Lauren's Dilemma

by Margaret Tanner

  Mrs. McKinlay kept on sobbing.

  “Is it Blair Sinclair’s child you’re carrying?”

  “Yes, but Mr. McKinlay, I didn’t deceive Dick. I told him all about the baby, and he told me about what happened to him in Egypt. We agreed to get married so both our secrets would be safe. Please don’t think too badly of me.”

  “I don’t,” he interrupted harshly, causing Mrs. McKinlay to sob even harder. “It’s Blair Sinclair who’s at fault. The man’s a bloody disgrace.”

  “He didn’t know about the baby. We planned to get married, but Helen, who was engaged to him before the war, turned up and ruined everything.”

  It was not hypocritical to mourn Dick. Although Laurie had not loved him as a wife should a husband, her fondness had been genuine, even if tinged with pity. As for Helen, her death was frightful, but her main sympathy lay with her aunt and uncle and, of course, Blair.

  *

  Laurie stood dry-eyed as Dick’s coffin was lowered into the ground. Perhaps in death he would find the peace that had eluded him in the final year of his life.

  As she turned to leave, she bumped into Blair. “I’m truly sorry for the way things turned out, Laurie. This mess is my fault,” he castigated himself. “How on earth could a little slip of a girl like you have the courage to publicly lay your life bare? There wouldn’t be too many people who would have been prepared to do what you did.”

  “I wanted to save Dick. It didn’t help, not in the end. He’s still dead,” she finished off on a sob.

  “My God, Laurie. I don’t know what to say.” Pale and drawn with fatigue, he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days. “We need to have a long talk, but this isn’t the time or the place,” he said, resting the flat of his hand against her swollen stomach. “I’ve been a bloody fool.” He turned on his heel and strode off.

  *

  Matthew Cunningham didn’t make it to the funeral on time. A train derailment had caused the line to be blocked for several hours. He finally met up with Laurie at the McKinlays’ that evening.

  “Dad!” She ran into his open arms, sobbing as if her heart would break.

  “Laurie, Laurie. Come on, princess, don’t cry, it can’t be good for you. You’re safe now, your old Dad’s here.” He pushed the damp, tangled curls away from her face and handed her his clean handkerchief. “You have a lie down. I’m sure these good people will put me up for the night, and we’ll go home on tomorrow’s train. I’m Matthew Cunningham, Laurie’s father.” He introduced himself.

  “George McKinlay.” The two men shook hands. “My wife’s lying down. She’s still distraught,” he apologized.

  “Of course, I understand, only to be expected.”

  Laurie couldn’t speak. The words had dried up in her throat. She let Hettie make her a cup of tea and help her into bed. When she awoke next morning, her father sat beside the bed holding her hand.

  “Oh, Dad.” She started trembling.

  “Shh, princess, it’s all right.”

  “I’m so sorry for not telling you how things were with Dick.”

  “It’s all right,” he interrupted. “George has filled me in on everything. Those parasites from the newspaper should be horsewhipped for what they wrote. I’m proud of you for speaking out like you did. It took courage to bare your soul to try and save Dick.”

  “Thanks, Dad. I was frightened you would think badly of me, like everyone else does.”

  “This Blair Sinclair.” He stuck his chin out pugnaciously. “He hasn’t come out of this in a good light.”

  “It wasn’t his fault. He didn’t know about the baby. He wanted to marry me, until Helen came along and ruined everything with her lies.”

  “She always was a vain, selfish creature,” he surprised her by saying. “I blame Jane for spoiling her so outrageously, but Richard should have put a stop to it years ago.”

  *

  They left for home on the morning train. George drove them to the station. Mrs. McKinlay was still confined to bed.

  “You’re welcome to stay here at any time, Laurie,” George assured her.

  She would never take up his offer. The memories here were too bitter.

  Of Blair Sinclair there was no sign. His betrayal was a mortal blow. He obviously didn’t want to be tainted by the scandal of being associated with a fallen woman. A letter from his lawyer offering financial support for their child was the best she could hope for. What else had she expected?

  Chapter Fourteen

  The war dragged on. The winter of 1916-1917, according to the papers, was the harshest in France for forty years. This comment was borne out when Mrs. Tresize read out parts of a letter from her son Fred, who had been evacuated with what he called trench feet.

  We are crouching in waterlogged shell holes, sometimes standing up in trenches thigh deep in slimy mud. Some of the sandbags protecting our dugouts have turned green with mildew.

  The tone of the letters to home had changed. Gone was the lighthearted banter. Some of the troops were resigned, others bitter, disillusioned with their lot. I’m glad we haven’t got anyone over there. I wouldn’t be able to stand it.

  Life had changed for them now. She had been ostracized by most of the townsfolk, her father a little less so. This drew the two of them even closer together.

  The vicious campaign waged against her, after the newspaper stories, was shocking. What hurt more than anything else, was that her father had also been drawn into the scandal. People he thought of as friends cut him dead in the street, and the bulk of his customers started shopping in one of the larger towns.

  Of those who remained loyal to him, most refused to let her serve them, as if they thought contact with her would somehow contaminate them.

  “The likes of her isn’t fit to mix with decent, Christian folk.” If she’d heard this once, she’d heard it a hundred times.

  Someone threw a brick through their shop window, with a note wrapped around it. Written on the piece of paper were the foulest words she had ever seen in print. A slogan daubed along the side of their shop in red paint, called her a whore and a murderess.

  She held her head high whenever she ventured out in public, which was not often. In the street, she received lewd comments and insolent stares from some young men. You should be in uniform, she thought bitterly. Perhaps if they had witnessed the suffering in the trenches as Dick had done, they would be more tolerant.

  If only the police could find Helen’s murderer things might settle down a little, as there were many people who still thought poor Dick guilty. With a manpower shortage and no clues to follow up, the case had been virtually closed.

  Mrs. Tresize, their loyal housekeeper, proved a tower of strength, shielding them from a lot of the hatred.

  The first vote on conscription for the army had been “No.” Now there was to be a second one. The propaganda dished out by both sides was cruel, full of hatred. Women handed out white feathers to men they considered shirkers because they would not enlist. Daily, Laurie read the papers. Shocking casualty lists from the French battlefields filled several pages. How could fit young men not volunteer of their own accord?

  *

  The train from Melbourne steamed into the siding at Sandy Ridge. Captain Blair Sinclair stepped off and glanced around with interest. So this was where Laurie lived. He asked directions to the Cunningham store, and the reaction of the porter shocked him.

  “Wouldn’t bother going there, Captain. Few people have anything to do with them anymore. Matthew Cunningham is all right, but he’s got that harlot of a daughter living with him.”

  “Enough,” Blair snarled. “How dare you speak about Laurie in such a way?” He clenched his hands in his pockets to stop himself from ramming his fist down the man’s throat. “She’s got more courage and decency than any woman I’ve ever met.”

  “Well, if that’s your attitude.” The porter sniffed. “Town’s this way.” He stubbed his finger over his right shoulder.

  Blair strode off,
fuming. What a disgusting man. He had made up his mind to speak to Matthew Cunningham first about marrying Laurie. He could not risk blundering in and upsetting her in her delicate condition.

  For the first time in his life, except for Gallipoli, he knew the gut-wrenching sensation of real fear. Suppose she rejected him? He wouldn’t blame her under the circumstances. He strode to the nearest pub and ordered a beer.

  “Have you a lad who can run a message for me?” he asked the bartender.

  “Yeah, Bobbie can do it.” He yelled out, “Bobbie.” A youth dashed in from out back. “The Captain here wants you to run a message.” The bartender lumbered off, leaving the two of them together.

  “Er, Bobbie, can you find Matthew Cunningham at his store? Tell him I need to see him urgently.” He flicked the youth a shilling and he caught it deftly. “Urgent, all right? But only speak to Matthew Cunningham. If he’s not there, or he’s too busy, come back and let me know.”

  “Okay, boss. He won’t be busy.”

  “Oh?”

  “No one shops there any more. Laurie Cunningham is having a baby that don’t belong to her husband.”

  “Just get Matthew Cunningham.” Blair choked back his rage. It was becoming increasingly obvious they were having a rough time of it. How petty and small-minded people were. He took a savage gulp of beer. He wanted to get Laurie out of here and back to Coolibah where she would be safe from gossip and hurt.

  He climbed to his feet as a ruddy-cheeked man accompanied by Bobbie came towards him.

  “Matthew Cunningham?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’m Blair Sinclair.” He watched shock turn to animosity. “Mr. Cunningham, we need to talk about Laurie.”

  “Haven’t you caused my daughter enough anguish already?”

  “I know most of what happened was my fault. If I hadn’t fallen for Helen’s lies, Laurie and I would be married by now.”

  So this was Blair Sinclair. Matthew Cunningham assessed the tall, straight-backed young officer. Public school written all over him.

  “What is it you want from me?”

  “I want to marry Laurie; I love her. I want to take her away from all this.” He waved his arm about. “She’ll be safe at Coolibah, and you’re welcome to come, also. We must marry before our child is born. If it takes me a lifetime, I’ll make it up to her. I swear it.”

  Matthew Cunningham stared at the intense young officer and didn’t doubt his sincerity. He would be glad to get Laurie away from the viciousness of Sandy Ridge. People she had known all her life ostracized her now. He would never have believed such a thing possible.

  Blair watched the different emotions flitting across his companion’s face. He needed this man’s help to convince Laurie she could be happy again, that he would look after both her and their child. It would be too much to hope she might still love him, but he was desperate enough to pick up any crumbs of affection she might throw his way. He felt pathetically powerless for the first time in his life, and it was not a pleasant feeling.

  “It seems to me, it’s Laurie who has to make the choice,” the older man finally said on a sigh. “She’s suffered so much already.”

  “I need to know that you support me. If she agrees, we’ll get married as soon as I can arrange it.” I’ll take her away from this wretched, rotten place.

  When they arrived at the residence behind the store, Blair was shocked at what he saw, and he realized the true extent of Laurie’s suffering. Some foul creature had daubed obscenities on one wall. A couple of their windows were boarded up because the glass had been smashed.

  “We’ve had some trouble,” Matthew said.

  The comment was a classic understatement. How could people be so despicable?

  “Laurie, someone to see you.”

  “Who is it, Dad? I’ve made a cup of tea; there isn’t much else to do.” Laurie stopped dead on entering the room.

  “Blair.” The noise in her ears was deafening. Blood surged to head making her dizzy. She would have collapsed in a heap, if he hadn’t leapt the few yards separating them and caught hold of her shoulders.

  “Oh, Laurie,” he groaned. “Can you ever forgive me for all the pain I’ve caused you?”

  He stepped back a pace, but kept his hands on her shoulders. Swollen and heavy with child, her cheeks pale and pinched, she still looked beautiful. His heart turned somersaults in his chest.

  “You’re even lovelier than I remember. Will you marry me? I love you. I can make you happy. I want you and your father to leave this wretched place and come back to Coolibah with me. Our child should be born there. We can start afresh and put all the pain behind us. Please say yes.”

  He watched her sad green eyes fill with tears, her mouth trembled, but no words came out.

  “Oh, my darling. Don’t cry.” He drew her into his arms again.

  Her lips started quivering, and he could deny himself no longer. Tentatively he kissed her, fearing rejection, but her mouth opened under his. Soon she returned his kisses with the youthful ardor he had dreamed about for so long. Finally when he let her go, they were both trembling. He guided her to the couch but retained hold of her hands.

  “Does that mean yes?”

  She nodded, because she couldn’t speak.

  “I’ll make the arrangements as soon as I can, something quiet and quick.”

  “Do you really love me, Blair?”

  “Yes.”

  “You’re not marrying me because of the baby?” Her eyes burned fever bright. “I couldn’t bear another marriage of convenience.”

  “Me either.” He shocked her by saying, as he brushed her tears away with his thumb.

  “You loved Helen. I only felt pity and some fondness for Dick.”

  “I was blinded by Helen’s beauty before I left for the war. After I met you, I realized how selfish and shallow she was.”

  He explained how he had been hurt and confused by Laurie’s refusal of his initial proposal of marriage. After he’d made love to her, he was angry and disappointed in the aftermath of his passion because she wasn’t a virgin, especially when she was only eighteen. Later, when his initial devastation wore off, he realized it would have been Danny. Jealousy set in. He was fighting to overcome this when Helen turned up, followed by Dick’s arrival on the scene to complicate things still further.

  Laurie was shocked at how hurt and insecure Blair had felt. If only they had been honest with each other about their true feelings, the tragedy that had blighted so many lives would have been avoided.

  “There’ll always be a little part of me belonging to Danny,” she told him earnestly. “I can’t lie about that. I do love you, Blair, and have done since I visited you in the convalescent hospital, but there was always Helen. You cried out her name after making love to me. I could have forgiven you for that, but you turned against me once she arrived on the scene.”

  “I acted stupidly. I let Helen manipulate me. I swear, though, if you hadn’t married Dick, I wouldn’t have married Helen. I’d have got out of the engagement somehow. After you were lost to me, I didn’t care what happened. It seemed easier to let Helen have her way. The light went out of my life when you left Coolibah. I know it was weak of me to let Helen railroad me into marriage.” He gave a deep shuddering sigh. “God, I’ve made so many mistakes.”

  “Don’t say any more.”

  “No, this has to be said. I can’t make any more mistakes; it’s too important for us now. I swear, I never thought about you getting pregnant. Bloody stupid of me, I know. When you stood up in court and said it wasn’t Dick’s baby, I felt like I’d been kicked in the guts. Can you ever forgive me?”

  He kissed her. As she lifted her mouth away from his to answer yes, she suddenly realized he wore his army uniform. She pushed herself away from him. She wouldn’t be able to live through the pain of letting a man she loved go off to war again.

  “What is it? Did I hurt you? I keep forgetting about your delicate condition.”

  �
�You’re in uniform,” she accused, her voice shrill. “You volunteered to go back to the war.”

  “They called me up the day after Dick’s funeral. This is the first chance I’ve had to get away from camp. Shh, now, don’t upset yourself. I’m only training the troops at Broadmeadows. So many officers have been lost in France that they rushed over reinforcements. They’re desperate now.” He laughed without mirth. “Must be, to call up an old crock like me with a gammy leg.”

  “I know it’s selfish, but I couldn’t stand it if they sent you away to fight. You’ve done your share. It isn’t fair. How many others are walking around out of uniform? I hope this second conscription vote is ‘Yes,’” she went on passionately.

  “Oh, Laurie.” He nuzzled his face into her throat. “Some wedding night we’re going to have, my darling. I’ll have your father breathing down my neck, and even worse, I won’t be able to make love to my wife.” He ran his hand across her swollen stomach. “You know, it nearly killed me to think you were carrying Dick’s baby.”

  *

  They were married quietly at the Manse. The three of them headed for Coolibah straight after the ceremony. Fergie welcomed them with open arms and put on a special dinner for all of them, including Wally and Angus.

  *

  In April of 1917, Laurie went into labor, and the pains became almost unendurable. I’m going to die. She tried not to scream and upset her father. If only Blair were there, she wouldn’t feel so bad.

  “Princess, you’ll be all right.” Her father, anxious and strained, hovered close by. Sensing her fear, his hands smoothed back the tendrils of damp hair falling across her forehead. Where the hell was Blair? He should have been here hours ago.

  The last few months had aged him twenty years, but with the birth of this baby, he hoped the roses would come back into Laurie’s cheeks again. This child would be the cement to bind her and Blair together. They deserved to have a happy life after what they had both been through.