Good Girls Ain't No Fun Boxed Set (The SIX romance and urban fiction volumes of the LOVE, SEX, LIES series)

by Jessica Watkins

  STAR

  I was being led through the doors of the courtroom like a dog on a leash. With my arms cuffed in front of me and my ankles shackled, the guard guided me by a silver restraint through the courtroom.

  There wasn’t as many people in attendance today. I assumed that most were happy with the fact that I had been found guilty, so people related to Tim and GiGi were no longer interested in my fate.

  Even my mother wasn’t there. I was glad, though. I assumed that she couldn’t take much more, so didn’t want to sit through my sentencing. I was pretty sure that Tricey, who sat in the back alone, looking drained and flushed, couldn’t take much more either.

  I looked at her and smiled sympathetically. Despite her attire being posh- expensive handbag, long, full, and flowing extensions that I envied, and a beautiful, colorful sundress that made her almost look angelic- I could clearly see the distress and weariness in her eyes; eyes that were heavier than I had ever seen them.

  She didn’t even return my attempt to smile through the despair. She simply looked at me sympathetically and mouthed, “I love you.”

  Mr. Reed still wore his same defeated expression that he left with last week. He was so upset that his efforts did not win over the hearts of the jury. He swore that he would file another appeal.

  I insisted that he let it go.

  I murdered two people and it was obvious that God’s plan was for me to serve time for that.

  As always, my mind drifted as the proceedings started. I was no longer in fear of how much time I would get. I knew that it would be more than I already had, since I had the audacity to fight my guilt. I simply wanted to go back to what I knew, what I had become comfortable knowing as home.

  I thought of Dawn and actually couldn’t wait to see her so that I could find out how she was doing.

  “Mr. Reed, will you come forward with Ms. Anderson?”

  Both Mr. Reed and I stood, and he guided me to the podium before the judge.

  “Is there anything you wish to say before sentence is imposed on Ms. Anderson?”

  Mr. Reed sighed heavily and thought for a few seconds before speaking. “Your Honor, the court has received a large number of letters from people who have known Ms. Anderson in a variety of walks of life. Her biological family, church family, friends, and coworkers speak much more eloquently about Ms. Anderson and her character than I could; and I will let the words of support in those letters speak for themselves. However, I can assure you, Your Honor, that since knowing Ms. Anderson, I have seen true suffering and regret for her involvement in the crimes she has been accused of. It is my hope that you will find lenience in your punishment… Thank you, Your Honor.”

  “Ms. Anderson, is there anything you wish to say to me before sentence is imposed?”

  I didn’t think that there was anything that I could say to convince this man to be lenient on me for killing two people. I was guilty. I was tired. I simply wanted to return home and feel some sort of peace again, even if it was peace in knowing that I was going to be in prison for the rest of my life. I had become accustom to it and comfortable with it. The limbo and anxiety of a trial had exhausted me, and I was ready for it to be over.

  “I would just like to say how deeply sorrowful I am for the pain and suffering of the victims and their families because of these offenses. Every day I regret the decisions that I made. I know that it’s impossible to be forgiven by the families of the victims, but I hope that they believe that my regret and apologies are sincere.”

  The judge sat up and adjusted paperwork in front of him. For the first time since this trial began, the judge and I actually looked one another in the eyes.

  “A very thorough presentence investigation has taken place in your case, Ms. Anderson. Your involvement in these crimes has been found in some respects consistent with the charges brought before you. Many of your teachers, friends, and family members have supplied very supportive information about your life, and I feel that, before these crimes, you were a very responsible and law abiding citizen. Perhaps, contrary to the public understanding, you were not as involved in the events as the prosecutor has implied. While I respect that you admitted during testimony a certain degree of involvement, these crimes did lead to the deaths of two people…”

  When he sighed heavily before continuing, I knew that this was it; he was about to sentence me

  “….With that being said, I have determined during this trial that you accept your involvement, are extremely apologetic, and have been rehabilitated during your current sentence. Therefore, you are sentenced to the term of two years, of which you shall serve twelve months and remain on supervised probation thereafter for a period of five years. With the consideration of time served, the prisoner is to be released on probation.”

  I didn’t immediately process all of that legal jargon. I suspect that Tricey didn’t process it immediately either, because, though Mr. Reed stood next to me beaming with happiness, a few seconds went by before I heard my sister let out a quick happy holler.

  I turned and looked at her curiously. Her tears of joy confused me as my mind was still attempting to process what had just been said.

  Before I knew it, Mr. Reed was hugging me and the judge was dismissing us.

  “Yes! Star, oh my goodness! I’m so happy!”

  Since I was still cuffed, I couldn’t even move as he continuously hugged me and jumped up and down. By the time he let me go, he was looking at me oddly.

  I asked him inquisitively, “What just happened?”

  “You’re free!”

  “Free?”

  Before he could respond, I could hear Tricey’s squeal very close by. I was still processing all of this as Mr. Reed guided me towards the wood partition that separated me from my sister. He motioned for the guard nearby to give us a minute.

  “Thank you, Jesus!” Tricey was beaming as she continued to cry and embrace me. Noticing that I was still cuffed and couldn’t hug her back, she actually looked at the guard and ordered, “Take this shit off!”

  Quickly, Mr. Reed hushed her with a laugh. “Tricey, not yet. They have to process her. It will take a day to process her release…”

  I was still a little delusional. I couldn’t wrap my head around all of this, but, as Mr. Reed and Tricey continued to discuss the details, I was finally able to digest what was going on.

  Somehow, someway, by the grace of God, I was free.

  TRICEY

  I couldn’t contain myself! I couldn’t thank God enough. This felt like a dream that I was going to wake up from, but I knew that it was real and was so grateful that, finally, this was all over.

  I drove home at record speeds. I couldn’t wait to tell Blood, who couldn’t attend the sentencing with me because of a meeting.

  I honestly think that there was no meeting and he just didn’t want to attend because he was mad at me about Amiel all over again.

  I wasn’t going to tell my mother. I was just going to surprise her at home tomorrow when I picked Star up from the County.

  As I parked the car and hopped out, I still couldn’t believe it. I literally ran up to the door and up the stairs. I was beaming and laughing with happiness as I opened the front door of my condo.

  Blood was sitting on the couch. Though it was still fairly early in the afternoon and there was sunlight coming through the windows, the house was dark and it was deafeningly quiet.

  Initially, I was approaching him with so much excitement and happiness, but when he looked at me so sternly, I lost all enthusiasm and got concerned.

  He didn’t hesitate to let me know what was on his mind either. “I hollered at your boy.”

  “My boy who?”

  “Amiel. Got his address off the court papers and went to holla at him to get him to back off, ya’ know. Figured if I holla’d at him, man to man, he would drop this whole custody thing.”

  Considering Blood’s temper and Amiel’s current erratic behavior, I instantly sat on the arm of the couch and br
aced myself for the outcome of that conversation.

  I asked Blood, “What did you do?”

  By the look on his face, something had gone terribly wrong.

  However, he laughed at my question mockingly. “What did I do? No, what did you do?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Did you fuck him?”

  Immediately, I answered, “Hell no! What are you talking about?!”

  “He told me that you fucked him. He said that y’all fucked back in May after you let him see Ariana.”

  I acted like I was insulted by the mere accusation. “And you believe that shit?!”

  “TRICEY, DON’T FUCKIN’ PLAY WITH ME!!” Spit flew from his mouth as his growl rocked the four walls of the house. I literally began to shake in fear because he had a look in his eyes that I have never seen before.

  He sat up as he spoke, dangling on the edge of the loveseat. He looked like he had to plant himself there because, had he allowed himself to leave the edge, he would have really done some harm to me.

  Tears fell immediately as I pled my case and denied everything. “If you would have a conversation with me about this, you would know what the hell I’ve been going through! Amiel has been putting me through hell ever since I let him see Ariana. He claims that he left his wife for me, and now he’s mad that I don’t want to be with him! He’s been harassing me! Threatening me! I don’t know what the hell to do!”

  I was sobbing at this point. The tears were because I really wanted Blood to believe me. Amiel had gone too far. I was to be damned if I let his bitchass ruin my relationship.

  “Baby, I swear I didn’t sleep with him. He is just trying to ruin my life because I don’t want him. First, the custody thing and now this! Baby, please!”

  I couldn’t even look him in his face while I told that lie. Surely, Amiel was trying to ruin my life, but had I not been so stupid and fell back into his lap, he wouldn’t have any ammunition to use against me.

  Blood was so disappointed in me that he couldn’t look at me either. “I can’t believe this shit.”

  “And you shouldn’t believe it!” I was crying my eyes out. I could barely catch my breath.

  Blood was so pissed that I didn’t know what to do, so I just sat there, crying and speechless, with no idea of what else I could say to fix this.

  I heard Blood standing and walking towards me. I literally cringed, not knowing what to expect. But all he did was reach by me, open the door, and walk out.

  VICTORIA

  At two in morning, while lying on the couch in the dark living room, allowing the television to watch me, I heard keys in the door.

  I knew it was Vince. Though he hadn’t announced his arrival with a phone call or text, and he had still yet to respond to any of my attempts to communicate with him, I knew that he loved me too much to leave me hanging.

  Vince had spent most of this relationship dedicated to helping me be a better person. Whether he thought I was a coke head or not, that characteristic in him wouldn’t allow him to just walk away.

  I knew that. So as I continued to call and text with no answer, I knew that eventually he would come around.

  He walked through the door quietly, not even announcing himself. He sat beside me, as I continued to lie there staring into the television, and put his hand on my head. As he ran his fingers through my hair, our eyes met, and I could see how weary and distressed this man looked. Vince looked like he had torn himself up trying to decide whether to give me another chance. That devotion tore at my heart.

  Tears filled my eyes as I realized that I had spent so much of the last couple of years wanting what was right in front of me. I had spent so many years angry at my father, when God had put before me a man that wanted to take care of me and protect me just as lovingly as any father could.

  “We can fix this.” As he spoke to me, he looked at me with so much encouragement, as if to convince himself as well as me.

  It touched my heart that, after all of this, he still loved me and wanted to be there for me. I cried in appreciation and humbleness, and, as my tears continued to flow, his began.

  “We’re going to get you help, and we are going to make this work.”

  I was speechless. So, as he climbed onto the couch and arranged his body behind me to spoon with me, I stayed silent and fell into his protective embrace. He kissed my shoulder and cheek and, as he did so, I felt the wetness of his tears as his lips met my skin.

  Eighteen

  Tuesday, July 12, 2011

  VICTORIA

  When I woke up the next morning, Vince was already awake and watching me sleep as he continued to hold me- protecting me from the night.

  For a few seconds, I looked into his eyes and saw the eyes of a man that had so much loyalty and dedication in his love, and it broke my heart that for years I’d toyed with it and took advantage of it.

  “We can’t be together, Vince.”

  Though he didn’t immediately respond, we were so close that I could feel his heartbeat speed up as soon as I said the words.

  Dr. Peterson had opened my eyes to so many things. During the night, her words of wisdom rang over and over again so loudly that I barely slept.

  I needed to let go of my past and the old me in order to become a new me. Unfortunately, Vince reminded me of my past and the old me that I no longer wanted to be. My fresh start couldn’t begin if I was carrying old wounds along with me. In addition to the last few weeks of close calls and fuck ups, Dr. Peterson helped me realize that it was beyond time for me to learn how to be happy and content with plain ‘ol Vic. I needed to learn how to be happy all by myself, because there were no guarantees that I wouldn’t spend a moment in life or the rest of my life that way.

  Beyond that, Vince deserved to be loved with the same devotion that he was giving me. He deserved to reap the love that he had sown into this relationship. I couldn’t do that and fix me. I needed to be devoted to me- not him.

  “I love you, but you were right, and you’ve been right all of this time. I need help, and a lot of it. I can’t focus on fixing myself while catering to you. And you deserve to be catered to. I can’t love you unconditionally and appreciate you, when I don’t love myself unconditionally and can’t appreciate myself.”

  He didn’t argue with me, which told me that he knew that I was right. I knew that Vince was torn between doing the right thing for him and his love for me, and I loved him enough to make the tough decision that he never could stick to.

  With a sigh, Vince finally spoke. “There is no coming back this time, Vic. You break up with me this time and it’s over for good. That’s it.”

  “I understand and I can’t argue with that.”

  I think he wanted me to fight, to talk both of us out of doing what was right, but I knew better and so did he.

  I knew Jesse’s address since his children went to Kraton High.

  The moment I saw it, it had been embedded in my memory ever since.

  After Jahleel had been stabbed, neither he nor his sister returned to school. I assumed that because the school year was practically over anyway, their parents opted to transfer them away from whatever trouble Jahleel had gotten himself into.

  As I pulled up in front of the brick home on a quiet and quaint block in Hyde Park, I envied the feel of it. Just looking on the outside of it said that a family lived there. I wondered why this man was never willing to give me that.

  Yet, I was there, on Dr. Patterson’s suggestion, hoping that I could receive some closure to that and then some.

  There was only one car in the driveway, and I hoped that it was Jesse’s. I hoped that he was home alone so that we could have this knock-down drag-out in private. I knew that he would never be open to telling such indiscretions in front of his wife and children.

  As I rang the bell, my hands shook uncontrollably. I looked down at my jeans and sandals and noticed that my legs were shaking too.

  The door opened on its own, letting me know that whoev
er was on the other side had looked out, recognized me, and decided to let me in.

  On the other side of the screen door appeared the face of the man that I have spent most of my life hating; the man that reincarnates into every man that comes into my life.

  “We need to talk.”

  He looked at me for a moment. I thought that maybe he was afraid of what I wanted to talk about or how I was going to act on his property.

  Yet, he gave me a yielding expression and closed the door behind himself. When he walked by me and led me around to the back of the house, I feared the same.

  As I followed him, I stared at the back of him and fought the urge to violently put my hands on this man. Because he was physically in front of me, I could picture the days that he fought me like a man and the nights that he touched me like I was his woman.

  I wanted to kill him. As we sat at a patio table, I thought about snatching up the brick that lay a few feet away from me and literally bashing this man’s face in until I saw blood. I wanted to do it so much that my hands burned with anticipation. Then I thought about him being dead and unable to feel the guilt that I could clearly see in his expression as he stared blankly into the yard, unable to look me in my eyes. Even his posture was heavy, and he looked to have aged beyond his years. It was like he’d been carrying around the truth of the man that he really is, and the load had been too much to bear.

  But that guilt wasn’t enough. I took in the expensive features of the big lawn, decorated with roses, tulips, and lilies. I envied the swimming pool and the evidence of family that floated in it. I thought of his devoted congregation that most likely financed all of this and knew that his guilt wasn’t enough.

  Thoughts consumed me, and I got angrier. Again, my hands itched to take that brick and show him physically how he had made me feel emotionally for most of my thirty years. But I thought of being in prison, unable to protect my daughter from abusers, rapists, and molesters such as him, and couldn’t stomach it. I thought of Star and wondered how much time I would get if I let my thoughts consume me enough that I actually blanked out and killed this man.