Errant

by Armas, Florian

  In her room, Vio was settled in Saliné’s arms. “Why did he do this?” Vio asked. “It’s not fair. Big Mouth should be in jail. And Veres.”

  “Vio, it’s not nice to say such a bad thing about your brother.”

  “Codrin is our brother too. Didn’t you say so? And Veres…” She did not finish, but she was clearly pointing out that Veres enjoyed Codrin’s misfortune.

  “Yes, Codrin is like a brother to you, too,” I said trying to calm her.

  “Sorry, I did not really mean it about Veres,” Vio whispered, only half convinced. “Why does Veres hate Codrin?”

  “He doesn’t hate Codrin. Veres is under Big Mouth’s influence,” I said feebly, and Vio did not insist and did not believe. Father have told me that Veres envied Codrin’s fighting skills, and I thought it only a boyish reaction. His behavior at the table convinced me that I was wrong; Veres saw a rival in Codrin. I should have been more careful.

  “Because Codrin saved mother,” Saliné answered softly to Vio, after a long pause, and at first I could not understand her.

  “And Veres did not save me when we were attacked in our house,” I whispered, and Saliné nodded. Codrin is now away, and he will not stay in the castle with us. Maybe this will calm Veres.

  During the night, we slept together, a thing that had not happened for a long time. The first week here after we escaped from Orban… It’s not that bad now, but it’s still bad…

  That morning came earlier than I wanted, and in a room suddenly too small, I walked restlessly in a confused state of mind – any acceptable strategy was eluding me. The girls were still sleeping, their calm breaths contrasting with my agitated thoughts. Mohor was not an unknown entity to me, both from our negotiations and several months of a relationship closer than mere neighbors, but there was not enough time for our relation to ripen; the unexpected had challenged us much earlier than usual. All marriages are challenged at a certain point, but things do not go well when it happens so early. We were both adults, and not without certain qualities and logical minds, but there were many other things to consider. My position was stronger than a Signora would have at a court, in general, not to mention after a three-weeks-old marriage, but Mohor was the Seigneur, and the authority was on his side – he could keep Codrin jailed as long as he wanted, and I could do nothing. Where a man exercises inherited power, a woman can use only persuasion or risk being exiled at her own court.

  “All night I tried to find a way to talk,” I said to Mohor, meeting him after breakfast – we ate separately. “I came to the disappointing conclusion that it makes no sense to talk at all. Aron’s stupid desire for revenge counted more than our wedding,” I pointed out, just to enhance my argument. “No wonder that no one respects me in ‘our’ house.” My voice was unexpectedly calm, and with the last word I went for the door, but Mohor was already there, blocking my exit.

  “Codrin is alive, Jara, and I could not negotiate his fate with you, just before our wedding. A Seigneur must balance things, and Knights are his instrument of power.”

  “And I was just another instrument, paraded at your wedding for some political reasons. One of a lesser value though.”

  “Is this what you really think?” he asked coldly.

  “Everything was on the brink of a disaster when Codrin’s hand went for the knife. The fools could have been dead before our next blink, and our wedding subject of many bad songs. Don’t tell me that you did not see it, but feel free to tell me what I should really think about that.”

  “You are too emotional about that...”

  “What an ungrateful wife you have,” I stopped him. “The man who saved my life and is like my own child was wonderfully treated and I can’t rejoice. No wonder why you have kept the best part hidden from me.”

  “I wanted to tell you everything myself, just before freeing Codrin, and took many precautions to keep everything hidden. But Veres is…” He shrugged as if to say that Veres was not the cleverest man in the world, and at least here I could not contradict him.

  “You will not free him now?” I asked, still trying to keep calm.

  “I am sorry, but Codrin will be free in five days, when his month’s sentence expires. Before telling me again that Codrin saved your life, let me say that Aron saved my life too, and I am Seigneur because he and Senal wanted it to happen. When I was fifteen, my uncle, who wanted his place, poisoned my father, and I relied on them to save me. Senal convinced some Knights to stay on my side even though I was too young to reign, and Aron killed my uncle in battle. I am not trying to imply that my life is more valuable than yours. I am glad and have my own debt to Codrin for saving you, as you are now my wife. The only difference is that Aron means something in the hierarchy keeping us in power, while Codrin might mean something in the future. Codrin must learn this,” he said, in a tone implying the same need for me.

  “Codrin is not your son,” he continued. “No matter how hard you push people to recognize this, it will not work. Codrin has no social rank, and until he gains one, he remains a minor swordsman, protector or whatever. Talented, but no different from many hired here or there. He must understand this,” Mohor emphasized again. “The most stupid Knight or Seigneur represents much more than a peasant or merchant or swordsman many times smarter than him. This is how our world works. You know it well. As a Knight, Aron had the right to kill him for that humiliation, but I don’t kill easily, at last that you know about me,” he smiled, and it was true; Mohor was in many ways a kind and intelligent man, reminding me of Malin.

  There was more spark in Malin. And he was ... more a leader… “Outside our own world,” I gestured to both him and me, “Codrin is what he is and he can take care of himself. Inside our world,” I made the same inclusive gesture again, “we are making the rules. Or you, if you don’t think that I deserve that right.” He tried to protest, but I stopped him. “We both agreed that Codrin is as my son, and I am expecting you to keep your word. Here,” I pointed to the castle.

  “We are seeing things differently, but it’s normal, you are very attached to him. Because of your bonds, Codrin has been well treated, having a separate room, outside my prison. And I already told you that everything was settled.”

  “I suppose there is no chance of seeing him,” I sighed.

  “I will not stop you, but that would just make Aron more resentful; Codrin was supposed to stay in isolation. I don’t want Aron to try something else behind our backs later. Five days pass fast. Please.”

  For you... It made no sense to argue, as there was some truth in his words, and the worst was that I had to steel myself to avoid Codrin for the next five days. Things were somehow settled now between Mohor and me, in a manner that was both convenient and inconvenient for both, and I had to acknowledge that Aron’s influence was not going away soon, and he will try to further marginalize me. I knew that nothing could erase what had happened, but I also believed Mohor that Codrin was no longer in danger. “I just wished you were more open with me earlier,” I said, trying to end things in an amiable way.

  “How are things working in the Secretariat?” Mohor moved things in a direction he considered safe.

  “There is not much enthusiasm for change there. Senal is still in bed, and I have to deal alone with the three sub-Secretaries. Jorn is a problem. He refuses to take orders from me. He told me very plainly. Just to avoid using the word rude.” I stared at him, to see his reaction.

  “Why did you not tell me?”

  “Do I really need to come and complain to you? What am I? A child?” Why can’t you understand this? There were so many small things done against me. A little push here, an impolite word there. On purpose ‘laziness’. The only exceptions were Vlaicu’s men. Mohor stated several times that I had full authority, but what happened at the wedding, Codrin’s arrest, my exclusion from negotiations, and mostly Aron and his men’s subversive work, convinced many people that it was just a facade: Mohor had to say it, but he did not mean it. One morning, I hear
d Jorn, through the door, saying that he would push me out from the Secretariat as Aron pushed me out from negotiations. I had to let things accumulate and serve everything to Mohor in one large package. I have a chance now... “Don’t worry, I know, you can’t reign over Big Mouth and his brother and his cousin, and in everything related to him. They rule here,” I scorned him deliberately. “And they force you to keep an inept man like Jorn in the Secretariat.” When you have little or no chance in a game, you should not play by the rules, you must turn the tables.

  “He is indeed average, but trustworthy,” Mohor tried to avoid me.

  “You depend too much on Aron. Secretariat, army, even the money in the Visterie. His men are everywhere. You have other competent people…” Now that the shock had been delivered, real negotiation could begin.

  “The truth is that I don’t have, but things are under control. Among the Guards, no one is Aron’s man, and Vlaicu is not exactly his friend. What about Aron’s cousin?” Mohor remembered the other relative in my list of complains – he was the Vistier of the castle, taking care of all domestic affairs, including finance.

  “I needed some money for my daughters’ room, and he refused me. It seems that I need your or Aron’s approval first. I preferred to use my own purse.”

  “There is a rule when large amounts are requested,” he said awkwardly. “I will change it so that you can approve them too.”

  “I did not know that five galbeni means so much to you,” I said, mildly derisively.

  “Five?” he asked, incredulous.

  “Don’t worry; I know you can’t do anything about him. He is Big Mouth’s cousin, after all.”

  “Damian can replace him, so I will...” he said in the morose tone that I was starting to know so well.

  “No,” I cut him hard; it was the right time. “I will fire the Vistier,” I pointed to my chest to underline it. A good step... “In the council.”

  He stared at me for a while, then nodded in silence. “We should wait until Codrin is free.”

  “If you say so… I wanted to tell you something yesterday,” I continued in a neutral tone, and he nodded again, a slight irritation visible on his face, warning me not to push things too much. “I am pregnant.”

  The day came, and I have never felt more ill-prepared for a talk. Escorted by two soldiers, Codrin entered the room, pale, like anyone who had not seen the sun for a month, a bit thinner, but he looked to me in an acceptable physical form. He may disagree. There was no inner reflection visible on his face; he looked calm, expressionless. He may disagree, I repeated to myself.

  “Sit down, Codrin,” Mohor said in a gentle tone, that special tone fathers use to speak to children when hard issues are at stake. I know, it was calculated, yet surprising, and I was looking for some small effects. There were none – Codrin sat in his chair in complete silence.

  The effect may be delayed, I still hoped.

  “Leave us,” he ordered the soldiers. Another calculated step; they were kept to witness his benevolent invitation to Codrin – the news would spread.

  “You are angry, you may feel persecuted, and you may want to know what happened. I will let Jara explain everything to you, she is better suited for that. For various reasons, a ruler is not always able to take a just decision. He must take the right one, and sometimes they are not the same, as in your case. Don’t think of this being a kind of apology as there is none, just a lesson of life. Once I told you a thing about learning,” he raised the specter of the day when Aron and Codrin dueled, with such dire consequences. “Now it has come to pass. You have certain qualities that we need here,” Mohor’s hand wandered around us, in silence, letting his offer pass through Codrin. “But after all that happened, I understand your necessity for some reflection. It’s all yours,” Mohor gestured to me and left the room.

  Your part was easy, I glanced after him disappearing behind the door. Codrin’s expression was still void of feelings; he was staring at nothing. “Codrin, I know you are angry,” I copied Mohor, but all my strategies evaporated because of his unexpected calmness. It’s just appearance, I suddenly realized. “I knew nothing that night, about your arrest. I learned about it just five days ago. It was not easy…”

  “Am I free?” he asked suddenly.

  “Yes.”

  “Then I am leaving.” He stood up in silence.

  “You are free but not that free,” I smiled, trying to sweeten my words. “Please sit down and let me finish.”

  “Veres was with the soldiers who jailed me,” Codrin said bluntly, a straight implication that I was dishonest about not knowing what had happened at my wedding. “Say what you have to say, and tell me when I am free.” He pressed himself against the chair and fixed again on a point somewhere in the room.

  Mohor! What have you done? One month thinking that I jailed him. “Look at me,” I growled unconsciously. “Sorry,” I suddenly realized. “I was not … shouting at you. I did not know that Veres… I know how stupid it sounds, but I did not know. Please believe me. Look at me,” I said moving to his side of the table and leaning on it, in front of him. “I did not know.”

  He finally seemed to notice that I was there and stared at me.

  “I did not know,” I repeated, touching his face. “I did not know.” Cornered, my mind entered a repetitive cycle, but that seemed to raise his interest in what I was saying. “I learned that you were jailed while having an argument about you with Veres, yet nothing was said about him being part of it. My family is split, with Veres against you, and you are my family, too.” I continued caressing his face, like a mother, and his body revealed tension for the first time, an inner struggle that I could only guess, and I really wanted to be able to read his thoughts. “What happened between you and Veres?”

  “Nothing,” he shrugged.

  “He is Big Mouth’s friend now,” I said bitterly. “And Big Mouth forced Mohor to jail you.”

  “Poor Mohor.”

  “Codrin, you know that my first husband was killed, and that I lost almost everything. Does it matter if it was wrong or right?”

  “I guess not. Can we stop now?” His voice was again normal.

  “There was a speech I had prepared to connect all the dots between duel and jail. I feel it is useless, now. You were harmed, but if you are not careful, it will happen again. Not only here, everywhere. I know this is a difficult time, but your place is here, with me, with Saliné, with Vio, with us. Promise me that you will stay.”

  “I can’t.”

  “Don’t make any decision now; there are too many bad feelings. And … I have something for you. I filled these papers before … before my wedding. I wanted to give them to you, the day after, but it all went wrong. I gifted you the small house where the hunters used to gather in the past, before the chase, and three hectares of land.” I knew that it was not much, but at least he would have a home and enough land to feed his horse. Zor… I remembered with a smile.

  “Thank you, Jara, but there is no need…”

  “Codrin, we agreed that we are family,” I interrupted him. “It’s a small thing, but I want you to have it. You need your own place.”

  “I can’t accept,” he said dryly, turning to leave.

  Unable to find another solution, I pulled Codrin back to me forcefully, lacing my arms around his neck and kissed him, revealing for the first time what I had tried to hide from him and Saliné: that I loved him like a woman, too. It was my last hope of convincing Codrin that his place was still here with us. He straightened a little as I pulled him back, then his lips answered me gently, yet it was nothing like the other time. We separated quickly, in a kind of tacit understanding that a message was both delivered and understood.

  Going back to the table, I took the papers and pressed them into his hand. He bit his lip, staring at me in silence. “Please Codrin,” I pleaded in a whisper, unable to interpret his reaction. “You are my son, too.”

  There was a subtle change on his face that I though
t was a good sign. Still silent, he nodded, then kissed my hand, which still held the papers.

  “May I see Saliné?”

  “She is not here. Father went with her and Vio to visit Knight Marin, who has a daughter her age. It was planned two weeks ago, and I could not stop it. The visit will also help our alliance against Orban. We are trying to attract the Devans, too. They are Grand Seigneurs, and have a powerful army.”

  I sensed a hidden approval in his reactions, like he knew something about the danger coming to us and our plans, yet he just nodded in farewell and went out without a word, but at least he was holding the bloody documents. Come back, Codrin.

  Aron avoided me for several weeks after I replaced his cousin as Vistier, but that did not affect me at all. And I fired two servants, too; they had both been too lazy and impolite with me. Aron still remained a problem for me, but everybody else got the message.

  Chapter 12 - Jara

  More than one month passed with no news from Codrin. Mohor assured me he would be safe, and I believed him, but there was no way to transfer that feeling to Codrin. Still a child, I think that Vio, while unhappy, found his departure easier, but for Saliné everything was different. She never complained, but there are other subtle signals telling you when someone is suffering inside, and I hoped that I was hiding them better. Saliné’s inner struggle convinced me that the planned marriage with Devan would affect her more than I thought, but we had no choice. Sometimes, I rode along the road in front of his house with Saliné, just to force Fate to balance things on our side, but his house was always empty. Just a few days later after our last ride, Saliné entered my room and closed the door behind her, leaning back on it. She was happy, happy in a way that I had almost forgotten. Codrin… I suddenly realized.

  “I met him,” she said, without leaving the door. “In our house.”

  “Everything went well,” I smiled.