Journey to the Well: A Novel

by Diana Wallis Taylor

  “Sell the shop? Can’t we just keep it, for when I am ready?” His eyes pleaded with his grandfather.

  Marah felt the boy’s pain as Elon answered, “I wish it were so, Caleb, but we cannot just keep the shop for six to eight years until you are ready. We must live, and we have your mama to consider.”

  Caleb’s shoulders sagged. He nodded.

  “Tomorrow we shall go and you may choose a few tools. One of the other carpenters on the street, Shiva, has agreed to buy the shop. At least it will not be a stranger from another town. He has also agreed to take you as an apprentice.”

  “I know Shiva. My papa liked him.” He paused. “I would like to be his apprentice.” He looked up bravely at Elon and turned to Marah. With pride she hugged him to her. He endured her embrace for a brief moment and then struggled to be free. “I have work to do, Mama,” he said, lifting his chin, and he hurried back to his chores.

  Marah turned to find Haman regarding her quietly in the courtyard.

  “Haman, I didn’t see you.” She moved toward him. He hadn’t been able to do enough for them, and she knew how remorseful he felt.

  Haman smiled at her. “You look as if someone has just lifted a load off your shoulders.”

  “Indeed. My father-in-law has arranged for Caleb to be an apprentice to one of the other carpenters, Shiva. Shiva is also going to buy Jesse’s shop. It will help us a great deal.”

  Haman’s face fell. “And here I thought I was bringing good news, myself. It appears as if I am too late.”

  “Too late? What do you mean?”

  He took her elbow and, with an air of confidentiality, leaned closer. “I was going to tell Caleb that he has a job at the caravansary. He would be only a camel boy, but . . .” He shrugged his shoulders in regret.

  “Haman, how kind of you to do this. I don’t wish to have him disappoint his grandfather. Perhaps if we had known sooner.” She was aware that Haman was gently steering her toward the house. As they neared the doorway, Marah caught a glimpse of Caleb watching them. A jolt shot through her as she realized that the look on his face was just like Jesse.

  “Marah, I wish to talk with you about another matter, a more personal one. I would give anything to bring back your husband, you must know this.” He looked at her sadly. “Yet, you must also realize you need someone to look after the family, a man. I am offering myself to you. You are welcome to all that I have.” He looked deep into her eyes, and in spite of herself, Marah felt part of herself responding. For a brief moment she almost let herself be held and comforted. She had missed Jesse terribly. She had missed being held and loved by a man. The nights were unbearably long and lonely.

  “What are you saying to me, Haman?” She moved away slightly.

  “I realize that it may be too soon. But I have come to care for you and Caleb, and I would offer myself to you, as a husband.”

  “Husband? Haman I . . . I cannot think of that now.” Marah felt confused somehow. It was not totally unexpected, yet when she heard the words she had mixed emotions.

  “Would you feel you were betraying Jesse?”

  How could he know what she was thinking? She looked up with a start. “It is just that I am not ready to consider marriage again, at least not yet.” Her eyes pooled with unbidden tears.

  “Do not let it trouble you. I do understand. I will give you all the time you need. Just say you will consider my offer. Elon is old and Caleb needs a father to look after him while he is still young. You need a husband, in time.”

  She could not meet his eyes, but merely nodded. “I will consider your offer, Haman, when I am ready.”

  “Then I shall hope, and wait for that day.” He bowed slightly and left her.

  31

  Hannah blushed in the warmth of the sun as she and Marah stood in the courtyard. She had brought momentous news, and for once, Marah had no words. She regarded her friend in awe and delight.

  “Are you going to congratulate me on my news? I know we are getting on in years, yet the God Who Sees has taken away my shame and reproach. Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

  “Oh Hannah,” Marah breathed, “a child. You are to have a child?”

  Hannah laughed. “Simon goes around shaking his head. He is pleased to be a father at last, and is delighted at this blessing in our later years, but he still cannot believe it.”

  “When shall it be?”

  “At the time of the olive harvest, near the month of Marcheshvan.”

  “Hannah. That is only six months away. How have you kept this from me for so long?” Marah looked at her friend in reproach.

  “I had to be sure. There have been so many times when I thought I was in that way, and then, nothing. I had to have no doubts.” Hannah’s beautiful brown eyes sparkled. “Blessed be the name of the God of Abraham who has seen my tears and harkened to my cry. He has taken away my reproach among women and blessed me. Praise be to His name.”

  “Praise be to His name for this great gift.”

  The two women embraced, and Hannah sat down to rest while Marah went for the dipper of water.

  Elon rejoiced with them. He had always liked Hannah and Simon and made them welcome whenever they came. Jesse and Simon had been great friends. Marah found herself with mixed feelings when Hannah had gone. She was glad for Hannah, but her head was filled with self-pity. God had shut up her own womb. She had not been able to give Jesse a child. She loved Caleb as her own, but it was not the same. Now she could never bear Jesse a child, for he was gone.

  Jesse would have been happy for them, thought Marah. He loved children. She thought of Caleb. The months went by and Marah saw Caleb come home exhausted from Shiva’s shop. The man was good to him but worked him hard. After he was finished in the temple school, he went to the carpenter’s shop to work. Elon grew weaker by the day and she feared for him also. Haman was considerate and helpful in every way, yet she sensed he was growing impatient for an answer from her. Finally, one day, she went to Elon.

  “Father Elon, there is something I must speak with you about.” She sat down next to him in the courtyard.

  He turned kindly eyes toward her and nodded.

  “It concerns our cousin Haman. He wishes to marry me. He has offered to provide for you, me, and Caleb. It has been a year. I have put him off for a long time.”

  “I know of his intentions, daughter. He has also spoken to me. He has been good to our family. He waits for your time of mourning to end. He put a hand on her shoulder. “I would not wish to shorten your time of grief, for you still grieve, Daughter?”

  “Yes.” Her voice was almost a whisper. “I still grieve, but I think I will miss him the rest of my life. I do not know if I am ready to marry Haman.”

  “We must all live with our grief and pray that it will heal in God’s time.” Elon looked thoughtful. “Haman is a good man. He is of our family, the son of my own brother.”

  “You are saying that you would give your approval?”

  Elon paused a moment, considering. “If you must marry again, I would be glad that it was a kinsman.” He looked off into the distance for a moment, lost in his own thoughts. Then he turned to her again. “I would give my approval,” he said at last.

  She felt relieved. She had been thinking about it for some time now and felt it would be best for Caleb too. She did not have to ask the boy’s approval, but she hoped he would also be agreeable.

  That evening, Haman appeared for supper. Marah suspected that Elon had sent for him.

  “It is always my pleasure to join you, Marah. It appears, from my uncle’s message, that you have something to tell me?”

  “Yes, Haman. I have thought about your proposal of marriage . . .”

  “And—?” He watched her face.

  “I have spoken with Elon, and have decided to accept.”

  Haman’s eyes glittered as he took her hand and raised it to his lips. “You make me the happiest of men. I am also thankful for the approval of my esteemed uncle. You will forgive
me, but I could not keep from speaking to him about what was in my heart. He did lead me to believe that in time you might consider me in a favorable light.”

  “You have been very kind to all of us, Haman.”

  He looked at her, his dark eyes bright. “I will be very good to you, Marah.”

  She grasped his meaning and found herself blushing.

  “You still blush? My lovely Marah, you intrigue me. You are like a young virgin.” He chuckled softly.

  Marah served the meal quietly but found for some reason she was uneasy. She realized she was anxious for Caleb’s reaction to the news. She watched the interaction of Caleb and Haman closely. Caleb was polite, but distant. Perhaps in time he would accept Haman, knowing his grandfather approved.

  Elon spoke at last. “Caleb, I have some news for you. I have decided to give my permission and blessing on the marriage of your mother and our cousin Haman.”

  Caleb went white. He knew that in their culture a woman did not have the privilege of remaining widowed for long. A woman needed a man to provide for her if she was alone and had children. Haman was a kinsman. Yet he looked from Marah to Haman and, with a sob, got up and ran from the table. Elon tried to call him back, but it was no use.

  “He will get used to it.” Haman waved a hand at Elon who had sought to apologize for his grandson’s behavior. “It is difficult for him, but he is only a boy. He will have to accept it in time.”

  “He still grieves for his father,” Marah said softly.

  Haman looked at her closely and opened his mouth to speak but thought better of it and remained silent, watching her.

  As he took his leave of them, he drew Marah into the shadows of the courtyard. “I have waited a long time. Only a woman who has loved a man deeply could understand my difficulty in waiting so long. Let this seal our agreement.” He bent his head and kissed her. It took her by surprise and yet she felt herself respond to him. Her mind grieved for Jesse, but her body betrayed her need.

  She stood still in the shadows after he had gone. Time seemed to be moving so quickly and she had no power to stop it. She still felt the kiss on her lips, and as she absentmindedly touched her lips with her hand, she sensed someone nearby. Caleb stood in the courtyard.

  She turned to him quickly. “Caleb. How could you treat your cousin so? He has been good to you.”

  “I don’t want you to marry him, Mama.”

  “But why?”

  “I still miss my papa.”

  She caught him to her. “Oh Caleb, I shall miss your papa till the day I die, but we must go on with life.” She held him at arm’s length and looked at his face. “You do not like Haman, do you?”

  “No. I do not trust him.”

  “But why? Has he ever been unkind to you?”

  Caleb squirmed. “Well, no, it is just something. It is like he isn’t really who he pretends to be.”

  “Pretends? Oh Caleb, I am sure that in time you will feel differently. You will come to like Haman. He will take care of us all, especially your grandfather. And speaking of your grandfather, you had better go in and make peace with him.”

  Caleb nodded. He had never disobeyed his grandfather. Reluctantly he turned and went into the house.

  Elon was stern, but out of love for the boy, he accepted his apology and forgave him. He admonished Caleb never to do such a thing in their household again and a subdued Caleb promised that he would not.

  The next day, as Marah and Hannah washed the clothes of their households side by side at the spring, she shared her decision to marry.

  “Do you think this is wise?” Hannah’s tone was cautious.

  “I have told Haman I would marry him, and Elon has given us his blessing. It is best. I must consider Caleb and his grandfather. You cannot take us all in as you did me, my friend. You will be busy with another small mouth in your household in a few months.”

  Hannah was silent for a moment. “You still grieve for Jesse?”

  Strange, the same question Elon had asked. “I will always grieve for Jesse, but I must consider the best thing to do.”

  “How does Caleb feel?”

  “Caleb? He is not very happy, but then he is only a child. He still misses his father. He isn’t ready to accept another man to take Jesse’s place.”

  “That is my point. Are you ready to have another man take Jesse’s place?”

  Marah shook her head slowly. “No man could ever take Jesse’s place. As long as I live, he will live in my heart.”

  “Take care that you do not make that obvious to Haman.”

  “Why would you say that? He understands that I loved Jesse. I will be a good wife to him, but how can he expect more than that?”

  Hannah studied the ground for a moment. “Do not underestimate the man, Marah.”

  “I don’t think I do.”

  Hannah gathered the wet clothes. She looked at Marah for a moment and then smiled. “I wish you well in this marriage. I just want the best for you, as I always have.”

  “Hannah, you and Simon have been like my own family, and I could not have a dearer friend. We’ll be fine. You’ll see.”

  “Yes, of course. I’m sure you’re right. God go with you, Marah.”

  “And with you.” They parted each to their own house. Marah walked back slowly, considering Hannah’s words. Was she marrying Haman for Caleb and Elon? Marah wondered. Slowly she faced the truth. She was not marrying for a father to Caleb, or another son to Elon. She was marrying him out of her own need. Since Haman’s kiss, she had lain awake many a night, crying out to God in her loneliness for Jesse and his strong body next to hers. Haman could never be Jesse and she must keep that part of her in her heart of hearts. She must try hard to be a good wife to Haman. But, could she ever love him?

  32

  The wedding had been simple with few guests. They were married in the home of Haman’s employer, the merchant Ahmal, who had provided the food and refreshments. Marah watched Haman consume a great deal of wine and vaguely thought of Zibeon. When Caleb came up to speak with him, he had waved him off impatiently and continued his conversation with some men from the caravansary. Caleb’s eyes had blazed, but he turned away and went to Elon. Hannah and Simon attended, but Hannah was becoming large with the child she carried. If it had not been Marah’s wedding, she would have stayed home. As it was, she remained as unobtrusive as possible in a corner of the room.

  Elon seemed happy with the wedding and kissed her gently on the cheek. He appeared to brood less over Jesse, and somehow her marriage to the son of his brother helped him. As the hour grew later, Simon felt the need to take Hannah home and Ahmal sent one of his servants to see them safely through the streets. Elon and Caleb went with them as far as their own home, for Ahmal had offered a room in his home for the night to the bridal couple and Haman had accepted.

  As Marah waited, for the third time in her life, for her bridegroom to come, she felt strangely troubled. She expected to be happy and felt nothing. She saw Jesse standing in front of her, holding out the little flute. Deep anguish swept over her. She looked at the wedding couch and suddenly cried out in her heart, Oh Jesse, what have I done? Had she made a mistake?

  Haman entered smiling and took her in his arms. As he kissed her, she forced herself to respond and closed her eyes. She yielded to Haman, but it was Jesse’s face she saw and Jesse’s arms that held her through the long night.

  As the months went by, she tried with all she knew to be a good wife to Haman. As factor for Ahmal, Haman dealt with most of the merchants of Shechem, picking up and delivering merchandise from Ahmal’s caravans. He seemed to delight in bringing her gifts, things he saw that he thought she would like.

  “Oh my lord, the vase is lovely.” She held it up and admired the luminescent colors.

  “Several came in the last caravan.” He smiled, watching her face.

  “You will spoil me, my lord.” Then she paused. “It is not a hardship to afford such treasures?”

  Haman frowned.
“Don’t trouble yourself over such trifling thoughts, my heart. I can manage them.”

  Marah was frugal with what Haman gave her for the household. These things that Haman brought home to her were costly. She watched Haman reach for his cloak.

  “You must leave again, my lord?”

  He smiled engagingly. “There is work I must do. After all, it is my job. Another caravan comes in soon and I must prepare.”

  She nodded. She was proud that he had important work and seemed to be well known among the merchants. He was obviously looked upon with favor by the caravan master Ahmal. She watched him as he left the courtyard. Caleb, who had been taking care of the chickens, also watched him leave. He had a sullen expression on his face.

  Marah had hoped that Haman and Caleb would reach more friendly terms, but Haman mostly ignored Caleb when he was home and Caleb only spoke to Haman when he had to.

  Caleb had become withdrawn and secretive. He took to disappearing for hours at a time, yet always returned in time to attend to his chores at home.

  “Caleb,” she asked once, “where did you go?”

  “I, ah, had errands to run for Shiva, Mama,” he answered, but did not look at her.

  Caleb did work for Shiva in his carpentry shop. She said no more, but watched, alert for signs of trouble between Haman and the boy.

  Marah went back into the house and looked at the beautiful vase. One by one she picked up and examined the many things Haman had brought her—fine cloth for a tunic, gold earrings, a small figure carved out of ivory.

  “He does well, Daughter,” Elon said, looking over her shoulder. He enjoyed Haman’s stories as they shared a meal. Haman deferred to Elon and flattered him.

  “These things belong more in the house of the caravan master Ahmal than in our humble dwelling.”

  “He only wishes to please you, Daughter. If he does well, should he not share with his family?”

  “You’re right, I am being foolish, and ungrateful.”

  He patted her shoulder and went outside. In a few moments he was back. “Have you seen Caleb?”