Just Once

by Rebecca Brooke

  “Every other guy has, what would have made you any different?”

  “Because I’m not other guys. Besides being incredibly pissed off that you didn’t tell me and I had to find out like this, I think you understanding my job and what it entails adds another layer to why I’m so drawn to you.”

  The confessions just kept on coming. “You’re not intimidated?”

  “No. A little freaked out that something might happen to you while you’re over here and I let myself walk away that morning, but not intimidated.”

  I dropped my hands onto my hips. “Don’t think I can take care of myself?”

  “Don’t put words in my mouth. I worry about my friends.” He looked down at the ground. “My best friend was killed in front of me a few years ago.”

  His voice was so low I barely caught what he said. My stomach dropped. There was nothing worse than losing a friend in combat. I’d seen it happen to plenty of soldiers. It hadn’t happened to me, but most of my platoon were pilots. Unless the transport or helicopter were taken down, it was more likely for the soldiers on the ground to be injured or killed. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t know.”

  He took a deep breath and let it out on a sigh. “It’s not something I talk a lot about. His wife had a hard time with it. Especially now she’s remarried to another soldier. They have a son.”

  I took a few steps forward and looked up at him. “That’s not the way to deal with it. You have to let your feelings out.”

  “So my roommate keeps telling me.”

  Voices sounded behind me and I knew our time alone had come to an end—for now anyway. I stopped to listen, then glanced back at Colin. “What do we do now?”

  “I’m not sure. It’s not like I can take you out, but I’d like to get to know you better. Maybe we can sit together at a few meals and talk. We can become friends first, then decide if we want to take it any further. We already know we have the sexual chemistry. Let’s see if it will be worth exploring when we get home.”

  “I think I like the sound of that.” Glancing down at my watch, I noticed the time. “I have to go. I have a meeting in ten and I was supposed to pick up some requisitions from the supply tent first.”

  “Okay.”

  Once again I turned to leave and his voice stopped me. “And, Joey?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I’m glad I didn’t completely lose my chance with you.”

  “Me too.” I smiled and left the tent.

  Getting to know each other as friends didn’t seem like a completely unreasonable idea. At least we were both sergeants; he couldn’t be considered my commanding officer in most circumstances. Otherwise we’d be in a boat-load of shit. Then again, I’d noticed the ranger patches on his fatigues. It seemed as if he was in the first battalion, meaning he wouldn’t be here nearly as long as I would.

  Jogging over to the supply tent I grabbed the things my Lt. needed before racing through the temporary base to where the pilots’ meeting was being held. Some type of mission must be being planned if all of the officers were being called in. Would it be something simple or not? I wouldn’t have to wait long to find out.

  “Glad you could be on time, Brant,” Jensen, my usual co-pilot said, elbowing me in the side as I took my seat.

  “Ha, ha, very funny, asshole. The only reason you’re here is because you keep getting shitty duties for being late.”

  He shrugged with a laugh. “Yeah, well how many times a week do you want to clean the latrine? Fucking disgusting. I’d rather be stuck cooking in the mess tent.”

  “Maybe if you behave yourself, you’ll be lucky enough to get it.”

  “Sure and maybe they’ll pull you from supply duty.”

  This was how it was with us: each trying to wind the other up. It was in good humor, though. It was nice to have someone to joke around with. It certainly made the time pass quicker. “I’m not the one always breaking the rules,” I reminded him.

  He shrugged his shoulders. “I can’t help it. I’m not good at following directions.”

  Nothing could stop my eyes from rolling toward the ceiling. “No, you just choose not to follow orders.”

  The lieutenant stepped through the tent flap, a stack of papers and maps in his arms, and we stopped talking. Our brand of banter was not generally accepted by our superiors.

  The meeting lasted about an hour. The lieutenant gave us a briefing on the posts for the week, as well as any flights that had been scheduled. We had a few troop rotations to complete and maneuvers to handle. Once we were dismissed, I went back to my bunk. I’d worked the early shift in the supply tent and was eager to rest. Anyone would need a break from the emotional upheaval of the day. Seeing Colin again brought back the memories of that morning. They seemed so long ago, but I remembered them like they were yesterday.

  The slight movement next to me had been enough to wake me up. I’d gotten used to sleeping in Jen’s guest room and the light from the windows didn’t bother me anymore. She’d been letting me stay with her for the brief time I had off before we were deployed for the next nine months. The arrangement worked for both of us: I wanted to get off base, and she was more than happy to spend more time with me before I left.

  I sat up and looked to the end of the bed. Colin sat with his arms resting on his thighs as he stared out into the room. He’d been the first guy that I hadn’t told about my career. Something about him drew me in. I didn’t want to destroy any chance we had by scaring him away. Or at least, it had seemed like a good idea in the bar the previous night. Then, after I’d convinced him to come home with me and realized that our sexual chemistry was off the charts, I wanted more time with him. Unfortunately, time was something I didn’t have. Sitting up, I’d leaned forward and wrapped my arms around his waist at the same he pulled his jeans on. I placed a soft kiss on his shoulder.

  “Joey,” he said. “I have to go.”

  No “Good morning.”

  No “Thanks for last night.”

  What an asshole.

  I’d thought he was different. I should have expected it. At least if he wasn’t interested in more than one night, my leaving for nine months didn’t factor. The sooner he left the better. Moving back, I lay down on the bed with a roll of my eyes.

  “See ya around.”

  He spun around to look at me and I swore I’d seen something in his eyes. Indecision, maybe? Or had that just been wishful thinking?

  He started to say something, but me being annoyed and not really in the mood to deal with more shit, I’d gotten up and gone down the hall into the bathroom, hoping he’d get the hint and leave.

  It hurt too much to remember what had been. I took the longest shower of my life, berating myself for thinking he was different, kicking myself for bringing him home in the first place. I stayed under the hot spray, convincing myself he was a complete asshole and any connection I’d felt was misplaced. Maybe the only thing that had been misplaced was my belief that Colin was an asshole. After seeing him today, I understood why he hadn’t told me. While it pissed me off at first, I’d done the same thing to him.

  We’d been given a second chance to get to know each other. Our true selves; not who we’d pretended to be the night we met. The question was: would he follow through?

  No matter what, I was keeping my heart locked up tight. There was no way in hell I would let myself get too far in, only to have another guy bail on me.

  I was playing this one safe.

  Chapter 7

  Colin

  The tent flapped closed behind Joey and I wanted to smack myself in the head for not realizing sooner that she was in the Army. The minute she mentioned working in a local airport, I should have known better. There was one airport about twenty minutes away, but it was pretty small; the next closest, two hours from the base. Joey didn’t have the disposition of a flight attendant. Even from the short interaction we’d had, I knew she wasn’t the type of person who would be willing to wait on customers in flight. She was too ho
nest and seemed to prefer telling people like it was. No need for sugar coating the truth.

  I walked out of the meeting tent and back to my own bunk.

  Time.

  Time was what I needed to get my head wrapped around all I learned. Not that I figured out much. I knew she was pilot and by the insignia on her uniform, a sergeant too. Other than that, I had no idea what she flew, or how long she would be deployed for. The only thing I could do was meet her tonight during dinner and get to know her better.

  I hadn’t taken a woman home in at least a year and the first time I did, it happened to be a woman I had a lot more in common with than I thought. Seeing her today annoyed the hell out of me at first. The fact she hadn’t told me what she did from the beginning was frustrating, but I had to remind myself that I’d kept my own secrets.

  And continued to do so.

  Fuck, how I wished I hadn’t walked out on her that morning. Ignoring the blankets waiting to be put on the bed I lay down, hands behind my head, staring at the ceiling. Whatever happened, I would use my time to get to know her. If there was any chance of us becoming more than friends, it wouldn’t matter what continent we were on. But I knew I had to be careful. We had to be careful. I couldn’t do what I’d done today. I’d have to talk to her without calling into question any type of improper conduct.

  It was no secret that soldiers met and fell in love while being deployed. It happened all the time. You were far away from home. Lonely. Craving any kind of human interaction. Desperately searching for a connection. Except, there was a difference of people knowing it and actually seeing it. Getting caught meant punishments; a record in your file. I was pretty sure she had the same ambitions as I did. I wanted to continue to move up in the ranks—something neither of us could do if we had marks on record.

  Tanner came in. “How long have you been here?”

  I sat up and threw my legs over the side of the cot. “Not long. Needed a few minutes alone to think.”

  He laughed. “You’re lucky everyone else is out getting things settled. Otherwise they’d be in here wondering why you’re hiding when we just arrived.”

  He wasn’t kidding. We only ever got any peace after we’d been here for a few weeks. Once the initial rush was over, everyone ignored the fact that you were holed up in your own space for a while. Other than that, someone else was always around.

  “You’ll never guess what just happened.”

  I surprised myself with my willingness to share. But I needed to talk this through with someone, and I knew Tanner would keep anything I said to himself. He crossed his arms over his chest and regarded me carefully, one eyebrow raised. “Would it be the reason you’re hiding in the bunk instead of getting the troops settled, especially since we have a few new soldiers in the ranks?”

  Shit. I’d let all of it get to me, losing focus of why we were there in the first place. How could I forget to go and get them settled on their first tour as Rangers? It wouldn’t be their first overseas deployment, but coming in as a ranger and heading out with an infantry unit that might see some action was very different.

  “Damn it. I got sidetracked.”

  “Well, are you going to tell me?”

  I looked up at him. I had to know if I was the only one who didn’t see it the night we met. “Joey’s here.”

  “Joey who?”

  I couldn’t stop the eye roll. “The one I met at the bar over a month ago when we all went out.”

  Tanner eyes went wide. “What the hell is she doing here?”

  Pinching the bridge of my nose, I stared up at the ceiling of the tent. “She’s a pilot in the Army.”

  He shook his head and sat down on the footlocker at the end of my cot. “Didn’t she tell you she worked for an airline?”

  “She did. I have no idea how I didn’t put two and two together. I should have known.” The last part was more to myself than Tanner. I kept going over and over it in my head.

  “It’s not like you told her you were in the Army either. How did she react when she found out?”

  “About the same as I did.”

  “Well, how did you react?”

  “At first I was pissed as hell.”

  “But then, I listened to what she had to say. She had some pretty good reasons to keep it from me.”

  “And they are?”

  I rested my arms on my legs. Truthfully, this wasn’t mine to share, but if it helped Tanner to understand my predicament, then I was willing to take that risk. “She’s tired of being dumped by guys because of her job and the fact that she’s a strong, independent woman.”

  “Does that bother you?”

  “Fuck, no. I think it’s hot.”

  He nodded. “So what are you going to do about it?”

  “What the hell can I do about it? Wait, let me make a reservation at the nicest restaurant in town and hope we don’t get attacked by insurgents while we’re eating.”

  “Don’t be an ass. That’s not what I mean and you know it.”

  “Look around.” I gestured to the room with my hands. “We’re deployed. Neither of us can afford a mark on our records.”

  He watched me for a second. “What’s her rank?”

  “Sergeant.”

  “Then I don’t see the problem. You’re both officers. Neither of you is the other’s direct superior. Besides, you know as well as I do that they turn a blind eye as long as you’re not down in the village.”

  “Are you actually telling me that I should go grab her for a quick screw?”

  He held his hands up. “Whoa. You’re cranky as hell today. If you want to keep being a dick, I’m leaving. You can figure this shit out by yourself.”

  Damn. I was being a complete asshole.

  “Fuck, you’re right. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to be a dick. It’s just she’s the first woman I’ve met in almost a year who’s held my attention for more than the time it takes to get undressed and stick it in.”

  “Damn, Colin. Don’t ever say that crap in front of my wife. She’s liable to beat the ever-loving shit out of you.”

  “How stupid do you think I am?”

  He gave me a look that, had we been in different circumstances, would have earned him a clip around the head. “Depends on the circumstances. You do have a habit of shoving your foot in your mouth.”

  “No—”

  “That’s not the point. If you want her, go after her. Who cares if it’s here or at home? It’s not always about sex. But you do realize the med tent has condoms for a reason, right.”

  “I never thought about that. What I really want is to get to know her.”

  “Ahh, the truth comes out.” Tanner smirked.

  “Very funny.”

  “That’s easy. Sit and talk with her at meals, whenever you have free time—even if you have to go down to the mess tent. If she’s a pilot, we’re going to be home a lot sooner than she is. Make the most of the time you have, before you’re separated again.”

  “That was the plan, but I hadn’t even thought of us getting home first. Sometimes, I feel like I forget that everyone else runs on a different schedule than we do.”

  “Then what’s the problem?”

  I thought about telling Tanner about the dreams. About how I was more than a little nervous those dreams could become reality. The nightmares had screwed with my head when I thought Joey was just there because she’d been on my mind. I had no idea what kind of impact, if any, today’s realization would have on the dreams now that the possibility of something happening to Joey was a reality; not just something my mind had concocted.

  So I didn’t say a word to Tanner about the nightmares, choosing instead to focus on the other thing on my mind. “I just needed to wrap my head around the fact that she’s here.”

  “Sounds like she did everything possible to keep you from finding out.” Tanner stood. “I need to stop by the med station before dinner. You can tell me later how it went, since I have a feeling I won’t see you again until the
n.”

  “Probably not.”

  After Tanner left my room, I lay back down to enjoy the peace and quiet for as long as I could. I closed my eyes and hoped to catch a few quick minutes of shuteye.

  About thirty minutes later, a few more of the officers staying with us came back from wherever they’d been during the day. Even through the wooden door, the noise was too much. Past the point of sleep and eager to see Joey again, I got up and left for the mess tent, looking forward to a meal for the first time since I enlisted. Even if the food wasn’t great, the company would be excellent.

  Stepping through the tent flap I scanned the tables for her. When I was positive she wasn’t in the room, I grabbed a tray and took a seat off to the side alone, hoping that when she did arrive she would come over and join me. It wasn’t hard to miss the looks of the other soldiers. It wasn’t often that a ranger ate in the main mess. I couldn’t stop myself, but every time someone stepped through, my head or eyes would snap in that direction. Pushing my food around on my plate, I waited and waited. Maybe she had no intention of showing, or least, not while I was there.

  I forced down about a quarter of my food, trying to figure out why I was so nervous. It didn’t make any sense. It wasn’t like Joey was the first woman I’d dated. Then again, I’d never attempted dating on deployment.

  And I’d never met someone like Joey.

  Finally, she walked through the door. Even in fatigues the woman was gorgeous. In a skimpy tank top and jeans she was hot, but tonight she was sexy for a whole different reason. The woman I watched was strong inside as well as outside. Her strength didn’t scare or intimidate me. It actually did the opposite.

  For a moment I simply sat and watched her, waiting to see what she might do. Her eyes darted around the room, passing over me once, only to swing back in my direction a few seconds later. Her eyes locked on mine and the corner of her mouth pulled up a bit. I watched her square her shoulders and walk to get something to eat.

  For a moment, I wondered if she’d actually come and sit with me. If I was being honest with myself, I was half afraid she wouldn’t.