Joey collected her tray and walked toward me. The closer she got, the more relaxed I became. I hadn’t even realized the grip I held on my fork until I felt the cramping in my hand as I set it down. Joey set her tray on the table and took the seat across from me.
I stared into her blue eyes. “For a bit there, I thought you’d changed your mind.”
Chapter 8
Joey
He was here.
He actually came.
“It’s not often we see rangers in the mess tent.” I kept my tone light and airy when in reality, I felt anything but. As much as I’d wanted to believe him when he said he’d like to get to know one another, I’d heard enough lines in my time to be extremely cautious.
“I told you I’d find time for us to spend together.”
“Yeah, and I’ve also had guys tell me they’d call for a second date, only to never hear from them again.”
“I told you, I’m not those guys. You being in the Army doesn’t bother me.”
“So you say now. Then someday, when I outrank you—”
Colin burst into laughter so loud, heads turned in our direction.
“What the hell is so funny?” I snapped, ready to pick up my tray and walk away. He may like that I was in the Army, but there was no way I would stay with an asshole because of it.
He shook his head and held is hands up. “Don’t be pissed. It’s just that I already outrank you.” I put my hands on the table to get up and leave and his fingers covered mine. “Wait. I’m not saying you can’t catch up in rank, but unless you join the rangers, there’s no chance that either one of us will be the other’s superior.”
He had a point. “Fair enough.” I settled back down into my seat. “Why did you join the Army?”
Colin leaned forward, resting his arms on the table. “It’s all I ever wanted to do. Defend our country and the people that matter most to me.”
“You never thought about doing anything else?” I picked up my fork.
“No. From the time I was little I wanted to be a soldier. Not that I expected to be a ranger.”
That surprised me. “Why not? I thought every guy who joined the Army had dreams of being a ranger. The ‘elite’ solider.”
“Not me. At least, not until I met Nate in basic training did it even cross my mind to try.” He picked up his fork and began pushing his food around, his eyes firmly focused on his plate. There was a silence; an uncomfortable one.
I had a feeling that Nate was his friend who had passed away, but with our conversation finally heading in the right direction I didn’t want to derail it with questions about what happened so I decided to push past it.
“Well, it you obviously made it.”
“I did.” He reached out and ran his thumb over my knuckles before pulling his hand back again. Under normal circumstances, I might be offended that he needed to get his hand away from mine so quickly, but I understood he was trying to protect us. While many of the higher ups looked the other way when it came to dating, not everyone did. “And I’m incredibly glad I did. Now I won’t have to worry about rank if something comes of this.”
“Oh, so after one night together and a twenty minute conversation earlier, you think this”—I waved my fork between the two of us—“will become something more.”
He shook his head. “No. I thought that after meeting you for the first time. If I hadn’t been scheduled for deployment, I would have called you to go out again. It’s why I was such an ass that morning.”
“So you admit you were a complete asshole?” I smiled at him to let him know I wasn’t as pissed about this anymore, knowing his reasons. That didn’t mean I didn’t want him to admit it.
“I do. No matter how much I wanted to stay, I didn’t want to start dating someone, only to leave in a month and be gone for three more. It didn’t seem fair.”
“I guess when you put it that way, it makes a lot of sense. It would suck to be home waiting for a call that would be four months in the making.” Then I realized what he said about how long he’d be there. “You’ll only be here for three months? I knew your time was shorter than mine, but I didn’t think it was that much less.”
“Yeah, we run in three month rotations. The first three in country, the second at home on rest and the third at home on call. It’s been a while since we were called over early.”
“Wow. I thought nine months was a good draw. Maybe I do need to check into joining the rangers.” He shot me a look. “Relax, I’m joking. I enjoy flying way too much. Not as many opportunities to do that in the rangers.”
He finished eating and pushed his tray to the side. “Is that why you joined the Army? To fly?”
“Partly. I knew I could fly commercial airlines if I got my pilots license, but I’d never have the opportunity to fly the broad range of planes we have.”
His brow furrowed. “Why not the Air Force then?”
“Simple. The Army has more opportunities outside of flying—if I ever decide I want to do something else.”
“Is there anything you can’t fly.”
“Nope. Nothing I can’t land either.” I shot him a wink that I knew was corny but the smile I got in return was totally worth it.
“Confident and sexy. I like it.”
I knew my cheeks were getting red and although it pissed me off, it wasn’t often a guy called me sexy and confident in the same sentence. There had been many times when the word confident had been traded for bitch. After a while it got tiring being told that you’d be even sexier if you weren’t so opinionated.
“I try to be.” Desperate for a subject change, I asked, “Did you grow up in Maryland?”
“Originally from Chicago, but my parents moved to Baltimore when I was nine. What about you, did you grow up in Indiana?”
“All my life. Which did you like better: Baltimore or Chicago?”
“I’d have to say Baltimore. Chicago is too cold for most of the year.”
“Then you’d hate Indiana.”
“Good thing you don’t live there anymore.” He chuckled and I couldn’t help but laugh with him.
The conversation continued exactly like that. Colin was so easy to talk to, even when he disagreed with something I said. I enjoyed my time with him so much, I hadn’t realized that the dinner rush had ended.
“We’ve been here for a while,” he said, looking around at the half empty space.
“I guess we have.” I looked down at my watch. “I better go get a few more things taken care of tonight. I still have flight plans to log.”
He nodded and stood, picking up both of our trays. We both had jobs to do, and Colin’s understanding and acceptance without argument meant a lot to me.
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I should be buying you dinner, but since I can’t do that while we’re here, the least I can do is clean up your tray.”
“Aren’t you the gentleman?”
He laughed. “Not usually, but I’m trying to impress someone.”
His words started to put little cracks in the wall I’d put around myself. “I think I like the sound of that.”
“Does that mean I can expect to see you here tomorrow?” His eyes were bright as he watched me.
“I think you might.”
Every day after that, I found myself sharing at least one meal with Colin; most days two. There was nothing physical, only simple conversation. The getting to know you phase without the pressures of having to worry about when to have sex. Been there, done that. We knew we had chemistry. I wanted to make sure we had it outside the bedroom too. Sex would only get you so far.
Whether it was breakfast or dinner, we’d sit for a while and talk about anything and everything, and the more I learned, the more I liked. Afterward, we’d each go about our day as if we were merely two soldiers on the same base.
Time seemed to pass in the blink of an eye. Before I realized it, we were a month and a half into our deployment; my time with Colin halfway over. Wh
en he went home, I’d still have six months left before I would see him again. By then he would most likely be deploying for another three months. It figured. I had shitty luck when it came to guys.
I walked into the mess tent for breakfast, my eyes immediately landing on Colin, like they did every time. Unlike most days, his gaze was directed to the table instead of the door. If there was one thing I’d learned about him over the last few weeks, it was that if something important was on his mind, it had the ability to consume his thoughts.
I collected my tray and went straight for our normal table. Everyone had gotten used to seeing us together. I’d expected the whispers and gossip to include our relationship, but most people thought we were simply friends. Without the hint of any type of intimacy, there was nothing more they could say. It didn’t matter that we both wanted more. We just couldn’t have it at that moment.
“Morning,” I said, taking the seat across from him.
“Morning.” His response wasn’t cold but it also wasn’t the warm welcoming one I’d grown accustomed to.
“It’s a little early to claim you’ve had a rough day, so what’s the problem?”
“We’re in the Army. It’s never too early to have a bad day.” He looked down at his watch and stood. “Look, I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”
Before I had a chance to say anything, Colin had picked up his tray and walked away. While I understood there were things that he wouldn’t be able to tell me, here or at home, the frustration was still there, especially knowing that something was eating at him. Colin didn’t mind going out on patrols or into the local village, which meant something else had caused him to be distant.
I finished my breakfast and tried to think of a reason for his behavior. When nothing came to me, I decided to try and talk to him again at dinner. The only time we didn’t have meals together was when he had an overnight patrol and since he wasn’t scheduled for that again until next week, I knew we’d have plenty of time to talk later.
Going about my day, I met with the soldiers in my unit who had returned from maneuvers that morning. I set the schedules for maintenance and, many times, I found my eyes traveling to the ranger section of the base, hoping for a glimpse of Colin. Something simple to settle my nerves. I did my best to ignore the slight fluttering in my stomach each time a man passed through my line of sight, but none of them were him.
Eventually, my day came to an end. Dragging my feet, emotionally and physically exhausted, I walked to the mess tent.
Colin wasn’t there.
In his place was a guy I’d seen around base a few times. I’d also seen him the night Colin and I met at the bar—I recognized his scruffy brown hair. I collected my tray and with a lump in my stomach, walked over to sit down across from him.
He looked up and reached out a hand to me. “Sgt. Brant?”
I nodded and took his hand. “That’s me.”
“I’m Sgt. Maj. Tanner Marano, but please call me Tanner.”
“Nice to meet you, Tanner. My name’s Joey.”
“I know. I’ve heard a lot about you over the last few weeks.”
“Okay,” I said, drawing out the word. “Not that I’m not happy to meet you, but can I ask what you’re doing here? Rangers don’t normally eat in the mess tent.”
He leaned forward on the table. “Ah, but one of us has been since we got here.”
I tried to keep my question to myself but my need to know was too great. “Where is he?”
A shadow passed over his eyes. “You know there are things he can’t tell you, right?”
“I do. The same as there are things I can’t tell him. It’s part of what we do.”
“All I can say is that there are things he can’t talk about right now, which normally wouldn’t be a big deal, but after Nate’s death he’s almost afraid to get too close to anyone—especially over here.”
“I guess I can understand that. It still doesn’t explain what you’re doing here.”
He laughed but there was little humor in it. “I’m here to make sure that you don’t let him push you away. He cares about you more than any other woman since I met him.”
I’d never been one for jealousy, Tanner’s words reminded me of something. I didn’t want to ask, but at the same time I needed to know. “What about the woman the night we met?”
His brow furrowed for a few moments, before his eyes grew wide. “You mean Marissa? Marissa is my wife’s best friend. Please, trust me when I tell you they were just a distraction for each other. It was long over before he met you.”
The butterflies settled and I watched Tanner for a moment. “Is he going to avoid me the rest of your time here?”
He shook his head. “I won’t let him. Even with the shitty circumstances we’re stuck in, I think you’re good for him.”
“I think he’s good for me too,” I said quietly.
Tanner stood. “It was nice meeting you, Joey.”
I smiled. “It was nice meeting you, too.”
He took a few steps and turned. “Remember, don’t give up on him.”
“I won’t,” I promised.
I sat there for a little while after Tanner left. The something that made Colin distant that morning was a bigger deal than I’d thought, that much was clear. But I wouldn’t give up on him. If and when he was allowed to tell me what was bothering him, I’d be there to listen. Each day my connection with Colin grew stronger, and knowing his past, I understood why he was acting this way.
It wouldn’t stop me though. For the first time in my life, I felt like we had the potential to be something great, and I would hold onto it as tightly as I could.
Until I couldn’t hold on anymore.
***
The next morning, knowing I wouldn’t see Colin, I grabbed a quick breakfast. We had a strategy meeting in the afternoon, so I had a few hours to get the group out for their practice flights. It wasn’t just fighter jets that needed practice. Honestly, Blackhawks were harder to maneuver in sticky situations. The more tricks we had up our sleeves, the more lives we’d be able to save.
I came up to the field, the three soldiers on rotation already waiting on me.
“Let’s get ’em up in the air,” I said, directing them to their craft.
“Ahh, she graces us with her presence,” a voice joked from behind me.
“Shut the hell up, Jensen. I’ve been here every day this time,” I said loudly, over the noise of the chopper as the rotor started the blades.
Jensen stepped up next to me, making it easier to hear him. “Yeah, but not this early. Usually you take more time at breakfast.” He winked.
“Shove it, Kevin.” I directed my focus to the landing pad, far enough away to not feel the full effects of the takeoff.
“Oh, first name. I must have hit a nerve,” he stage-whispered.
I shot him the look that usually stopped most people in their tracks. “Leave it alone.”
“What? Did you get stood up?” He laughed, but his words froze my lungs for a second. I had to force myself to remember Tanner’s words from the night before.
“Don’t give up on him.”
“He needs you.”
“Actually, I haven’t seen him since yesterday morning.” I kept my eyes focused on the helicopter, not wanting him to see how hurt I was.
“Really? Weird.”
I shrugged. “I guess he had something else to do.”
He turned toward me. “Don’t do that, Joey. I know you better than anyone. You really like him, you don’t have to hide it. It doesn’t make you weak because you found someone who can accept you for who you really are.”
The second helicopter took off and I used the noise to cover my sigh. He was right, he did know me better than anyone else. “You’re right, I do like him. His friend Tanner met me for dinner last night, told me to not give up on him. I understand there are things he can’t tell me, but we could have talked about something else to keep his mind off it.”
He shook his head. “Damn, I really am starting to sound like Carla.”
I laughed. “She’s definitely rubbing off on you.”
Jensen’s brow furrowed. “He’s a ranger. Why would he get so worked up over something in country? My guess, it’s about a mission. But they’re sent on missions all the time. Why would that bother him?”
“I figured it was a mission too. The only thing I can think of is the circumstances are close to when his best friend was killed. In action,” I added.
“Shit,” Jensen whispered.
The third chopper took off, all pilots familiar with the flight they were supposed to take. It would be about twenty minutes before they would return and we could debrief them. While we waited, I told Jensen everything I knew about Nate and his death.
“Damn, I can’t imagine that wouldn’t fuck with your head.”
“I know. I’m not sure how you deal with that.”
“Didn’t his friend Tanner tell you to be patient?”
“He did, but you know that’s not one of my strengths.”
Jensen placed his hand on my shoulder. “Joey, I’ve never seen you react to another guy this way. I’ve watched you with him. He’s exactly what you’ve been looking for. Dig deep. I know you can do it.”
“Now you sound like you’ve been channeling your inner Carla.” Carla was Jensen’s wife and for as long as I’d known her, she’d harped on at him about being more sensitive.
“After five years together I’ve learned she is way better than me at knowing what to say in these situations.”
I laughed. “But she has no influence over your behavior when it comes to following the rules?”
“Never. Life wouldn’t be any fun then.”
Jensen was right: Colin was everything I looked for in a man. Even though it wasn’t in my nature, if being patient meant I would keep him, I’d do it. I needed to wait for him to come to me. According to Tanner, he would when he was ready.
The pilots landed and we spent the next forty minutes discussing the successes and failures of their flights, coming up with alternate plans in certain situations we could try next time they were scheduled in the air.
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