he would no longer be there for Ariana. Yet, regardless of the status of me and Amiel’s relationship, in my heart I knew that he would always be a permanent fixture in Ariana’s life if I allowed him to.
“Yes, really,” I answered Vic.
“Why do you sound so sad about it?”
“I don’t want to open up a can of worms. I know that Amiel would be a great father, but I am unsure if Blood would want or allow him to. And, no matter how uncertain I am about my feelings for Blood, I don’t want to disrespect him.”
“Just like you just told me, you have to do what’s best for you too. Blood can’t blame you for looking out for your daughter.”
I sighed in frustration. It was hard for me to defy Blood, but I knew that his restrictions were really naive and petty. He didn’t want me to keep Ariana away from Amiel for Ariana’s benefit. He wanted me to do it for his benefit and comfort.
“I’m going to call Amiel.”
“Okay.”
“Right now, before I lose my nerve, so I gotta go.”
Before I hung up, Vic quickly spit, “Call me back and let me know what happened!”
As I hung up and dialed Amiel’s number, I instantly got the bubble guts. I hadn’t confronted this demon in two years. I didn’t even know if he would answer since I had, yet again, changed my phone number.
Yet, after a few rings, a very familiar voice answered in a curious tone. “Hello?”
“Hi, Amiel. It’s Tricey.”
I knew that after two years, this was awkward for him. Hell, it was downright uncomfortable for me. Suddenly, I had things that I wanted to tell him; how he broke my heart and how he made me feel so insecure and unwanted.
“Hey, Tricey.” When he spoke, I thought that I heard a bit of excitement along with relief.
I honestly didn’t know what to say or where to start. I had so many things to say, but, at the same time, I was so bitter that I still didn’t want to say a word to him.
“Can we talk?”
I told him, “I made this phone call so that we can talk.”
“Can we talk in person?”
I sighed in frustration. I felt confident and strong when I initially called him, but just hearing his voice made me weak.
That was scary as hell.
“Where do you want to meet?”
I felt so defeated. I felt like, despite the fact that Amiel was never willing to give me what I wanted, I was giving in and giving him what he wanted.
Yet, I had to swallow my pride and give my daughter what I didn’t have.
To Amiel’s surprise, I brought Ariana with me to the park that we met at after work.
On my way there, I thought that I was out of my mind for jeopardizing everything for this clown that wasn’t willing to make the same risk for me. But I thought that, in order to do what was right, I would meet with Amiel, let him see Ariana, and keep this meeting to myself. One side of me was hoping that he would finally get the chance to see his daughter, and then end up being a deadbeat dad, making it so that I don’t have to explain this secret encounter to Blood.
I wasn’t going to make things bad at home until it was absolutely necessary.
When I pulled up, Amiel was waiting exactly where he said he would be. He looked relaxed and determined as he stood with his hands in his pockets near the curb as I parked my car.
However, as I got out of the car, opened the back door, and retrieved Ariana from the backseat, Amiel lost all cool. The nerdiest, yet cutest, smile appeared across his cheeks. He looked humbled and taken aback.
He met me in front of my car and literally took Ariana out of my arms. Initially, Ariana flinched and pulled away as Amiel kissed her over and over again.
“It’s okay, Ariana,” I told her as I touched him so that she knew that he wasn’t a stranger.
“Thank you so much.” Though Amiel was speaking to me, he continued to stare into Ariana’s eyes. And with a giggle, he said, “She looks just like me.”
I was almost jealous at the way he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. To see Amiel look at Ariana with so much admiration took my breath away. What made my heart skip a beat was when I realized that he was looking at Ariana the same way that he used to look at me.
That is when I realized that, no matter the decisions that he had to make for his family, maybe he really was in love with me back then.
I followed Amiel and Ariana as they entered the park. I stayed behind walking slowly and trying to wrap my head around what was happening. I spent the last two years hiding my baby and my heart from this man. I never got closure from the heartbreak that he left me with. I simply disconnected myself and moved on as if I wasn’t having his child.
Now that I could no longer ignore his existence, it seemed as if buried heartbreak and sadness were surfacing.
Amiel soon put Ariana down and they walked hand in hand. He talked to her in loving words and I watched them in awe. It was astounding the additional similarities in them that I could see now that they were in each other’s presence. They walked the same. They tilted their head the same way and even made the same facial expressions.
Once we approached a bench, Amiel and I sat beside one another as Ariana walked back and forth. I took a ball from her baby bag and gave it to her to play with. Amiel continued to watch her in wonder and admiration.
Though it was a beautiful day to be outside, seventy-three degrees and sunny, I felt dark and gloomy on the inside.
Suddenly, all over again, I remembered how he told me that I was not as important as his family, and that despite my feelings for him and his for me, he couldn’t and wouldn’t choose me.
“Thank you so much,” he told me again as he smiled from ear to ear. Finally, we looked into each other’s eyes and, surprisingly, nothing had changed. We watched one another in the same way. I smiled at him no matter my hurt, and he smiled at me no matter my ignorance.
“You don’t have to thank me. I should have done this a long time ago.”
And that was true. Being there with Amiel made me feel so stupid for keeping Ariana away from him. I had acted like a child who didn’t get her way; throwing a tantrum and running away. I punished him with his child for hurting me, and there was honestly no good explanation for that.
He asked me, “Then why didn’t you?”
I had to be honest. I told him, “Honestly, I was h
urt. I was ready to wash my hands of you and move on. Then, I found out that I was pregnant and I suddenly felt like ‘the problem’. You had already told me that doing what was best for your family didn’t include me, so I assumed that that meant my baby too. And I didn’t want to make any decisions regarding my pregnancy based on what having her would do to you or your marriage. I wanted to do what was best for me. I was tired of basing my life around you and Bridget. So, when I decided to have her despite how you felt about me, I also decided not to include you. Though I loved you back then, you and Bridget caused a lot of stress on me that I did not want included in the experience of having my first child.”
Amiel just sat back watching me for a few seconds. There was a pleasant smirk on his face as he watched me that sparked my curiosity, but I was too arrogant to inquire about it.
Not to mention, Amiel looked so damn good. He was so sexy to me back then and, despite appearing slightly more mature and settled, he hadn’t changed one single bit. He stood 6’3” and still had his football build of two-hundred and eighty pounds, I guessed. Everything was big on him; his arms, legs, broad shoulders, and chest. He still dressed with both enough street and sophistication in his wardrobe, wearing a pair of jeans with a D-Squared t-shirt. His lips were just as plump and kissable as they use to be. His eyes still captivated me. His perfectly lined fade, mustache, and goatee accented his strong and defined square jawline, which gave him immense masculinity perfectly. His face echoed rugged and undeniable chocolate masculinity and sexiness.
He was just and exactly my type.
I had to look away from him in order to focus.
“But all you had to do was tell me that you wanted to have her and I would have respected that. Tricey, no matter the situation that I was in, I loved you. I still love you.”
I ignored that, shook off the chills that it sent through me, and continued as if I didn’t even hear that. “But you chose your family.”
Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series) Page 60