By the time we were done, our meeting time had arrived. Jensen and I were seated for a few minutes before the lieutenant came in. He briefed us for about an hour on an upcoming mission. Now that the first battalion had rotated in new troops, a group of them would be sent out to one of the provinces out in the mountains; a place we were still having trouble with local insurgents. They weren’t well armed or well organized, so it wasn’t hard to figure out what their mission was. The commanders wanted to give them a few days to get settled in. During that time, we were supposed to learn the flight paths and alternate routes to our destination.
Three transports would be taking three different platoons and landing on different parts of the mountain, giving them a head start. Jensen and I would be on the farthest run. We would leave first; the others leaving in timed succession after that, depending on the time difference. The goal was for each platoon to land at the exact same time, not giving people in the area time to warn anyone who might be hiding there. I had no idea which platoon would be going, but I was pretty sure that the rangers would be on one of the transports.
I’d finally figured out why Colin had been avoiding me.
Chapter 9
Colin
“You need to stop being a jackass,” Greg snapped. “You’ve been miserable for the last two days and we don’t want to deal with it anymore. Right, Tanner?”
Tanner threw his hands in the air. “Leave me out of this shit. I went to talk to her last night to keep her from getting pissed at that idiot.” He turned toward me. “But Greg’s right. You’re being a jackass. That woman is awesome, and if you push her away over something this stupid, you’re an idiot.”
“I can’t tell her about the mission.”
“She’s in the Army too, remember. She understands that and the risks involved in our job. She probably knows by now anyway. I asked around and they were supposed to brief the pilots today. She’s one of the best here. No way they’re not sending her.”
I dropped my head into my hands. “That makes it even worse.”
“Don’t start that shit.” Greg stood and got in my face. “You already told her you were okay with her being in the military. This has to do with the nightmares, doesn’t it?”
“Nightmares?” Tanner’s head snapped back and forth between Greg and me as I stared at my fuckwad of a roommate.
Fuck.
He had to let that one slip.
Although, knowing Greg as well I as I did, it probably wasn’t a slip at all. Good thing we were the only three out there.
I had no choice but to explain about the nightmares that had plagued me before deployment, since Nate was killed. Wanting to keep everyone else from hearing, I rested my arms on the table across from Tanner and told him everything, bracing for his inevitable freak out. By the time I finished, his face was in his hands.
“Why didn’t you tell anyone before now?” he asked incredulously.
I shrugged. “They always end the minute we arrive.”
Greg stood, his shadow looming over the table. “They haven’t this time, though, have they?”
I could lie. A part of me wanted to. But the two men standing next to me were closer to me than brothers. After Nate’s death, we had to work together to keep Danielle afloat. We grew closer each and every day of that first year. I didn’t have the heart to not tell them the truth.
“They started again the night we found out about this mission, but only the ones with Joey.”
Greg stood and ran a hand through his hair. “Goddamn it, Colin. This is not good—for anyone.”
Tanner, usually the calmer of the two medics, looked up at me. “Do you really believe your dream will come true?”
I shook my head. “No, that’s ridiculous. It’s just a dream. I just wish she wasn’t going.”
Greg scoffed. “You do realize that she’s going on the mission, no matter how hard you push her away. It’s her job.”
“I wish that I didn’t know whether or not she was going.”
“That’s stupid,” Tanner chimed in. “Do you think for one moment Dani wouldn’t rather know what we were doing each day than letting her imagination get the better of her? Because if you were over here without Joey, I can guarantee that your dreams would be a hell of a lot worse.”
I hadn’t thought of it that way. Joey was going on this mission no matter what, and while I couldn’t explain it, I had a feeling in the pit of my stomach that something was going to go wrong. My head was already getting the better of me. One thing I knew: I didn’t want to regret one moment of my life.
I needed to talk to her.
“Fuck, I screwed up,” I mumbled from between my hands.
“Talk to her,” they both said.
“When I talked to her last night, she didn’t seem like she was ready to give up on you.” Tanner’s admission gave me hope until he added, “But if you keep avoiding her, I’m not sure that’s going to last.”
“Shit.” I stood and paced back and forth behind the table.
“You could always go meet her for dinner. Talk to her. It doesn’t have to be about the mission. I think she’ll be happy to see you,” he offered.
I nodded. “You’re right.”
Greg threw his hands up in the air. “Holy fuck, he admitted it.”
Tanner gave him a clip around the ear. “Yeah, but now you’re being the ass. Look how many times I fucked up with Dani before getting my shit together.”
I looked across at Tanner, knowing that he had my best interests at heart, wishing I’d confided in him sooner. “Thanks, man. I’ll go see her tonight.”
“For what it’s worth,” Greg said. “I think she’s a good match for you. I’d hate to see you screw it up.”
“I’m going to try not to.”
There was still a lead brick sitting in my stomach as I walked over to the meeting room to brief my men on the mission. Now that we had coordinated with the pilots, I needed to divide the team into three groups. My team was the one heading in front on the ground. Other members of the first battalion would be on standby to supply support if necessary. Once every one of my men had a clear understanding of the mission, I sent them off to dinner, while I went back to my bunk and tried to think of what I would say to Joey.
A little while later I’d plucked up enough courage to head over to the mess tent. I didn’t know what to expect. Would she be pissed and tell me to fuck off, or would she give me the chance to explain what I could? It wouldn’t be much, but if she was flying one of the black hawks, she would already know what we would be getting ourselves into.
Taking a deep breath, I stepped up to the tent and walked through the flap. My eyes were instantly drawn to her. She was easy to pick out in the sea of people. But tonight something was different. Tonight she was sitting with someone I’d seen in passing, but I had no idea who he was. Had she replaced me that easily?
No. She made it very clear the first night we talked that she hadn’t been seeing anyone.
Steeling myself, I went up to the table. “Hi.”
Both of them looked up at me, a brief flash of annoyance passing across Joey’s features. The guy sitting with her, however, smiled up at me and offered me his hand. “I’m Sgt. Kevin Jensen, and you must be Sgt. Maj. Colin Dunham.”
I took his hand and returned the gesture. “That’s me. It’s nice to meet you.” I had no clue who this guy was, but luckily for me he wasted no time in clearing that up.
“Don’t mind me. I’m not moving in on your girl. I think my wife would have my ass if I did. I’m Joey’s co-pilot.” He picked up his tray, and that’s when I noticed the wide gold wedding ring that sat on his finger. He stood up. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Joey. It was nice to meet you Sgt. Maj. Dunham.”
“Nice to meet you too, Sgt. Jensen.”
I glanced over and took the empty seat opposite her. She said nothing, just simply stared at me, waiting for me to start.
But I didn’t even know where to begin. How could I expl
ain what I wasn’t allowed to say?
“Joey, I’m sorry about the last few days.”
She smiled but it didn’t reach her eyes. “I get it. And I know where you’re heading in a few days.”
I dropped my arms onto the table and sighed. “To be honest, I was hoping like hell you didn’t.”
“And why is that?” she snapped.
“Because it means you’re flying us in.”
She stood. “I thought you didn’t have a problem with my job? I guess that was a bunch of bullshit. See you around, sergeant.”
I grabbed her hand before she could walk away. “Wait, let’s walk. This is not a conversation I want to have with an audience.”
She yanked her hand out of mine. “There’s no conversation to be had.” Turning, she started for the entrance.
“Please, give me a chance to explain?”
Joey stopped dead in her tracks. She seemed to be fighting herself. A few moments passed before she looked over her shoulder.
“Come on.”
Before I had a chance to respond, she was out the door and I practically had to run to catch up to her. Joey took a seat on the ground next to a small wall of sandbags, cutting us off from most of the camp. It was a good choice. The wall would give us some privacy.
“Why the change of heart?”
She picked up a stick and began drawing shapes in the sand. “Because I’m keeping a promise to your friend.”
“Tanner?”
She glanced up at me and I was drawn in by the ocean blue depths of her eyes. “He asked me not to give up on you. I figure the only way I can do that is to give you a chance to explain what you mean. If I don’t like what you have to say, I can still walk away.”
Damn, did I owe Tanner big time. I thought about my words carefully before I answered. “I don’t have a problem with what you do. This has to do with me.”
“Oh, so this is an ‘It’s not you, it’s me’ conversation?” Her eyes narrowed.
I gazed all around, looking for the right words. Apparently I wasn’t getting it right. “No, that’s not it.” I covered her hand and she stopped drawing in the sand. “Something doesn’t feel right. I have this sensation in the pit of my stomach and I can’t shake it. You’ve come to mean so much to me during these past weeks. I don’t want anything to happen to you.”
“I can—”
“I know you can take care of yourself, but so could Nate. And look what happened to him.”
She spun her body toward me. “Colin,” she whispered. “It’s the risk we all take when we sign up. You know that.”
I dropped my eyes to the ground. “I know, but it doesn’t stop me from worrying about you.”
Her soft hand landed on my arm. “Colin, look at me.”
I raised my gaze to hers, afraid of what I’d see in her eyes. “There are things we can’t control. As long as we do the best job possible and fight as hard as we can, that’s all we can do. If it’s our time, it’s our time.”
How true her words were.
Not that I wanted to hear them.
They didn’t make me feel any better.
Those thoughts were quickly pushed to the back of my mind as I got lost in the most beautiful eyes in the word. I needed to show her something. Make her realize just how strongly I felt.
Lifting my hand, I cupped her face and brought it to mine for a kiss. It was sweet and sensual at the same time. Needing to taste more I parted my lips, hoping she would do the same. The moment her tongue darted out to tangle with mine, I was lost. The desert, the heat, the soldiers. It all disappeared.
A noise sounded in the distance and I pulled back so fast I almost fell over. If it weren’t for the sandbags at my back, I would have. “I’m sorry,” I said, trying to catch my breath.
Her fingers caressed her lips. “Don’t be. I’m as much at fault as you are, but I think we need to save that until we get home. If not, we’re likely to end up going too far and getting caught.”
“I know you’re right.” I smiled. “I guess I got carried away. I forgot how addictive your lips are.”
Even with the low light of the setting sun I could see the pink blush spread up her cheeks. For a little while we sat there, silently enjoying each other’s company. There didn’t seem to be any words needed. We watched the sun fall behind the horizon and when darkness had fallen and the lights in camp took over, I glanced at Joey.
“I can’t meet you for breakfast because we have an early strategy meeting, but can I join you for lunch, or dinner?”
Her lips curled up into a gorgeous smile. “I like that idea, but you have to promise not to push me away again. If you want us to be able to have a relationship outside of this place, I need to know that you’ll confide in me—no matter how hard the truths are. Even when you can’t tell me what the problem is, you can always be honest and simply tell me that you can’t talk about what’s bothering you, instead of blowing me off.”
“That I can do.”
Pushing myself up to my feet, I held out my hand to help her up. I kept a hold of her hand even after she was on her feet. Taking two steps backward, I smiled.
“Until tomorrow then.”
“Until tomorrow.”
As I walked away, there was lightness to my step that I hadn’t had this morning. Even facing a mission I had my doubts about, Joey had a way of making me forget about the worries and focus on the things I could control. It seemed impossible, but every day I grew more and more thankful that I’d gone to the bar that night.
Chapter 10
Joey
We were scheduled for one more training run before the mission tomorrow. My stomach clenched and all my muscles were tight. It was the same before every mission. It helped me stay focused. Once we were in the air I’d relax, Jensen would make some stupid joke, and we’d be on our way.
Since the night we kissed, Colin had kept his word about not pushing me away. He met me whenever we had free time, not just for meals. We hadn’t talked much more about his concerns about the mission, which was likely due to the fact there were still so many things he couldn’t tell me. As the pilot I only knew the drop off and pick up locations; what they actually planned to do in those mountains was beyond my pay grade.
I could tell that he wanted a way to take his mind off things, so instead of talking about work I told him about some of the stupid things I did as a kid. I even spent one whole day arguing the reasons as to why football was better than hockey. Every time we parted ways, he seemed more relaxed than when he showed up. To be honest, until we were home, I didn’t really want to focus on what that could mean.
“Brant?” a voice called.
I turned to find the source. Coming toward me was my lieutenant. Spying the concern etched into his features, my breakfast turned sour in my belly.
“Yes, sir.”
“We have a problem. Jensen was flown to Germany this morning. He went to the med station last night complaining of abdominal pain. His appendix had almost ruptured. He successfully underwent emergency surgery, but he’ll be out of commission for a few weeks. I need to assign you another co-pilot for tomorrow. I want you to do the training run with him. He’s already been brought up to speed.”
“Can I ask who it is, sir?”
“Davis,” he answered. “I’ll send him over to the launch pad when he’s done with the briefing.”
“Thank you, sir.”
I knew Jensen was in the best hands, so while I was worried about him, my greater concern was tomorrow. Under normal circumstances it wouldn’t be a problem, but flying up into the mountains without my normal backup made things a bit dicey.
Being without Jensen unsettled me. It had nothing to do with Davis’s ability to pilot—from what I knew about him, he was excellent—but Jensen and I had flown together in over two hundred missions. We’d been together so long that we each knew how the other would react in most situations, meaning we were able to do what was necessary to combat pretty much anything.<
br />
None of this was anyone’s fault. Davis and I were going to have to make do with the situation in front of us.
While I was thinking about all of this, trying to get my head around it, Davis walked up. “Hey, Brant. Sorry to hear about Jensen. Hopefully he’ll be back on his feet soon.”
“Thanks. Lt. says you’ve been brought up to speed?”
He nodded. “I have. I know this situation isn’t ideal, but I think with a little flight time today we’ll be able to adapt.”
I took a deep breath and tried not to let my nerves show. “Well, let’s get up there then.”
Davis and I practiced different maneuvers and flight patterns. There were a few things he did differently but we were able to work them out, and by the time we landed, I had confidence in our ability to pull off a successful mission.
Walking to the mess tent that night, I debated telling Colin that Jensen wouldn’t be flying with me. As stressed out he’d been over the mission, I didn’t want to add to it. It wasn’t like Davis and I weren’t capable of completing the flight, nor would the drop zone be in any danger.
I beat Colin to the mess hall. It still amazed me that he was willing to come over to the mess tent when we all knew the rangers had special accommodations in their section of the base. The things they were tasked with included levels of danger that the other troops didn’t see. I’d be willing to bet their facilities were much better than the mess tent. When Colin sat down across from me I said as much.
“Yeah, except I don’t come for the food, I come for the company.”
My shoulders began to shake with mirth. “You’re laying it on thick today.”
His brows rose in a gesture of innocence—fake innocence, at that. “Too much?”
“Never,” I said sarcastically. “I think it makes you adorable.”
He looked down at himself and back up at me as he ran his hands through his hair and across his beard. “What about me screams adorable?”
I shrugged and answered with the sweetest, softest voice I could muster. “Too much?”
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