‘For God’s sake!’ Katie exclaimed in disgust.
Gary looked down at his hands, mortified.
Freda and Packie looked at each other in triumph.
Nadine jumped to her feet and raced down the aisle. She closed the doors viciously and turned to face her father.
‘Why are you here? You’re not wanted. Why don’t you listen to her?’ she shouted. ‘Why won’t you do what she wants?’
‘She’s my daughter. I want to make my peace with her,’ Bill explained weakly. He couldn’t believe Carol’s reaction.
‘Well, guess what, Dad? It’s not all about you. And she doesn’t want you here. None of us do. Now leave us alone!’ Nadine spat. ‘Go on. Get lost!’
Dazed, Bill backed down the path. How could he have misjudged things so badly? If Nancy could put the past aside, why couldn’t they?
‘Are you OK, Carol?’ Nadine asked her sister, who was trembling like a leaf.
‘Could you get me a drink of water?’ she whispered, gutted.
‘There’s a bottle in the limo,’ Amanda said weakly. She felt sick at what she’d just witnessed. ‘I’ll get it.’
She got the bottle of still water and passed it to Carol, who took a couple of sips.
‘Well, we’ll be the talk of the parish as usual,’ she said shakily to Nadine.
‘And why not?’ said her sister stoutly. ‘I bet Freda and Packie are wetting themselves, boring old farts – we needed to liven them up. Come on, take another drink, fix your veil and let’s march up that aisle with our heads high.’
‘You’re quite amazing, Nadine. And you’re a great sister,’ Carol said slowly.
‘So are you. Come on. I’m walking you up the aisle. You’re not going up there on your own.’ Nadine linked her arm into Carol’s. ‘Open the door for us, Amanda, we’re coming through.’ Carol managed a weak grin as her bridesmaid opened the porch door for them and the Bridal March issued forth with gusto.
41
She could see Packie’s ruddy face and his little beady eyes glinting at her. She could see her mother, pale and concerned, at the edge of the seat. She could feel Nadine’s arm in her own and that gave her courage.
Carol paused beside her mother’s seat. ‘Are you OK, Ma? It was Dad – I didn’t want him here,’ she murmured, conscious that every eye in the church was on her.
‘That’s up to you, Carol. Are you all right?’ Nancy was very shaken.
‘I’m fine, Ma. Honest.’
‘Have a Polo,’ Nadine urged, and in spite of herself Nancy had to smile at her youngest daughter’s naïvety. If only it were that simple.
‘I will,’ she said. ‘Go on now, don’t keep them waiting.’
‘Are you OK, Carol?’ Jessie asked as she slipped into place beside her in front of the altar.
‘Good to see you, Carol.’ Mike held out his hand to her.
It was a heart-warming gesture and she took it. Mike was a decent sort. He’d only been looking out for Jessie when he’d taken her to task. It would be churlish to hold the row.
‘Thanks, Nadine.’ She turned to her sister and smiled at her before handing her bouquet to Amanda.
Finally, she turned to Gary.
‘Hello,’ she murmured a little apprehensively, unsure of her reception.
His eyes were like flints. ‘Well done,’ he muttered. ‘You really made a disgrace of yourself.’
It was as though he’d slapped her hard in the face. Her mother, Nadine, Amanda, Jessie and Mike had all been concerned for her. But the one whose concern she needed most had withheld it and judged her harshly. Distressed, she turned away from him and looked straight ahead.
The priest cleared his throat. ‘Will we begin?’ he suggested as the soloist began to sing ‘Perhaps Love’.
The leaflet in Carol’s hand shook and the words jumbled up in a blur. She could hear Mike and Jessie making their response with fervent sincerity. This whole ceremony meant so much to them. They had put their heart and soul into it.
Gary hadn’t cared what form the service took. The shorter the better, he’d told her.
He was sitting stiffly beside her and was making no effort at all to get involved.
It was her own fault, she acknowledged flatly. She’d pushed and pushed until he’d agreed to the double wedding. In her heart and soul, Carol knew full well that Gary would not be here if he really had to make a choice. Maybe he did love her in his own odd way, but it wasn’t the cherishing, enriching love that she saw between Jessie and Mike or other couples of her acquaintance.
And today, just when she’d so badly needed the proof of his love and concern, he’d withdrawn from her and uttered words of condemnation. It was totally disheartening.
* * *
Jessie’s left hand shook slightly as she held it out to Mike so he could slide the ring on to the third finger. He smiled down at her, his blue eyes full of love. It was as though no one else existed at that moment. The music, the coughing and shuffling of the congregation, all faded away as Mike made his vows to her. Slowly, tenderly, he slid the narrow gold band on to her finger.
Then it was her turn, as she repeated the priest’s words in a clear, calm voice that brought tears to Liz’s eyes. She kissed the ring before she slipped it on to his finger, and they smiled in delight at each other as the priest pronounced them man and wife. The congregation burst into applause and, not even waiting for the priest’s permission, Mike wrapped his arms around her and kissed her. It was a day Jessie would never forget, for many reasons, but this was the memory she’d hold close to her heart.
* * *
Carol swallowed hard as she watched Mike and Jessie embrace. It was almost her turn now. The moment she had always longed for was at hand. She turned to look at Gary. There was no happiness in his expression, no anticipation. Just sullen resignation. He couldn’t even make the effort. Any kissing that they’d do would be purely for show.
Was this what she wanted? Did she need to be married so badly that she was prepared to marry a man who wasn’t even half-way committed? As if in slow motion she saw the priest turn and walk in their direction. You don’t want to be a single mother, she thought in desperation as he placed her hand in Gary’s. You don’t want to be an unhappy wife for the rest of your life. The thought was clear and unsullied.
‘Carol and Gary, we are gathered here today in the sight of God to—’
‘No!’ she heard herself say as she pulled her hand out of Gary’s.
The priest looked at her, perplexed.
‘No, I’m not doing it. I don’t want to marry him,’ she said with certainty. She could hear the collective gasp of horror behind her. She didn’t care. If she married Gary she’d never be able to look herself in the eye again. She would have settled for second best and she deserved much more than that.
‘For crying out loud, Carol, this is ridiculous!’ Gary exploded. ‘First you cause a rumpus in the porch and now you pull a stunt like this. What the hell are you playing at?’ he demanded angrily.
‘I’m not playing at anything, Gary,’ she said wearily. ‘I just can’t do it any more. You don’t want to be married. You don’t want to make a proper commitment. You still want your bachelor life. Well, you’ve got it. Enjoy it.’
She turned to Jessica and Mike, who were looking on in stunned dismay.
‘I’m really, really sorry,’ she apologized. ‘I mucked up your wedding big time, but at least the two of you know that your vows really mean something. Believe me, that’s the most important thing of all.’
With great dignity she turned to the shocked guests and said quietly, ‘I’m leaving now. Please enjoy the rest of Jessie and Mike’s wedding and give them all the love and support they deserve. I’m sorry for all the upset.’
Silence descended on the church as she walked briskly down the aisle followed by a thoroughly shaken Amanda, who assured herself that she was never, ever going to be a bridesmaid again.
Nancy stood up and turned to leave. Liz hu
rried over to her.
‘Would you like me to come with you?’ she offered.
‘No, Liz, you stay with your daughter and I’ll go and look after mine,’ she said firmly.
‘Maybe it’s all for the best. It was a brave thing to do,’ Liz murmured.
‘I think you’re right, actually. We’ll talk tomorrow,’ Nancy agreed, kissing her on the cheek. ‘Go and have a proper wedding now and enjoy it.’
Nadine joined them.
‘Come on, Ma, Carol needs us,’ she said, glaring around defiantly.
She caught Gary’s eye and marched up to the altar.
‘You’re only a prick and she’s well rid of you,’ she hissed before hurrying after her mother.
Puce with mortification, Gary turned to his family. ‘Let’s get out of here,’ he snapped. There was a side door to the right of him, which saved him from having to make the humiliating trip down the main aisle. His family and guests followed him awkwardly.
Jessica and Mike watched them leave. Jessica was shaking like an aspen.
‘Could I say something, Father?’ Mike asked calmly.
‘Of course,’ the flabbergasted priest agreed.
‘Sorry for all the fuss, folks. Try not to let it spoil your day because Jessie and I aren’t going to. So please join us in celebrating the rest of our wedding ceremony and we’ll see you all at the hotel.’
‘Well done,’ said the priest, as the remaining guests applauded warmly.
Mike put his arm around Jessie and they turned to face the priest.
‘Let us now say a prayer for the newly married couple,’ he invited, and with audible sighs of relief the congregation knelt and sent up a heartfelt prayer.
* * *
‘I’m sorry, Ma. I just couldn’t go through with it.’ Carol looked at her mother, not sure what sort of a response she’d get. They were in the limo heading back to the house.
‘I’m very proud of you, Carol. It took a lot of guts to do what you did, and don’t for one minute feel bad about it,’ Nancy said, unexpectedly.
‘Thanks, Ma.’ Carol’s lip trembled. Her mother’s response touched her deeply.
‘Yeah, it was real brave,’ Nadine agreed. ‘Especially with you being pregnant an’ all.’
‘You’re pregnant!’ Nancy couldn’t hide her shock.
‘Sorry, Carol.’ Nadine’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘It just slipped out.’
‘Yes, Ma, I am,’ Carol said in resignation.
Nancy was silent for a minute. ‘Well, Carol, I’ve even more admiration for you if that’s the case. And for what it’s worth I think you’ve done the right thing.’
‘Hear, hear,’ Amanda chipped in. ‘Better to nip it in the bud now than spend your life rueing it.’
‘I hope I’ll feel like that in nine months’ time,’ Carol said shakily.
‘We’ll all help out.’ Nancy patted her hand.
‘I’m starving!’ Nadine exclaimed. ‘It must be all the excitement.’
‘I’m glad you thought it was exciting.’ Carol grinned at her younger sister. ‘It’s the kind of excitement I could do without. But you know, I’m kind of peckish myself. Ravenous in fact. It’s weird.’
‘Are you getting cravings already?’ Amanda teased.
‘We could always get the driver to drop us into Ashford for something to eat and get a taxi home,’ Nancy said slowly.
‘In all our gear?’ Carol said, surprised by her mother’s suggestion.
‘Why not? You can take the veil off. You know what we should do, Carol? We should celebrate your great escape.’ Nancy sat up straight and looked around at the others.
‘I wouldn’t mind something to eat either. I think that’s a great idea, Mrs Logan,’ Amanda declared good-humouredly.
Carol looked at her travelling companions in amazement. They were being absolutely gung-ho and supportive. She felt a cloud lift from her. ‘Right then,’ she said briskly, tapping on the glass that separated the driver from them. ‘Could you drop us in Ashford, please?’
‘Whatever you want,’ said the driver, who’d never had a job like this before. One minute he’d been having a nice doze, the next minute the bride, bridesmaid, her mother and sister had all come trooping out of the church demanding to be taken home. Now they wanted to go to Ashford. It was no skin off his nose. They could go to Timbuktu as long as he was paid.
Twenty minutes later, the four of them were seated at a pine table in the little Italian restaurant perusing the menu.
Nancy lifted her glass of mineral water. ‘To Carol,’ she said supportively.
‘And all who sail in her.’ Nadine grinned affectionately, clinking her glass against her sister’s.
‘To family and friends.’ Carol raised her glass. Although it had been the most traumatic day of her life, she felt as if a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, a weight that had bowed her down for a long, long time.
Already she was making plans. She was going to put a deposit on a house and get a mortgage, that was her first priority. And one of the rooms would be a guest room for two very important people: her mother and Nadine. She might have lost a fiancé but she’d found her family. That was the most positive thing of all.
* * *
Gary changed out of his morning suit, gathered his belongings and brought them down to Vince’s car. He was in total shock. Carol had literally ditched him at the altar. Made a laughing stock of him in front of their friends, in front of his family. She’d walked away from him. And this time she meant it.
He was angry, he was relieved, and he was pissed off. He wanted to get the hell out of here and never set foot in the place again. He strode back into the foyer and asked for his bill. What a pity the wedding meal had been paid for in advance, he thought nastily as he proffered his credit card. She could pay him back for all of the wedding expenses.
A thought struck him. He couldn’t stay in the flat with her. Now he was bloody homeless. What a pain in the ass having to go looking for a flat when he’d just let go of a perfectly good one in Christ Church.
‘Ready to go?’ Vince asked. ‘The others have all checked out.’
‘Yeah. Let’s get the hell out of here, let’s get home to Dublin and go and get hammered.’
‘I’m with you all the way, Gary.’ Vince slapped him on the back sympathetically. ‘For what it’s worth, I think you had a lucky escape. She was a bit neurotic, to say the least. All that healthy eating and no drinking. Not your type at all, mate, not your type at all.’
‘You’re dead bloody right,’ Gary growled, wondering why he felt a sudden pang of loneliness.
* * *
‘Well, it wasn’t your boring old run-of-the-mill wedding, that’s for sure,’ Mike remarked good-humouredly as he lathered soap down Jessie’s back. They were having a shower before joining some of the others for a crack-of-dawn breakfast. They’d been up all night.
‘It was a great reception – I feel sorry for Carol and Gary that they missed it. That band is fantastic.’ Jessie yawned and choked on a mouthful of bubbles.
‘I’m glad she didn’t marry him. I really admire her, even if she did muck up our day.’ Mike rinsed his hair.
‘I’m glad she didn’t either. He never treated her right. He’d no respect for her. I never thought she had it in her. We saw a different Carol for sure.’ Jessie reached out through the door and found a towel as Mike turned off the steaming jets.
‘And a different Nadine, and a different Nancy.’ Mike wrapped a towel around his waist and proceeded to towel his wife dry.
‘They’ve all sort of gelled, haven’t they? They’ve become a family again. Even though they don’t realize it, Bill and Gary have done them a favour,’ Jessie observed.
Mike smiled down at her. ‘Hey, wife, let’s forget about Carol and Gary and all the rest of them and let’s just think about us,’ he murmured, cupping her breasts in his hands.
‘Whatever you say, husband,’ Jessica giggled, sliding his towel down over his
hips. ‘Whatever you say . . . ’
42
Nine months later
* * *
Nancy felt her mobile phone vibrate silently in her pocket. Discreetly she slid it into her hand and opened the message from Carol.
‘Excuse me, I’m afraid I’m going to have to go,’ she said. She smiled at the people gathered around in a circle. ‘Hi, my name is Nancy and I’m an alcoholic. And my daughter’s in labour . . . ’ Everyone at her AA meeting clapped and wished her well as she grabbed her coat and bag and hurried to the door.
She’d been staying with Carol for the past week, awaiting her grandchild’s birth, and now it was imminent. She felt flutters of excitement as she hurried to the bus stop.
It was hard to believe that almost nine months had passed since that crazy day of upheaval that had ended Carol’s relationship with Gary.
They had all come a long way. It had actually been a very positive time for them as a whole, she acknowledged. With Liz’s help she’d finally admitted she had a problem with drink and had gone to her first AA meeting.
It was a hard struggle and she was learning a lot about herself, but she was persevering. Nadine was going to Al Anon and was much less abrasive and aggressive. Carol’s troubles had brought them all closer, and it gave Nancy great joy to watch the bond between her daughters strengthen and grow.
She saw the bus hove into view and rooted in her purse for the correct change. Sometimes she had to pinch herself to see if it really was her hopping on to buses in Dublin, going to AA meetings in the city, shopping, eating in cafés and restaurants and generally being ‘normal’.
If someone had told her eighteen months ago that her life was going to change completely she would have accused them of fantasizing. But it had changed since that terrible Sunday when she’d set the kitchen on fire and Bill had hurled abuse at her in front of all her neighbours. That had been the lowest point in her life, the turning point. Hearing the various stories at her AA meetings had led her to believe that often you had to be on your knees before you made the decision to change your life.
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